There is no monster like me.

[phoeniiixed]

Quick note-- My Julian is heavily canon divergent, one big thing being that he’s a tribrid and Klaus and Aurora’s son. The timeline is a bit smudged and the about page is currently heavily under construction, but it’s just-- something to take note of before you follow this blog.

[phoeniiixed]

if i come back. if. there's going to be a hard rewrite for julian.

[phoeniiixed]

what does love feel like to you?

everything

nothing matters but this. not you. not them. this moment, this love that you've built, that is what matters. it is all that there is. you will do anything to keep it this way; no matter what line you have to cross, who you have to step over. the ends justify the means, after all; and for you, this is everything. they are everything.

tagged by: no one

tagging: steal it and tag me < 3

[phoeniiixed]

are you a soldier, a poet, or a king?

"There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword He will tear your city down" Righteousness. Strength. Violence. You see a door and break through it. You wonder, sometimes, if anger is the only thing you can feel. Remember : love is passion too. You made your own rules and will follow them to death. You try and forget that there is only one rule, and that it is "FIGHT". You are tired of fighting. You try to forget that, too, and keep going. You dream of quiet. Your love is where you heal. God knows you deserve to. (Really. You deserve to.)

[desafrey]

' i don't think it's healthy for anyone to be staring that much. ' // @phoeniiixed

[phoeniiixed]

" That's hardly fair when nothing else holds a candle to you. "

[phoeniiixed]

©

[desafrey]

' you're going to have to be more specific, darling. '

[phoeniiixed]

" The triplets are old enough -- I think we should have another baby or two. "

[phoeniiixed]

@desafrey

" I've been thinking -- "

[desafrey]

desdemona hates a mess. she hates being anything other than a graceful image of perfection. blood coats her skin, her hands, her mouth. fingers twitch lightly, hand coming to wipe her mouth on instinct, even if it makes the blood smear worse. it's almost difficult to get her legs back under her, hand grasping at his, but she's using it to pull him closer to her. julian has done this many times in his life, she has not. head shakes in disagreement. ' stay. right here - with me. '

[phoeniiixed]

There's a fond noise from his throat, as she pulls him closer to her -- and a chuckle when it's harder than he imagines she intends. The other hand moves to cup her cheek, stroke his thumb over it; despite the fact that he is functionally immortal, he has never been able to understand what she has gone through. She hasn't either; but now they are on an equal playing field, he can understand her struggles, help her with them. He rests their foreheads together for a moment, before his tongue is dragging over her mouth.

" I'll stay here as long as you need, mon joli petit oiseau. "

[phoeniiixed]

@desafrey

Shoulders roll back as bones finally shift back into place, and his hand is offered to help her up. " And here I thought that I left carnage behind, " he teases, and it's light; he knows damn well how that first turn feels. The unbridled rage, that overwhelming urge to snap jaws around anything that gets close enough to do so. She's a sight, blood painted across her body, and he takes the time to unabashedly look her over. " Though I suppose we should clean up, hm? "

[happywitchtale]

the masculine urge to chase things down and kill them

[ohisms]

↪     𝑴𝑼𝑺𝑰𝑪 ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ 𝑺𝑶𝑼𝑳 .    (  a  collection  of  various unsorted lyric starters .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .   will be updated frequently .  )

i’m not sticking around to watch you go down .

i hope that you don’t suffer ,  but take the pain .

the truth is , i’ve never seen a mouth that i would kill to kiss .

we will be everything that we’d ever need .

you only listen to your fucking friends .

you made a few mistakes .  it’s alright ,  it’s okay .

i’m trying to get better , but i can’t do that when everything is about you .

i can name a couple ways this shit might go .

can you feel my heartbeat fuckin’ kickin ?

you were my everything and all you did was make me fuckin sad .

it’s kind of tripping me up , i’ve got it bad for you .

i’m on my own , i had some space to deal with it .

i’ve got it too good to cry .

i don’t know where i am or where i’ve been .

don’t treat me like some situation that needs to be handled .

finish up the bottle , then we’ll go .

this room is so suffocating .

