x9294

capturing intangibles

[pitusablonn-blog]

A man who can listen to latin music with me and feel it in his heart the way I do.

February 15, 2016

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I’ve created an indoor herb garden in preparation for the dreadful winter months. #stayingpositiveishardwhenistarthavingtowearasweater

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An unexpected mourning

A couple of weeks ago I began to follow an instagram account that captured my soul, she’s a bakery blogger and the mother of a beautiful child. His smile and fiery red hair made my heart melt, so much so that I began to show their pictures to everyone around me.

Today, I found out that little boy has passed away. It was shocking to say the least, however the biggest surprise of all has been the reaction of my heart. Throughout this morning my heart seems to have shriveled up to raisin size. I cannot stop thinking about him, Ryan Cruz and his wonderful mother and father, Jacqui and Dan. I have found it hard to concentrate at work, looking through the enchanting photos that made me fall in love with this family. 

My heart aches so badly I feel as though I have lost someone in my life and that goes to show the power that this marvelous child has over anyone who knew him. If I feel like this over photos, videos and stories of this boy, I can’t conceive the tremendous loss that his loved ones are feeling, I cannot begin to imagine the pain.

 I find myself reading Jacqui’s blog entries since Ryan’s passing, over and over again. Her and Dan’s strength is incredibly admirable. Nobody deserves to bury a child and I find myself asking “God, how could you let this happen?” but her words have brought peace to that question:

"Does that make sense? Who cares…Trying to make sense of things is impossible and not worth much. I’m learning to live with the pain instead of trying to make sense of it." - babyboybakery.com

I am writing this piece in memory of Ryan, his mother and father have found a beautiful way to commemorate their son, they ask us to please remember him, to spread his story. Because, though short, it has touched millions of people and that is a great way to be remembered. 

I wish Ryan’s mother, father, family and friends, peace and light during this and every moment of their lives. I know you know just how special Ryan is but know also that his life has inspired us all and in that way he continues to live, in our hearts, forever.

[pitusablonn-blog]

And I'm just sitting here, watching other people live their lives.

[pitusablonn-blog]

A Friendship Hoax

The continuous fight to connect with the people that surround you and aquiring no reciprocation.

It’s an exhausting feeling of anger for the efforts you make that lead to no success.

I wonder when it gets easier, the heavy pain in your heart when you have been left out once again.

I believe their utter lack of recognition and continuation of more than just friendly interactions that prevents the situation from getting easier to bear. It’s giving someone hope and then taking it away. Infuriating, really.

Act the way you feel towards the person, because pretending is devaluing your own self and them as well. Be true to your emotions and your opinions, there is no more space in this world for forgery.

And one final point, do not fraud someone into a friendship, you do them a disservice with your sham.

[pitusablonn-blog]

Public restrooms

Can't do it. Well, I can but I don't like it. Let's talk about the winter time and going to a public ladies restroom. First of all, if you don't immediately want to barf when you walk in, consider yourself in a great smelling public bathroom. Then comes what inspired the following words to be written; the wait. Somehow there is always a wait right?; some may even feel inclined to ask loudly "what is taking them so long?". I will answer that question in 5 easy steps. Step one: walk into the stall, survey the damage and create your plan of action. Step two: look for a hook of any kind, door hinges are a great last resort ladies. Step three: hang your purse, jacket, three sweaters and scarf. Step 4: attempt to wrap any loose fitting clothing or necklaces on your body so they do not touch any surface as you are placing the toilet paper down on the seat (No, I will not squat. I do enough of those at the gym). After you have finished placing half of the TP roll on the seat. You can finally sit down and do what you need to do. IF it is a manual flush, go on to step 5. IF NOT: quickly stand up and get as far away from the toilet as possible because it will spit up what you can only imagine is the filthiest liquid that could ever touch you or your clothes. 5th and final step: get up and with your foot throw the avalanche of toilet paper into the toilet then proceed to put your clothes back on. Now this is an important part of this step, as far as manual toilets go. Since public restroom toilets seem to have the power of a space shuttle (as I vaguely explained before). Open the stall door, kick the the flushing handle quickly and dart out of there like liquid lava is following you. Next time anyone is wondering what happens in there, there is the answer. It's best to hold it in until your bladder is so full you can no longer feel it in my opinion. But sometimes, when you gotta go, you gotta go!

