Society Who?

All access encouragement and positivity. Whatever is on my mind will be discussed from politics to social injustice, fashion, sports, etc. Every post will be aimed at sending a positive message and to promote ignoring what society expects of you so you can focus on building your own positive psyche. Check out my Society Who? Podcast at https://anchor.fm/piscespsyche

[piscespsyche]

Disney’s Soul

Powerful, educational, philosophical, thought-provoking, clever, and downright adorable.  Directors Pete Docter and Kemp Powers cooked up the perfect recipe for Pixar and Disney with this heartwarming animation.  Having not even seen the trailer, I had no idea I would be in for quite the treat.  A treat that kept me captivated from beginning to end.  The beauty in this movie is that it is indubitably more than entertainment if you want it to be.  Whether you want to just laugh and be entertained watching the movie, with not much further thought, or watch closely for details that provoke thoughts and curiosity, this movie is a must see.  

This is a film that I watched twice in the span of a week.  The first time I watched it straight through from beginning to end for entertainment and enjoyment.  The second time, I decided to pause it each time I found meaning in a scene or conversation as I wrote my thoughts down.  Anyone who has yet to see Soul may want to postpone reading this until then.  To be entirely objective I think it is imperative that this film be viewed before outside influences and opinions can be introduced into the psyche.  To be clear, I’m actually unsure of the amount of detail to put into this movie review, however, I am certain that I will be covering several themes and topics, in detail, that gives insight about the movie itself so these may be considered “spoilers”.  That being said, the spoilers you may read in this analysis will not diminish the value of the lessons that can be learned from watching this film.  

Where to start?  So many invaluable themes and lessons this film touches on.  Let’s just start with the beginning of the movie and one of the first themes that should be easily recognizable.  Joe, the main character voiced by Jamie Fox, was experiencing something most of us have all dealt with and may still be dealing with.  The internal struggle between chasing your dreams and being realistic.  Since Joe was a young boy he knew playing the piano was his calling.  As Joe got older and more opportunities to be a professional musician slipped away he became a music teacher to middle school aged children.  Although Joe was still able to do what he loved, playing the piano, he wasn’t able to do so in the way he envisioned living out his dream.  Instead, this became a way for him to pay the bills.  

Deep down in his soul Joe knew he wanted to play professionally for live audiences but he was faced with the dilemma of making a living until an opportunity to showcase his talents arrived.  When Joe was finally blessed with the opportunity to audition for a live gig his mother’s reaction was the complete opposite of his own.  Joe was ecstatic to get this opportunity and it was all he could think about.  His mother, on the other hand, felt it was time to give up this “silly” dream, to not get his hopes up, and to be content with the teaching job he had.  Doesn’t this theme sound familiar?  Every day, many of us are faced with this very decision to contemplate chasing our dreams, all the while, having to hear the naysayers and doubters who constantly encourage us to choose the path closest to reality.  This dynamic touches heavily on our intuition and subconscious which is why we’ve all felt a strong pull to chase our interests at one point or another.  

Like Joe, at some point, the majority of us are introduced to something we just feel born to do but it may seem so far fetched to someone else it is considered unrealistic.  This is a constant struggle we must face as human beings, even as adults.  Joe, eventually, navigated this dilemma successfully by realizing he could turn his passion for playing the piano into a passion for teaching the next generation of musicians.  This is a great lesson to bring attention to, in what is considered a kids movie, because the earlier we discover a passion the earlier we will be faced with doubters and negative feedback pushing us back towards reality.  The truth of the matter is this; your dream is your reality.  What’s realistic to you doesn’t have to be realistic to anyone else and you will be better off the sooner you believe that.  Dream big and create your own path for your passion.

The second theme I want to segue into piggybacks off of the first theme just discussed.  In this movie you will hear the constant reference to the word, spark.  Spark was excessively used to describe that intuitive feeling of being born to do something or attracted to an interest that we were designed for.  According to this film, a new soul could not be given a body on earth until they marked a few items off of a checklist.  One item on this checklist mentioned throughout the movie was spark.  New souls were required to travel to earth with a mentor soul guide in hopes of finding something that would “spark” their purpose.  

This spark dynamic is a constant theme playing out in our own lives as we navigate this world experiencing many things until we feel the spark that ignites us with most joy and passion.  It’s this spark that leads to ambition; the ambition to dream big.  What I find interesting about this is that no soul could experience human life on earth, longterm, until they found this spark.  This insinuates that every soul will, or can, find something that interests them.  From this I gather the logic that human life on earth is so beautiful in various ways that anyone given the chance to experience life should find beauty in it somewhere.  This is an invaluable lesson that we all would do well to never forget.

Another theme presented in Soul is one that many people may still find controversial.  One’s spiritual or religious beliefs usually dictate how they feel about this theme; the theme of the human body being a vessel for souls.  When Joe died early on in the movie his soul was transported to where souls go.  It was here at this place the viewers got to see souls being prepared and mentored before being placed into a newborn on earth.  The souls had a world of their own, the “Great Before”, in which souls could only experience the same way humans have a world of their own in which only they could experience as a human being on earth.  What I found intriguing about this is that it seemed as though personality characteristics were derived in the souls first meaning the soul actually dictates who you will be as a human and not vice versa.  It would be wise to keep in mind though that we, as humans, only know how to describe things in human ways.  The souls in this movie had very human-like traits.  

I consider myself to be a spiritual person opposed to religious.  My spiritual beliefs cause me to agree with this sentiment that the human body is a vessel for our soul.  I believe that I am who I am because of my soul and that I would be this way regardless of what my human vessel looks like.  Yes, life is evolution itself and we should all be evolving every moment on earth which can lead to experiences that further shape who I am.  That being said, I also believe that who I am deep in my soul will play the most factor in how I respond to personal experiences and my perspective on viewpoints.  Perhaps life can affect the soul in ways I don’t give credit for.  Perhaps human life is more intertwined with the divine soul than I perceive.  Imagine such a thought-provoking question manifesting from watching an animated movie.  

 When Joe died and became a soul transported to the steps leading to the “Great Beyond” he panicked.  Joe didn’t want to walk towards the light which brings me to the next important theme; the fear of death.  When Joe died it was an accident.  Just before Joe died, he slayed an audition to play live in a band and was expected to start playing at a show that night.  Since his life abruptly ended, when he became a soul he was still attached to his new piano gig and didn’t want to go to the “Great Beyond”.  It was as though Joe was attached to unfinished business on earth.  To me, this is a reflection of us, as humans, not being able to let go of life and being attached to physical things.  

I found it interesting that this trait was portrayed in a soul.  Again, we see human characteristics displayed in a soul.  This leads back to my earlier pondering about the body being a vessel for the soul and if souls possibly experience similar or the same emotions we do as humans.  Personally, I think that’s just the ego mixed with creative writing and story-telling.  Nonetheless, I was left to ponder another thought-provoking question by a Pixar production. 

Let’s talk about 22.  22 is a main character soul voiced by Tina Fey.  This character started off as a defiant pessimist who didn’t want to go to earth to experience life as a newborn.  22 had many mentors over years and none of them could guide 22 to see the beauty in life as a human on earth.  This is something 22 had to discover for themselves the same way all of us have to recognize the beauty in life.    As a soul, 22 was comfortable staying in the realm of souls known as the “Great Before” and refused to step outside their comfort zone even though remaining a soul was just ok but not great.  22 even said that life on earth was for crushing souls.  How many people can relate to this sentiment?  How many people do you know that are content with the life they live even though they want more out of it?  How many people out there are afraid or disinterested in stepping outside of their comfort zone?  I find all of these dynamics to be intriguing but also important and beneficial to teaching the importance of being aware of our thoughts.  

The next aspect of Soul that I want to discuss is when Joe is being led by 22 to find help getting him back to his earthly body.  The help they are looking for comes from a Mystic soul.  The mystic decides to help Joe get back to his body by use of a portal he knows about in the soul realm.  My mind was blown when they reached the portal and the mystic instructed Joe to start meditating.  This animated movie actually used the practice of meditation to define how the soul can connect with our body.  At one point, Joe began to open his eyes during the meditation and the portal started to close up.  The mystic then told Joe to keep his eyes closed while continuing to meditate and the portal stayed open and Joe was able to locate his body in the hospital.  

Later in the movie, when Joe made it back into his body and was trying to get back to 22 in the soul realm he remembered meditation was how he connected the first time.  He closed his eyes and began to play the piano until he felt connected to his higher self.  This was his form of meditation because he could best practice just being and appreciating the now while playing piano. Once Joe got deep in his element playing the piano he was transported back to the "Great Before” where he could reconnect with 22.  Meditation was the pivotal link between the soul and human body.  For anyone spiritual, such as myself, this element of the movie will resonate tremendously.  This is an ingenious way to introduce spirituality and meditation to young children, as well as adults.  

One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.  I believe life is truly the perspective you have of it.  This next theme, in my opinion, is a reflection of this sentiment.  When 22 accidentally occupied Joe’s body and began to experience life first-hand their perspective changed.  Before, 22 only viewed life as a spectator alongside their mentor.  While 22 was occupying Joe’s body, Joe’s soul was in a cat.  As the cat, Joe ignored all the simple pleasures of life that 22 started to take notice of.  22 had their first slice of pizza and fell in love.  Every bite of that pizza was savored by 22 while Joe was in a hurry to switch back places with 22 in time for his gig.  

There was another scene where 22 and Joe were in the subway about to get on the train.  Someone was sitting and playing the guitar and 22, in Joe’s body, started to gravitate towards the music.  22 became enamored with the sounds coming from the guitar.  Joe, while still in the cat’s body, was only concerned with catching the next train and completely tuned out the guitar player.  Another scene showed 22 and Joe walking on the sidewalk down the street.  On the sidewalk there were vents that air would shoot up out of that they walked over.  As they walked over the vents, 22 stopped and found joy in the air shooting up towards them.  Again, finding comfort and peace in something so simple that most people ignore altogether.  Time after time, 22 was able to see the treasures in life while Joe treated them as trash because he was so singularly focused on getting to his gig.  

Can you now see just how many relevant lessons this film captures?  I could continue to go on with several more but, instead, I will close out with one last theme I couldn’t help but notice at the end of the movie.  By movies end, 22 had found their spark and checked off all items to qualify for going to earth.  This was the first time in 22′s existence that they qualified to leave the “Great Before” for earth.  The counselor souls, who represented inspiration, were beyond grateful that Joe was able to guide 22 to seeing the beauty in human life.  22 went through mentor after mentor losing all hope and interest in living on earth. 

Joe, who accidentally died and didn’t even want to be a mentor, turned out to be the unlikely soul that showed 22 what was needed to develop their own spark.  The important lesson to remember here is that you never know who it’s going to be that inspires you.  Be open-minded and receptive to the people who can bring value to your life; intend to be inspired.  To me, this lesson is the most important and it’s only fitting that the movie ended with this.  This is the beauty of life.  A beauty that delivered a movie with even more soul than its title.    

[piscespsyche]

African Diaspora

Diaspora refers to a scattered population whose origin lies in a separate geographic locale.  Diaspora describes the mass dispersion of a population from its indigenous territories and encompasses all ethnic groups that have experienced this.  Therefore, the African Diaspora specifically refers to the scattered population of people of African descent.  It’s no secret that, primarily due to the slave trade, people of African descent have been and continue to remain scattered around the globe.  Many of which who have no knowledge of their origin other than it began on the continent of Africa.  While it is true that many ethnic populations remain scattered from their place of origin, they have been able to build a new home and better life in most cases.  One case this doesn’t apply to is the African Diaspora.  

Ever since Europeans invaded North America and created race-based slavery on the premise of white superiority, people of African descent have been forced to endure rampant racism, discrimination, and violence in all predominately white geographic locales and not just predominately white geographic locales.  What the white superiority campaign in America did beyond empowering white populations everywhere is that it also spread the teachings of black inferiority.  This is important to remember because what this part of the white superiority campaign did was give other non-white ethnic groups the permission to see the black population as inferior to not just the white establishment.  This has caused the black inferiority complex to spread to every crevice across the globe inhabited by men and women.  One of the most damaging aspects of these campaigns has been the brainwashing of the black population into accepting and believing their own inferiority.  The black community is more divided than any other ethnic group and much of that has to do with the inferiority complex.  The black community competes with itself out of fear that working together and being united will reduce the amount of opportunities presented.  It’s imperative that this mentality changes...and change is coming.  

In order to compete in society as an ethnic group we must do what all other ethnic groups do; practice group economics and group politics.  The black population must begin shedding the brainwashed programming and unite together to build a group economic structure strong enough to increase political power because, let’s be honest, capital is necessary to be heard and to usher in change.  More importantly, the diaspora needs a safe place free from racial discrimination that offers economic opportunities but also provides hope that a better quality of life is attainable and not just a Martin Luther King Jr. dream.  So, where can this safe place manifest?  Well, it can manifest in many places but, realistically, one place stands out the most...Africa.  

The late great Marcus Garvey had a vision which encouraged the diaspora to make Africa home.  Since his time society has seen that not much has improved in respects to equality for the diaspora.  However, the wheel is beginning to turn and the diaspora is waking up to the prospect of migrating to the Mother Land.  Africa’s urban population is expected to triple by 2050, to 2.4 billion.  Every year, more and more of the diaspora has either relocated to Africa or increased their interest and research into the possibility.  With the current race relations issues, discrimination, and systemic oppression around the globe, especially in America, now is the time to mobilize.  Africa is calling the diaspora home and it’s time to answer that call.  

Why Africa?  Africa has all the resources the diaspora needs to grow into a competitive ethnic group.  What Africa needs is the talent, business knowledge, and capital.  America has the highest concentration of black talent and black wealth despite the systemic issues plaguing the community.  What the black community doesn’t have, and most likely never will have, is ownership of the resources.  African descendants of slavery must start looking to combine knowledge and wealth with Africans and the resources in Africa.  The reality is, there are far more affordable opportunities for African Americans in Africa than America.  Africa is extending an open hand to attract the diaspora for opportunities in every industry such as technology, agriculture and farming, business, and even startups and investing.  Unlike here in America, where black people are not wanted, Africa wants their descendants to return home to help build and transform the continent into the global powerhouse it is destined to be.  

Everything mentioned so far may be a lot to process especially for those in the black community who rather maintain hope that America will get its act together and provide the equality that we deserve.  To them I say, be careful.  Hope has never freed an oppressed population from its chains; only proactive actions will sever those chains.  We as black people constantly fight, march, and vote for better opportunities only to have to wait for the oppressor to decide if we are worthy of said opportunities.  Africa has the opportunities without the political struggle and it is up to us to unite once and for all.  I am proud to say I have jumped on this wave by joining an investment group based out of Uganda to begin farming agriculture.  Agriculture is the perfect industry to begin practicing group economics to build and control an entire supply chain.  My next blog will cover the details in this project as I am excited to share this with anyone with open ears.  

[piscespsyche]

The Next Generacists?

It is no secret that, here in the United States of America, we are facing another crucial period in our history.  The tension from race relations is on the verge of snapping like a weak achilles tendon stretched too far.  On the surface it might even seem as though the racial division is festering faster than the Corona virus itself but that would be misleading.  Misleading because the inequities that the black community, and the many non-blacks who are supporting the cause, are protesting about have been a foundational and continuous theme throughout America’s history.  A history that is sugarcoated in our educational school books but littered across the country with statues, monuments, symbols, and buildings serving as a stark reminder to black people about the true, unsentimental, history too often ignored.

I recently read a book called Blackballed by Lawrence Ross.  This was such an enlightening read and I would encourage any and everyone to read this book to further grasp how racism continues to be perpetuated generation after generation.  With the demographic makeup of America becoming more of a mixed ethnic melting pot, a dangerous misconception is that racism is dying or already nonexistent due to minorities rapidly becoming the majority.  What Lawrence Ross details so vividly in Blackballed is how experiences of black college students at American universities are plenteous with racism from the mid 1800s until present day.  One of Malcom X’s greatest moments was the night he spoke at the Oxford Union in 1964.  He always stated that he relished and preferred speaking to college kids because they are the ones who bring forth change, not the older generation.  I agree with Malcom X that it is the younger, college aged, generation that holds the most importance to shaping the future.   

Racism is a taught and learned rhetoric and behavior.  Blackballed highlights a continuous troubling trend where systemic racism is being taught, learned, and practiced by fraternities and sororities with little to no pushback and even, sometimes, assistance from university administrations on college campuses across the country.  The book mentions while, according to Cornell University, only 2 percent of America’s population is involved in fraternities, 80 percent of Fortune 500 executives, 76 percent of U.S. senators and congressmen, 85 percent of Supreme Court justices, and all but two presidents since 1825 have been fraternity men.  It is exceptionally worrisome that the influential reach of the Greek system that perpetuates racism as if it were a coveted family recipe extends beyond prestigious corporations and into our highest branches of government.  If college youths of today and the future are America’s best hope for advocating racial equality then the future for the black community looks indistinguishable from the 19th and 20th century if significant systemic university changes aren’t made, starting with the Greek system.   

There are currently eight states that have banned affirmative action on the premise that it would actually increase black enrollment at universities.  However, black enrollment has significantly dropped and is even almost nonexistent on many campuses in those states relative to the percentage of black people who make up those state’s population.  Even looking outside of states that don’t practice affirmative action you will find that the percentage of black students at predominantly white institutions is abysmal to say the least.  A report by the University of California’s Race and Equity center in 2018 concluded that out of 65 universities studied, black men comprised 2.4 percent of all college undergraduates but 55 percent of football team members and 56 percent of basketball team members.  As a former division 1 basketball athlete myself, these numbers remind me exactly of how my alma mater campus demographic makeup looked.  Despite going to predominately white institutions, the systemic racism embedded in American university culture can be inconspicuous even by black athletes due to the amount of support sports programs receive; this has to change.

Based on the Department of Education in 2017, men’s college football generated about $32 million in revenue, men’s college basketball generated a little over $8 million in revenue, and women’s college basketball brought in close to $2 million in revenue.  In other words, college football and basketball are big business capitalism exploiting the talents of many black athletes at the expense of their dignity, humanity, and equality all while contributing, turning a blind eye, or playing ignorance to the systemic racism plaguing American universities.  Maybe it is time for black collegiate student athletes and black high school students and athletes who attend predominantly white private institutions for their prestigious sports programs and curriculums to start re-evaluating their options.  Black students and athletes should be aware of the educational atmosphere, reputation, and social environment they will be exposed to during this essential phase of their personal development en route to the real world.  It is vital that American colleges and universities place emphasis on eliminating racially based incidents by implementing zero-tolerance policies while being held accountable for not taking stern action when called for.  White superiority complex can not be tolerated from our academic institutions who are preparing to send the future of America into real world roles.  Roles that may include running high level corporations, law enforcement, public service, and shaping our legislation.  

We’ve all heard the saying, “Money talks”.  We are currently in a cancel culture environment and I, for one, am all for it.  In a capitalistic system such as the one America thrives on, it is time for the black community to understand and utilize the economic power we possess.  This means it is the duty of the black community to come together and hold white academic establishments accountable for racial equality by applying pressure with the leverage black athletes have.  It is time that the black community adds predominately white institutions to the cancel culture list for black athletes because money talks.  If that’s what it takes to finally be heard and treated equally across all demographics then, as Malcom X would say, “by any means necessary”.  If these academic institutions want to continue to pack seats at football stadiums, sell out basketball gymnasiums, receive tv ad and sponsorship revenue, and more importantly, continue to sign black recruits then the racial inequities across academic campuses need to be addressed and rectified.  Black non-student athletes are mobilizing more and more on campuses across the U.S. but their numbers on campus remain small and the economic leverage they have is nowhere near as impactful as the black student athlete.  Black student athlete or not, the goal is the same...equality.  It is time for the black community to demand predominately white institutions take responsibility for ushering in the next generation and not the next generacists.  

[piscespsyche]

No New Friends

Drake made popular the phrase “no new friends” in one of his songs. Ever since that song dropped, I have come across more and more people who claim to live by this phrase.  It’s a shame that what a celebrity says can be taken for gospel even when what is said is ignorant at best.  What also is sad is how something meant to be more valuable than any price has become invaluable over time. A celebrity lives under a different set of rules and circumstances.  Maybe Drake does actually feel this way  due to his lifestyle.  Either way, he’s still missing out on one of the greatest gifts life can afford...friendship. 

The are several issues I have with having the mentality of no new friends.  First, this is a closed-minded mentality.  Being closed-minded is a negative trait and can cost you to miss out on experiences and connections with great people.  Most of us have been wronged by someone we let into our life but we also have to be careful how we define the word friendship and to whom we give that title to.  An acquaintance is not a friend.  Someone you describe as a co-worker is just that.  It is up to us, individually, to have the judgment in character of others to determine if they are friend material.  The key is to finding good friends.  One can never have too many good friends.  

Secondly, you never know what commonalities or differences may bring a relationship closer together.  With a more variety of friends, there is more opportunity to learn from different types of people who come from different backgrounds.  These are the kinds of people who can shed light on life issues that may have gone unnoticed or who have had experiences completely opposite of your own.  What many people fail to realize is that it is ok and ideal to have friends who don’t always agree or see eye to eye.  These are the type of people in life who can keep you honest.  

Finally, you never know what life has in store for you.  Circumstances change all the time that might require adjustments to be made.  Maybe you relocate to a city with no friends.  Perhaps, you decide to travel for the first time by yourself.  Will you not be open to making new friends then?  Will you be closed off to the possibility of being introduced to someone who can add value to your life?  Some of my closest friends today are friends that I’ve met later in life.  Every where I have been, throughout life, I have made friends that I am still friends with today.  It is an honor for me to have such a big circle of true friends that stretches across the globe.  So, remember when you are listening to that catchy song with those catchy lyrics that they are just entertainment.  Remember to have your own views and to live your own life.

[piscespsyche]

C’mon Ladies...Keep it Real

I recently had a conversation with a woman and I had to shake my head and laugh at what I was hearing.  The reason for my reaction was because I had heard what she was saying many times before, from other women, and it didn’t equate to the actuality of my experiences on the subject.  So, I brought to her attention that, although what she said sounded good, it wasn’t true.  This was a perfect opportunity to explain misconceptions on a common subject...dating.  My goal when debating is not to convince someone to feel the same way I do about a certain topic but to provide a different viewpoint of how to look at that topic so that others can understand personal experiences can lead to different views.

It’s no secret that technology has changed and always changes the way we do things in life; dating is no exception.  Technology has moved the world of dating from offline to online.  Today, almost 40% of Americans use online dating.  The rapid rise to online dating and the increased potential to meet someone you would, otherwise, not come into contact with has changed the landscape of dating.  It’s up for debate whether the new dating landscape is for better or for worse.  

So, back to the lecture at hand.  I was asked by my lady friend what I thought/felt about bumble.  After I gave my opinion of the dating app I asked her for her opinion.  She didn’t hesitate to let it be known about her distaste for online dating.  But when she began to explain her preference in dating and the reasons why I could only laugh and shake my head.  Not because I didn’t respect her opinion and feelings on the matter but for another reason.  I had heard what she was saying many times by other women and I laughed those times as well.  In my many years of experience dating, I’ve realized that many women may say what they prefer when it comes to dating but their actions would say otherwise.  The reason I say their actions would say otherwise is due to explanations like the one I received from my lady friend; explanations that are contradictory. 

Points she argued included wanting to meet someone organically in real life.  She stated that she liked eye contact and to be approached and not have to do the approaching.  Apparently, in the world of many women, men don’t approach women anymore or try to strike up conversations organically.  Where she really got me though was when she said guys are creepy or do creepy things that turns her off from being responsive.  It was now time to break down my response to her.

Eye contact used to be a great way to show interest as well as respond to interest.  For some, this is still a useful identifier.  But in my experience, for many women, this is actually not the case.  In a world full of #MeToo stories many women simply avoid eye contact with men they don’t know at all times.  My efforts to make eye contact with women I may be interested in often go unnoticed, purposely.  If I happen to make eye contact with a woman it is usually extremely brief followed by the look of “fuck, I hope he doesn’t come over here now”.  I tend to oblige to that look.  So eye contact is out but what about striking up conversation?  How many of you guys out there have heard a woman say guys don’t approach them anymore and that they wish guys would talk to them if they see them out in public?  But the truth is, as a guy, 99% of women I don’t know that I approach to talk to will assume I want something.  That something usually being to take them home or some sort of sexual outcome.  Because of this dynamic, I’ve come across standoffish women who are reluctant to have a conversation or avoid it all together.  Believe it or not ladies, not every guy is trying to take your ass home! Not every guy is attracted to your ass either.  Some of you all need to remember that or learn it for the first time.  So, if no eye contact and approaching women with conversation leads to a potential date but I want to meet someone offline, what’s next?  Well, I have to put myself in places and positions to be noticed by women who wouldn’t have a problem approaching me.  That’s already a shorter list of women who feel comfortable being the aggressor in that situation.  But this also leads to the “creep factor” my lady friend mentioned as one of her issues.  My problem with the “creep factor” though is that it is extremely biased.  Often, it’s not what a person does that makes them a creep but how the person looks that is doing what he/she is doing that makes them a creep.  Basically, the guy is only a creep if the woman doesn’t find him attractive.  For example, a woman is at a bar with a group of friends and notices a guy by himself sitting in the corner with a drink and people watching.  She then turns to her friends and says “look at that creep in the corner by himself staring at everyone”.  But then, there happens to be another guy sitting at the bar by himself having a drink and watching a game and the same girl notices him and decides to strike up a conversation.  What was the difference?  The difference was how attracted the woman was to the two gentleman.  The creeper was not attractive to her so he was deemed a creep for being by himself and people watching.  The guy at the bar, however, she found attractive so being by hisself wasn’t deemed creepy. Do you need another example?  TLC made the popular song, No Scrubs.  One definition of a scrub was someone trying to “holla” at a woman from the passenger side of car.  Many women today would call a guy a creep for trying to get their attention from a car, whether it’s speeding up or honking the horn.  However, if they find the guy trying to “holla” out the back seat attractive then he is not deemed a creep or scrub.  

Ladies, it is because of the contradiction of your actions versus the words you state when it comes to dating that causes headaches for us men who are trying to be good old fashioned courters.  These days, I find it harder to want to make eye contact or approach a woman I see out in public because of how standoffish many women today are or because they assume I only want one thing.  I know men get the majority of the bad rap when it comes to dating and women have every right to be standoffish in this male dominated society.  But don’t sit up here and say you rather or want to meet someone organically when your standoffish actions say otherwise...just keep it real.

[piscespsyche]

Wedding Bells

There can be indifferent feelings towards weddings but one thing is certain, they bring people together. Yes, weddings can be expensive, time-consuming to plan, and stressful for those involved. Despite these things, weddings are a great way to reunite old friends and forge new friendships. Anyone who has the opportunity to attend a wedding should welcome the invite and plan to attend.

I bring this topic up because I had the pleasure of attending one of my childhood friends’ wedding in Puerto Rico the last weekend in April. Destination weddings add an extra element of fun to the event. Puerto Rico provided a wonderful experience lasting memories that I will forever cherish. Being around my childhood friends and new friends elevated my sense of purpose. Sharing laughs and telling old stories of experiences we once shared together helped me to remember how far we have all come and to be proud of the people we are today.

From bioluminescent kayaking to an all-day boat excursion to a private island, the week was full of positive reinforcement of life itself. All my worries were suppressed to the back of my mind while I was surrounded by love. We even came together and volunteered to paint a school classroom that was damaged by hurricane Maria. To be able to put a smile on kid’s faces and to show Puerto Rico that Americans do care about their situation was an added bonus and very humbling. It was a privilege and a blessing to just be in Puerto Rico and it reminded me that I am fortunate to be able to live the life that I have because many people have far less to be thankful for.

The point of all this is to say, spend time with the people who are important to you. Make an effort to participate in events and outings that will give you an opportunity to meet new people. Understand that the greates gift of the human species is our ability to connect on various different levels with others. Realize that the more you interact with your friends, family, and strangers you will learn more about yourself and experience a range of emotions. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and uncomfortable but in the presence of people who accept that and encourage it because it is normal and a part of life. Lastly, don’t be afraid. Afraid to try new things, take risks, or live. Many people are afraid to die but there are probably more people who are afraid to truly live. Live life to the fullest and make sure to smile, laugh, make memories, and be a part of memories along the way.

[piscespsyche]

State of Mind

No one person is the same as another person.  From our genetic makeup to the way we think, humans are all unique in their own way.  Our uniqueness is more easily identifiable when it has a visual appeal.  Meaning, we notice the difference in people’s appearance first especially since we don’t know the strangers we may cross paths with everyday. When we get the opportunity to meet and get to know new people then we are usually given the chance to learn how a person thinks and what is important to other people.  We get to see the uniqueness of thought process and how that process shapes a person. 

What’s interesting about our individual thought process is that our personal experiences and interactions with others shape those thought processes. This being said, ultimately, it is up to us as individuals to develop the mental fortitude that produces the best state of mind.  In my opinion, the right state of mind is the key to living life on your terms.  Having the right state of mind will often catapult a person in the right direction even when they do not know exactly what to do.  The problem is, society has slowly but steadily invaded and hindered our ability to develop our own state of mind.  People, nowadays, are often making decisions based on what other people think or how others might respond.  Therefore, it’s imperative that we train our state of mind.  We must exercise our state of mind until it becomes habit.

Anyone can live a happy life.  Happiness is just a state of mind.  If you believe you are happy then you will be happy.  Now, life has showed us that it may be easier to be happy in some living situations compared to other living situations that many individuals face.  But, even with less fortunate situations, the right state of mind will help you get further in the right direction than the wrong state of mind. Though easier said than done, trying to see the positive, any positive, out of any situation is a good way to exercise your state of mind.  One of my coaches in college had a saying that I will always agree with. That saying was “The way you do anything in life is the way you do everything in life”.  If you half-ass homework then you will, more than likely, half ass working out.  If your work ethic is mediocre towards training then your work ethic will be mediocre in other subject matters.  This applies to your state of mind as well.  If you always have negative views as soon as something unfortunate takes place then you are training your mind to have those types of thoughts whenever the situation is not favorable.  Society has trained many of us to no longer have our own thoughts.  We must get back to thinking and acting for ourselves and not for others.  There will be ups and downs and negatives and positives that take place in life.  This makes it more difficult to have the same state of mind all the time but exercising your state of mind to be positive no matter what will eventually allow you to have those thoughts naturally and with more ease, regardless of the situation.  Everyone should want to be happy and deserves to be happy.  It is up to you and only you to achieve this happiness and it starts with your state of mind.  

[piscespsyche]

Fashion

Everyone has certain buttons that can be pushed that triggers some level of annoyance or irritation.  For me, an immediate nerve is touched when someone brings up the, so called, rules of fashion.  Talk about wanting to slap somebody! That’s how I feel when I hear someone say, “You can’t wear white after Labor Day”. Maaaan, if you don’t get out of my ear with that “I care what other people think about me” talk.  What I want to know is...who came up with that rule and any other fashion rule for that matter?  It appears that, somehow, society has become the body that governs what is acceptable and proper styles of fashion.  As if I’m dressing to please them.  I don’t know about ya but I dress to look the way I choose for me, myself, and I.  Who are you dressing for?  Probably for someone you don’t know, never will, and who’s opinion of how you dress shouldn’t matter. There is only one thing you need to remember when it comes to fashion and that is there are no rules to fashion.

Think of art. Art has many shapes, sizes, meanings, definitions, etc.  No piece of art is the same or has the same meaning.  Art has no rules.  Imagine if art had rules. The world would not be blessed with the many talented artists and works they’ve composed that hang among household walls and in historical museums.  Art is an individual’s interpretation of how they see the world.  Fashion is art.  Fashion should not be limited by rules.  Fashion is individual expression and all individuals should feel free in expressing themselves as they choose.  The story of one’s personality can be told and seen by their sense of fashion and style.  A unique style can be tailor made to display personality in a visual context. For those who pay attention, or who are extremely observant, you can gain great insight about a person based on their style.  What I like most about people who individualize their style is that I find myself analyzing that person’s character and personality traits and not judging them on their appearance.  I am not judging based on appearance but, instead, learning or trying to learn deeper nuances of a person through observation.  Observation without judging is a lost art in itself. 

There is only one thing to remember when it comes to fashion. The one thing society loves to strip from us and bury to the point of no return; confidence.  Brand name, time of year, or color are all irrelevant.  As long as you rock your style with absolute confidence then you will feel good about yourself.  You feeling good about yourself is the only person who matters that needs to.  That confidence will expand ferociously as you experiment with more daring and “outside of the box” style choices.  Being able to focus on visualizing your personality will help you realize that your appearance runs much deeper than what’s on the surface and that anyone who judges you based on appearance without analyzing the interior is absentminded and ignorant.  Be proud to be unique, say “the hell” with rules, and dare to be bold.  For there is nothing more bold than shunning society’s expectations.

[piscespsyche]

Human Nature vs. Society

I am not the first, nor will I be the last, to discuss what I’m writing about today. Also, it is a certainty that many people will not agree with my feelings and opinions and some may even judge me on them; I couldn’t care less. I’m not here to please everyone and no effort is given to do so. We may choose not to agree with everyone’s feelings or opinions but we should, at least, respect them. Everyone has the capability to learn something new or see things from a different perspective regardless of their personal views. What is important to remember is that not everyone explains a personal position or engages in personal preferences because they are trying to convince the masses to follow suit. Many do so because it’s what makes them happy and what others think about the matter is irrelevant. Unfortunately, there are far more people who struggle with the dynamic of human nature vs. Societal expectations. Societal expectations usually win.

Human beings are a fascinating and, extremely, complex species. One major beauty of being human is having the ability to think for one’s self. However, as the world and our species has evolved so has the fear of being judged by our peers. It’s that same fear that convinces us to live life in a way that is seen as ”acceptable”. The dilemma with this is that society has shaped what is or isn’t acceptable. In reality, we as individuals should determine what is acceptable for ourselves to live a fulfilling life. The main ingredient to seasoning the path to a fulfilling life is what is often missing the most. The ingredient of being honest with yourself.

It is my belief that the majority of humans are least honest with themselves when dealing with romantic relationships. Our intimate relationships tug the most on the force of human nature vs. society. Why do I say this? Because monogamy is unnatural. When something is unnatural it doesn’t mean that it can’t be done. What it does mean is that it can’t, won’t, and shouldn’t work for everyone. To thoroughly follow my explanation on this subject, I must dive deep into the complexities of the human species.

Every human being was originally created with a different DNA makeup. This means, since birth, we would all be different. We look different, dress different, can feel differently, act differently, react differently, and are attracted to different things. The human species is wired to experience deep emotions, feel passionate, listen to our heart, and to harness various types of energy. Our greatest strength as a species and what allows us to continue to evolve is our ability to form connections with other humans. Connections that have the uncanny effect of touching people in ways that open pathways to magnify life itself.

Why is it that most people have all types of friends? It is because each person on this planet offers something different. Why is it not expected to only have one friend? It is because we connect on an emotional and energy level with many individuals for various reasons. All of these reasons we gravitate towards different people we can’t possibly get from just one person. You may have a great friend because they make you laugh. Another friend may share a similar passion as yourself. While another friend may be a positive influence or mentor to you. This dynamic to connect with humans who positively influence our lives should not be limited to non-intimate relationships.

Introducing sex and intimacy into the equation should not have any bearing on who we connect with. Sex is just how the human species reproduces. Reproduction is necessary for the survival of our species. Reproduction has never been about loving one person. Outside of reproduction, sex and intimacy is just a form of pleasure. For as many people who say sex and intimacy tie to their emotions, there are just as many people who engage, simply, for physical satisfaction and pleasure. It is true, an emotional connection with someone can lead to a more pleasurable intimate experience. It is also true that each intimate experience we share with someone is different from the intimate experience we shared with someone else. Monogamy doesn’t allow us to reach our full potential of experiencing all our minds and body are capable of because it limits who we can connect with. Is it honestly natural to put constraints on who we can strongly bond with?

40-50% of married couples in the U.S. end up divorced. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. These numbers exclude the number of couples who decide to remain permanently separated instead of getting a divorce. The top reasons for divorce are basic incompatibility, financial disagreements, and infidelity/sexual issues. Basic incompatibility includes communication issues over finances. Marriage seems to be about love but turns into divorce over money. Many couples settle down for the wrong reasons. Society’s view of normal and expected monogamy often forces couples to settle and compromise. No one is perfect therefore, it is not realistic to believe one person can provide all that we want and need. The end result is that we sacrifice either something we want, something we need, or both to be with one person. This can be avoided by being honest with yourself and others. You must be honest if you feel that monogamy is not for you and that you can not and do not want to limit who you connect with on any level. This will allow a person to have a clear conscious and not hide or deceive potential partners. Trust is vital.

People and couples who are open to a non-monogamous lifestyle operate with a free mind. There is no feeling of guilt connecting with others. Monogamous relationships force us to feel guilty about making connections with people outside of a relationship. Monogamous relationships even ruin or tear apart connections someone had with a person before they even entered into that relationship. If a man has a best friend who is a woman and they go to the movies, have dinner, and talk on the phone then why should that connection be terminated because of a new relationship? Same goes for a woman with a close friend of the opposite sex. Friendships of the opposite sex are often the biggest casualty of heterosexual monogamous relationships. This is what leads to infidelity and lack of trust between partners because they are often forced to hide relationships of the opposite sex. When you prevent a person from having natural feelings then you are only pushing that person towards wanting to act on those feelings even more.

Our greatest gift as a species is the ability to give and receive unconditional love. To affect and reach people on an emotional, physical, spiritual/energy plane that opens our heart, mind, and soul to a place that is indescribable. Throughout life, we are taught to love one another. Love is meant to be spread across the globe. Love can change a person’s life and even save a life. Love and the way we intimately connect with other human beings were never meant to be limited. It is selfish to limit who we touch on all the levels I mentioned above. It is doing a disservice to our species. Non-monogamy was never about sex or the freedom to have sex with many people. Non-monogamy is about the freedom and natural human instinct and curiosity to connect on many levels, beyond the physical, with as many humans as we desire. There is no one size fits all path through life. Every day, we all make our own choices. What works for one person will not always be what works for the next person. It is not fair to judge others for choosing a different route. Many couples are happy in their monogamy and there is nothing wrong with that. There are also others who are completely honest with themselves and their natural desires and that is respectable in itself. Personally, I have never engaged in a non-monogamous relationship. But what I do know and have learned over the course of my life is that I usually touch people in ways that make them feel alive. This is my greatest gift. Why limit its reach?

[piscespsyche]

Social Media

Is social media more harmful or beneficial? The intent was to be a positive creation for our generation but the end results don't always match the intent. Like many things, too much social media can lead to an addiction. An addiction that is becoming a troublesome trend and a danger to individual health. The most alarming issue with a social media addiction is that there are no symptoms. A once positive vision is rapidly becoming a silent killer.

It's ironic that social media platforms were designed with the intent to make society more social but has led us to be more anti-social. Everywhere you go and look people are engulfed in their phones. Conversation has become a lost art. Kids don't go outside and play with each other anymore. Instead, they stay inside playing games on smart phones and tablets, surfing the internet, or scanning and posting pictures on Instagram and Facebook. Lives are actually becoming digital just like the information being shared.

When used productively for business purposes or keeping in contact with distant friends, social media can be a very useful tool. The problem is, social media caters to, preys on, and feeds on everything that society has given a false narrative to. What I mean by this is that society has created the narrative that other people’s opinions matter and that you should take what strangers say to heart especially when multiple strangers echo the same sentiments. Society will have you believe that there is a right and wrong way to look, dress, and speak. Social media plays on all of these issues and creates a more troubling culture.

The dangers of social media are often understated and underestimated. This addiction can, and has, led to many social problems today. As mentioned earlier, society has become more anti-social since the indoctrination of social media. Platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, twitter, and Snapchat all fuel the desire for self-affirmation. It is no longer about the quality of people you know and the bond you have with those people but more about the quantity of people you ”know”. Likes and followers drive our behavior and daily activities. People are no longer living in the moment but, instead, living for outside approval of the moment. There are many endearing stories of strangers across the oceans connecting and forming a lasting friendship and bond through social media. However, there are many more stories and instances of tragedy due to social media.

In an online connected world, we all open ourselves up to the world which includes bullies, internet thugs, and haters. There is not much worse than social media for the low self-esteem, introverted, confidence lacking individual. Social media bullying leads to depression which can lead to opioid and other drug addiction. Cyberbullying and online haters have led to individuals committing suicide because they aren't accepted for who they are. Hate spreads faster in a connected world focused on appearances. Racist, homophobic, divisive messages fill inboxes and comment sections on nearly every viral social media post.

At the end of the day, it is our own individual responsibility to balance what is healthy and what isn’t. But in a world full of body shaming, hate messages, financial competition/comparison, and constant negative energy, the ability to maintain that balance can be a lost cause for many individuals. The digital world is overtaking the real world and we should all be concerned. Don't become a victim of social media. Become a reviver of a diminishing legacy. A legacy of strong relationships and unbreakable bonds forged by face to face meaningful interaction.

[piscespsyche]

Dear Dad

Today, February 27th, is the saddest and most emotional day of the year for me. February 27th also happens to be my birthday. This day wasn't always a sad one. Similar to most people, my birthday used to be met with excitement and joy. However, my excitement and joy were due to a reason the majority of the world will never be able to relate to. You see...my birthday was always most enjoyable because it was my dad’s birthday as well. All of this changed when cancer took him away from me two and a half years ago at the age of 56. Since his passing, my birthday has never been the same.

I've always been, in my opinion, better at expressing myself and my emotions through words. When my father died I wanted people to know what sharing a birthday with a parent is like. I wrote the most heartfelt letter that I've ever written so that I could unleash my emotions to those attending the funeral. As I was unable to hold myself together, my step-sister read my letter on my behalf. Today, on our birthday, I am going to share my utmost emotional outpouring.

Dear Dad,

No amount of words would do justice to describe the degree of pain I'm in having to write this letter. A letter being written far sooner than I imagined; far sooner than I hoped. My greatest fear now being realized. The fear of having to continue on this journey of life without you by my side. My biggest fan and I your biggest fan. A unique bond between father and son. A bond forged by destiny. The same destiny that decided I would be born on your, very own, birthday. Like father, like son. We never needed a lot of words to explain how we felt about each other. A simple look was all it would take. There was no mistaking the love gleaming from your eyes everytime you saw me. I know you love me very much. You also know that I love you very much. The last 3 years have been extremely heartbreaking. Watching you live a life of pain and sorrow. I know you never wanted me to see you that way but you never showed it. You would always keep a smile on for me. You would always gain more strength to put up a fight for me. You fought as long and hard as you could. You managed to make me even more proud of you at a time you felt your weakest. I wanted to trade places with you. So that the world would not be robbed of a great man. I would be honored to become half the man you are. You have been a wonderful role model and my absolute hero. A hero who never shied away from responsibility. A hero who had a clear purpose. A purpose to take care of his family.

Dad, you truly are a strong man. For you knew this day was coming but you accepted your fate. The fact that your biggest concern was how we, your family, would handle your fate speaks volumes about the type of person you are. Well, Dad, you were right to worry. I will not pretend to be ok when I'm not. Time will never heal this wound, only conceal it. I will cry many nights with memories of you drawing your last breath. Your agony finally coming to an end. The day before you left us I came to see you. I was not prepared to see you in your worse condition since falling ill. Seemingly, no longer responsive, all I could do was cry. As I stood over your bedside, your right arm began to rise and you proceeded to give me a fist bump; you knew I was there. I hope it did not hurt you to see me crying but it wasn't until that day the reality of the situation began to sink in. It meant the world to me knowing that you knew I was there with you. You felt my pain as well as my love as I felt both resonating from you. As a day full of tears drew closer to an end, I remember my thoughts as I climbed into bed. I switched my phone to silent mode then, unlike any other night, I paused. My mind began formulating thoughts of what ifs. What if tonight is the night? What if my family calls? After a minute of having such thoughts, I decided I didn't want to jinx myself. Enough with that negative thinking. Think positively, so I left my phone on silent and went to sleep.

It was a little after 2 am when I awoke from my sleep. I reached for my phone and, as the home screen lit up, I noticed I had 12 missed calls and several voice messages. Immediately I wondered...wondered if I would ever see you again? Did I or could I even fathom seeing you again? Did I already say my last goodbye or was this my chance for the last goodbye. This brings us to August 24th, the worse day of my life. Loris(my step-mom) had to convince me to come to the hospital to see you that day. I know you would have understood my not coming. But despite that, I did want to say goodbye one more time, as a family. One last time, all of us together. Loris, Tim(my brother), Talisha(my step-sister), and I surrounding you with our everlasting love. A love that has no end. A proper family farewell; the way you would have wanted. For all the love you've always projected onto your family we owed it to you and we wanted nothing more than for you to know we were there until the very end.

That day started out as a typical August summer day. It was hot and the sun was shining brightly. I remember getting home and going straight to sit on my balcony. I looked up at the sky and noticed dark clouds moving in simultaneously as my eyes began tearing up. By the time the tears reached my face, the rain poured towards the ground. It was as though we shared one last cry together. Rainy days will forever hold a place in my heart for you. A heart full of so much void right now. A void that can never be filled or replaced. Yes, I know Dad, you would want me to be happy. But you're also the only person who can understand if I'm not. An unexplainable love. An undeniable love. Only you know my true heartache because only you and I could understand our bond. The bond that all started on February 27th, the day I was born. The day you were born. How will I ever view that day now when I was always more excited that it was your birthday? I still have the last voicemail you left on my phone. I keep it so that I can hear your voice anytime I want. You sounded tired, a bit weak even. But you were so upbeat and in a good mood. You didn't have any money for the vending machine and you wanted some snacks. You were so silly on the phone and it made me laugh; it made me smile. I remember bringing money and getting you those snacks the next day. I remember getting you in a wheelchair, wheeling you to the vending machine, and then wheeling you outside. It was your first time outside since being at that facility. You were ecstatic to feel the sun beaming on your skin. Even in the face if death, you were so full of life. I miss you with all my heart. You were, and still are, my everything.

We mostly talked sports. A common interest we were never short on words for. It wasn't uncommon for us to sit in silence. But this last year, especially the last few months, we had our most emotional conversations and moments. So, I am thankful that despite not always having the most to say, in the end, we left nothing unsaid. We created a lot of memories to look back on and smile. And look back I will. You will always be on my mind and forever in my heart. I will strive to be the man you are. For you have set the perfect example of one. Please give me strength from above. The strength to overcome such a loss. The strength to carry on each day. Family has always been the most important part of life for you. We will continue to make you proud by continuing to be the family you loved whole heartedly. The family you would still expect us to be. We will forever cherish all of the good times, all of the good memories. But we will forever mourn that day. That last day we were all together in that room. I know you sensed and felt our presence and the love we sent you off with. No more suffering, no more pain. Ironically, the day your pain ceased is the day ours began. Only because we will miss you. Only because we now rely on memories and pictures to see your face.

Loris, Tim, and Talisha have all been very strong through this process. I’m certain that they will get through these tough times. I know you are certain that they will too. As for me, Dad, I know you worry how I will handle all of this. Truth be told, I worry too. But I don’t want you to worry. You know me better than anyone and you know I’m a fighter. So, despite my inevitable breakdowns, sleepless nights, and tear-filled days know that I am fighting hard to get back to living the life you have always wanted me to have. I love you beyond what words could ever describe. I'm devastated that our run has come to an end but oh so grateful for the run we had. So, it's almost back to where it all began. A son, back on his bike without training wheels. A father, guiding his son on the bike for one last push. One last push as I ride off on my own now. And though I ride alone now, I will always look back over my shoulder. I will always look back and see you there. I will always look back and see your smiling face. Until we meet again, Pops...

With all my love,

Steven

[piscespsyche]

Road trippin’

The U.S. is the only advanced economy that does not require employers to provide paid vacation time. Almost 1-in-4 Americans do not receive any paid vacation or paid holidays. According to the Center for Economic and Policy Research, the sum of the average paid vacation and paid holidays provided to workers in the private sector would not meet even the minimum required by law in 19 other developed countries. The lack of paid vacation and paid holidays is more prevalent amongst low-wage workers, part-time workers, and small business employees.

We, as Americans, are all about work. Perhaps this is a contributing factor with the growing number of troubled teens and young adults in our society. Families are forced to work to provide for their families but, as a result of the disturbing wage gap, are spending less time at home with their families. Often, it is the lack of paid time off and funds that prevent families from taking vacation or holidays off. This is why I suggest road tripping. Road trips can offer a low-budget and cost efficient alternative to a vacation; don’t underestimate its value.

Last week, I decided to embark on a road trip to visit a couple of friends in LA. From San Francisco, where I reside, this is about a six-hour drive. My mood was full of excitement and for a few days, my troubles were behind me. As I began my journey and hit the road the feeling of solitude crept into my mental. While listening to tunes of my choice and rapping along to the words...I was in my zone. Music is therapeutic and a six-hour drive provides plenty of time for therapy. Road trips are good for reflection. It gives you the time to think about things that may have slipped your mind or been neglected due to keeping up with the “hustle & bustle” of daily life. Weekend trips and even day trips can help to keep money in your pockets. If you have friends or family within driving distance then you can also save money by having a place to stay.

Decompressing from everyday life and all its pressures should be something every individual sets aside time to do. My adventure was a solo adventure but road trips are also great with friends and/or family. Ample bonding can be done over the course of a road trip. So next time you are feeling stressed, overworked, or unmotivated consider packing a light bag, fill up the tank, and road trip.

[piscespsyche]

Pay to Play

With the new allegations the NCAA is facing, regarding basketball, this is a perfect time to address what I have always believed; college athletes should get paid. Now, if you don't know, the NCAA racks in around 10 billion in revenue over the course of a fiscal year. Some schools, however, bring in far more money than other schools and this is one argument that suggests why paying athletes is an obstacle. 44% of D-1 schools make less than 20 million, while a school such as Texas A&M makes 190 million. No one is advocating that players need to be paid an absurd amount. I'm not even suggesting all players receive the same stipend. Professional athletes do not get paid the same amount. I am perfectly fine with star players receiving more financial benefit.

NCAA rules restrict athletes from generating income for themselves but I will not go into all of that. The purpose in my writing on this topic is to speak on my personal experience as a student-athlete. The bottom line is this, when an athlete signs their name on that scholarship document then they now belong to the program, must play by their rules, and are completely on their time. In many cases, the school now has the most say in what doctor an athlete will see and even what classes to take. I had to choose a less desired major because my basketball schedule would have created conflicts with the class schedule. Once you become a student-athlete, many decisions are no longer in the hands of the student-athlete.

Being a former D-1 basketball player provides a viewpoint from the frontlines. Personal experience often leads to the most profound views and opinions, as well as credibility. It is time that this debate is brought to the forefront for viable consideration. People have explained many concerns with the topic but I want to address the one that I hear the most and usually from people who never played a sport in college. One of the biggest rebuttals to paying college athletes I continue to hear is that college athletes are given scholarships. In their mind, scholarships are a form of being paid to play. The thought that I was given a scholarship doesn't sit well with me and, frankly, it never will. I'll explain exactly why.

For four years, I had the pleasant opportunity to be emersed in the world of NCAA basketball. I attended Elon University, in North Carolina, on a full-ride scholarship. Playing college basketball has been one of the highlights of my life and one that will never be forgotten. But make no mistake, it demanded an extreme amount of hard work, dedication, sacrifice, and passion. An extreme demand that deters many people from pursuing this dream. The requirements asked of a collegiate level athlete are such that alters their entire college experience in comparison to non-student athletes. Many proponents of paying college athletes don't understand the stringent lifestyle, during college, playing requires. The bigger mistake is failing to realize what it takes to even be offered a scholarship.

This process began during my childhood. When my best friends were playing video games, riding bikes, or ”hanging out” I could typically be found with basketball in-hand en route to the courts or already there. In 100 degree hot and humid summer weather guess where I was? Outside at the courts doing full court drills. Like most people do, for anything they are truly passionate about, I made sacrifices during my childhood to chase my dreams. Therefore, to say college athletes are given scholarships is completely false. I was never given a scholarship; I earned my scholarship. Every year I spent as a student-athlete, I continued to earn that scholarship. My schedule had me doing more by 10am than most students would do all day. Holidays? What holidays? I was usually in a Golden Coral over Thanksgiving with my teammates getting ready for a road game. As you can see, I earned every bit of my scholarship and I’ve also earned the right to say college athletes deserve to get paid.