motherfucker , don’t play with me .

there’s no doubt in my mind that if you could ,  then you would try .

i’m not the type to be out past dawn .

it’s been a long time since i felt this good on my own .

i really wish that i could say it to your face .

i kinda like it when you talk to me the way you do .

i’ve got something up my sleeve , i walk my talk .

i love you , but i know i’ve gotta let you go .

it’s getting hard to find a silver lining .

of course it hurt , of course it fucking hurt .

i know that you’re hiding something from me .

i don’t need to be loved by you .

trying to ignore it is fucking boring .

i tried to pretend ,  but it just doesn’t feel right .

i just can’t take it anymore .

i’m not trying to change your mind .

living in the city isn’t where it’s at .

don’t waste the time i don’t have ,  don’t try to make me feel bad .

i almost did it … glad that i didn’t .

you better run , you better do what you can .

yeah , i don’t really wanna be here .

pretty things should be seen and not heard .

can’t you bother someone else ?

now i’m sitting here wondering , when did this all start ?

i’m terrified but i can’t resist .

is there someone else or not ?

i’ve been around long enough now to know that good things never last .

i’d rather be the girl that got away than be under your thumb .

it ain’t so bad if i wanna make a few mistakes .

wish i could get some fuckin’ sleep without wasting all my weed .

you scared me to death ,  but i’m wasting my breath .

i feel like a kid again .

you were always taught to believe that everything you think is the truth .

nothing comes without a consequence or cost .

i don’t deserve someone loyal to me .

thought you were headed somewhere new .

touch me like tonight we’re gonna die .

can we go back to the world we had ? 

you should know right now that i never stay in one place .

i’d suffers hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight .

the games you played were never fun .

you said you’d stay , but then you ran .

if i can’t hold you like a lover , i won’t hold you at all .

you and i have history ,  or don’t you remember ?

i’ll be the one to deliver the news .

i’m better than this ,  i know my worth .

there’s something tragic about you .

you don’t know what it’s like , waiting up all night .

thank you for teaching me how i could live without you .

tell me what it is you wanna know .

you’re not a monster ,  you’re just human .

maybe i need better friends . or maybe i need a wake up call .

there’s so much to do , i’ll never have the wherewithal to do it .

i know i’d miss you ,  if i left right now .

i don’t like anyone better than you .

they told me once nothing grows when a house isn’t a home .

what makes you sure you’re all i need ?

i know you feel the way i do .

forever never really felt so right .

i overcommunicate and feel too much .

you say you’ve changed and you’re sorry ,  but i don’t wanna know .

i know i’ve got friends ,  i still get so lonely .

i’ve been doing greater good for a long time .

i’m no hero ,  but i can take a punch .

i thought it would all be great when i was older .

i used to be the one that was lying .

i can’t stand your condescending tone when you talk to me .

we’re still going cause we’re not quite dead .

i wanna scream ,  but what’s the use ?

i know what’s going on in your head .

you know ,  i never wanted to hurt you .

i don’t want to be a prisoner to who i used to be .

if we could stay this way forever , would it be enough ?

can’t you see that i’m getting bored ?

i hope you don’t think that shit’s fair .

i never knew you had such a dirty mind .

sometimes i don’t have a filter .

i’m the worst mistake that god has ever made .

you know i love you , but i’m still learning to love myself .

darling , you’re sick in the head .

am i someone you can’t live without ?

if you don’t come back , at least i’ve got nothing to lose .

did you think that i should listen to you ?

the meds aren’t working for me anymore .

goodbye to my good side ,  it only ever got me hurt .

you know ,  you’ve got a real smart mouth .

i know i’m where i belong .  deep down inside ,  i’ve known all along .

i’ve been putting myself on the sideline .

i was worth something , and it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food .

i know i took the path that you would never want for me .

my tongue’s gotten real tired of me biting it .

you’re acting like your deadbeat dad .  you’re better than that .

i swear i changed my ways for the better .

i hate it when dudes try to chase me .

when you’re in love ,  you get so cruel .

sorry , but i guess i’ve gotta let you down again .

