hey. Looks like you deleted our conversation or blocked me or something? From what I could see in the preview you thought I was someone whoâdâŠbeen a jerk? Idk? Either way. This is some strange behavior my guy. I donât know what you wanted from me or who you thought I was, but maybe this will be a lesson for you to think longer before you start attempting to accuse people of stuff or whatever you thought you were doing, cause all you succeeded at was (presumably since you deleted it) embarrassing yourself and confusing me. Hope the rest of your day is good.
Omg, im so sorry! My account got hacked, I just recovered it now and saw the damage. I apologize profusely!!
My attempt at illustrating how Artemis was doomed by the narrative <3 Hope you like it! :D
[ID: Artemis, as Wonder Woman, is in the foreground. She is beaten and bloody, crying as she looks up. There is a golden thread of fate ending above her head.
In the background, Artemis is fighting with Diana, Artemis is swinging her axe as Diana prepares a swing with her sword. Further back, Hippolyta is holding her scepter with a terrified expression, her eyes white as she receives a vision. End ID]
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Original Male Character (OMC)
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Hotch is still in Pakistan and LeĂłn is relying on his support system.
Content Warnings: fluff, found family, angst, Emily Prentiss' faked death, Hotch goes to Pakistan
A/N: I'm literally so sad it's over guys đ
In the spirit of the season, I want to thank you all for following me the last year. It's been a pleasure to share this with you. I do have about 3 epilogues planned, one is being written and the third is planned. But, I'm taking a break for the rest of the year, I think, on writing them and giving some attention to other fics (if I can). Thanks for sticking it out with me!
The songs from the playlist for Chapter 18 are: Hourglass, Reminder, set fire to the third bar, Surrender, Dreamer, Carry On. The songs following that on the playlist are for the epilogues and might hint to the nature of those.
Aaron had officially been gone for about five months.
He Skyped Jack and myself as often as he could considering the time difference and our workloads. If he called while I was at the office, I didnât think twice about answering and ducking into a conference room.
I called him on our one-year anniversary. The first thing he did was argue back about the official date.
Aaron was growing a beard and despite it being normal for contractors, special forces, and other agencies to do so; it was surprising when I noticed that heâd stopped shaving. I didnât hate itâit was surprisingly hotâbut I missed seeing his face.
The distance was agonizing.
But, like I promised myself, I was holding down the fort for him.
I spent time with Haley and Jack just about every weekend. Dalton officially retired from the Navy over the summer after thirty years of service and moved to a quiet Maryland neighborhood with plenty of fishing options. He would visit when Haley and Jack couldnât, not quite ready to meet them without Aaron around. Derek invited me out with what was left of the BAU for drinks every now and then, letting slip that he was still looking for Emilyâs murderer.
I swore my secrecy about that bit of information.
Andrew and Ben came out more frequently since it was Summer, and Andrew gave Ben a bit of a Summer break from homeschooling.
When I got a little too lonely, I let myself into Aaronâs apartmentâI told him I was going to be looking after it anywayâand slept in his bed. My nerves relaxed the second I was surrounded by things that smelled like him. Like home.
Iâd just lie there with one of his old t-shirts and remind myself that this wasnât forever.
He was coming back.
-
We jolted around inside the SWAT van, mentally preparing for the op ahead. Storming a known gang location was no simple feat. They were my least favorite. No one should have to go through this amount of violence on our home front.
Breathing deeply, I centered myself and used some of the breathing techniques my therapist taught me.
The van screeched to a halt, and we all poured out in a sea of green, yellow, and black. The location was already blocked off, with agents staged out front in a stand-off.
We received our orders and formed up in three separate groups. I would be going in with the group entering the front of the house since we expected a higher concentration of gang members there. I took position mid-stack, ready to cover anyone in the front line who went down.
We hunkered down behind our point man, who carried a riot shield for protection. He stepped away, making room for our agent with a ram. We counted off, tension rising as we watched the agent bring the ram back and swing forward with all his might.
As soon as the door flew open, flashbangs were deployed, adding to the overwhelming noise of gunfire and yelling. The first wave of gang members was apprehended easily in their disoriented state. The challenge would be the members still stationed around the house in various rooms. We fanned out, checking the rooms one by one.
I was fourth in line as we approached one room, hearing the flashbang go off inside and SWAT agents enter and return fire. I stepped forward to enter, not expecting the door across the hallway to swing open.
I saw the pistol firstâthen the arm, raised and rushing the back of the agent in front of me. Before the agent could turn around, I raised my rifle at the gang member, firing two shots. The first hit him in the shoulder, making him recoil, so the second shot missed. I rushed the door he disappeared back into, taking a breath before turning to clear the room.
The butt of the pistol flew into my face as I turned to check left, my nose crunching painfully. I grasped the manâs wrist, forcing the gun upwards through teary eyes. I headbutted him with my helmet but missed the punch he threw in retaliation, hitting me square in the cheekbone. Grasping the back of his shirt with as much material as I could grab, I yanked him to the right and kicked out his left foot so heâd trip in a fairly classic foot sweep. I held him down as he landed heavily, bending his wrist until the pistol fell out of his hand. I knocked it away and turned him over so I could cuff him, ignoring his complaints about his shoulder.
I was so preoccupied that it hadnât dawned on me that I didnât get a chance to clear the room. My head snapped upâbut too lateâas the closet door flew open. I moved to stand, but I couldnât beat his response time from where I kneeled on the floor, feeling the wind knocked out of me as the first bullet hit my plate carrier. The force nearly sent me back down on my ass, coupled with the lingering disorientation from the pistol I took to the face.
I took a deep breath to recover, reaching for my own pistol when my breath was cut short as a bullet hit a lucky angle and ripped through my chest. I stumbled, my breaths not coming through smoothly as I fumbled drawing my pistol. It fell from my hands. Blood rose in my throat, making it more difficult to breathe.
Two shots rang out, then two more, and the assailant dropped in front of me. I was surrounded by SWAT agents in a second. One picked up the cuffed gang member and dragged him away. I slumped to the floor, choking on my own blood andâfuck, why was it so hard to breathe? When I tried again, blood bubbled up in my throat.
I knew it wasn't just a collapsed lung.
Hemopneumothorax? It had to be.
I could hear them yelling at meâasking me what to doâas they plugged the wounds to stop the bleeding and covered them.
I opened my mouth, but spit up blood instead.
I frantically patted one of my pouches where the decompression needle would be for a thoracostomy. My vision was getting spotty as my Oâ levels dropped, unable to tell if they were seeing what I was pointing to.
My plate carrier was ripped off my body. My shirt was ripped next.
I did my best to point where the decompression needle needed to go. They were smart enough to stick it between my ribs with shaky hands. The next breath I took was deeper, but I choked on all the blood pooling in my throat, spitting it outâunfortunately on some of my teammates.
âCome on, Doc.â
âGood job,â I mouthed weakly.
Paramedics rushed in with a backboard. My teammates hastily grabbed my belongings to take with them. I phased in and out of consciousness on the way to the ambulance, not realizing Ramirez was in there with me until the ride was almost over.
I moved frantically, looking for my phone.
Andrew. He would find out since he was my emergency contact.
He would tell Dalton. But he couldnât call Aaron.
Fucking Pakistan.
And Andrew didnât have Derekâs number.
âNavarro, what do you need?â Ramirez rushed to help me.
âPhâpho,â I managed.
âTheyâll call your folks at the hospital, bro.â
âN-n. Giveââ
Ramirez found my phone and put it in my hands. I almost locked myself out with how many times I fumbled, but found Derekâs number.
âWriâte.â
Ramirez wrote Derekâs name and number down on a notepad he fished from his gear.
âCall.â
âOkay, Iâll call when we get to the hospital,â Ramirez assured me.
My phone slipped from my hand, tumbling to the ambulance floor.
My eyes followed.
-
Pakistan
âHotchner,â Aaron answered, fingers traveling over LeĂłnâs plate carrier and pouch reverently. He winced as a gust of wind from a Humvee blew dirt around the basecamp he was at, but listened intently to Derek.
âHey. It's me,â Derek spoke. âHow's it going out there?â
âYou know, long days, some territorial issues to work out, nothing surprising,â Hotch squinted through his sunglasses. âHow's everything there?â
âHotch, we found Declan Doyle.â
âWhat?!â
âListen, I knew that finding the kid was the only way I could find Doyle, Hotch,â Derek sighed. âI know what you're thinking, man.â
âIs Declan safe?â
âYeah, he is for now. I've had surveillance at his house and his school for a few weeks.â
âMorgan, I didn't authorize this.â
âI know you didn't, Hotch, but listen to me. I think Doyle may have found Declan, too.â
âAll right, I'm coming back,â Hotch could feel the onset of a migraine from the stress of it all.
âYou want me to wait?â Derek asked incredulously.
âMorgan, it could be a trap. You make sure you have eyes on Doyle,â Aaron clenched his jaw, hoping for the best but he was worried.
âAnd if it is him?â
âThen you take the shot,â Hotch answered.
-
6 Hours Since LeĂłnâs Injury
Derek and JJ were cramped in the surveillance van staring intently at the monitors. JJ looked at Derek wary about the information Derek relayed, hoping for more.
âThat's all Hotch said? âTake the shot?â,â JJ asked.
âYeah, but he's pissed,â Derek sighed.
JJâs phone rang, breaking up their conversation, âHey, Spence. What? What do you mean, you can't find him?â JJâs brows drew up, her tone making Derek look her way.
Derek listened intently when his own phone rang. He looked at the number, not seeing one he recognized, with his thumb poised to answer. Something told him to answer, so he did.
âMorgan.â
âDerek? Derek Morgan?â Ramirezâs voice on the other line was still reeling from the events of the day.
âYes, who is this?â
âSSA Ramirez. Navarro told me to contact you? He was shot.â
Derekâs heart dropped. He couldnât do this again after Emily.
âIâokay, where is he?â
Derek took down the information and hung up shortly after, sighing with his head heavy in his hands. How was he supposed to tell Hotch?
-
15 Hours Since LeĂłnâs Injury
Penelope strode into the briefing room in a flurry of movement, âWelcome back, sir.â
âThank you. What have you got?â Aaron asked, forehead pinched, ignoring the way Penelopeâs voice wavered and the way her eyes flicked to his facial hair.
Penelope hesitated but continued at Aaronâs insistent look, âUh, top ten list of Doyle's enemies.â
âAnybody recently in the States?â
âRichard Gerace's been here a few weeks. He's a low-level gunrunner who angrilyâI-Iâm sorry sir, Iâm just confused as to why youâre heââ
âHotch, what the hell?â Derek strode into the room, throwing his arms up. â"Did you look at your phone when you got off the plane?â
âNo, I came straight hereâŠwhatââ
âLeonâs in the hospital, man,â Derek dropped on him.