[piscespsyche]

Out of Guntrol

The history of slavery in America runs deep and spreads to aspects of civilization that many do not know because this history is never taught or often covered up. As we should all be aware, this past weekend saw yet another mass school shooting leading to immediate arguments and debates concerning gun control. However, in each debate or argument, I've witnessed online, none actually included the true origins of creation for the second amendment. How can you debate an issue on which you aren’t fully aware of the factual merit behind the topic? You can’t. Someone who begins to debate their second amendment right without acknowledging the origins of said legislation is debating on false pretenses and utter opinion but not fact.

The second amendment was created to preserve slavery, not to protect from government controlling its citizens, which is the primary argument gun control debaters present. It was designed to arm plantation owners and their male white employees who were required to be members of their state militias in southern states. Slave rebellions kept these militias and slave patrols busy. “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed; a well armed, and well regulated militia being the best security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” The word state was actually changed from country because they wanted the southern states to preserve their slave patrol militias independent of the federal government. The word militia, as stated above, being used in this case defines all slave owners and their employees who were required to be members of their state militias in southern states. Slavery can only exist in the context of a police state and the enforcement of that police state was the job of the militia. Therefore, this legislation was never designed or created to arm all citizens but to give states the right to preserve slavery.

Do people honestly think the government wanted to arm people of color? Especially when the same people of color have been confined to whips and chains their entire existence in America. What's not taught in non-African American history is that anti-federalists argued that a federal army deprived states of their ability to defend themselves against oppression...the oppressing states fear of slavery revolt being their number one concern. Not against an outside army of another nation. James Monroe and George Mason, who owned over 300 slaves, and Patrick Henry’s main concern with article 1 section 8 of the Constitution, which gave federal government power to raise and supervise a militia, could also allow that federal militia to subsume their state militias and change them from slavery-enforcing institutions into something that could one day free slaves.

By the time the constitution was ratified, many slave uprisings had been occurring across the south. Blacks outnumbered whites in several large areas and state militias were used to prevent this. It is documented that Patrick Henry and George Mason feared freeing of the slaves and a nonpeaceful revolution occurring. James Madison felt they were being paranoid because he specifically stated there was no power in the constitution that would free the slaves. However, due to Henry and Mason strongly disagreeing, he specifically changed the word ”country” to ”state” in the second amendment to ensure giving states the ability to police themselves without need or permission of the federal government.

In conclusion, I do not mention the history of the second amendment to discourage people of color, or anyone for that matter, from taking advantage of the legislation placed before us today. My point is to explain and to show that the legislation most individuals and organizations will cite to debate their case was never intended to apply to our current state of government and life. America’s most prized legislation, the US Constitution, is also another piece of legislation written by slave owners who felt superior to people of color and yet this legislation has failed to be updated. It is time that our laws and legislation are updated to reflect the current times we live in. The second amendment would be a good place to start.

*recommend reading a book called Loaded: A Disarming History of the Second Amendment

[piscespsyche]

What If...

Today is the perfect day to illustrate how society shapes our views and our actions. What's so special about today? Well, today is February 14th, also known as Valentine’s Day. A day in which society has placed lofty expectations. Expectations that can dangerously lead to a sense of inadequacy, companionlessness, or even resentment. I am fully aware that millions of people feel a sense of love, appreciation, and affection. These emotions, however, should be experienced every day. Society’s expectations make it far easier to hate every day than to love every day. It is my belief that Valentine’s Day exacerbates this concept due to the value placed in it by society itself.

What if every day were Valentine’s Day? Why is it so difficult to train our thought process to treat each day like it is? Is it because we were taught appreciation and love can only be shown through gifts and material items? Or is it because we expect caring gestures to be reciprocated? How come society doesn’t preach the importance of loving thy neighbor every single day? To me, vday’s own existence succumbs to and validates the belief that we live in a world so full of intense negativity and heartbreak that there needs to be a ”special” day to promote love.

If we love, appreciate, show affection, and embrace vulnerability each and every day then we spread the right message. A message that all feel inclusive of. However, celebrating and putting such emphasis on vday actually isolates those who feel as if they have no one to celebrate with. Celebrate love one day and segregate millions. Celebrate love every day and encompass everyone. Which will you decide?

[piscespsyche]

Forced to Sport

Personal experiences often lead to the most insightful epiphanies. This past weekend proved this to be the case for me; a weekend in which I almost reluctantly participated. Fortunately for me, the company I keep can be profoundly persuasive. On a day that began with the feeling of being forced to sport ended with the feeling of being thrilled to sport. A realization then came full circle. We all should be forced to sport.

What is the meaning behind forced to sport? Before I explain, you must first comprehend where my theory manifests. Throughout life, most people would agree, we are all forced to do things we wouldn't necessarily do on our own such as go to school. Society teaches the population that it must attend school to gain an education. In my opinion, school is a place where we learn not where we get educated; there is a difference. During school, we are primarily taught basics and we learn some fundamental principles. School does not educate or prepare individuals for life. School does not educate or develop students for real-world situations. Do you want to know what does? Sports.

Sports have been a huge part of the majority of my life. I've learned more about life from sports than any classroom has ever taught me. Team sports teach you to deal with people you may not like. Something everyone can relate to in life. Ever had to cope with adversity? When a teammate, or even you, suffers an unexpected loss in the family and you have to go out and ”perform” the next day...that's adversity. To maximize potential in sports you must push your work ethic to the limit. This creates good habits that spill over into other facets of life.

One of the best aspects of sports is the opportunity to be exposed to diversity and different cultures and backgrounds. Whether participating with or competing against athletes of different backgrounds, this tends to be an effective way to reshape personal stereotypes. Discipline is another life element that sports can provide. Practicing, following a schedule, required to be on time, and studying game film are habits that promote disciplined behavior. Lastly, arguably most importantly, team sports provide camaraderie and a sense of belonging. A brotherhood, sisterhood, or brother and sisterhood can have the most profound effects on an individual. The more close and personal relationships someone has throughout life has the uncanny ability to give more meaning and satisfaction in life. This is what I felt this past weekend amongst a group of people I just met. Camaraderie, support, pride, ambition, and joy all coursed through my veins. To that, I must say thank you. Thank you for forcing me to sport.

[piscespsyche]

Trust or the Lack-thereof

What is trust? It can be defined in a multitude of ways but, in brief, it is an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or confidence placed in someone or something. Trust is essential to life and obtaining and maintaining a productive environment without complete chaos. Trust is the foundation all healthy relationships should be established on. As time moves forward, that foundation continues to crumble beneath us all.

We live in a time where governments power exponentially increases over their citizens. A dynamic that inherently breeds trust issues. Many individuals are unjustly imprisoned, information purposely withheld, and politicians bribed to push specific agendas. When we can’t trust our government, the entity entrusted with having our best interest at heart, the consequences fester into all remaining social constructs. Today, no one trusts the media as a viable source of information. Patients have lost faith in their physicians to prescribe the correct medications without financial kickbacks. Technology companies and many other corporations can't be trusted with our data, location, or browsing habits. It was once believed that everyone is innocent until proven guilty; this view has drastically changed. Everyday, personal relationships sour from infidelity and other lies. The building block of all relationships is merely hanging on by a thread.

Society has to learn to put our faith in trust again. If not in government or corporations then, at least, in each other. The general consensus would say trust must be earned. To that I say, you should be willing to trust anyone until they give you a reason not to. Lack of trust gives birth to a worrisome conscience, sense of loneliness, and resentment. During this crucial period of divisiveness and isolating rhetoric, we must do our part to rebuild the foundation to all relationships. I challenge anyone reading this to trust, at a minimum, one new person or entity every week. The world would be a much better place for it.