just fucking leave me alone .

i walk through this world just trying to be nice .

i can’t be your savior ,  i don’t have the power .

will heaven step in ?  will it save us from our sin ?

follow my lead ,  take my hand .

you should’ve made some plans with me ,  you knew that i was free .

there are things that we’ll never say , but we know .

the only way you can know is to give it all you have .

i’m not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain .

you get me through every dark night .

i know that i’ve done some wrong ,  but i’m trying to make it right .

now you’re over there ,  and i’m way over here , what are we gonna do ?

think about what you believe in .

if i keep my eyes closed ,  he looks just like you .

i don’t wanna feel better .  no one’s ever gonna love me like that again .

there are things that you say ,  and you don’t say .

all my filthy life i loved someone i barely knew .

bless your soul ,  you’ve got your head in the clouds .

what did you say ?  you’re breaking up on me .

if you adore me ,   why do you ignore me ?

you’re not as brave as you were at the start .

it was a bad idea ,  calling you up .

i see it on your face ,  you’ve had a bad day .

people are so fake ,  this world is a cruel place .

i’d rather be hunter than the prey .

someone’s gonna hate ,  it’s never gonna change .

you used to be so kind .

never gonna be easy ,  was it ?

every day’s another shot but all i do is fuck it up .

i can take the hate and all the pain .

it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right .

tell your baby that i’m your baby .

they’ll kick you and they’ll beat you ,  and they’ll tell you it’s fair .

i wanted to pretend that this time was the end .

no one around me knows who i am or what i’ve done .

i would’ve gave it all for you .

i won’t run ,  i’m not afraid .

same way that they come ,  that’s the way they go .

somehow ,  i just want you more .

i never regretted the day that i called you mine .

i don’t want to get over you .

take it out on me .  i don’t mind if we fight if you make me bleed .

you look better in that dress than i do .

i know i let you down ,  didn’t i ?

it’s a cruel ,  cruel world .

i know i don’t want to live without you .

i’m always tired ,  i just can’t fight it .

i’m too consumed with my own life .

you didn’t think it’d be so much fun .

i won’t let you go ,  so don’t let go of me .

darling , you’re so pretty it hurts .

how’d i ever get so off my rocks ?

tell me where i went wrong .

what’s a king to a god ?  what’s a god to a non-believer ?

they’re out to get you ,  better leave while you can .

i know i’ll never know just what to say .

goddamn it ,  i was worth something .

we don’t need to be enemies .

should’ve kept my ass in bed .

i tried to love you ,  but you’re not my type .

there’s something here that i just can’t explain .

baby ,  is that really what you want ?

i’m not good at making friends .

i keep a close watch on this heart of mine .

i’m obsessed ,  i’ve never met someone like you .

can’t you see that you’re lost without me ?

when i’m like this , you’re the one i trust .

i was born into this , won’t hesitate to use my fists .

i always get my revenge .

the world thinks i’m a mess .

there’s something wrong with me ,  cause all i wanna do is get high .

it’s been a long time since i gave a shit .

sometimes i have these thoughts , they leave me all confused .

when i said take me home ,  that wasn’t what i meant .

oh my god ,  why are you sad again ?

you have to show them that you’re really not scared .

i don’t have many friends .  most of them are pretend .

i had my cake ,  and i ate it too .

i’m too afraid about the things i might say .

shit wasn’t real ,  it was all in my head .

it’s too late to apologize .

i know my disposition gets confusing .

you’ve gotta be so cold to make it in this world .

satisfaction is a distant memory .

no one can ever know .

there’s you in everything i do .

i wish i could say that i’m sorry ,  but i’m over that now .

you’re playing with your life ,  this ain’t no truth or dare .

fool me twice ,  and i know that’s all i need .

i hope if everyone leaves ,  you choose to stay .

i was afraid to leave you on your own .

where along the line did we stop seeing eye to eye ?

if they laugh ,  then fuck them all .

i’m sick and tired of everyone in this place .

i miss the way you made me feel .

he’ll never stay . they never do .

take a dose of something to forget .

aren’t we too young for this ?

i’m not the type to admit i’m wrong .

i shouldn’t think the things i’m thinking .

i don’t wanna know where you’ve been ,  or where you go .