Aaronâs face morphed from focused and annoyed to absolutely lost in a blink. âHeâheâwhâ.â
Aaron actually felt sick to his stomach.
He couldnât lose LeĂłn after barely saving Haley from Foyet.
âGo, Hotch, we have this.â
âNoâI canâtâIââ Hotch took a moment, turning and striding down the hallway to not fall apart in front of his team as he fumbled getting his phone out of his pocket.
His notifications finally loaded in from airplane mode. Five missed calls from Andrew. Three missed calls from Derek. Two missed calls from an unknown number. Twenty unread texts.
Foregoing all the other notifications, he called Andrew.
âAaron, hey, Iâm packing up Ben and I to leave right now. I just wanted to update youââ
âI just got back to the States, what happened?â
âLeĂł got shot on a call earlier, heâs still in surgery. Dalton just got there, heâs one of LeĂłâs emergency contacts, too. They said they werenât too worried because they addressed the collapsed lung quickly and started stopping the bleeding in the field. ButâIâI donât know. Iâll know more soon.â
âIâdamnitâI have a case and weâre in a bind Iââ
âLeĂł will understand, Aaron. Youâd just be standing there anxiously anyway. Dalton is there. Iâll add you to the group chat and keep you updated.â
âIâm sorry. Thank you.â
âSee you soon.â
Aaron blinked away the tears that had formed as he talked to Andrew. LeĂł had been so worried about him in Pakistan only for this to happen. It wasnât fair. But, the faster they found Declan, the faster he could get to the hospital.
He let out a shaky breath and shoved his phone in his pocket, keeping the ringer on loud just in case. He stormed back into the briefing room with renewed purpose, âLetâs go. Get me everything you can on Gerace.â
His team stared blankly at him for a moment before springing into action, not needing to be told twice when they had a kid to find.
-
I blinked my eyes open, the bright overhead lights immediately assaulting my vision. I groaned softly, squinting as I tried again, wincing when my body shifted. My throat was dry and scratchy, and the cough that forced its way out of me burned like hell in my chest.
âYou donât know when to stay out of trouble do ya, kid?â Daltonâs voice sounded through the haze.
I opened my eyes again, a little more bearable this time but any facial expression pulled uncomfortably at my broken nose.
âTommyâ,â I drew out teasingly with a smirk, seeing his blurry form somewhere on the side of the bed. âYou still stalking me?â
âHowâre you feeling?â he rolled his eyes.
âLike I got hit in the face by a busâŠand then chest-fucked by it for good measure.â
Dalton just groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face, âGlad to see the brain damage didnât get any worse.â
âStill got my charm,âI muttered, blinking slowly as the meds kept me floaty. âWhat time is it?â
âJust before dawn. You made it through surgery last night. Stable now, clearly.â
I finally glanced down, noting the chest tube emerging from my side, the IV taped to my arm, and the bruises coloring my face in my reflection. The full weight of what happened settled in my gut.
âClearly. Aaron?â I murmured, feeling the material of the scratchy sheets and blankets on me between my fingers.
âHeââ
Dalton didnât get to finish his sentence before a rush of movement burst through the door.
âSir! Sir you canâtââ a voice from down the hall shouted.
The voice belonged to a nurse chasing after a tall figure, who was now closing the door behind him, chest heaving.
âWho the fuck are you?â Dalton spoke first, ready to stand.
âAaron?â I breathed, my eyes desperately trying to focus on the fuzzy form across the room. My voice was hoarse, but I knew that shape anywhere.
Aaron crossed the room without hesitation, eyes wild with worry. âYeah, baby, itâs me,â he said, voice catching as he reached my bedside.
I blinked rapidly, satisfied as my vision corrected somewhat at this much closer distance.
âYou picked some shmuck who doesnât know how to shave?â Dalton muttered, unimpressed.
âShut up, old man.â
âKid, from where Iâm sitting, youâve got two old men in here. Should I be worried? What is heâforty?â
âForty-five,â I said, and despite everything, laughed. âAnd you're the one who's half way to a full head of white hair.â
Dalton just scoffed and leaned back, crossing his arms defiantly.
âSorry,â Aaron glanced at Dalton for half a second, offering his hand. âIâm Aaron or Hotch, either is fine.â
âDalton,â he shook the offered hand, understanding when Aaron focused his attention back on me.
Aaronâs eyes trained back on me, still visibly shaken. âJesus, LeĂłn,â he breathed, brushing his fingers gently along the side of my face that wasnât bruised. âIâm so glad youâre okay.â
âCanât keep me down. You know that, babe,â I smiled weakly. âDid you bring my fucking patches back?â
âYes, honey.â Aaron leaned forward, gently brushing his bearded face against my forehead. His lips pressed solidly against my skin.
God, I missed him.
âKiss me,â I plead. âCome on.â
âYour noseââ
ââHas been broken more times than I can count. Kiss me, Hotchner,â I begged, ignoring Daltonâs off-hand comment about how being around Marines for years meant I could only really count to ten, and that was being generous.
He did so, urgently, but gently.
âAhem,â Dalton coughed awkwardly, causing us to pull apart sheepishly. âNot that Iâm not happy for ya or anything I juââ
ââHeâs a virgin,â I joked. âCanât ruin his purity.â
âFuck off.â
Aaron chuckled and brushed my hair back, his expression still tight with concern.
âIâll be back later, okay? Iâve gotta go make sure I keep my job,â he sighed, looking stressed beyond measure and beyond what was wrong with me.
âWhat happened?â
Aaron pursed his lips, âFor starters, Emilyâs alive.â
My eyes widened, âWhy donât you sound shocked?â
âJJ and I were the only ones who knew. We set it up. Derekâs been searching for her âkillerâ for months. Itâs...complicated. The whole teamâs on suspension, and weâve got a hearing in about five hours. I need to shower and change.â
âDamn,â I exhaled. âHow did Derek take that?â
âHe's pissed. Probably wonât be speaking to me for a while.â
âIâm sorry,â I reached for his hand, patting the top of it. âI can talk to him?â
âNo,â Aaron pressed his lips to my forehead. âYour job is to recover.â
I rolled my eyes, âWell, knock âem dead.â
âAs long as I keep my job, Iâm good.â
âYouâll be fine.â
âIâll come see you later, okay? Maybe bring Jack andââ
ââWait. Not yet,â I interrupted gently. âNot while Iâm still hooked up like this. I donât want to scare him. Or Ben. I need to tell Andrew to wait a bit, fuck. Shit, I need to call my chiefâŠâ
I started scanning for my phone and trying to sit up without setting any alarms off.
âHey,â Aaron said softly, pushing lightly on my shoulder. âRelax. Iâll call your chief, okay?â
âAnd Iâll call Andrew,â Dalton added gruffly. âJust breathe, kid. Youâve done enough for one week.â
-
One Week Later
The week dragged on and thankfullyâwithout complicationâthe tube they had in my chest was removed. Aaron and Dalton placed firm, warning hands on me as I desperately tried to convince the nurses and doctor that I was fine to go home.
âYouâre not fine. Youâre a liability, is what you are,â the nurse mumbled under their breath.
âCome on, doc. I know the drill. No lifting over ten pounds, no strenuous activityâsorry, babeâbreathing exercises, antibiotics, and follow-up in, what? A week?â
âThree to five days,â the doctor sighed, scratching his temple. âOkay. Youâre staying twenty-four more hours without this tube, and if all is good, then you can go.â
Ugh.
I grumbled under my breath.
âLeĂłn,â Aaron murmured a warning.
âYea, yea.â
Finally satisfied, the nurses and doctor left the room.
âSuch bullshit,â I scoffed.
âKid, youâre just as insufferable as the day I met you. Itâs not bullshit. Your lung fucking collapsed,â Dalton leaned back in his chair. âYou see what youâre gettinâ yourself into, Hotch?â
âStubborn as all hell, mhm,â Aaron shook his head, soothing his thumb over my forearm. âI actually wanted to talk to you about that.â
âHm?â
âIâuh,â Aaron paused to look for my eyes, which I finally gave him. âI want you to move in with me.â
âAaron,â I groaned. âI can take care of myself, seriously. Iâm not an invalid.â
âI donât just mean while you recover,â Aaron clarified gently.
âOh,â I breathed, my face almost frozen as the words settled in.
âYea, oh,â Aaron smiled.
âIâjustâAndrew was taking time off toââ
ââto help you while you recover, yes. I have two extra bedrooms for whenâyou knowâJack, Andrew, and Ben stay over at the same time,â Aaron continued with an easy smile.
âYouâve really thought about thisâŠâ I laughed.
âI had five months to think and then some,â he smiled. âSo?â
I licked my lips, staring into Aaronâs eyes. He wasnât pushing me, just covering all the bases. Still, I hesitated. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man butâ
âAre you sure?â I murmured.
âYou think Iâd be asking if I wasnât?â he challenged softly.
âOkay,â I nodded. âYes.â
-
Three Weeks Later - Four Weeks into Recovery
âAndrew I swear to fuck, if you coddle me one more timeâ,â I swatted his hands away in the bathroom as I patted my chest dry after a shower.
âBro, Iâm more scared of your boyfriend than you. Shut the fuck up and let me check the scabbing.â
âItâs falling off, just leave it. You can tell him Iâm fine, just sore,â I winced. Aaron would validate every answer I gave him with Andrew while he was at work to make sure I wasnât withholding anything. I should be offended at the lack of trust, but he was smart to do it knowing I couldn't be trusted at all.
âDid you do your breathing exercises already?â
âYes, hermano, please let me shave in peace,â I grabbed his wrist as he prodded again. âYou can stay, just talk about anything else, please.â
âOkay,â Andrew sighed. âIâm sorry.â
Andrew leaned his back against the bathroom counter, shoulders slumped. I felt bad snapping at him, knowing he just wanted to help. But, there was only so much babying I could take.
âI justâI had said that this was temporary and that I was going to nag you until you were breathing fine. Then I would leave andâI donât knowâitâs like Iâm scared to leave because what ifâifâyouâ,â Andrew stopped, chewing the inside of his cheek.
I sighed, leaning into him and cradling one side of his face against mine, âI promise Iâm not downplaying anything, okay? All my check ups have been good.â
âI know, I knowâŠâ
âYou donât have to leave yet, you know? You can stay until I go back to work in a week. Orâhellâyou could move? Lord knows you make enough money to buy something big out here.â
Andrew chuckled, tucking in a little closer, âNo offense, I love you and all, but Iâm not ready to settle into a big house yet. I want to keep traveling with Ben while itâs still easy. But, maybe soon? Itâs been nice to have kids his age to play with.â
âItâll be nice to have you around more often when you do,â I gave him a squeeze.
