Forgetting AU | angst , happy end, WIP (will build in more detail in the future)
His 3rd shidi and 2nd shimei who had a habit of reading all the new books on love and lore that the peddlers sold in Yunmeng market, were talking about diseases for a change that day. To be more precise, Wei Wuxian walked in on 2nd shimei sobbing like the world was ending and 3rd shidi in a despair trying his best to comfort her.
“Aiya, Shidi what did you do to make her cry this hard?” Of course Wei Wuxian poked his nose because he was curious that way. “You know good gentlemen never make maidens cry!"
"I did nothing, Da-shixiong!” 3rd Shidi insisted sounding offended. “She got upset reading about the forgetting disease because she thought she would forget me!”
“The forgetting disease?” Intrigue sparked, Wei Wuxian reached out for the abandoned booklet even as his juniors bickered and read through the page that had it’s corners blotted from the tears 2nd Shimei had shed.
`A disease where one would forget every little thing about the one they love if the love is not returned. If the love is requited before every thread of memory is lost, the person’s memories could come back. If the love is requited only once every single thread has been forgotten, it would not make a difference.`
“Goodness, the things kids read these days!” Wei Wuxian laughed and set aside the book to console his juniors and solve the fight.
Despite his initial dismissal, Wei Wuxian couldn’t stop thinking about the little booklet and its passage on that strange disease. As with everything, he asked Jiang Cheng about his opinion and merely received an answer in the form of a characteristic scoff. “Since when have you begun indulging in children’s fairytales again? Quit wasting time, mom’s mad at you for missing training!”
“Crap!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed. “Help me hide! Please A-Cheng!”
The booklet and it’s disease was pushed to the back of the mind for the day and more to come.
And then it happened. It started with the smallest of things that could be easily dismissed for the usual lapse in memory and Wei Wuxian didn’t suspect anything out of the ordinary.
“Ohh! You have a funny freckle on the bridge of your nose!” He cackled one day, poking at the mentioned element and Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes in exasperation.
“Didn’t you tease me with it like three years ago already?? Why are you acting like you’re noticing it only now?”
That made Wei Wuxian’s finger twitch. “Have I though?”
“You really need to do something about your memory!” Jiang Cheng shoved him good heartedly before walking away. “It’s getting worse! Last time you even forgot I like my lotus seeds toasted!”
A brief flash of discomfort went through him but Wei Wuxian dismissed it and ran after Jiang Cheng to sling an arm around his shoulders again. “Aiya, spare me! You know how these little things slip from my mind sometimes! Why are you so harsh? Be nicer to me Chengcheng!”
“You wish!”
_____
Wei Wuxian didn’t remember if Jiang Cheng was good with dogs. He watched, from the top of the tree in some amount of awe as Jiang Cheng easily shooed away that hulking monster of a dog and then called to him to come down.
“Thanks!” He chirped as he jumped down the tree. “That was awesome! Since when were you so good at dealing with dogs?”
Jiang Cheng gave him the strangest look, perhaps with a tinge of pain. Maybe anger. “Wei Wuxian what the fuck are you talking about?”
Wei Wuxian stopped then, suddenly bothered. Something felt wrong. He began questioning if this memory loss was really his usual bad memory acting up?
There was….a history between him and Jiang Cheng related to dogs, right? An important one. So….how had he–
He sought out 2nd Shimei and borrowed her book. After he was done reading it, he went out to feverishly buy every other book he could find on the subject. There was a part of him that + couldn’t believe he was in love with Jiang Cheng. What was being in love supposed to be even like? But now….the signs were there right? And the terror of forgetting bit by bit every day became a part of him, killing the cheerful child in him early on.
He refused to forget. Wei Wuxian would figure something out.
(He refused to think of the sting that went through him at the knowledge that he loved Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng didn’t love him back. It shouldn’t have been surprising yet it still….)
Come Gusu, he trailed after Lan Wangji, finding something about the man familiar to someone he didn’t know how to put a name on. And when Nie Huaisang whined to him (perhaps with a silent indirect reprimand too) about him spending too little time with him and Jiang-xiong, Wei Wuxian was initially left confused on whether Jiang Cheng and him had ever been friends at all before being thunderstruck by remembrance and horror.
“Lan Zhan, I need to ask for a favour,” Wei Wuxian’s tone was grave that day as he talked to the 2nd Jade. Lan Wangji turned to him in + full attention, having noticed the unusual gravity. “Does the Library Pavilion have any books on diseases or afflictions close to diseases?”
“The Forbidden Section may have some,” Lan Wangji answered, eyebrows furrowed. It was a strange question to ask no doubt. “However it is open to only the members of Gusu Lan. I cannot take you there.”
“Please? Just this one time?” Perhaps Wei Wuxian was desperate enough to beg. Perhaps Lan Wangji saw the urgency and the ice in his eyes melted a little. “It’s important and I don’t think I have time to waste”
“I cannot take you there,” Lan Wangji repeated slowly and Wei Wuxian felt his heart burst in irrational anger. He almost retorted with something scathing before Lan Wangji continued speaking. “But if it is truly of such importance, I can bring back some books.”
_____
Wei Wuxian took to writing down all the precious memories he still had with his Jiang Cheng before he forgot them all. Alongside, he wrote his first research papers, trying to find a solution to reverse the curse because every book he’d read offered none.
He would force himself to remember.
Jiang Cheng lost his core and the righteous fury Wei Wuxian felt was something he clung to. His love for his shidi would burn bright through his anger if not his memories. Wei Wuxian gave away his core and soothed himself saying that it was a good decision. If….someday he forgot Jiang Cheng completely then his core would still remember.