[cllthcmcmcs]

                   So 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞, baby;                                 Tell me, 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒃𝒆?                                            Gonna 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒚 out where 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐬?

[phoeniiixed]

@desafrey​

     “ What were you thinking, love? Natural colors? Red, blonde? Something bolder, perhaps? ” His tongue is bitten, though it’s behind a smile; the tease of purple or blue doesn’t follow. One arm pulls her closer, flush against him, and the other hand moves to her hair.

     Color, or lack thereof, follows where his fingers trail down; he’s not quite foolish enough to attempt to help her dye it himself. She’d stake him, quite literally. He holds up each strand of her hair in turn, though he twirls the end of the red strand around the end of a finger as he does, almost offhandedly. “ I quite like the red, personally, but -- I’m not the one dyeing their hair. ”

[phoeniiixed]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑  /  𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆 𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥. wolf.

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫(𝐬). red, dark blue.

𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡. december.

𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠. bl/oody no/se by holly/wood un/dead, de/ar fe/llow tr/aveller by s/ea w/olf, th/is is lo/ve by air tra/ffic con/troller, & the wo/lf and the sh/eep by al/ec ben/jamin.

𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫. 113.

𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭. night.

𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭. roses.

𝐬𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐥. smoke, blood.

𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞. diamond, sapphire, lapis.

𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧. winter.

𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞. a makeshift fighting ring of some sort, cheap bars.

𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐝. chocolate chip pancakes.

𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧. capricorn.

𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭. fire.

𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤. tea, coffee, blood.

[disgustinggf]

i'm in fact THE problem but at least i'm sexy

[phoeniiixed]

MUSE FEELINGS AND INDICATORS

HAPPINESS

being unable to stop smiling. laughter. bear hugs. happy tears. waving arms around. dancing. contently sighing. eyes twinkling. laughter lines. childlike playfulness. skipping. talking more. affection. cracking more jokes than usual. gesturing more when talking. higher pitched voice. squealing. jumping around. clapping.

SADNESS

tearing up. self-hugging. one-arm cross. an aching chest. scratchy throat. a runny nose. turning away. deep breaths. quivery smiles. crying. infantile sobbing. hands gripping each other or an object. covering mouth. puffy eyes. eyes appear red. voice breaking. a distant or empty stare. monotone voice. asking for comfort. faking a smile. crumbling. shaking. whimpering. depression. abusing an unhealthy habit. withdrawing from others. big teary eyes. doing something even if it could hurt them.

ANGER

furrowed brows. baring teeth. passive-aggressive comments. avoiding eye contact. sarcasm. headache. sore muscles. hiding clenched fists. irritability. jumping to conclusions. raising voice. going silent. demanding immediate action. keeping it all in until exploding. body tensing. making risky decisions. middle finger.

FEAR

wanting to flee or hide. what-ifs. images of what-could-be flashing in mind. uncontrollable trembling. rapid breathing. screaming. a skewed sense of time. irritability. keeping silent. denying fear. turning away from the cause. pretending to be brave. nail-biting. lip-biting. scratching skin. a joking tone but a voice that cracks. fainting. insomnia. panic attacks. exhaustion. substance abuse. tics. rushing adrenaline. face draining of colour. hair lifting on the back of the neck. feeling rooted to the spot. making body as small as possible. staring but not seeing. crying. a shrill voice. whispering. gripping something or someone. stuttering. flinching at noises. pleading.

EXHAUSTION

constantly yawning. slurring words together. dark circles or lines under eyes. mood swings. hallucinations. calling people by the wrong name. dizziness. denying they’re tired. slow blinking. trouble concentrating. stumbling. leaning on a doorframe for support. sluggish movements. falling asleep someplace that isn’t a bed. becoming irritated by the smallest things. “i’m awake, i’m fine”. shaking so bad they spill their drink. fall asleep in their clothes. lay their head on the table because they’re so tired. passing out.

stolen from: the dash <3