Andrew hummed, âYeah. Okay, Iâll stay until you go back to work. You better have told them desk duty, too! The doctor said you canât go back on SWAT for five more weeks!â
âAlright, ya estuvo. Out!â Thatâs enough, I gave him a shove toward the door. âGo make lunch or something, menso.â
He stumbled out as I shoved him, laughing, âÂĄChingao! I almost fell!â Andrew flipped me off as I moved to slam the door in his face.
âYouâll live,â I called around the door, reciprocating his gesture.
-
Three Weeks Later - Six Weeks into Recovery
Work droned on far too long when there was nothing to break it up. Being confined to a deskânot even being allowed to go to crime scenes for my regular casesâsucked. I was itching to get back to full strength, desperate to get back to my routine.
Andrew and Ben had finally left around my fifth week of recovery, when he deemed me well enough to not constantly lose sleep over. It was nice having them but having one less person to fawn over me was even better.
Yesterday was the first day I was cleared to start conditioning again.
I snuggled back into the covers of Aaronâs bedâour bedâfeeling his arm pressing warm and heavy against my back. I still couldnât believe we were living together now. Maybe it would feel real when I was back to full duty.
I laid there, blinking lazily as my body refused any more sleep, remembering him shadowing me on my first real attempt at exercise since my hospitalization. He hovered like the helicopter dad I knew he was, even if he tried to internalize it with Jack.
It wasnât muchâat least not compared to my old routineâa short jog around the block and back to the apartment for some bodyweight squats, and light core exercises. It was humiliating how fast I fatigued. Half a mile in, my breathing hitched, and Aaron made me turn around and go back to the apartment.
Would I have pushed myself if he wasnât there?
Absolutely.
But the way I held my ribs as my lungs stretched wider than they had in weeks, the soreness blooming tight across my chest, I knew better than to fight him.
Still. Half a mile? A year ago, I ran out of a basement with Aaron on my back like it was nothing, and now I was being treated like a glass doll.
Every time I spiralled, I would lose focus on my breathing pattern and be interrupted by a sharp painâlikely from my agitation. Aaron noticed those moments immediately, flashing me a warning look to remind me I was one more wince away from him dragging me back to the hospital.
It wasnât a competition. It was recovery and recovery was going to suck no matter what.
Back at the apartment, I went through with the rest of the workout despite the tightness in my lungs. I hoped that the burning in my legs would help me ignore it.
It didnât. Not entirely. But, movingâreally movingâfelt good. Not physically, of course. It hurt just about everywhere, but I felt like I was taking the first steps to feeling like me again.
Having that labored breath was a reminder that I couldâin factâbreathe, even if it was in short, uneven bursts.
I wasnât dead and I was extremely happy about that.
Now, tangled in our sheets as the morning sun began warming the room, I let myself breathe deeply, relishing the weight of Aaronâs arm as he draped it over me. He stirred slightly, pressing closer until I could feel the hum of his breath on my back. He was warm and solid and mine.
âand I almost didnât get this again.
I would have died if my team was a few seconds slower.
And the last time I touched him would have been that desperate kiss we stole on an airfield. Snuck among soldiers and agents who would have disapproved.
Today I would lace up my shoes and push a little harder. Then, I would grab lunch with Dalton. But first, I would lay here and not take this moment for granted.
He was here.
I was here.
We were here.
I rolled gently onto my back and faced him, seeing a soft smile spread over his lips but his eyes closed softly. The lines of sleep still creased his forehead, despite sleep usually making him look younger.
I brushed my knuckles down his jaw. âMorning,â I murmured softly.
âMorning,â he whispered back, eyes fluttering open. They were soft and unreadable in this low light and his thumb skimming across my stomach made my core clench. I couldnât tell if it was ticklish or pent up need at this point. âHow do you feel?â
âGood. A little sore in my chest from breathing yesterday but otherwise okay.â
Aaron hummed lowly, then leaned in for a kiss. He was careful, overly so as had most things heâd done since I moved in. But, I could feel a bit more pressure behind it.
Need.
Heat.
Had I not been shot, we would have been insatiable the last month after being apart for so long. But, as his tongue slipped past my lips and his hand slid lower on my abdomen, I felt it crash into me all at once. Iâd been so focused on recovery and getting back to work, that the desire hadnât really been there. Aaron held himself on a short leash, too, no doubt.
I shifted my hips, slotting my growing erection more firmly against his, making him pause.
âAre you sure?â He asked with his voice still rough from sleep. He moved his face away, much to my dismay. âYou donât have toââ
âI want to,â I cut him off. âI justâwonât last long. I missed you too much.â
âThatâs not the point,â he practically rolled his eyes as he reached in his nightstand for lube. When he faced me again, bottle in hand he gave me a stern look, âYouâre not doing anything. You just feel.â
His words made my chest ache, and not because of my recovering injury. This was warm, rather than wounded.
âI mean it,â he repeated as he pushed his boxers down until his cock sprang free. Before I could do the same for myself, he slapped my hand away and tugged me free. âYou can touch me, but otherwise, donât help,â he muttered before pressing another kiss to my lips.
He squeezed lube into his palm and fisted us together, taking his time to just feel me there.
âBossy,â I shivered.
His lips met the corner of my mouth, âYou love that about me.â
The lube warmed between his hand and our cocks, the cool shock wearing off after a few seconds. I gasped, my hips twitching before I could stop myself. He let both of us go, glaring at me while his wrist put firm pressure against my hipbone.
âLet me,â he reiterated with his forehead pressed against mine.
âSorry,â I apologized as he grasped us again. âIt just feels good.â
His fist stroked slowly, the slide of his hand and cock sending sparks through every nerve ending I thought the pain had dulled. I couldnât thrust as he hooked a leg over mine to keep me still, but that honestly made it better. He made me feel like I was worth being held and cherished. Worth being rebuilt.
His breath hitched as I groaned. A flush rose up his neck, jaw clenching. He watched my lips part in pleasure.
âAaronââ
âIâve got you,â he sighed, his voice a wreck. âIâve got you, baby, just breathe.â
And breathe I didâfollowed by moans.
I fell apart in his hand, spilling between us with a gasp that should have been uncomfortable for my chest.
The pleasure canceled it out.
Aaronâs rhythm stuttered for a moment before he was coming, too, his hips jerking before a deep groan left his throat.
We laid there unmoving. Sticky but pressed together, his forehead plastered against mine as we breathed the same air.
âLove you, Aaron,â I breathed against his mouth.
Aaron took a deep breath, pressing his face even closer. I could have sworn I felt something wet slip between our cheeks as he responded, âLove you, too, LeĂł.â
-
Four Weeks Later - Ten Weeks into Recovery
Neither my Unit Chief nor my SWAT lead had been happy about me coming back so early. But, I passed my physical with flying colors after weeks of hard work.
Yes, they put me in the back line for the first week but I didn't care. I was just happy to be out there again.
I tucked my phone away and cleared my head, tucking my hands into my vest as I fought to wipe the dumb smile off my face. I closed my eyes to hide from the curious gazes of my teammates.
Things finally felt right again.
Andrew and Ben were doing well. I had a boyfriend who actually cared about meâeven if he was bossy. Dalton was close by and excited to be an uncle to Jack, too, but youâd never be able to see it in his face unless he was smiling at the boys. I had Haley checking in and teasing me with her crooked smile and making me laugh. I had Jack, who never ceased to amaze me with his sunny disposition.
I used to wonder if I would make it this far. Out of the shitty neighborhood I grew up in. Out of my shitty circumstances. Out of the desert unscathed. Out of my own head some days. Hell, make it through each day with myself still whole.
I didnât.
There were pieces missing that I would never get back. But, I was building something solid in exchange. Something really fucking good.
Iâd survived more than once. And each time, I didnât come out of it alone. This time, I came out of it with some additions to my family. It was a strange group of people, but we cared about one another. I had a home. A real one.
My radio crackled in my ear.
âThirty seconds.â
I checked my weapon one last time, my body coiled tight with anticipation. The vehicle rumbled beneath me as we closed in.
This was the job and it always would be. But now, I had someone waiting for me at home.
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Original Male Character (OMC)
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Things can't always go LeĂłn's way, no matter how much he tries. Now, he has to struggle with living without someone so important to him.
Content Warnings: fluff, found family, angst, Emily Prentiss' faked death, Hotch goes to Pakistan
I swear I don't mean to leave you all hanging!! I get so side tracked and lose motivation for art quickly, so these last two chapters won't contain any (sorry). Things couldn't stay happy forever...I hope you enjoy this second to last chapter!
Songs from the playlist for this chapter: Electric feel, i wanna get better, legacy, saturn, run, put the hurt on me, brighter side of grey, write this down.
âYouâre not gonna beat me, old man!â I panted, bumping my shoulder into Aaronâs arm as he attempted to pass me.
I was running on pure spite-fueled determination to not loseâknowing if I did that Iâd have to suffer through that smug little smile of his for the rest of the day. And as much as Iâd gloat even if I beat someone ten years older than me, I knew heâd do it more subtly. And that would infuriate me.
I loved him, I really did. I swear.
My legs were half-numb from the bike ride but I had made decent headway against Aaron until we ended up on foot. Thatâs when Aaronâs damn long legs started closing the gap. My heels were raw, angry inside my sneakers from rushing to get them on fast, and my thighs were sending non-stop alarms to my brain.
I ignored all of it. I couldnât look like a bitch in front of Aaron.
Lean forward and breathe. Donât let him win.
I heard cheering in the distance and pushed myself harder to finish, knowing Aaronâs teamâour familyâwas at the finish line waiting for us. It gave me just enough adrenaline to push harder.
When we finally crossed, Jack sitting on Derekâs shoulders and cheering loudly was the first thing I saw. Rossi had his arms raised, grinning and clapping. Haley and Spencer were more reserved but cheering nonetheless. JJ, Emily, and Penelope clapped with hungover enthusiasm that clearly cost them effort they couldnât afford.
We slowed down, coming to a stop away from the finish line. Our lungs were on fire, chests heaving as we fought to take breaths.
âAhaha!â I wheezed, laughing giddily, âI beat you!â
Aaron rolled his eyes, smirking as he caught my wrist to turn me toward him, "Iâd hope so. Your knees are a decade younger than mine.â
âMy knees might actually be more worn than yours, baby,â I grinned up at him, my breath still shaky but riding the high of finishing the race.
Aaron raised an eyebrow as he closed the distance between us. âIs that from suckiââ I clasped a hand over his mouth before he could finish.
âShut up.â
Aaronâs hand grabbed my wrist, bringing my hand down while brushing it against his lips, âMhm.â
I was still grinning when his hand slid up to cradle my jaw, thumb pressing on one side with his fingers on the other. He kissed me briefly, but it was enough to melt away the soreness in my limbs for a moment.
âExcuse me, sir. This is a family-friendly event,â I murmured against his lips.
