Ok With It
This is a little angsty fic with the Obey Me brothers inspired by the song OK With It by Lyn Lapid
T/W: mentions of suicidal implications, Leviathan being autistic and stimming, self-starving, guilt, sexual implications in Lucifer and Asmo’s parts. Gender neutral reader (No pronouns used), PTSD, trauma response, angst
We live in other dimensions
We both saw it coming
——
Beel rolled over for the umpteenth time that night as he thought about you. Where were you? Where did you go? Did you miss him? Did you miss any of them? He sighed and rolled over again, his eyes meeting Belphegor’s.
“You okay Beel?”
Beel shook his head and hugged the plushie you had given him after a Fangol game. Belphie gave him a sad look before trudging over to his own bed.
Beel knew one day you would disappear from his life, but not now.
Not like this.
We used to sleep on our mobiles
Now we’re barely calling
——
Checking his DDD for the hundredth time he sighed, seeing no signs of hearing from you. Leaving the dining table, the brothers looked at Beel with concern. He hadn’t been eating lately and had lost a lot of weight.
Asmodeus followed him to the gym where Beel put in his headphones and listened to voicemails you had left over time. Running on the treadmill with tears streaming down his cheeks. He never had the heart to delete your messages and now he was glad didn’t. Beel watched Asmo leave from the corner of his eye, but couldn’t bring himself to care. Why should he anyways? Every time he cares about someone they leave.
First Lillith now you…
Beel shook the thoughts away and replaced them with memories of watching you fall asleep over FaceTime, ignoring the pain in his chest.
I haven’t been worried about where you’ve been
Who you’ve been talking with
——
Levi was even more shut-in than before, completely blocking out the world along with his brothers.
At first he stressed everyday over where you could’ve gone. He worried and cried until he physically became sick. It wasn’t until he woke up from a feverish haze he realized you were likely never coming back. After that, he worried less, and grieved more.
His Henry, the only one who really understood him, gone, without a single trace.
Levi stopped caring who he associated with and began to shut down. He locked himself in his room and hasn’t left since.
Lucifer, ever so diligent about the wellbeing of his brothers, would leave meals outside Levi’s door. His heart warming when he saw a clean plate the next day, but shattering when he saw the days it wasn’t moved or paid any mind to.
We’re growing dissonant
Finish line’s imminent and
Inevitably, you’ll surely forget me
——
Levi’s DDD had over a hundred missed messages from his brothers. Hell, even Diavolo tried reaching out to him, but nothing worked. Levi was spiraling. The one he could rant to, stim to, and generally just talk to was now gone. He was growing tired of the grief, tired of the pain, tired of the uncertainty.
Levi stared at the “you died” screen on his computer not even registering he died until his teammates were yelling at him through his headset. He turned off the chat and stared at the screen. Suddenly, death didn’t seem so bad anymore.. after all, surely you’d have forgotten a worthless otaku like him by now, right..?
It’s the end and I’m okay with it
Seasons shift
They’re always changing and
——
Lucifer stared at the paperwork on his desk not registering Diavolo’s voice.
“Don’t you think so Lucifer?”
What? Did he miss something?
“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”
Lucifer shook his head and laughed, almost humored at the situation. He finally grew to know you, to respect you, to love you. But you were gone now. When was the last time he allowed himself to be vulnerable like that? Was it.. Lillith? Maybe.. Simeon? No.. it was him it was always him. He thought looking up at the redhead at the other side of his office. Maybe.. it was time for Lucifer to let go of you. Perhaps, the feeling he felt were never meant to be after all..
We’ll be sad
Through the summer
Start again with different lovers
——
The first summer without you was hard on Lucifer. No midnight rooftop visits, no early morning coffee runs before walking through the parks. He found himself grieving more than he ever had before. Even falling from grace hadn’t affected him this badly. How many nights had he cried himself to sleep away from the prying eyes of his brothers? How many nights had he vomited at the thought of you happy with someone else? How many nights did he go to that one person for comfort.
Lucifer looked over on his bed, your side now occupied with the Devildom’s young prince.
How many nights had he tried to take the pain away through someone else? No. That was enough. It was time to move on from you for good.
Lucifer stood from his position on his side of the bed and walked over to the sleeping prince, shaking him awake gently.
“Diavolo, you need to leave before my brothers wake. They can’t know about us just yet..”
