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18 · aroace and tired · about + dni

[aromantic-mlm]

anyway as someone who is trans and gay, my aromanticism is the queerest thing about me 🤷‍♂️ for me, being queer means actively challenging society’s norms about gender and/or relationships. being trans isn’t a big part of my life since i’ve socially and medically transitioned and am living mostly stealth. being gay isn’t a big part of my life because i’m nonpartnering, so the attraction i feel never comes into fruition. but being aro? that shit affects me everyday. it’s changed my whole worldview. amatonormativity is a powerful force, intrinsic in our society, and it goes deeper than most alloallos probably understand. my mere existence as an aromantic defies the system most people don’t realize is in place. i’m queer because i’m aromantic, not in spite of.

[pinkaro]

it is entirely possible to platonically fall in love and there is absolutely no reason why that cannot be possible. in this essay I-

[skutra]

but what‘s the differencee between platonically falling in love and romantically??? one is friend one is partner? i don’t know and i am CONFUSED 😭😭😭 (asked by a pan girl,questioning herself YET AGAIN at almost midnight)

[pinkaro]

hi this post is about being aromantic ! im saying that platonic love is in no way less strong or valuable than romantic love.

but to answer your question: non-platonic love would be romantic and/or sexual in nature. platonic love is absent of that. platonically being in love with someone would not involve sexual or romantic acts and desires.

[skutra]

thank you so much for the answer,but i still can‘t differentiate platonically being in love and having romantic desires. is it just,like,all that lovey-dovey stuff? like cuddles,or dinners,or gifts? cause i do all of that with my platonic friends too...so,what is romance?? this goes out to all the romantic people. explain yourself

[pinkaro]

honestly i have no idea, not my department lmao. any alloros are welcome to explain because im equally stumped at this point

[pinkaro]

it is entirely possible to platonically fall in love and there is absolutely no reason why that cannot be possible. in this essay I-

[skutra]

but what‘s the differencee between platonically falling in love and romantically??? one is friend one is partner? i don’t know and i am CONFUSED 😭😭😭 (asked by a pan girl,questioning herself YET AGAIN at almost midnight)

[pinkaro]

hi this post is about being aromantic ! im saying that platonic love is in no way less strong or valuable than romantic love.

but to answer your question: non-platonic love would be romantic and/or sexual in nature. platonic love is absent of that. platonically being in love with someone would not involve sexual or romantic acts and desires.

[punishedvenomsnake]

wait sex is real?

[91837439298272-282828-deactivat]

no stop believing everything the liberal media tells you

[adhd-hippie]

Y’all I want some fucking “boring” stories for once. I want 15,000 words of an aromantic person living their best life without the intrusion of people trying to fix them or make their life better.

I want a story about a person coming out as aromantic and there’s no drama. Everyone just accepts it.

I want this person to just buy a house alone and not have some nasty realtor making comments about how “this is a family neighborhood, wouldn’t you prefer a condo?”

I want them decorating the home EXACTLY how they want it decorated. And if that means a bubble gum colored bathroom so be it, it’s theirs!

I want to read about the challenge and THRILL of learning basic home maintenance w/o any romantic hero sweeping in to fix the pipes. Just the experience of watching YouTube or reading a book, failing, trying again and succeeding.

I want the hero to talk about the years of love and dedication it takes to create a magical garden and its perfect beauty w/o being forced to tolerate a nonsense love interest.

In short I want a story that accurately reflects my life! We are far too often told that romance is what makes the ordinary extraordinary and I’m fed up with that!

My life is simple and beautiful and unromantic as fuck but nevertheless important and I’d like to see a storyteller appreciate that for once!

[rubaayi]

do you wish you were seeing somebody

a therapist 

[acesartemis]

[satu-poetica]

   This post is great, but to those of you in the notes saying “that sounds like aro/aroace" please understand that the Split Attraction Model is not compulsory. Asexuals like myself who do not experience split attraction are not required to identify as aroace if we do not want to for whatever our reasons my be. Obviously y’all can identify as aroace if you want to, but no one has to. Yes asexuality in the absence of the SAM is going to sound a lot like the aromantic experience, that is literally how orientations work without split attraction. 

   Aromantic history/exposure is totally important as well, but requiring asexuals use the SAM when they do not need/want to isn’t the way to go about it. 

[pinkaro]

at this point i just need to come out and say this because if i keep feeling like im not allowed to speak within my OWN community on my OWN blog im really gonna delete this blog. if you don't give a shit about non split aces, if you silence their voices, and if you force the SAM on people, don't interact with me. if you do any of the other fucked up shit people are doing in this community nowadays like associating aromanticism with not loving anyone platonically at all (aka a serious mental problem) and sexualizing the ace community/othering sex averse aces, don't interact with me. i don't want you following my blog and I'm not just being dramatic when i say i don't feel safe with you following me.