[pitusablonn-blog]

Sabes cuando alguien dice que su padre, tío, hermano etc es el mejor del mundo? Pues, lo puedo decir con certeza; mi Abuelo Luis es el mejor abuelo del mundo. Feliz cumpleaños Abuelo, mi deseo más grande es haber compartido más años contigo.

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I'm sad today, He doesn't even have a clue

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Impossible unrestrained floating

I am so indecisive all of the time. I try to pin point who I am and what I like but it changes on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. I am trying to figure out what my path is or where I see myself in 10 years. But life has become so real, so raw, that now nothing seems possible.

When you’re younger you actually believe that you can conquer anything, but as you grow up you begin to learn things, real things, dark things. Family members shed their innocent light and become real humans who make mistakes, you yourself begin to see your own mistakes.

I have gotten so far deep in the storm of my life that I can no longer see clearly. I don’t know what I want, I don’t even know what I believe in. I can feel so certain about one thing one moment and the next, nothing.

I have all these ideas in my head about what I want and how I can get there, but at the end of the day, action becomes the toughest thing. At the end of the day, a glass of wine and the television sounds like the best place to be.

Whilst my head is ripping with wanting, with ideas and creative way of how to get there. But the start, the start never happens.

Even merely two years ago, it felt like there was so much waiting for the future, and now I am in a constant state of ‘stuckness’. Juts sitting here in the same cycle that I know will get me nowhere.

I have happy moments, ecstatic moments, it not depression its not sadness, its just indifference. Like I have decided to float on the water of life letting it take me wherever the current goes.

As sweet and peaceful as that may sound its so empty, the feeling is so blurry and confusing. The ups and the downs don’t affect me anymore, I just go with them.

“I will feel better tomorrow”

[pitusablonn-blog]

You don't know what I need and I don't know if it's something that I can teach you or a hopeless quest

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"Son tiempos de resistencia, son tiempos de rebeldía, son tiempos de esperanza." #sosvenezuela #derechoshumanos #elquesecansapierde | Modelo: Arianna Kaiser

[pitusablonn-blog]

I love days with my dog Oliver and myself, today is going to be a great day.

[pitusablonn-blog]

Closet home

My man recently gave me room to spread my wings in our new home by making the spare bedroom my closet/office space. The thousands of ideas that have come into my mind about this creative endeavor have been floating around my head for days. 

Yes I know, what's the big deal about a closet?! 

For as long as i can remember my clothes and my closet have been the home of my home. It's the place where I stare for my new style venture, where I store my passion for garments and wearable goods. My clothes mean a great deal to me, not in the sense that they're the first thing that I would grab if there was a fire (ahh!) but in that they are the one passion that has stuck with me since I was able to dress myself.

My mother gave me an old dining room buffet when moving out of our childhood home. I decided to place top piece on the floor as a piece of its own, created a sweet home for my distinct shoe obsession.

The bottom became a dresser and will eventually have a large mirror above it. This room is quite small and the mirror will add an illusion of largeness. Of course, no closet is complete without a large mirror.

Imperative hanging space.

 Most importantly, however, I am very grateful to have inherited some of my grandfather's work whom I cherish very much. All the art in this room is by him, except for the lovely angsty teenager piece that I just cannot seem to get rid of on the closet door (but of course).

[pitusablonn-blog]

I will drop this fucking world before anyone messes with my brother or my sister. Too much love, a love deeper than passion, deeper @ than wanting. It's a ride or die love.

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Me confunde tanto que hay venezolanos cargando banderas con ocho estrellas o usándola en las redes sociales. Será una lejana memoria, pero yo me acuerdo muy bien el día en que ese Señor cambió nuestra bandera y nunca la aceptaré. Soy Venezolana y mi bandera tiene siete estrellas.

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Desaparición

Odio que de pronto te disuelves como la espuma del mar, no te encuentro por ninguna parte. Te quiero hablar, quiero saber que estas bien, Panda.

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wounds from the past

I wonder if they ever fully heal, the wounds from the past. Some seem to have never happened, and some still feel like a dagger to the chest. It can be song or a smell and BOOM there's the pain again, as if it had just happened for the first time.

- Listening to: Satellite by Guster