Know the thought can be menacing
Waking up when you’re not next to me
——
Mammon groaned as he stretched on his too-large bed. He had upsized it to accommodate the both of you, but now that you were gone it felt painfully empty. He rubbed his eyes trying to ignore the deep bags under them. When had he last slept well? Days? Weeks? Hell if he knew..
Nightmares plagued Mammon every night since you disappeared.
He was your first man, he was supposed to protect you, and yet, he couldn’t even save you from this unknown fate you had suffered.
Mammon looked over to the empty side of the bed and felt chills run down his spine at the thought of you being in bed with someone else. He shook it off and got up to start his day.
It’s for the best
We’ve been cavin’
It’s the end and I’m okay with it
And I’m okay with it
——
Mammon paused when he saw one of your doodles in his Devildom History notebook. He quickly tore the page out and crumpled it throwing it away. He couldn’t think of you now, not after how far he’d come with accepting your disappearance. You being gone was for the best. At least, he tried to tell himself that. He tried to ignore his already terrible grades worsening, he tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach whenever your name was mentioned, he tried. Really, he did. So why was it so hard?
It’s not like it matters anymore. Nobody knew where you were, and nobody cared when they saw Mammon digging through the trash looking for a certain discarded doodle.
We could be living like one day
We’ll be reunited
And promise that we’ll stay in touch
But we know we’d be lyin’
——
Satan’s wrath was unchecked, nobody dared to even come within 100 feet of him. So what if he went through millennium of anger management? It’s not like it mattered anymore. He checked his DDD everyday hoping for a sign of reconnection, only to have his efforts met with nothing. He called, texted, emailed, but to no avail. You were gone.
He was angry.
No, he was hurt.
Your promised him. You promised him you’d always be in tough no matter what happened. But you broke your promise.. and all he had left was a mere picture on his dresser.
Why be at odds with our sanity
By arguing with reality?
——
Satan was losing himself. Every day he regressed further away from who he had been and progressed towards who he was when he first was created. He was slowly going crazy.. just where where you? You were gone. He knew that, he really did. Yet, somehow he couldn’t help but sit in your room every night, holding the book you two were reading and waiting for you to come home and continue the story with him.
It’s the end and I’m okay with it
Seasons shift
They’re always changing and
——
Asmo didn’t sulk.
Asmo didn’t cry.
Asmo didn’t show any signs of grief. Anyone who didn’t know him would say you meant nothing to him.. only those close to him saw the impact you left. “Those” mainly being Solomon. Solomon saw it, he felt it, he’ll, he even heard it. But through everything, he said nothing. He couldn’t. He couldn’t risk changing the future, not even for Asmodeus.
We’ll be sad
Through the summer
Start again with different lovers
——
It was hard to notice Asmo’s slight changes. In fact, Lucifer was the only to notice for a long time. Lucifer was the only to notice the small eye bags, the lessened amount of makeup, the chipped nail polish. It was Lucifer who heard Asmo crying himself to sleep at night, and Lucifer who comforted his younger brother when things got too painful to handle alone. Thus, Asmodeus followed his brother’s example. He let his sin get ahold of him and began spending nights with strangers to chase away the ache in his heart.
Know the thought can be menacing
Waking up when you’re not next to me
——
Belphie yawned and sat up after a long nap. His stomach cramped and he winced. When had he last eaten? It didn’t matter..
He looked over at him twin who was sleeping with tears staining his cheeks and ginger hair matted to his head. Belphie smiled, knowing this is the first night of sleep Beel had gotten in weeks, but internally sobbed at the loss of you not being there to fall asleep with them. He hated humans. Hated them.
He told himself that for millennia, but then you came along.. And, oh.. Oh how he loved you. At first he told himself that if he trusted humans he would be betraying Lillith, and Lillith was very dear to him. But dearer than you..?
No.. not even close.
It’s for the best
We’ve been cavin’
It’s the end and I’m okay with it
And I’m okay with it
——
Months went by and Belphie convinced himself he was fine.
Sleepless nights weren’t caused by you.. of course not. His pillow wasn’t cold enough, that’s all. The nightmares..? Trauma response from Lucifer. It was all Lucifer’s fault. Lucifer should’ve protected you. Lucifer failed you, not him.
Not him.
Then again… he killed you before. Right? What if he did it again? What if… this was for the best? He couldn’t hurt you anymore. No one could.
Belphie told himself this every night, and yet, he still wished you were there with him.
@l3viat8an @obeymeluv @obeymeimaginesandasks @asmosmainhoe