âLike you care,â he murmured back, finally pulling away when he heard familiar whooping and whistling.
Jackâs screeching voice rang through it all.
âDaddy! Leo!â
âHey, bud,â I crouched instinctively as Jack barreled toward us and into my arms. He let out a giggle as I lifted him easily off the ground.
He then reached for his father, wrinkling his nose at the sweat clinging to our skin.
âYouâre stinky,â he scrunched his nose.
âThatâs vicious,â I snorted.
âNo, youâre stinky, little man,â Aaron tickled his son mercilessly, making the boy shriek in protest.
Aaronâs team finally trickled over, congratulating us on finishing the race. Everyone carefully maintained a no-hug policyâexcept Derek, who was brave enough to clap Aaron on the back and give me a one-armed hug. Even Aaronâs own ex-wife just gave us each a shoulder pat and cleaned her hands with a wipe immediately after.
Considering we hadnât been as diligent as we should have been in trainingâwhat with his traveling and my shoulder injuryâwe did better than I expected. I hadnât come close to beating any of my previous times, but for once I didnât care. I was having fun with a man I loved this time around.
Lunch went off without a hitch. It was loud but fun as our extended family joined us. Aaron and I did more eating than talking, too worn out to bother trying to converse between bites. Jack sat on Daveâs lapâstill insisting that we smelled too muchâand fed him fries while Penelope took way too many pictures. It was nice being all together again, even if Andrew hadnât been able to come out this weekend due to a project taking up a lot of his time. I understood completely, so we talked every couple days instead to catch upâeven letting Jack talk to Ben over the phone a few of the times when he stayed over.
The whole day felt good. Like we were allowed to be happy.
But, as my luck would go, happiness never likes to stick around for long.
-
March 2011
February and March coasted by in the blink of an eye. Andrew and Ben came to visit on a rare weekend where neither Aaron nor I were on call. Since Emilyâs funeral, Aaron had been a bit distant, though more quiet and distracted than anything. Her death had been so sudden and tragicâI fully expected Aaron to be working himself into the ground.
And in his own way, he was.
But I convinced him to take this weekend to relax. No Quantico. No laptop. Just us.
We kept the weekend low key but eventful for the boys. One day at the zoo turned into a marathon of overpriced snacks, sticky fingers, and a handful of blurry animal signtingsâbut whatever kept the boys entertained was good enough. We wrapped up the weekend with a day at the park, letting the boys play some semblance of catchâwhich mostly looked like running after wild throws and shrieking like banshees.
I laughed as Jackâs little legs pumped toward the ball, only to realize a dog had noticed too and was now racing him for it. Aaron covered his face, chuckling under his breath when Jackâs first throw came up short. Jack retrieved it and tried again, this time nearly hitting Benâwho still managed to miss the catch, even with his little league experience.
Our laughs were cut short when Aaronâs phone rang. He frowned at the screen, gave me a quick look, then stood and stepped away to answer it. His voice dropped low, out of earshot, shoulders squared like he was bracing for something.
âHowâre you doing, bro?â Andrew spoke up.
âNot bad,â I shrugged, picking at my pants. âIâm back in therapy.â
âNightmares?â
âMhm.â
âAfghanistan again?â
âNo.â
It was all I had to answer for Andrew to get the point.
âYou call Dalton?â Andrew asked, knowing the man had his own direct, tough-love way of snapping me out of spirals.
âNah. I figured an actual therapist might be better this time around.â
Andrew laughed, âProbably for the best. DoesâuhmâAaron know?â
âHe knows everything, yea.â
Andrew nodded, pursing his lips, âThatâs good.â
A cry cut through the spring breeze, which brought me out of our conversation. âThatâs my cue,â I sighed, slapping my thighs and standing up.
I jogged over to the boys, where Ben was clutching his forehead, tears welling, while Jack looked at me with wide, apologetic eyes. All it took to rectify the situation was the promise of an ice cream, and since I was neither Benâs nor Jackâs father, I had zero hesitation about invoking sugar-based parenting.
The world righted itself after that. The boys kept playing, and I returned to the bench, where Andrew had been rejoined by Aaron.
âEverything, okay?â I asked, lowering myself next to Aaron.
He looked distracted. His eyes were on the field but it was like his mind was running a mile a minute.
âHm?â he blinked. âYea. Just politics,â he rolled his eyes, but there was tension in his jaw that didnât match the tone of the words.
I believed him, but knew he wasnât telling me everything, too. There was a weight to his shoulders that seemed heavier than normal. I wanted to help. I wanted to push. But I knew better than to prod too hard when it came to Aaron and his job, especially now in the wake of Emilyâs death.
Heâd tell me when he was ready.
-
April 2011
âYes maâam, I understand.â
I paused outside of Aaronâs home office, my hand poised to knock to tell him dinner was ready. I didnât commit to the knock, listening to him instead. His voice was tight, borderline annoyed.
âThatâsâŠa significant change. When will this be effective?â
Aaron paused again, listening to the other person speak.
âIâm just not sure thatâs in the best interest of the team.â
I heard Aaron pacing, his feet scuffing the carpet as he wore a path around his office. He always paced when he was under pressureâespecially when he was trying to keep his voice even.
âNo, maâam, Iâm not saying Iâm not doing it. Iâm saying there are consequences both on us and our caseload. Weâve all been through a lot and weâre already a person down.â
He also hadnât raised his voice, which was good, but his lawyer tone was out in full force.
âWho will handle the press? Garcia? She canâtâsheâs going to take this personally.â
He sighed loudly but he was too professional to snap.
âYes, Iâll speak with them, but if this goes sideways, itâs on you. I can promise you that.â
There was a faint beep as he hung up. Silence stretched on the other side of the door. I was about to step away when his feet started moving, and I couldn't move fast enough before the door swung open.
âHow much of that did you hear?â
âI-I didnâtââ
âI could see your shadow under the door, LeĂł.â
I chewed on the side of my cheek, not meeting his stern gaze. I knew he wasnât mad at meâmore frustrated with his superiorsâbut it didnât make his expression any less intimidating.
âWhatâs going on, Aaron? Youâve been so stressed and I know Iâm sure thereâs a lot Iâm not privy to, butâŠâ
Aaron pressed a thumb into his temple, sliding his hand to his forehead, where the muscles were tired from frowning.
âStrauss is splitting the team up.â
My mouth hung open, and I didnât know how to respond.
âDerek, Dave, Spencer, and Penelope are staying. JJ is going to the Pentagon. Seaver is transferring out.â
I hadnât met Seaver at all. Aaron had told me she was an NAT who joined on as a probationary agent after Emilyâs death. But, she didnât come out with them socially.
âWhat the hell? What about you?â
Aaron was silent, the words rolling around his tongue like he didnât know how to say it. With one last deep breath, his mouth opened, âPakistan.â
âIâm sorry?!â My voice shot up sharply. âWhen were you even going to tell me? Were you going to tell me?â
Aaron looked away from the frustrated tears in my eyes. I didnât even know why they were there. The fact that Aaron knew about this for a month? The fact that he was going near a warzone? The fact that I wouldnât be there to protect him near said warzone? The fact that heâd be leaving me for months?
It was no different to me going on a tour when I was enlisted, but for some reason, it being in reverse hurt in a way that I couldnât explain. I wondered how Andrew had felt every time I shipped out.
âWhen I figured out how to say it without making you look at me like that.â
I shut my mouth, looking down. Itâs not like it was his fault. My shoulders sagged dejectedly, âIâm sorry.â
âBelieve me, Iâm not happy about it,â Aaron sighed, approaching me hesitantly and wrapping his arms around me.
âHow long? When?â
âMay-ish. No more than a few months hopefully. Itâs with an investigative taskforce, so itâs not like Iâll be on the front lines.â
âAaron, honey, I love you but you donât need to be on the front lines to get blown up.â
I told Aaron I was fine.
I lied.
Iâve deployed. Iâve slept in both cold and scorching sand with Marines who were like my brothers. Iâve had blood on my hands that wasnât mine.
But this? The waiting? The not-knowing what he was walking into? That was somehow worse. I knew that I was going to active warzones. It was what I signed up for. And yes, the argument could be made that this is what he signed up for, too, but it was personal.
It was Aaron going.
He was going to an area of the world that I was all too familiar with, with people I didnât know or trust.
And I couldnât follow him.
Monday came fast.
I sat in a briefing with a thick stack of paper in my hands for a regional joint op, but I wasnât really present. I stared at the packet, barely tracking a word that my Section Chief said.
Iâd read the same damn line three times and I still couldnât tell you what it said. I couldnât focus. My knee shook intensely, letting out the nerves brimming in my body like a tea kettle. It felt like I was back in Camp Lejuneâsweating through my cammies and staring at old peeling paint that probably contained harmful amounts of leadâtrying to stay awake in an intense heatwave while our officer droned on.
This felt like that. Like I was waiting for something to go wrong, and not knowing what to do.
I snapped the file closed a little too harshly.
âAre you planning on ripping the thing in half?â Lakewood asked, an agent in my unit who now stepped in my line of fire.
âIâm fine.â
âYea, sure. You were late. Youâre never late. But, yea, youâre fine.â
âMaybe I had something to deal with? Hm? You want to file a report about it?â I snapped out a harsher whisper.
âJust making conversation, man, damn,â she raised her hands in surrender.
I sighed, clenching my jaw and zoned back out.
-
I adjusted my vest one more time, satisfied with the balance after re-packing it for the dayâs missions.
âNavarro,â I heard, making me look over to Ramirez, who pointed to the rest of my gear. âForgetting something?â
I glanced behind me, seeing more of my things but nothing I normally took out with me, âNo?â I furrowed my brows, when I saw another pouch that Iâd forgotten to attach to my vest. My trauma pouch. âFuck.â
I patted where I would normally put it, finding the space empty.
My heart stuttered.
I donât mess up gear checks. Itâs practically second nature.
âShit.â
It was the shitty cherry on top of an already shitty day.
I donât fuck my kit up. I donât snap at my colleagues. Iâm literally one of the most unserious people here. I donât lose focus. This isnât who I am.
ExceptâŠ
Ifânoâwhen Aaron leaves, it would be exactly who I was.
What would I have to ground myself?
-
Later at my desk, I tried to finish a report but had trouble figuring out the wording. I was still frustrated. My hand shook in anger, making me drop the pen I held. I dropped my head into my hands and sighed.
I picked up my phone, looking at the time. It didn't actually matter what time it was. Iâd just leave a voicemail.
I stood, making my way outside where I could talk in peace.
My thumb hovered over Daltonâs name and finally pressed it, bringing the phone to my ear right away.
âWho pissed you off now?â Daltonâs gruff drawl sounds over the phone.
