Flirting With Boredom

who even knows at this point

[feministism]

[darkcomedies-deactivated2022042]

watching this youtube video about victorian haircare wherein the woman testing the products out inhales so much alcohol fumes she gets tipsy and that’s joining lead in everything, corsets, and doctors who cured hysteria with vibrators in “reasons why victorian women loved fainting”

[darkcomedies-deactivated2022042]

me walking out of my fainting room after getting my back blown out by a medical professional face covered in lead makeup walls emerald green (also containing lead) high on the cocaine i was prescribed for allergies, tightening my corset: archibald darling i am seeing ghosts

[moreglitter]

normalize lying to matt lauer about seeing a clown explode to death in his little clown car

[pigeonliver]

shakespeare but all the actors are pokemon

[pigeonliver]

ahhh in this house we are very anti histamine

[vigilantsycamore]

Ebenezer Scrooge: Goes outside

500 Muppets: There goes Mr Asshole! There Goes Mr Bitch!

[evilvarric666-archive]

Cats understand "naughty". In fact I think they're the only animal who understands it. Dogs know "good" and "bad" but not Naughty. Same with theft. Cats know what theft is. They know when they are thieving and you can see it on their faces. Squirrels are thieves but they don't know that. They know "take" and "have" but they don't comprehend what it is to steal. Nor do raccoons or coyotes or any species of rodent. They may participate in theft but they are ignorant of the weight of what they do, the full meaning of it. Cats know what crime is and they do it on purpose.

[no-chill-at-all]

[no-chill-at-all]

[lovergf]

haha nooooo don’t recreate puritanism under the guise of progressivism because you don’t have critical thinking skills like for realllll stopppp haha

[i-want-it-thaaat-way]

Okay but the way Jack absolutely DEMOLISHED that entitled little Armand kid at the party??

“Remember when you peed your pants at the Hamptons? I do. We all do.”

Absolutely destroyed the little shit

[normal-horoscopes]

Draining all my failed potions into the municipal sewer system to make the rats insane and powerful

[cipheramnesia]

Girls at the end of recess.

[ratfuck]

star trek deep throat nine

[primordial-fungus-monolith]

Not what it’s called

[cronymarxism]

oh yeah? then explain this

[luvlepa]

[briarrosefromthedead]

And Now the Screaming Starts! (1973) dir. Roy Ward Baker

[leatherleaves]

I thought this was a deleted scene or something from pride and prejudice and I was like damn Darcy is having a meltdown.

[brain-confetti]

I looked up the plot of this movie and long story short the hero here is kicking the shit out of this grandfather’s corpse for being a rapist and cursing the family. A+ content

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *rolls up to a merchant in ancient Athens on Heelys and sipping a Starbucks*

Me: Yo where’s your horribly dense wine I’ve got coin

Merchant: What on earth are you wearing

Me: It’s called pants.

Merchant: I hate that.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *struts up to an Inca temple in bright green sunglasses*

Me: Hey guy of knowing stuff what do you know can I see your dead kings

Ancient Inca man: Are you sent from the gods to annoy me

Me: Nope, I’m doing this for free.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *banging pots and pans in the street in the middle of the Mali empire*

Me: WHERE’S THE SALT???

Random passerby: What is a European doing this far south

Other rando: Yelling about salt apparently.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *walks into the Song Dynasty with a backpack and a hydro flask*

Me: Hey have you guys invented paper money yet?

Woman washing clothes: What are you talking about? Who are you?

Me: *takes a sip of my Ancient Greek wine I’m keeping in my hydro flask* Do you have paper money?

Woman: I suppose?

Me: Sweet. *walks off*

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *struts onto a Polynesian canoe in a Star Wars t-shirt*

Me: What do you guys eat on these things? Fish?

Sailor: What the f*ck are you and where did you come from we’re in the middle of the ocean

Me: Can I have that fruit

Sailor: No. Absolutely not.

Me: Fair. *jumps overboard with my hydro flask*

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *sitting on top of a building during the beheading of Marie Antoinette*

Me: *pulls a bag of popcorn and some peasant bread out of my backpack*

Roof climbing child: Who are you?

Me: Someone on a roof. *hands them some bread*

Child: Why are you dressed like that?

Me: Because I can.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Me: *arrives home totally plastered*

Friend: You know you’re supposed to water down that kind of wine right

Me: *throws bread at them* It was the Song Dynasty. I was right. Frick you.

[what-even-is-thiss]

[rhube]

Hey, OP, how'd you learn all those ancient languages?

[what-even-is-thiss]

Don’t worry about it.

[demilypyro]

Thinking about how Star Trek TNG introduced the Ferengi to be little more than a joke about how being greedy is cringe and Deep Space 9 took that and developed Ferengi culture further through several Ferengi main characters with the youngest of them seeing his father struggle under Ferengi society, seeing his father being unable to live up to his full genius potential because the need to devote all his time to earning profit precludes any higher ambition, and the son deciding he doesn't want that, deciding he wants a better life for himself, and going against his family's wishes by joining Starfleet with zero profit motive, elevating the discussion to genuine criticism of what it's like to live under the pressure of capitalism

[kirianthedivorce]

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

And the update

She buttered Jorts

[anoonzee]

The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:

[notemily]

FINALLY

I've been collecting the best Jorts tweets and waiting until the moment he showed up on my dash to post them. So here you are, the curated best of the past, oh, day or so: