Summertime sadness

[pizzacat666]

SO SICK OF BEING TIRED AND SO TIRED OF BEING SICK

I just woke up to another beautiful day i know is going to be horrible.

I am putting myself through this misery and i really have no idea why. 

She actually apologized last night. Started crying so hard and telling me how she is so sorry and she cant believe how selfish she has been. She said she felt horrible that she was dragging me through this with her.  Said things like “ just cause im miserable doesn't mean i need to make you miserable too.” and that i deserve to be happy and bla bla. 

If she hadn't lied to me so much and hadn't done so many sketchy fucked up things i would have believed her words a lot more than i do.

She said she was undeserving of all these things like a happy life and stuff like that. Even though i have lost myself in the process of trying to help her i still told her that she should not talk that way and of course she is deserving of all those things. We all are. We all deserve a shot at a good life. 

My dad told me yesterday that he loves me and he will see me every once and awhile but until i have rid myself of her he will no longer help nor see me. When i hung up the phone i had to tell her what he said. Not to hurt her but maybe to open her eyes up and show her that I literally am losing EVERYONE around me even my family.  Her response was something among the lines of how “ well you dont even like your dad that much” and bla bla bla. 

How horrid is that. How can one person be so horrible. 

Yet i am still SITTING here.Wasting my summer. Ignoring my friends. Not even really ignoring. They dont even speak to me anymore really. Im continuing to fail and im continuing to feel more and more miserable. 

I dont know what im supposed to do. But i do know one thing. I FUCKING HATE HEROIN. and i hate how it controls someone. Especially when the people you love can look you in the eye and tell a blatant lie. 

I HOPE I GET MYSELF OUT OF THE SOON.

It possibly will only happen if she goes to jail or something else.

Cause i dont want to just abandon her i want her to know there is a life worth living and that she deserves that just like everyone else. 

Well maybe not child molesters or dog fuckers.... 

[pizzacat666]

the signs as bright eyes lyrics

aries:

bad actors with bad habits, some sad singers they just play tragic and the phone's ringing, and the van's leaving. let's just keep touching. let's just keep, keep singing. (lover i don't have to love)

taurus:

i'm sorry about the phone call; and waking you. I know that it is late, but thank you for talking, because i needed to. some things just can't wait. (happy birthday to me)

gemini:

i've seen a child is caught in the sad trap of gravity. he falls from the lowest branch of the apple tree and lands in the grass and weeps for his dignity. next time he will not aim so high. next time, neither will i. (lets not shit ourselves)

cancer:

you said you hate my suffering and you understood and you'd take care of me. you'd always be there. well where are you now? (haligh haligh, a lie, haligh)

leo:

that's why i'm singing baby don't worry, cause now i got your back. and every time you feel like crying, i'm gonna try and make you laugh. and if i can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we'll wait for it to pass. and i will keep you company through those days so long and black. (bowl of oranges)

virgo:

if i could act like this was my real life and not some cage where i've been placed, then i could tell you the truth like i used to and not be afraid of sounding fake. now all that anyone is listening for are the mistakes. (false advertising)

libra:

our love is dead but without limit, like the surface of the moon, or the land between here and the mountains. well, it is not these hiding places that have kept us innocent, but the way you taught me just to let it all go by. (make war)

scorpio:

left by the lamp, right next to the bed, on a cartoon cat pad she scratched with a pen, "everything is as it's always been. this never happened. don't take it too bad, it's nothing you did. it's just once something dies, you can't make it live. you're a beautiful boy. you're a sweet little kid. but i am a woman." (take it easy)

sagittarius:

i hope that womb's not too warm cause it's cold out here and it'll be quite a shock to breathe this air, to discover loss. so i'd like to make some changes before you arrive, so when your new eyes meet mine, they won't see no lies. just love. (no lies, just love)

capricorn:

but a kid carries his walkman on that long bus ride to omaha. i know a girl who cries when she practices violin, cause each note sounds so pure it just cuts into her, and the melody comes pouring out her eyes. now to me, everything else sounds like a lie. (going for the gold)

aquarius:

now i write when i'm away letters that you'll never read. you said go to explore those other women, the geography of their bodies, but there's just one map you'll need. you're a boomerang, you'll see. you will return to me. (you will)

pisces:

do you know we're in high demand, laura, us people who suffer? because we don't take to arguing, and we're quick to surrender. (laura laurent)

[pizzacat666]

Wow. Such a perfect day with my best friends , sister , and my wonderful pup.

[pizzacat666]

Thanks a bunch perverted phone....did you really have to turn the word aunt into anal ? So inappropriate hahaha

[pizzacat666]

Furby being racist towards Ferdinand......? Hahaha

[pizzacat666]

Ferdinand and furby. Furby is making threats.

[pizzacat666]

What a babe. She should be doing commercials !

[pizzacat666]

[pizzacat666]

Meeka is obviously very concerned about where her ears went.

[pizzacat666]

Shots of wine and listening to brand new. For the weak minded ? Yeah that's our Sunday night. Keepin it classy. @portlandorchic

[pizzacat666]

"Were throwing a fight" .... more like were throwing our phone hahaha @portlandorchic

[thecommonchick]

[falling-through-autumn]

[ahsfanspoland]

[pizzacat666]

[chastitybelch-deactivated201704]

and it took a long time til I came clean with myself,  I come clean out of love with my lover. I still love her; loved her more when she used to be sober and I was kinder

[whatistimeeven]

Will someone please call a surgeon who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart that you’re deserting for better company?

Don’t you feed me lies about some idealistic future. That heart won’t heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.

[pizzacat666]

Love