I let out a breathy laugh through my nose, âCan you talk?â
âIâm talking arenât I?â I could practically see his eyes rolling. âYouâve got fifteen minutes before this classâ break is over.â
âAaron is going to Pakistan.â
Silence.
âYour little boyfriend? I thought he was FBI? Or is the Army just that desperate for someone who can speak in full sentences?â Dalton asked, confused.
I could feel a laugh somewhere in my throat, but I was still too caught up for it to slip, âYea, FBI. Itâs from up the chain because his boss is on some bullshit power trip. Sheâs attaching him to some investigative taskforce. He said it could be for months. Months! And to top it off, heâs known since March and didnât tell me,â I waved my arms all over the place, frustrated, despite Dalton not being able to see it.
âAnd now youâre trying not to take it personally.â
I inhaled sharply, âI donât know how not to. Heâs not military. Heâs notâhe doesnât understand what those warzones do to people. I told him I was fine. But, I lied. Iâm not fine.â
âYou ever think maybe he didnât tell you because he knew youâd fall apart?â
âDick,â I scoffed. âI mean he told me he was trying to figure out how to tell me. But, it doesnât help. I finally got someone who feels like home, D, and Iâm so scared for him.â
I heard Dalton sigh over the line, âYou know better than anyone, kid. Sometimes dutyâs not fair. But if heâs worth it, you hold the line.â
I let my back hit the wall of the building, tilting my head up to look at the rapidly changing afternoon sky. Heâs right. I hate when heâs right. I sighed and nodded.
âYea, thanks, Senior.â
âWhenâs he leaving?â
âEnd of the month. I just found out and heâs already leaving in a couple weeks.â
Dalton snorted, âYou want me to fly out there and knock some sense into his boss with a torque wrench, orâŠ?â
I finally let a smile come across my face, âI just needed to hear your voice.â
âYou always were sentimental under all that swagger. Iâll see you soon, yeah? Iâve got a couple months left between me and a fishing pole.â
âSounds like a plan. I canât wait to introduce you to him.â
The call was over shortly after. Dalton was right. I needed to hold down the fort for Aaron. Especially for Jack and Haley.
I knew he wasnât pleased about the assignment, but that didnât mean that he wasnât as scared as I was for him. If not more. Maybe if he knew his family was taken care of, itâd be easier on him.
-
A few weeks later
Aaron and I left for the airfield early, arriving to see soldiers still getting their gear set up as they boarded the same massive cargo plane that Aaron would be in.
We parked, sitting in silence as we watched the organized chaos. Aaron was dressed casually, one of the many cargo pants he was bringing adorned his legs and a light long-sleeve covered his torso.
Aaron turned toward me, eyes sad and longing, âI told Haley to check in on you for me.â
âI told Haley that Iâd check in on her and Jack for you.â
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, his hand finding mine without looking away from me.
âI love you,â he murmured.
âI love you, too,â I responded, pulling Aaron in for a desperate kiss.
When I pulled away, I sighed, âI have something for you. Well, some things.â
He pinches his brows with a hint of a smile, âYouâre so cute.â
âShut up, come on,â I gestured my head toward the trunk and got out of the car.
âOkay, I know youâre planning to take your blue vest and just rip the FBI patch off, but...no.â I rounded the car to where the trunk was already popped.
One of my plate carriers sat there, one of the cleaner ones, âI just wanted to make sure you have everything, so I packed you a med kit, too. I know itâs probably overkill, but it made me feel better if I knew you had it.â
I unzipped the pouch, showing him everything from a tourniquet to ibuprofenâpacked tight with all the muscle memory of a combat medic. I unbuttoned the MOLLE and weaved it to the plate carrier securely. The outside of the pouch had a velcro area, which I slapped my old name patch on that had my name, Navy rank, and blood type surrounding a Cadaceus.
I tapped the name patch. âSo you donât forget who packed your shit.â I looked down at the vest in my hands, âI-I mean you can take your vest if you want but this one is comfortable anââ
I was cut off by Aaronâs fingers over my mouth, âIâd love to take it.â
I smiled underneath his fingers, âOkay. I have more.â
I snatched something metallic from my pocket, custom dog tags for him, âI already weaved the second one into your boot laces last night.â I took the opportunity knowing heâd be wearing comfortable sneakers on the long plane ride.
I let the chain fall to hang on my fingers and placed it around his neck, tucking it into his shirt.
âItâs dumb, I know. But I kept mine on for five deployments. Figured you could wear one for one.â
âItâs not dumb,â he grabbed my hand, pressing a kiss to my knuckles.
I stuck my hand back into my pocket and pulled out a small book held closed by an elastic band.
âThis is for when you get lonely,â I smacked him in the chest with it. It consisted of notes from myself, Jack, and Haley with pictures of us inside, too. I tucked it into his pocket, feeling the metal of the knife I got him for his birthday brush my hand.
âThank you,â he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine.
âDonât be a hero, Hotchner,â I muttered, fisting his belt and pulling him close. âI want my shit backâor Iâm kicking your ass myself. Deal?â
Aaron just laughed and kissed me to shut me up.
It worked beautifully.
The kiss was rough and desperate as we tucked ourselves on the other side of the car, out of plain view of any soldiers or agents milling about. This was our moment. As much as I would have liked to keep him there, we eventually separated.
I watched him grab his gear and the pieces of me he was taking with him. I was determined to not let him see the way my chin wobbled or the way my eyes shimmered in the harsh sunlight. With one last glance at me through dark shades that now perched on his nose, he turned back toward the plane that was being loaded. I waved, then sat heavily in my car as one stray tear lost its battle and slid down my cheek, disappearing under my shirt.
-
Saturday, May 7, 2011 - LeĂłnâs 36th Birthday
I blinked awake to the sound of silenceâmy apartment quieter than usual. It had only been about a week since Aaron left and I was driving myself up the wall not being able to call him or see his face as he dove in head first on the investigation. Heâd promised that weâd be able to call each other once the prep work was done, but for now, he was constantly busy.
I knew the feeling exactly. The endless stream of orders on my own tours, rushing to prepare, only to be told to wait. Hurry up and wait, as it were.
Neither Andrew nor Ben were up that I could hear from the spare bedroom, having arrived yesterday to spend the weekend with me.
I sighed, feeling the cold sheets next to me and got up to distract myself. I worked up a sweat, not even trying to be quiet and yet still surprised when Andrew and Ben were still snoring away. I was tempted to go into their bedroom and annoy them until they got up but theyâd traveled a bit to get here, so I took mercy on them and forced myself to the kitchen instead.
I made coffee and enough food for them, then sat alone at the table, staring into the middle distance. Just under a year ago, this was normal. No Aaron. No BAU. No Jack. No Haley. Just me. (And Andrew and Ben, when they could be here.)
I didnât know what I was missing back then.
A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts. I furrowed my brows, wondering who would be here at 10:00 AM. I drained my coffee and stood up, grunting softly when a frantic knock came again.
âIâm coming, Iâm coming.â
I opened the door, not even getting a word in as Haley and Jack immediately started singing âHappy Birthday.â I heard two more voices behind me, seeing Andrew and Ben had snuck out of their room to sing, too.
I smiled, laughing at the absurdity of it but appreciating it nonetheless. Jack jumped with his arms up and I obliged, lifting him and holding him tightly as the song ended.
âIs this Daddyâs shirt?â he asked, rubbing the fabric and burying his nose in it.
âYeah,â I laughed. âYou caught me.â
He nuzzled closer, like the scent would anchor him.
I opened my arms for Haley, too, murmuring my thanks.
âI made pancakes, if you guys are hungry.â
With full stomachs, we relaxed in the living room while Andrew and Ben brought out their gifts for me. Andrew was practical, usually getting me things Iâll use like clothes. Ben usually made his dad buy me sweets, which I was ever grateful for.
âGo ahead, baby,â Haley nudged Jack, who clutched a folded paper between his fingers.
Jack climbed into my lap and handed me the card, still snuggling against his dadâs shirt for comfort.
âThank you, Jack, I love it,â I gasped, opening it with him. The writing was all crooked but legible and had what looked like a drawing of me surrounded by Aaron, Jack, and Haley.
Haley leaned forward, handing me an envelope, âThis is from, Aaron. He gave it to me before he left.â
I swallowed the emotion rising in my throat, taking a shaky breath as my hands fiddled with the envelope.
I couldnât stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
Jack hugged me tighter, âYouâre crying, Leo.â
âYea, buddy, but remember what I said about crying?â
âThat it means you care.â
âThatâs right. And I care so so much about everyone in this room. I love all of you.â
âAnd Daddy.â
âYes,â I smiled, voice breaking a little. âEspecially Daddy.â
Haley insisted on taking us out to dinner later. Andrew insisted on paying for half of it. I let them duke it out and ordered ice cream for the boys, who erupted into a fit of giggles as I whispered to the waiter.
I thanked Haley againâprofuselyâand she told me, stern as ever, that I was not allowed to be a stranger while Aaron was gone. âEven if I have to involve the BAU,â she added with a look.
I drove Andrew, Ben, and myself back home, smiling to myself. Despite Aaron being gone, I still had people who cared about me. Hell, even without the new family Aaron brought me, I wouldâve had Andrew and Ben.
But, it was nice to have more.
I decided then that Iâd do whatever I had to, to keep it.
No matter what we disagreed about, no matter how far he had to goâAaron Hotchner was never getting rid of me.
I was going to marry that man one day.
(If the U.S. government could ever get its head out of its ass.)
Hey, I'm sorry if this seems out of line or something but I just wanted to check in with you.
You've been radio silent for a little while so I just wanted to ask if everything is okay?
Thank you so much for checking in, it means a lot! I was actually just thinking i should proofread tomorrow so I can post this week â€ïž. I've been a little unmotivated to do art at the moment, which made me lose steam on posting. Rest assured, the main body of SWAT is done, i just need a kick in the butt to post, though it'll probably be without art đ„Č
But, yes, I'm okay! Too many hobbies and too little time, i fear đ€Ł
⧠Broken ribs suck. You donât just âwalk it off.â Breathing hurts. Laughing hurts. Existing hurts. Characters with rib injuries wonât be doing heroic sprints.
⧠Concussions arenât instant naps. Dazed vision, nausea, dizziness, maybe even personality changes, but theyâre not going to collapse neatly like in the movies.
⧠Blood loss is sneaky. Itâs not just about dramatic pools of blood. Itâs dizziness, confusion, and the body getting cold as circulation tanks.
⧠Adrenaline lies. Someone can take a serious injury and not feel it until the fightâs over. That âI didnât realize I was bleeding until laterâ trope? Very real.
⧠Twisted ankles are brutal. One bad step and suddenly running is off the table. Even walking hurts like hell. Perfect way to ground a chase scene.
⧠Burns linger. Even small burns hurt more than most people expect. Blisters, infection risk, constant pain, itâs not just a cool scar later.
