I pressed my fingers against my eyelids, trying to push away the headache blooming. Sleep had been an elusive specter, slipping away as soon as I tried to grasp it. As I shifted, the sheet tightened against my skin irritating me so I shoved it off, kicking my feet out from under it. My thoughts stretched and reached out to caress you before I could yank the softness back. I climbed out of bed with groan and wandered into the kitchen. My fingers snagged the case of pre-rolls from on top of the fridge and the lighter from the counter. With shaking fingers, I put the joint between my lips, flicked the lighter and inhaled. The window was cracked open and I jerked it wider. The cool air kissed my bare skin and I sucked smoke into my lungs, holding it until my chest burned. I blinked up at moon barely visible behind the a layer of gauzy clouds and felt you scratching at the corners of my mind. I knew better than to fight against it, it would only make it worse when you finally found a way in.
I heard your voice next to my ear and I didn’t answer. It wasn’t a real question anyway. It was a statement and a factual one at that so I left the words hanging there while I smoked.
“Why can’t you tell me? Why can’t you ever say the words?”
I winced, feeling the slice of the question beneath my skin. I pressed the end of the joint between my fingers, clenching my teeth against the heat and dropped the butt in the trash. I paused in the bathroom to take a swig of mouthwash and as I leaned forward to spit, I felt your fingers along the back of my neck. I didn’t look in the mirror, half afraid to see you there, looking back at me with those eyes. Those fucking eyes that could strip me down to a bare ass soul and rifle through every ache and insecurity.
Dropping back into bed, I slipped one arm under the pillow and the other over my head. My fingertips tugged at my hair as I floated in the darkness. Laying there, I could feel you probing the locks on my heart. I had changed them, hoping to keep you from my rawest part.
“Do you think that this will keep me out?”
With a groan, I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth.
I curled my fingers against the need to press them into your skin, to anchor myself in you. The longing to feel your lips against mine, to taste your sighs, to swallow your moans almost choked me.
My hand shot out, wrapping around my phone. I squeezed it in my fist before swiping my thumb over the screen.
-can you get the fuck out of my head
The bubbles bounced and your words came back quickly.
-if I am there it’s because you allow me to be
I rolled over and was about to silence my phone when I saw your next text.
-you aren’t sleeping again
I used my fingers to push my phone onto the bedside table. Waiting for the minutes to drag themselves by was almost violent to my frayed nerves. When I heard the click of the front door, my chest released in relief. The bed dipped and your weight settled against me. Your lips pressed against my shoulder, before your teeth bit and your arms pulled me closer.
“Why do you do this? Why do you wait until you get like this?”
My fingers came up to catch you behind the neck and I dropped my lips to press them against yours. They parted and you let me lick my way inside. My eyes closed tightly to avoid looking into yours. God, your eyes, had seen so many of my truths, I didn’t need them seeing the lies too…Wandersoften
Prompt words-laying; eyes
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