You really were my world, and what we had was fun while it lasted… well as fun as death can be, I guess. Let me start out by saying this - it’s not you, it’s me… LOL! No, but seriously, it really isn’t anything you did. I’m the one who’s changed, and you… well, you just aren’t fitting into my new lifestyle. I’m moving forward, and you’re just getting way too comfortable where you are.
Alright, on to the good stuff - the things I left at your house. You can keep them (or throw them out if you haven’t already). I got them replaced; brand new, free of charge!
- my hair dryer, the premium one, from the Immorality-3 line; you can sell it, I got the Purity 5000 (upgraded version, thank you very much!).
- my straightening iron of shame, that one you can go ahead and throw away because it’s been replaced with a Hot Comb of Dignity.
- my favourite shoes, my pride, though I loved them sooooo much, I won’t be needing them, because now I wear the Gospel of Peace - way more comfortable, and they have heel support… I mean HEAL support.
Now, the car you bought me, the one that drove me crazy, I traded it in for a newer (and more sensible) model. I hope you don’t mind… I just love that new life smell :)
Uhhhmmmm… I won’t be going to your sister’s wedding. This notice is coming well in advance, so I’m sure you’ll be able to find another date before the big day. Do tell your lovely sister Vanity that I wish her well, and I hope her union with her green-eyed beau (what’s his name again? Elon?? Evan?? Ooooh, that’s right… Envy!) well I hope their union is as fruitful as they anticipate.
Lastly, I am relocating; moving to the city on the hilltop. The job I applied for as Kingdom ambassador… well, I got it. Remember how you told me I didn’t stand a chance because the interview didn’t go so well and my qualifications are dismal? Well it turns out the Boss really really likes me… so, yeah…
New job, new city and… I’m leaving you, World.
Thank you sooooo much for your time and the lessons you inadvertently taught me. Thanks for the scars and the stories you let me have a starring role in. I’ll forever be grateful..(that I got out!).
I don’t think there’s much more to say. In case you STILL haven’t caught on, I’m telling you we’re over.
Yours Honestly,
Redeemed of the LORD.
- A. M. Dakpo
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