⧠Dislocated shoulders = useless arm. Characters canât keep swinging a sword or firing a gun. Theyâre basically fighting one-armed until itâs fixed.
⧠Shock is a thing. Pale skin, trembling, rapid heartbeat, and eventually disorientation. A character might not even realize how bad their wound is.
⧠Stitches arenât magic. Getting sewn up is painful and recovery takes time. Theyâre not instantly battle-ready after a needle and thread.
⧠Scars tell stories. Some fade, some donât. Some stay sensitive forever. Donât forget the aftermath when the wound becomes part of the character.
As we approach the end of the main body of SWAT (16 of 18 chapters are out), I want to take the time to thank everyone who has joined Hotch, LeĂłn, and myself for this journey.
There WILL be a separate work of epilogues for their story beyond SWAT. So far, I have 3 planned. If there are any bits of their life you would like to see specifically, drop me a message, ask, or comment and I will do my best to integrate it in an epilogue!
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Original Male Character (OMC)
Rating: Explicit
Summary: An experience on a domestic violence case drudges up a lot of painful memories from LeĂłn's past.
Content Warnings: implied SA, child abuse, comfort, nightmares
A/N: I'M HERE! I've been trying to take care of myself more and seriously neglected y'all.
MAJOR WARNINGS in this chapter including child abuse and implications of sexual assault. If you think these might trigger you, you may need to skip this chapter. Please, take care of yourself.
Songs from the playlist for this chapter: Slip away, Cannibal, Control, Monster, Stonecatcher, Hero of War, Tread on me, Kiss me (acoustic)
âBreach. Breach. Breach,â ordered the SWAT agent on point.
The door crashed open from the force of the ram, the downstairs of the house flooding with agents. My group went in behind them, heading upstairs and fanning out as we searched for the suspect. I evened my breathing as I broke off down a hallway with two agents behind me.
I heard muffled screams from the door to my left, pausing and inhaling sharply as I flung the door open. The sight before me nearly sent me into a frenzy but I took shaky breaths as I yelled my commands.
âFBI! Put your hands up!â I ordered as the man threw wild punches at a screaming and crying little girl.
I couldn't point my gun at him with the girl in my line of sight and the uncertainty of whether the mother would try and protect him or not.
I looked over my shoulder, silently telling the agents to fan out and grab the mother with a nod of my head. I clicked my safety back on and slung my rifle behind me as I rushed the assailant.
At the same time the agents separated the mother from the group, I wrapped both arms under his and locked my hands together. I forcefully dragged him away from the girl, tucking my helmeted head into his back in case he tried to throw elbows at me. When we were a safe enough distance away, I bent at the knees, squeezed my arms, and stood straightâlifting him and turning my arms to the left while my left leg swept his feet out from under him. I followed him down to the floor, landing roughly on top of him where he landed on his side. I scrambled to keep my balance as he thrashed, keeping my legs wide and balanced on my toes to keep the brunt of my weight pressing on his torso through my chest. My hands fought for purchase on him, but he was riled up and his arms were slick with sweat.
My hands slipped as he threw his elbow back, catching me in the nose hard enough to draw blood and probably give me a black eye. I kept up my efforts, growling in frustration as I tucked my left armâwhich was closest to his headâunderneath his head and neck, using my face to force his right arm across his body from behind his tricep. I managed to grab his right wrist with my left hand, rendering it immobile. Pushing off my toes, I drove my chest forward like a steamroller until he was lying on his stomach with his arm trapped between the floor and his body. I held him down firmly, finally waving over one of the agents while the other stayed with the woman so we could cuff him. I breathed heavily through the dripping blood, getting off of him only when several other agents were able to accompany him out after clearing the rest of the house.
I grimaced as I tasted the metallic blood on my tongue, turning away from the sobbing child to grab some gauze and spit in it. I prodded my nose, thankful to not have to deal with another broken nose this year. After shoving gauze into my nose, I wiped the blood off my face and faced the girl again.
She couldn't have been more than eight or nine years old, curled into a ball with heavy bruising along her arms and legs. Blood splattered across her limbs but the origin was unclear as she hid her face.
âHi, you must be Sophia,â I murmured, keeping my hands to myself.
She didn't respond, but I waved the other agents besides the one accompanying her mother out of the room to give her space. It was unproven whether the mother was involved or not, so I couldn't exactly kick her out if I wanted to.
I unclasped my helmet, setting it down while I sat on the floor a safe distance away, âSophia, my name is Leo and I'm here to clean your cuts. Is that okay?â
Her sobs continued, words breaking through in distraught breaths, âAre yo-uâu one o-of daddy's f-friends?â
âNo, I'm with the FBI, the police. Do you want to see?â I asked her, slowly reaching for my credentials to not scare her. I dug into another pouch after, finding a small stuffed animal I kept there for calls like this. âI'm going to put it here with this bunny, it's for you,â I murmured, placing my badge and the stuffed bunny within her reach.
Her face peeked out from her arms, bruised and covered in blood and cuts. Her hand reached forward, shaking until it landed on my badge. Her fingers curled around the leather book, bringing it to her face to examine, reading my name and glancing at my face to match the picture.
I sat patiently.
Her eyes dropped to the bunny as she put my badge back down. Her eyes flitted between the pristine fur and her bloodied hands.
âI don't want to get it dirty,â her wobbly voice sounded.
âI can clean your hands, that way you can hold it?â I offered, stripping my gloves slowly and replacing them with blue medical gloves.
Sophia thought about it for a moment, eyes still fixated on the bunny. Slowly, her head nodded, jolting down and back up quickly.
âOkay, Iâm gonna scoot closer,â I warned her, using my arms and feet to slide myself a little closer.
I pulled out a couple wipes and opened my hand palm-up, inviting her to place her hand in mine. She did so, slowly and still unsure.
âItâll be a little cold, okay?â I murmured, gently wiping her skin until it was no longer tinged red, mindful of the bruises and potential fractures and breaks from shielding herself.
âAll clean,â I smiled, as she reached for the bunny and clutched it tightly. âCan I look at your face now? I can clean you up before we have a doctor look at you.â
She stiffened at the mention of leaving , âIâ.â
She was silent again, staring blankly at the bunny cradled in her shivering hands.
âYou might feel a bit better,â I sighed softly, clasping my hands together. âIâll tell you what, if anything hurts, you can squeeze my arm or the bunny as tight as you need but Iâll be really gentle. Does that sound okay?â
Her eyes finally snapped to my face, wide and harsh like a caged wild animal, âY-youâre bleeding,â she stated.
âI am but thatâs okay,â I smiled, realizing the blood had soaked through most of the gauze in my nose. âDo you want me to do mine first? So you can see?â
She nodded.
I poured alcohol into my hands off to the side to clean her blood off my gloves, letting them dry in the air for a moment before grabbing clean gauze. I kept my face as straight as possible as I dug my finger in my nose and pulled out the bloody mass, immediately replacing it and repeating it on the other side. I wiped off my face with the excess, being extra slow to imitate how I was going to treat her. When I was finished, she looked back at the bunny, deep in thought.
âOkay,â she whispered.
I nodded and took off my gloves, replacing them with new ones, âIâm going to get a little closer.â
She nodded and sat up a little straighter as she leaned against the wall, crying out softly as her injuries stretched. I shifted closer again, âItâs okay, itâs okay, â I reached out slowly. âIâm going to touch your shoulders and neck first. Remember to squeeze if you need to.â
She grimaced as I gently prodded her boney shoulders, feeling for anything out of place. I worked my way up, keeping an open hand as my fingers felt her neck. Mostly satisfied that nothing was obviously broken, I fished out supplies to clean her open wounds.
âItâs going to sting but Iâm going to be as gentle as I can,â I murmured. âYouâre being super brave.â
I cleaned out the wounds, fighting my emotions by clenching my jaw as she cried out in pain. Her fingernails bit into my wrist but I welcomed the distraction if it helped her get through it. I covered them with gauze and tape, grabbing a wipe to clean the dried blood off.
âThe hard part is over, okay? I promise,â I cooed, brushing the hair away from her face so I could wipe the caked blood away with light pressure on her sore face.
I moved away from her face, collecting all the discarded, bloody material to dispose of later, âOkay, Sophia, Iâm going to give you a choice. You need to go to the hospital. The ambulance is going to be waiting outside in a bit. Would you like to walk or can I carry you?â
âI d-donât wan-hic-t to,â she stammered, still hiccuping over her cries.
âThe doctor needs to make sure you get better. You have to.â
Throughout the interaction, Sophia hadnât even spared a glance at her mother.
âWill you c-come with me?â she asked, sniffling.
âOf course.â
âOkay,â she murmured. âIâI donât want to walk.â
I clipped my helmet to my person and closed up all of my zippers, transitioning to my knees.
âCuff the mom, sheâs being charged, too,â we heard come in over the radio.
The agent already holding her arm, held her more firmly, moving behind her as he grabbed his cuffs.
âGet the fuck off me!â she snarled.
âStop resisting, maâam.â
âFuck you!â She fought against him but he calmly continued and took her out of the room.
I shielded Sophia from view as her mother passed, her sobs having bubbled up again at the outburst.
âStupid little whore,â she spat at us, most of it landing on me, thankfully.
My jaw was going to be aching with the effort it took to compose myself this entire time.
âAlright, sweetie, one, two, three,â I counted for her, sliding one arm around her back and one under her knees and standing up.
Her head lolled against my vest as her hands clutched the soft bunny, curling around it and into me.
âYouâre safe, now.â
I bit at my lips as I exited the house, it was all I could do to keep myself from breaking down while battle-hardened agents stared at us with equally angry and woeful glances at the sight of Sophia. The staging area had just opened up to allow EMS through, a gurney being rolled up to meet me as I stepped into the street.
She whimpered as I laid her down, making eye contact with one of the EMTs, âWait for me.â
I stepped away, looking around for my lead agent and flagging him down.
âWhat happened to your face?â he cringed.
âWayward elbow,â I shrugged. âIââ
âLeo?â came a panicked cry. âLeo!?â louder this time.
âYeah, go,â he urged me as I looked back at the EMTs loading her in the ambulance. âCPS will meet you there.â
I pawned my weapons off on him and jogged after the ambulance, practically leaping in.
âIâm here, Iâm here,â I reached for her hand, feeling her trembling fingers close around mine.
The ride to the hospital was short but the flurry of activity as soon as we arrived was overwhelming to the both of us. I did my best to follow them, only to be stopped before they pushed her gurney through double-doors.
âSir, you canât,â one of the nurses blocked me.
