Local Cryptid Menaces Community

Hot Garbage Trash Man Obsessed with Terrible Things Potentially a Fox cryptid🦊 34/transmasc/poly/gay af ♐️♌️♑️

[cupid-sins]

pin me down n fuck me till i'm sore n barely here. i wanna be fucked so stupid that all i'm thinking of is you.

[tboyluvr-deactivated20260309]

they neeeeddd to make straps that pulse for all the needy tboys who want a pretty transmasc to twitch inside them :((

[ethan-is-not-on-fire-deactivate]

sorry i started sobbing loudly and sniffling and curling up in a ball at your feet when you Saif you loved me do you still want me

[starboysdream]

I love guys who are loud, who can’t help themselves but open their mouths and let out sound after sound. They’re so desperate. Then when they get a little too loud I gently shush them, and instantly their loud moaning and groaning is reduced to soft whimpers, closing their eyes and concentrating on being so good for me. You don’t want the neighbors to hear us, do you? Do you really want them to know how desperate and pathetic you are when the doors are closed and it’s just us two?

[yearning-into-the-abyss]

I want someone.

I want someone who will hold me while curling up on the couch in the winter watching silly Christmas movies, giggling at the stupid moments together. I want someone who will occasionally lean closer to be silly and leave a kiss on my head or cheek with an overdramatic "Mwah!"

I want someone to have a gingerbread house building contest with, we forget all about it and just kiss in the kitchen, giggling so much we're barely even kissing anymore.

I want someone to watch me bake a yummy sounding Christmas dessert I found a recipe for online, them sitting on the counter, then while I'm not looking they come up from behind me to hold my waist and leave kisses all over the back of my neck as I laugh because they tickle as I try to keep mixing whatever I was making.

I want to drive around at night looking at the neighborhoods decorated houses, singing along to the Christmas songs on the radio obnoxiously, all while I hold their hand tight in between us on top of the console.

I want to experience snow basically for the first time in my life and have a snowball fight with them. I wanna get too cold and whine to them about it so they hug me tight and kiss all over my face in an attempt to warm me up.

I wanna have a small honestly pathetic looking Christmas tree in the living room of wherever we're living and decorate it with any silly ornaments we could find at the store, sneaking kisses in-between turning around to grab another one to hang up on a branch.

I want to wake up on Christmas in bed with someone, all warm and cozy. It doesn't even really matter if neither of us got each other anything, it doesn't matter if there's nothing under the pathetic tree we decorated together.

It just matters that we're spending it with each other.

[circawontsurvivee]

sticking my fingers down his throat just to feel the way he chokes as he tries to grind against anything he can for friction… all teary eyed and whining pathetically as he gags and drools all over himself.

[yoursweetcorpse]

sleepy, warm, comfortable sex >>> my hands wandering all over your body and grazing against your sensitive spots. my fingers pressing into your hips and waist as i slowly pull myself in and out of you. my face in the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent. whispering comforting words. "you feel so good", "you're so pretty baby".

[cinnabaexoxo]

If anyone is wondering where we are on a scale of 1 to fucked, Weird Al Yankovic just did a full cover of Rage Against the Machine - Killing In the Name

In this man's 46 year long career, through everything, he has NEVER spoken about politics. He has NEVER spoken harshly to anyone. He has NEVER performed songs with heavy swearing or forceful lyrics. This man guest starred on My Little Pony as "Cheese Sandwich," the only other party pony as fun as Pinkie Pie!

When THIS man stops laughing, we are in trouble.

[aleprouswitch]

Seeing Weird Al screaming "FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME" with his whole chest, zero comedy, really is like seeing the nicest person you know finally snap because everything around him is so fucked up and horrible. I've always respected Weird Al as an artist and as a person, and this has only upped my respect for him.

[mombinaryjew]

^This exactly!^

[unbearable-lightness-of-ink]

dear smut writers,

to lave means to wash/bathe/lap at, and it's in basically every sex scene ever

a lathe is a machine that smoothes a spinning piece of wood or metal by cutting thin layers off it, and it's also in an unfortunate number of sex scenes

so when you say things like this:

I am imagining things like this:

[system32-cleanmgr]

@funnier-when-objectum

[keenkryptonut]

THIS CANNOT BE LEFT IN THE TAGS

[pupzlovez]

"dream romance" i just wanna fold laundry while that i hear about your day.

[makesoneteam]

underrated friendship stage is the "testing the waters to see how much of a freak you are" stage. let me microdose being feral to see how you react. i have one large eye on you at all times waiting for you to give me Secret Permission to be a pervert or a weirdo. when will the shameless whore dam break. The Freak Rituals are sacred and time honoured and their importance cannot be overstated

[circawontsurvivee]

pulling away mid makeout just to hear the way his breath stutters against my lips, and then tugging on his hair just to hear the faintest little moan that escapes his throat.

thats it. thats the post.

[irl-loading-screens]

[ratbastard69420]

whore pov:

[professional-egg-layer]

I'm really glad we censored fuck here. We came here for lemon stealing whore wholesomeness not filthy filthy bad language.

[faggotful-crow]

when im on top of him and i pin his arms down, and he looks at me with his beautiful brown eyes, breathlessly says "oh", the feeling i have in that moment is the best in the world

[what-even-is-thiss]

“Cats don’t actually love you”

A cat is a small creature in the middle of the food chain that is fully aware that you are a very large thing that could stomp its head in at any moment and yet it chooses to rest its tiny little head on your leg for a nap and spreads out on the floor near you exposing its belly and its most sensitive organs. It brings dead mice and bugs to you to share food.

Don’t you get it? This tiny thing trusts you. It wants to help you too. It licks your leg thinking that it’s helping. It kneads on you to find comfort. It shares its body warmth with you in the cold and gives you your space in the heat. It hisses at other mammals it sees outside including other cats in an effort to protect its family.

Cats love you so so much. But they will keep trying to eat plastic.

[retiring-this-blog-for-nowwwww]

i want a bf so we can hold hands and snuggle and kiss and then i can say “that was kind of gay bro ngl” while looking at him with goofy heart eyes

[capris-freak-corner]

I want our sex to be kinky, yeah, that's a given, but comfort should still remain at its core. At the forefront of our intimacy, I want him to be comfortable, I want him to be feeling the best I can give. He comes first.