Remember when justin timberlake was in Shrek
Misplaced Lens Cap
No title available

★

oozey mess
One Nice Bug Per Day

Kiana Khansmith
Stranger Things

Origami Around
AnasAbdin

ellievsbear
YOU ARE THE REASON
trying on a metaphor
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Andulka
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
hello vonnie

Discoholic 🪩

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
almost home

Janaina Medeiros
seen from Philippines
seen from Germany
seen from United States

seen from Poland
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Argentina
seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from T1

seen from Italy

seen from Algeria
seen from Chile

seen from United States
@pizzapaarty
Remember when justin timberlake was in Shrek
“just set a timer for twenty minutes, take a nap!”
yeah but what happens if it takes me a while to get to sleep? what if i need to pee? google says 20 minutes is optimum time for a nap but i don’t think i’ll fall asleep INstantly but if i set it for 30 minutes i might fall asleep quickly and then i’ll be tired for the rest of the day there are too many variables and i am so stressed
i hate when adults make fun of u and ask if u bought ur jeans with all the holes in them…. why don’t u go fix the holes in our economy robert
The first time I heard an adult say the f word was when I was in fourth grade and we were doing some project that involved us baking cookies together as a class. My teacher Ms. Lindsey, who was real sweet, was demonstrating for everybody and she asked if anyone knew how to crack an egg, and I really didn’t know how to crack an egg, but I’m a go-getter, so I raised my hand and she called on me. I instantly knew I was in trouble at that point but I’d seen my dad crack eggs hundreds of times so I figured, ya know, it can’t be thaaaat hard. So I grab the egg but I have no sense of how softly you’re supposed to tap an egg to crack it, so I just slam it against the desk and splatter raw egg ten feet in every direction and my teacher said “what the fuck, Dion?”
what if banksy is tyra banks
Tyra banks is actually an anagram for banksy art
SHIT!!!!!
i just heard a water bottle in my room crack… there’s a ghost out here just trying to get hydrated… i can respect that
when ur comfy in bed like: to pee or not to pee
Someone take me. Please. Anyone. I want to go now!
*snifts wine* do i detect a hint of grapes?
snifts
me: goes into the ocean with my period
me: come @ me sharks my location is ON
when i get a runny nose
This is honestly so relatable and I’m going to need everyone else to step it up a notch
SHOUTOUT TO THAT ONE PERSON THAT HEARS YOU WHEN YOU’RE TALKING IN A GROUP AND SMILES OR REPLIES SO YOU DONT FEEL LIKE A TWAT
*comes online*
*reblogs 30 things within 5 minutes*
*fucks off again*
Today, I fucked up... by calling a locksmith when I was “locked out” of my car
I’ll preface this by saying I’m usually not a stupid man but I was at the end of my third 16 hour shift in a row and I was very tired. I’ll make this quick:
I got off work, went out to my car, hit the button for the doors on my remote unlocker - as usual. Nothing happened. I tried it a few more times, battery must be dead. I stand there for 10 minutes, mashing the little button, hoping for enough juice to open the doors. Nada.
I call a locksmith, explain that I’m locked out of my car. He says he’ll be right over. 20 minutes later he arrives. He walks up with his tools, inserts a thing that looks like a blood pressure cuff in the door jamb. He starts making conversation as it inflates, pushing the door open:
“So locked your keys in the car? No problem sir, I’ll have it open in a minute.”
“No, my keys are right here, my key fob is dead.” I replied.
He stops and for about 10 seconds. Doesn’t say a word. He sees my keys in my hands. Takes them from me, inserts them in the lock and opens the door.
I was mortified. I was so in a habit of opening the doors with my remote fob that I entirely forgot that keys could be used to unlock cars manually. He started laughing so hard I thought he was going to have an aneurysm. After he stopped laughing, he told me there was no charge. The story he’d have to tell was worth the drive out.
why does this look like harry styles
the best way to save money is to act broke