All I could hear was my name echoing down the hallway, âButââ
âIâm sorry.â
I stood there watching the doors swing back and forth, my face crumbling as her cries intensified with the growing distance between us. My body nearly gave out from under me, stumbling backward until my back made contact with the wall. I slid down the wall, inconsolable as I fell apart with my hands hiding my face and tears. I felt the beginnings of a panic attack, the hitching in my throat making it hard to breathe. I forced myself to inhale deeply, blocked by the gauze still in my nose. I violently ripped them out, not caring about the pain from the tender area.
The blood had mostly dried up anyway.
With a shaky throat, I forced myself to take deep breaths with my head tucked into my knees. It took a few minutes, but my heart rate evened out despite the tears still tracking down my face. I was brought out of my thoughts as I heard determined footsteps down the hallway, making their way toward the double-doors. I scrubbed my face, clearing my throat and standing up to see a woman armed with a file and backpack.
âExcuse me,â I interrupted her. âAre you the social worker from CPS? For Sophia?â
She assessed me up and down, seeing remnants of dried blood over my FBI patch, âYes, AgentâŠ?â
âSSA Navarro,â I finished for her. âIâumâI was with her after the raid on her house. Umââ
The woman waited patiently, with a hint of urgency buried underneath in the way her eyes flicked toward the doors.
âI just want to sit with her. Sheâs scared.â
âIâm sorry, I canât allow that,â she sighed. âThe interview with her is confidential and I donât want to cause her any undue stress.â
âMaâam, please. Sheâs already stressed. I helped keep her calm andââ
ââAnd I thank you for that, really. Not many agents would take that care but look at the state of you,â she gestured to my bloody clothes and swollen eyes. âYou are in no position to be comforting anyone, especially a child.â
âI justâI know how she feels IâI was in her position as a kidââ
She gave me a dejected sigh, âThat only cements my position, Agent Navarro. It wouldnât be good for you either.â
I nodded, realizing I wasnât going to get anywhere with her. I dug through my pockets, finding a business card and handing it to her, âIf she needs anything, please call me.â
She took it, looking at it and then me like she was fighting back words. She opened her mouth to speak, expecting her to say that Sophia would have everything she needed in their care. Sheâd probably be right. Instead, she closed her mouth, and nodded, slipping the card into her file.
âIâI gave her a stuffed animal, can you make sure she doesnât lose it?â I said as an afterthought as the social worker started walking toward the double-doors.
âI will.â
-
Two days later
I hesitated as I unlocked my phone to read his message. I was irritable and tired from the last two nights with little to no sleep. My nightmares had conjured up my childhood after Sophiaâs call, no longer showing me the horrid firefights in the desert where I struggled to breathe through clouds of sand as Marines laid out around me in varying states of injury. No, it showed me something I had buried long ago, something that even my subconscious rarely allowed to come out.
I debated calling Andrew when they started but I didnât want to dredge all that up for him again if he had successfully navigated it.
So, I sat in the dark, waiting for the sun to rise.
I went for several runs.
I drank.
None of it helped me sleep peacefully.
I couldnât even check Sophiaâs file with CPS, the whole thing locked down tightlyâas it should be. There was no way to get information without a warrant and I had no cause or need for it beside my own selfishness.
I chewed the inside of my cheek. At least I wouldnât wake Jack.
Hotch could tell there was something nagging me when he got home. I had arrived first, letting myself in with the key heâd given me. He found me sitting quietly on the couch, still dressed from work. My body was slouched against the back of the couch, fingers picking at the invisible lint on my pants.
âHey,â Aaron breathed softly, hanging his coat and dropping his belongings.
I lolled my head over at him, giving Aaron a weak smile, âHey.â
Aaronâs forehead softened as his eyes scanned my face, eyes still swollen from the elbow it caught, âEverything okay?â
I shook my head. I had debated lying but there wouldnât be a point. He already knew.
âDo you want to talk about it?â he asked, sitting next to me and opening his arms up.
I felt my body gravitate toward his presence, falling into his embrace. I couldnât tell him everything, not when he just got off work. He didnât need my issues, on top of that.
âJust a rough case the other day,â I mumbled.
âHad to be bad if itâs still affecting you,â Aaron pressed his lips to my head.
âIt was a domestic. Parents had been on the run for a while before we caught up to them. When we entered, the guy was beating on his daughterâsheââ I sighed. âShe was in bad shape, Aaron. I did my best, I cleaned her up, got her out, went to the hospital with her andâtheyâthey wouldnât let meââ My voice started crumbling and wobbling as I remembered her terrified screams, ââshe was screaming my name as they took her. CPS wouldnât let me sit with her. IâI just wanted to be there for her because no one was there for me and Andrew.â
Aaron was silent, letting me vent as he soothed his hands over my back and neck.
âI-I know weâre not allowed to follow upâto knowâbutâGodâAaron, I just wish I knew if she was okay. To tell her that things were going to be better now. That I didnât abandon her,â I sniffled as tears tracked down my face. âItâs so stupid, I only knew her for an hour at best.â
âItâs not stupid, sweetheart,â Aaron squeezed his arms tighter around me. âYou care so much and itâs normal when it hits close to home.â
âYea,â I sighed.
If only he knew the extent of my troubles.
We sat in silence for another few moments, my body relaxing further into Aaron. It was magic. He was magic.
âHungry?â
I debated saying ânoâ, but he knew me better than that. I was an endless pit unless Rossi was involved, âSure.â
Dinner was simple. Aaron didnât waste time with anything over the top. His mission was to feed us and get us into bed. I felt guilty being taken care of after he likely had a long day, too, but I didnât have the energy to fight him.
My body instantly melted into Aaronâs as we convened in his bed, under his blankets. I started drifting off immediately, but falling asleep wasnât the hard part.
Staying asleep was.
-
1987 - 12 Years Old - East Los Angeles
I was a sweaty mess by the time I approached the rickety stairs of my house. Mom had forgotten to pick me up, again, but I was used to walking by now. I noticed her car wasnât even in the driveway and sighed. I made a move to step up the first stair when I heard screams. Crying. Yelling.
Andy.
He stayed home sick today.
My feet moved faster, tossing my backpack haphazardly onto the porch as I fought frantically to unlock the door. My frustration made tears prick in the corners of my eyes.
Finally.
The door flung open to my momâs boyfriend, Eduardo, wailing on Andrew. I was frozen in the doorway watching him beat Andrew relentlessly with a closed fist. Andrewâs cries filled my ears. Tears streamed down my face. His watery eyes opened, finding me in the doorway through blurred vision.
âL-Le-o!â he cried.
Eduardo didnât stop.
âI told you to get your lazy ass up and go to school!â he bellowed.
âH-ey! Stop!â I finally found my voice. âLeave Andy alone!â
Nothing.
âYou got a hearing problem, boy?!â he shouted at Andrew.
I took a cautious step forward, but what was I going to do? The guy was huge, way bigger than my 5â2â frame, which stood shorter than most of the other boys in my class. Not to mention that a strong wind could probably kite me away.
But, Andy.
Closing my fists tightly, I stormed forward, grabbing the short lamp in the living room. I flipped it upside down and brought it swiftly down onto his back. The stupid thing bent from the force.
But, he stopped hurting Andy.
Standing up straight, he turned, wiping the spittle from his mouth, âYou want some too, huh?â
I gulped, stepping back as I made eye contact with Andrew. I nodded to my brother, who got up as quickly as his beaten body could and hid.
I couldnât speak as I quickly ran out of space to back away.
âFeeling neglected?â he snarled, grabbing me by the shirt and shoving me so hard that I stumbled and fell to my back, head cracking sharply on the linoleum floors. âI knew you wanted daddyâs attention. You have it now,â he grinned.
I tried to scoot myself back but I hit my head harder than I thought, my movements uncoordinated and not nearly fast enough. He was on me.
Heavy.
Suffocating.
âN-no, stop!â I cried, tears renewing as his hands pulled at my clothes.
I remembered a breeze, thenâ
Sharp, burning painâ
-
Present
I sat up quickly, breathing erratically as phantom pains pulsed in my lower body. I caught my breath, grimacing as my shirt clung to my sweaty skin. Thankfully, Aaron still slept soundly, face turned my way but half smashed into the pillow.
I felt a burning sensation rising up in my throat, quickly throwing off the covers and scampering out of the room so I didn't wake Aaron. I found myself in the kitchenâhunched over the sinkâgrimacing with my forearms pressed into the cool countertops.
I wouldn't do that memory the honor of crying over it. Not anymore.
That day would mark a turning point in my life. Not necessarily for the better, either. My grades slipped. I got into fights. I withdrew into myselfâaside from my interactions with my brother. He was affected in his own ways having to listen to my cries, but we comforted each other. We were all each other had.
Our mother didnât even believe either of us despite the physical proof.
High school came two years later.
The general abuse didnât stop for Andrew and any time I stepped in it would end worse for me. It made me angry and vengeful. I dreamed of all the things I would do to him if I was bigger. I would hurt him. Break him.
I wanted to kill him.
I forged my motherâs signature my Freshman Year and joined the wrestling team. I was only a couple inches taller at the beginning of the school yearâaround 5â4ââshorter than most of the guys on the wrestling team. But, I had my own advantages. I was quick and determined to the point of self-detriment. I had to work twice as hard to take someone down in the lowest weight class, nevermind that most of these guys had been wrestling since they were kids. I learned quickly how leverage could be my greatest ally in a size war.
I had to be more careful, though. High school wrestling meant matches, and matches meant singlets, and singlets meant exposed skin. Sure, I could write it off as it being from training, but none of the other guys ever had bruises to this extent.
It was embarrassing. I had to hide away and change in a secluded corner of the locker room for years.
By Junior Year, I was 5â9â, shooting up five inches over a couple years and gaining mass like my life depended on it.
Because it did.
Teammates were kind enough to share their protein with me despite my rather unsavory attitude most of the time. My coach saw something in me, maybe the pain in my eyesâhellâmaybe my boney shoulders when I was fourteen. Whatever it was, he gave me a few dollars here and there for lunch and it helped.
Later, I got a fast food job.
I felt bad leaving Andrew unattended with that monster for so long but I needed this to protect him.
To be stronger.
Andrew was eleven now and fighting back more and more. The bastard hid the bruises well, but I feared that Eduardo would do the same to Andrew as heâd done to me. The thing he hadnât tried since I started getting bigger and harder to control. As far as I knew, he hadnât tried it with Andrew yet and we told each other everything.
I abandoned my dreams post-high school. I wanted to be a doctor or a nurse but I was barely passing my classes despite retaining most of it. I wasnât doing the work, instead gambling on the tests. I usually won the gambles but it did nothing for my grades.
-
1992 - 16 years old
I let out a heavy sigh as I walked home smelling like grease and sweat. I was exhausted having been up early for wrestling practice before school and now having closed the restaurant.
My mind was contemplating the career and college day we had at school earlier in the week, seeing little booths scattered all around our quad. I hung my head almost shamefully as I passed all the scholarship and college booths, intending just to pass through the quad to the other side.