The war raged on. Wei Wuxian came back, a specter of his old self, the only memories of Jiang Cheng still in him that of the person’s name and looks+ and the fact that he loved him. He no longer remembered the childhood they had once shared.
And as the war continued…Wei Wuxian forgot he’d been fighting for Jiang Cheng and fought instead merely for the war to end.
The papers gathered dust, writings lessening with every day. Memories were ashes to the wind and the wind blew them away from Wei Wuxian’s direction.
He grew irritable, bad tempered - especially when his Sect Leader continued to reprimand him in a tone that set them as familiar before Wei Wuxian would lash back and cause hurt to line the man’s eyes. In some days, his memory of who Jiang Cheng truly was to him would return in patches and Wei Wuxian would wallow in deep regret for hurting the man over and over again. In other days, he would remember nothing - galivanting around with false bravado and an emptiness in his heart he could never explain.
When he confronted Jin Guangshan and Jin Zixun for the location of the Wens and they accused him for not respecting Jiang Cheng’s authority enough, Wei Wuxian felt genuine confusion when he turned to ask who that was and they responded with incredulous looks. He left with his heart tied in a complicated knot of shame and frustration as his memory of who Jiang Cheng was flickered once again.
He decided to defect. The way he was already, with his memory more gone than intact, he would only cause trouble for Jiang Cheng and the sect. His decision made sense to him and yet Jiang Cheng screamed and yelled at him for it. They fought, stabbed, cursed and finally broke all ties. Jiang Cheng left with tears swimming in his eyes and Wei Wuxian cried when Wen Qing fixed his wound.
“I’m forgetting him,” he sobbed out loud for perhaps the first ever time. “I’m forgetting him, Wen Qing, I don’t want to! I don’t want to!”
But forget he did, and by the time he’d offended and killed enough people for the world to finally decree that they couldn’t let him live anymore, Wei Wuxian no longer remembered who Jiang Cheng was. He no longer remembered what happiness spending in the Jiang family had been like and he no longer remembered he’d damned himself to this Fate all out of love.
Before the siege burnt everything to the ground, and before the Qi deviation took him, Wei Wuxian heard footsteps echo into his cave and gathered the last strands of resentful energy even if it accelerated his deviation to send it in a strike. A strangely familiar sword glare intercepted it and a man in purple walked in - a haggard and broken look gracing his otherwise regal figure.
“Do you really hate me this much, Wei Wuxian?” his voice was hoarse “That not only you walked away, broke all contact and killed my A-Jie but you also pretend that you don’t know me? What have I done to you to warrant treatment like this?”
“Have we met before?” Wei Wuxian asked softly, too tired to feel anything but the inexplicable pain that filled the hollow of his chest at the sight of the man. “I’ve not seen your face before so they must’ve gathered new sects for the siege.”
The man closed his eyes and shuddered. “Wei Wuxian,” his voice shook as he took the name and much to Wei Wuxian’s surprise, tears spilled from his eyes. “Do you truly not remember me?”
“I’m sorry,” Wei Wuxian felt the pain in his chest grow. They were….supposed to be enemies and yet the man wasn’t making a move to attack. Instead he stood with clenched fists and pure brokenness written in his features, like Wei Wuxian had taken a cudgel and smashed his heart to pieces. “Were we acquaintances?”
The man scoffed which turned into a sob. “I no longer know what I was to you.”
“Were you the one I loved then?” Wei Wuxian asked suddenly and made the man lift his head in shock. He couldn’t exactly call it memory but…the pain in his chest felt familiar. “If…if you were then it might explain why I forgot."
“My first research papers. I came across them while destroying the…rest of it,” Wei Wuxian said, talking more to himself than his companion. “They weren’t about any cultivation techniques but about some forgetting disease. I was so confused when I found them. But I guess I always knew I was about to forget and wanted to change it. Pity it’s still incomplete.”
He didn’t pay attention to the man in front of him as he spoke and hence failed to notice the spark of recognition that went through his eyes. Like he remembered something Wei Wuxian didn’t.
“What’s your name?” Wei Wuxian asked all of a sudden, making the other man jolt and then tear up some more.
“Jiang Cheng,” he choked out.
And as Wei Wuxian tried repeating the name, he realized it did feel familiar on his tongue. His lips lifted into a regretful smile. “I guess it’s just one of those many tales where someone loved a person and it wasn’t mutual, instead it also ended up making me forget.”
It was a simple straightforward sentence and yet the man, Jiang Cheng flinched like he’d been slapped.
“That’s not true!” He cried out, red rimmed eyes blazing in desperation and regret. “That’s not true! Even I…”
“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian called, liking the name on his tongue. His heart still felt empty but he felt like maybe he could try one final time to smile. “The barriers around here have been broken so the siege force has finally reached me. I’ll have to summon more corpses.”
Jiang Cheng clutched on his sword and glared fiercely. “I’m taking you back with me.”
Wei Wuxian shook his head still with the soft smile and held out his hand. With a sudden blast he sent the other man flying back and then threw a barrier talisman between them. “You can’t save me.”
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Jiang Cheng roared desperately as his fist pounded against the invisible barrier. “Wei Wuxian, let me in!”
“I’m Qi deviating,” Wei Wuxian declared instead. He formed a hand seal for a final time with tears in his eyes. “And I don’t want to hurt you.”
He closed his eyes to the screaming man, ignoring the tears and pain in his heart. “Jiang Cheng….I’m sorry.”
There was a flash of blinding light and then eternal+ darkness. With the memories and body dispersed, only his proof of love and the one he loved remained.
________