[pinkaro]

the fact that everyone in this community feels the need to treat alloaces and alloaros like they're more oppressed than non split aces and push this idea that criticizing the SAM is somehow a direct attack against them is beyond me. they both have their own struggles just as any aspec person and i care about that, but they hold allo privilege as well so why does it feel like yall care more about protecting them than non split aces. non split aces literally don't even have a voice anymore bc every time we talk about our feelings and experiences its made into something about the SAM or people who use the SAM, and even turned into a discourse post. i literally made a post talking about how i, as an aroace person DON'T like being forced to use the SAM as it doesn't apply to me and someone still made it about people who use the SAM. if im being honest all of this reeks of allosexism. people in this community care more about you the more allo you are, and they spend every second of their lives trying to disassociate everything aro/ace about the aro/ace community and then they want to sit there and bitch about amatonormativity when they're literally spearheading it within their own community.

[pinkaro]

i created this blog for a safe space to voice my feelings as an aroace but apparently i cant do that without someone bringing discourse bullshit onto my blog. cool

[arofrantics]

honestly the weirdest thing to come out of this aroace/aroallo thing is how people view non sam aros (and, by addition, non sam aces). they’re always linked in with the allo side of the community… but that’s weird to me because one of the important reasons i’ve opted out of the sam is because i’m not allo at all.

idk… how do other non sam folks feel about this?

[scholar-of-yemdresh]

It’s frustrating I’m (non sam)ace and JFC the amatonormativity in the ace community is so annoying they percive aces like me as alloromantic but won’t say. Ace on it’s own is almost always defaulted to mean alloromantic ace. I feel so uncomfortable in the ace community, God forbid i dont use the SAM that makes me an ignorant who’s “conflating”

[satu-poetica]

Honestly I haven’t used “ace” to describe myself in years because the assumption is that all aces are alloromantic unless they say they are aroace, which is annoying. The split attraction model is a very useful tool for some, but it really does feel like those of us who do not experience split attraction are the only people explicitly required to use it. Truth be told I do not feel a strong attachment to my aromanticism because the entire time I identified as ace they were linked. But my asexuality is not sexual in the least, which seems to confuse people unless I explain I am aromantic, but that really should be assumed when I say I am asexual.

I understand that some people feel more attached to their aromanticism than their asexuality, and that is great. Non-split aromantics probably feel my struggle as well. That struggle being that you are assumed to be heteroromantic/heterosexual until you specifically say otherwise. Meanwhile by the nature of the split attraction model it should really be the allos using it, not us. I do not want to step on any toes but I am infinitely more willing to say alloromantics/allosexuals should 100% have to specify their attractions than require those of us without split attraction to.

[thelovelessasexualstereotype-de]

What reason might someone have for being a non-SAM ace?

The exact same reason for the overwhelming majority of gay, lesbian, and bi/pan people use one unique word to describe themselves. They express their love for their partner(s) by their desire to have sex with them; there is no need for an absolute distinction between romance and sex like in the aro and (romo)ace communities. People who are just and only asexual do not fall in love with anyone, and therefore do not have any desire to have sex with people. There is no need for a distinction either.

[pinkaro]

"sexual desire and behavior has absolutely NOTHING to do with sexual attraction!!!" then what the fuck does your sexual orientation even MEAN if it doesn't impact your life in any real way!!!! god can people just shut the fuck up nobody cares that you still like to bone just stop bastardizing labels

[pinkaro]

like YES :) sexual attraction has absolutely nothing to do with sexual desire and behavior :) thats why we constantly see lesbians having and enjoying sex with men :) at the end of the day your sexual orientation means nothing :) at all :) everybody can go home :)

[pinkaro]

"sexual desire and behavior has absolutely NOTHING to do with sexual attraction!!!" then what the fuck does your sexual orientation even MEAN if it doesn't impact your life in any real way!!!! god can people just shut the fuck up nobody cares that you still like to bone just stop bastardizing labels

[pinkaro]

me: wow I feel so uncomfortable and invalidated in this sex centric society as an ace person! oh there's a community for people like me? wow cool! it'd be a shame if for some reason that community actually WASN'T a retreat from allosexism....... it'd be a shame if it was ALSO sex centric.........good thing it's not 🙃

[pinkaro]

it is entirely possible to platonically fall in love and there is absolutely no reason why that cannot be possible. in this essay I-

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is being fucking SICK of people brushing youre favorite characters aromanticism under the rug in favor of shipping YET GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO CONSTANT ACKNOWLEDGE THE CHARACTERS ASEXUALITY AND SPOUTING THAT "ACE =/= ARO!" NONSENSE WITH THE IMPLICATION THAT BEING ARO IS A BAD THING *I N H A L E S*...... Aro culture is being extremely upset, all the time, because this happens every single time a canon aroace character is created.