PJ Says

[pjcurtis]

This dude on TV just said "You have the three Us. You're unemployed. You're unattractive and lastly, you are YOU." Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

[pjcurtis]

[pjcurtis]

Kidlet: Wait. Are YOU are grownup?

ME: Dude, I am just as shocked about this as you are.

[pjcurtis]

I went to FINALLY sign up for a gym today. The woman at the desk kept trying to get me to sign up for the premium membership because--wait for it--there is free tanning with that program.

She just kept saying "You can keep up that tan all year round at no extra charge. You never have to worry about being pasty or without that gorgeous color."

Finally, I said "Lady, I am never without color. I am a black person. Color comes included." And then she shut up.

Bonus: This was a black woman talking to me. She also had on blue eye shadow, so obviously she had her own problems besides figuring out why I wasn't going to pay a little extra every month so she could cook me in a box.

[pjcurtis]

I never promised to be an easy person to love. But if you stick around long enough for me to love you back, it's worth it. Trust me.

[pjcurtis]

Negativity and herpes have a lot in common: Both of them are diseases, a lot people have them and don't even know it, and they're both contagious as hell.

[pjcurtis]

Q: What do you do when your landlord comes over and catches you playing the Cha Cha Slide like it's 2001 and not 2011?

A: Cha cha real smooth.

[pjcurtis]

But of all the things you don't know, the thing you're gonna wish you knew the most is that I always come back swinging. . .

[pjcurtis]

That moment when you're trying to register the Twitter handle for your new brand and you realize that someone else has it. . . and hasn't tweeted in like 2 years. 

[pjcurtis]

I have a client call in like 10 minutes. I'm prepping to answer a bunch of dumb questions in 5, 4, 3, 2...

[pjcurtis]

[pjcurtis]

[pjcurtis]

I worked out for the first time since I left Chicago. It was intense. It was back breaking. It lasted about 8 minutes. I'm just happy it's over and I don't have to go back for another 6 months.

[pjcurtis]

It's thundering and lightning outside like Thor is giving somebody what for and I am so into it. This is baby-making-but-more-like-practicing-because-nobody-needs-that-in-their-life weather. This is eating-raw-cookie-dough-because-fuck-salmonella-and-drinking-hot-apple-cinnamon-tea weather. This is put-on-your-monkey-pajamas-climb-into-bed-with-every-two-legged-and-four-legged-member-of-your-house-and-get-under-the-covers-and-watch-Netiflix-all-day weather. This is the-best-sleep-you-will-ever-have weather.

This is weather meant for me. I hope it never ends.

[pjcurtis]

Facebook needs a "Bye, Felicia" button. And no, it's not the "Delete friend" button or the "I don't want to see this" button. I need a quick and easy way as I'm scrolling to say, "I am not here for this right now and you need to go somewhere with that foolishness and come back once you get some 'Act Right' into your system."

[pjcurtis]

[pjcurtis]