Hard Lessons Learned (self para)
It was only now that Kai really understood the true impact of what he’d done. Only now that it had been done to him in return.
One day, Ren had been there. Maybe not quite normal, he was so, so sad these days, so angry; but he’d been there. Then one day… He was just gone. Ren had been retreating and isolating himself more and more, so at first Kai hadn’t realized he’d left the academy. Not until someone new moved into his room, not until he’d asked around and found out for sure that Ren had just left. Just up and left, without a single good-bye, no note… Nothing. And Kai just didn’t understand.
Ren and he… They’d been so close, he thought. He loved Ren, and Ren loved him. Maybe neither of them had been sure if it was a friendly love or more, but he’d been sure nonetheless. But now… Ren had gone without even saying good-bye, not telling him if they’d ever get to meet again, and to Kai it felt like the snow elf had taken a little piece of Kai’s heart with him. Despite them being opposites, he’d never felt so close to anyone.
But at least, now he understood… Because he knew he’d done the exact same thing to someone else. All this time, when he’d been apologizing, he’d kept insisting that he understood the pain he’d inflicted. That he understood but he hadn’t meant to hurt, so he begged forgiveness, assuming it would be granted because he’d done it with good intentions, right? Now he truly understood. And every night, when he looked at his last few reply-less messages to Ren, the desperate and worried and angry ones, when he thought about all the good times and all the bad and how Ren had apparently left them all behind so easily, when he cried himself to sleep wondering why, wondering if the snow elf was even still alive, and felt so lonely it was crushing… Now he could say, he truly understood.
Now he could see how much he’d hurt in leaving in such a way. And now he could see why forgiveness came so hard, or not at all; because at this point, he was sure he’d be too scared to forgive and let Ren back in as well, if he ever did return. He didn’t think it would ever be possible to repair the ache he’d left.











