Piss Poor Cupid

Fuck you I'm funny. Too bad she didn't think so. A collection of online dating messages that didn't get a response

[pisspoorcupid]

She said to message her if you could rap Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

So I might not know Marky Mark so well, but I can sing along to Taylor's Wildest Dreams... and that's kinda like Wildside, right?

[pisspoorcupid]

She said to message her if you were a fellow chocolate lover

I think you forgot to mention what kind of chocolate you like, so I'm not sure you're actually that into it. I'm a fan of dark, but I guess it'd be acceptable if you prefer milk chocolate.

[pisspoorcupid]

So this probably deserved to be ignored

Heyy, you seem really fun. What's your idea of adventures?

[pisspoorcupid]

Her profile mentioned loving Jurassic Park

So I think I've seen Jurassic park at least 30 times, and I've probably seen it more than any other movie... I just can't stay awake during it. Do you have that problem too?

[pisspoorcupid]

So I don't normally care about other people's spelling/grammar, but I giggled uncontrollably when I saw that you wrote this: If I see spelling mistakes, I will probably point them out. I won't berate you for them (since I can't spell all that well), but don't feel bad if I giggle at them every know and then ...was the know/now mixup intentional?

[pisspoorcupid]

Hi! Random question -- what's the deal with Atmosphere? They played a show at my school senior year, and they were the best act by far. But... whenever I try to listen to their recorded music, it just seems meh. Have I just not found their good albums?

[pisspoorcupid]

Hey! You said you like anime... I'm always afraid of people thinking I'm creepy or whatever so I never say anything about it. Where do you get your courage?

[pisspoorcupid]

You have a bengal?!? Are they as cool as I've always dreamed? I've been thinking about getting one for a long time, but I've always been afraid that it'd be lonely when I'm at work for long hours.

[pisspoorcupid]

How good do I have to be to qualify as "can juggle?"

[pisspoorcupid]

I actually tried, too

Hey! I saw that you seem to be an active/outdoors type of person too. I struggle with the cold because it's not exactly nice to go hiking this time of year... so what kind of stuff do you do during the winter?

[pisspoorcupid]

Yo! so do I need to have a catch phrase like you in order to be cool? and after she read it and didn't respond: If so, does "pizza" count? Because it's definitely my catch phrase

[pisspoorcupid]

her profile says she likes whipped cream from the can

God what kind of whipped cream? Like reddiwip is acceptable, but cabot is where it's at.

[pisspoorcupid]

So do you know that your profile is empty?

[pisspoorcupid]

I tried being genuine for once

Hey!  So do you still play soccer competitively? I played through High School and did some IM in college, but now I've let it fall back to sometimes kicking a ball around in the park.

[pisspoorcupid]

Do you realize that your picture is of you far away?

[pisspoorcupid]

If you have a picture in front of a bonfire, you can't be a bad person. So hows life?

[pisspoorcupid]

Hey now, what do you have against graduate degrees?