What People With BPD Wish Their Friends Understood
1.Ā āEven the slightest sign of rejection destroys my world. Things like not answering texts, not picking up the phone or canceling a date on short notice leaves me devastated, thinking my friend hates me and doesnāt want to be with me anymore. Fears of abandonment are hard to deal with.ā
2.Ā āIām crap at keeping in touch; I donāt mean to be. I love all the people in my life, I just donāt want my illness to affect them. I also carry shame from the times it has, making it hard to face people.ā
3.Ā āI wish friends knew how sensitive I truly am. I feel so deeply in every emotion. Bear with me, and donāt walk away. BPD really shows you how many of your friends are true. Stay strong, fellow BPDers.ā
4.Ā āI donāt mean to be annoying, but fear of abandonment and rejection makes me feel like I need constant validation.ā
5.Ā āI keep absolutely everything to myself to avoid the embarrassment, rejection and the anxiety I go through trying to get out whatās inside.ā
6.Ā āI always feel like a burden on my friends. Or like Iām just in the way. Iām scared I annoy everyone around me. I donāt think Iāll ever be able to show my friends how much I love and appreciate them.ā
7.Ā āI donāt cope with cancelled plans very well, especially if theyāre last minute. I feel as if they have found something better to do and donāt want to see me ā even if thatās not the case.ā
8.Ā āThat person who comes out sometimes isnāt me. I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Iām stuck in this tiny corner of my mind, watching as I lash out at people, inwardly screaming to stop. Afterwards Iām so ashamed and embarrassed I feel like I donāt deserve to live. The people who stay with me despite Jekyll are my heroes. I couldnāt make it through this without you. I love you all, and thank you for not abandoning me.ā
9.Ā āI wish other people could know the pain I feel inside. It feels like Iām internally bleeding the vast majority of the time, and if I donāt feel scarred and raw, I feel numb. Overall, I feel like a wandering, vacant hole who needs constant affirmation that I exist. Sometimes I struggle and wonder if I am real. I feel like a tremendous burden to everyone, especially my boyfriend and therapist. I feel constant shame about the way I behave, and my therapist usually gets the brunt of my ālove-hateā cycles. Most of the time I can hide my symptoms from others, but they can spill out. Sometimes I want to disappear. I work in the world of mental health, and frankly, people with BPD are often treated like lepers. Iāve seen ādifficultā people labeled as āborderlineā if others canāt understand whatās going on. Even my therapist gets frustrated at me at times, and it makes me feel like Iām too much, like Iām damaged goods.ā
10.Ā āNo matter how great our friendship may be, no matter how much fun we have and laughs we share, if Iām having one of those days it doesnāt matter what you say or do: I just constantly think my friends hate me. I feel like Iām not as good as them. I feel they must not really like me because I donāt like myself, so how could they? No matter what I try, whether itās trying positive thoughts like: āWould they be with me if they didnāt like me?āā it doesnāt matter. I will always feel Iām not good enough for anyone ā friends or family.ā
11.Ā āPeople with BPD have tremendous compassion and empathy. We can feel with people in a way others often canāt. We have a lot of strengths even though we feel fragile.ā
12.Ā āIf I had any friends, Iād ask them to understand my extreme emotional sensitivity.Ā Iām sorry I canāt watch āGame of Thronesā or āWalking Dead.ā The violence stays with me. I can actually feel the fear, the sadness, the horror the victim experiences.ā
13.Ā āWhen I have an upswing, I forget myself and just go on impulse. Sometimes that means endless reposts on Facebook, to the annoyance of some. But itās just my way of working things out in a less dangerous way than I could be.ā
14.Ā āI put on a very hard confident shell every day, but itās not real. Not in the slightest.ā
15.Ā āWhen I flake out on plans all the time, itās not that I donāt want to spend time with you, itās that Iām afraid if I spend too much time with you, you will discover Iām as horrible as I think I am.ā
16.Ā āMy emotions are extreme, and I canāt control how I feel. I feel things so over the top, and itās hard to come back to baseline. The abandonment feeling happens if itās just an acquaintance, never mind if itās someone Iām close too. And yes. I cry in response to my feelings. And no, Iām not acting childish. Itās just how Iām wired.ā
17.Ā āItās not the easiest thing to explain. And when I finally do find the words to explain it, their first reaction is self-diagnosing themselves with it or saying everyone has that.ā
18.Ā āI donāt even understand BPD myself, so be patient with me.ā
19.Ā āI donāt seek attention. And every single day I get up and force myself to keep going and function is a huge accomplishment.ā
20.Ā āI am not a lost cause.ā
21.Ā āItās incredibly lonely to have a disorder that affects how you handle interpersonal relationships. We wear loneliness like a cloak, weighted down with insecurity and doubt.Ā We love our friends and families. Even when we pull away, even when our emotions are out of control, even when fear keeps us from demonstrating or saying the words, we still love you. We are not perfect. No one is. But we are worthy of your trust and your love.ā
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