âSon,â I heard in my right ear. âSon,â the voice demanded again, but with more grit.
My head snapped up, seeing a man in a navy blue uniform surrounded by posters of huge ships and other craft. His short dark hair was covered by a white cap that screamed âsailorâ, leading to thick, sharp, and intense brows. His cheeks flared out before tapering back down to a strong, squared chin. His gaze was intense, with the only pretty things about him being his light blue eyes and cupidâs bow. (See Titus Welliver in the 1990s and imagine him wearing Navy enlisted dress blues.)
âGood, youâre not deaf,â he commented, extending his hand toward me, chin tilted up slightly with his eyes flicking down. The man seemed sharp and no-nonsense but with a dependable kind of energy about him.
âIâno, sir,â I extended my hand in kind, shaking his hand and stuffing mine back in my pocket. I saw the rank on his arm, an eagle atop three red, inverted chevrons. I had no idea what it meant.
âAlready off to a decent start,â he nodded. âIâm Petty Officer Dalton,â he sniffed, looking around at the people milling around us, âI saw you ignoring everyone. Why arenât you participating at other booths?â
âIâuhmâmy grades arenât so great anymore and I donât have money for college, not that Iâd get in anywhere.â
âYouâre in luck,â he gestured toward one of the posters. âWeâd just need you to get your diploma, no matter the grades.â
âI donât knowââ
âWhat did you want to do before you gave up so easily?â Daltonâs brows pinched together, head shifting forward antagonistically.
I felt my face heat up in anger. Easily? Who the fuck did this guy think he was?
âThatâs not fairââ
âLifeâs not fair, son. Answer me.â
Gritting my teeth, my jaw flexing under the tension, I finally did answer him, âSomething in the medical field. Doctor, nurse, I donât know.â
âYou could have something like that in the Navy if you wanted. Youâre already in good shape. Youâre not that stupid, from what I can tell. Youâd have structure, food, housing. Everything you need.â
Except Iâd be leaving Andrew behind.
âHow old are you?â
âSixteen,â I answered. â Well, seventeen in a couple months.â
âYou could sign up as early as seventeen. Youâd be in the delayed entry program until you graduate, then youâd ship off to boot camp shortly after.â
It sounded so simple. So easy. Except for the part where Iâd be leaving Andrew behind, it sounded perfect.
âJust need your parentâs signatures.â
I pursed my lips, cringing slightly, âMm, yea.â
âIs that a problem?â Dalton clasped his hands neatly in front of him.
âOne hasnât been around since I was four. And my mother, well, I actually donât know how sheâd react. She doesnât give a shit about me but I wouldnât put it past her to not sign it to be difficult. Aâand my brother would still be with her, unfortunately.â
âLook, if thereâs trouble at home, I understand not wanting to leave him behind but you need to think about your future, too. How are you going to help him if youâre barely passing high school, and then what? Minimum wage plus bills? If youâre saying she doesnât care about you, her signing this will legally emancipate you, too. If thatâll mess up your living situation, you donât have to mention that part, but it would still be true.â
I was quiet, thinking over everything he said. I heard him shuffling through papers, finally pulling out a pamphlet with the word âCorpsmanâ in huge letters on it. He pulled out a form and his business card, sliding both over.
âThink about it.â
âOkay,â I nodded. âThank you.â
The pamphlet, form, and business card lay tucked in a folder in my backpack even now, days later. I was so lost in thought that I didnât hear the struggle until I was standing at the steps of my porch.
My blood ran cold. It was so late at night, yet, my mother still wasnât home but the sounds of a struggle inside made me anxious.
âWait! WaiâNO!â
The panic in Andrewâs voice made me see red.
I kicked the door open, looking frantically around the living room but hearing the struggle from deeper in the house in mine and Andrewâs shared bedroom.
Oh, fuck no.
Flinging my bag across the room, I marched over to Eduardo, who was fighting off Andrewâs legs and clawing at his clothing. I didnât think twice, wrapping both arms underneath his, bending my knees, and using my hips to lift him up and away from Andrew. Using one of my legs I swept his foot away from the floor, and drove all my weight down into the ground with him in my arms. We fell into a heap on the floor, with me laying perpendicular on his hip.
âYou think youâre all big and tough now, fagââ
I didnât let him finish the sentence before my fist was meeting his face at a rapid pace after placing my knee on his stomach. I could feel myself yelling and screaming at him but I couldnât actually hear it with the blood rushing in my ears.
He would try to get up and I would use my weight to get him back down and continue the assault.
I didnât stop until I finally heard the sound of Andrew calling my name.
âLeo, please,â he sniffled.
I saw the terror in Andrewâs eyes at the blood that covered my fists, the open wounds on my knuckles, and the swollen face in front of me. Still Eduardo tried to get up. I grabbed him by his feet, dragging him unceremoniously to the broken front door and leaving him half inside and half on the porch.
I heard sirens in the distance and cursed, knowing someone had heard the commotion and called but I accepted whatever was going to happen. I went back to Andrew, gingerly sitting on the bed next to him and feeling my heart shatter as he curled his lanky body into my arms while sobbing. I clutched him tightly, trying to keep my bloody knuckles away from him but feeling the protectiveness set in deeper as the police sirens came to a stop outside.
âThe police are here, Andrew,â I murmured, his breathing still labored but his tears had stopped by then.
âLAPD!â
Hurried footsteps pounded through the house along with voices making demands. I looked up, seeing two officers at the threshold of the bedroom with guns drawn. At the sight of Andrew, they lowered their weapons, speaking lowly into their radios.
âHey, kid, what happened,â one of them finally addressed me.
I looked up at them slowly and back down to my brother, asking, âIs he alive?â
âY-yea,â the officer answered, giving a brief glance backward.
âMm,â I clenched my jaw. âHe was trying to râra,â I swallowed the bile rising in my throat.
The officers nodded in understanding.
âKnow where your mom is?â
I shook my head.
âShe do that a lot?â
I nodded, âAnd that was her boyfriend. Heâuhmâheâs been hurting us for a while. Heâs beenârâapâingâme since I was twelve. He stopped a couple years ago,â I mumbled, not trusting myself to say the word coherently.
âAnd if we talk to your neighbors?â
âIâm sure theyâve heard plenty.â
The room fell silent.
âCan youâuhâget some pants out of that drawer for him?â I pointed across the room. âThat bastard ripped his pants open.â
When they finally got a hold of my mother, she was home in fifteen minutes. I had packed a bag for Andrew and I and waited in the back of one of the police cars with him glued to my side.
She stormed up to the officers, immediately spitting a stream of Spanish at them.
Ever since Eduardo found one of my well hidden magazines, it was all I was called around the house.
âÂĄRespĂłndeme!â Answer me!, she screamed.
Her hand reared so fast, coming down onto my cheek so quickly that the officers had no time to stop her. I didnât react, simply holding Andrew tighter while the officers grabbed her and started putting cuffs on her.
âWait,â I looked at the officers. âOne thing before you do the other hand.â
I pulled the form from the other day out, the form for her to sign off for the Navy. I silently held it out with a pen.
She signed it and the officers took her away. CPS gave us a place to sleep that night but once they saw my form, they told me as soon as I submitted it that they could no longer help me.
Andrew and I were placed into a group home shortly after.
A couple months later, on my seventeenth birthday, I submitted the form. The recruiter in my local recruitment office was Dalton, the same sailor from that day at school and he recognized me immediately.
âYouâre back,â he stated almost smugly with his hands folded on his desk.
Daltonâs navy blue head wear sat flat on his desk, revealing the beginnings of a receding hairline. His uniform was different than before. Less formal. This time wearing a navy blue button down with long sleeves buttoned to the top and a tie cinching him at the neck. Not unlike someone would wear to an office but in one color, with the addition of his rank on his arms and ribbons on his chest. (See winter working blues)
âYea,â I smiled. âItâs my birthday.â
I placed the slightly rumpled form on his desk with my birth certificate. He took it, looking it over and setting it aside.
âHowâve you been?â He asked with the shadow of a smile.
I blew out a big breath, âA little better, honestly.â I paused. âMy mom and her boyfriend got arrested for child endangerment and abuse. My brother and I have been in a group home, but Iâm going to have to figure something out because they said I canât stay once I do this because of the whole emancipated thing.â
I had been informed that I wasnât allowed to go back home once I was an emancipated minor, since the house was owned by my mother. So, it would be considered trespassing.
Dalton nodded, âYou have any ideas yet?â
âI canât afford anything out here on minimum wage. Iâll look into a shelter or something. Itâs only for a year.â
He looked pensive for a moment, âCan you afford, like $200 a month?â
âProbably, I just buy groceries and bus tickets for myself and Iâll send the rest to my brother.â
âOkay with dogs?â
âYes.â
âAre you clean?â
âLike drugs or tidy?â
âBoth.â
âYes.â
âI live ten minutes away with two dogs. I have a spare room if you want it. I donât have a family.â
I was stunned.
âO-okay,â I stuttered. âUhâyes, please, sorry.â
Dalton laughed, âYou have school today?â
âYes, Iâm on my lunch, right now. Iâm off work at 10.â
He nodded, scribbling an address on a paper, âIâll be waiting. Weâll go over house rules later.â
I took the paper and smiled, âThank you.â
Dalton was easy to live with and convenient since he wouldnât be getting new orders until late next year. The owners of the group home were kind enough to let me visit after school or work. Eventually, my motherâs house foreclosed.
That year flew by fast.
Telling Andrew I would be leaving for a while after graduation was hard but he understood that I would come visit when I could. I always gave him my address wherever I moved so we could write to each other, and sent him any extra money to help him out.
It eventually worked itself out.
-
Present Day
âBabe?â I heard groggily from where I stood with my forehead pressed into the cool counter.
I snapped upright, turning to see Aaron standing in the bedroom doorway. His hair was a mess and his eyes squinted through his sleepy haze.
âYea, yea, sorry,â I sighed, meeting him in the doorway with the expectation that heâd step aside and let me through.
âWhatâs going on?â he murmured, swaying slightly but not moving out of the way as we stood chest to chest.
I shook my head, bracing my hands on his hips as I felt tears prick my eyes.
âTalk to me, L,â he pressed a kiss to my forehead and brought me into his arms with my head resting against his chest.
âIâI donât know if I can,â I whined, the pitch rising in my throatâconstricting my airways and causing me to panic.
âItâs just me, honey. Let me help you,â Aaron let his fingers thread through my bedhead.
I squeezed Aaronâs torso tightly against me before letting him go, âCan we lay down, first?â
Aaron nodded, leading me back to bed and tucking me snugly against his warm body. We laid there in silence for a bit, Aaron continuing to card his fingers through my hair soothingly.
I started slowly relaying everythingâmy childhood with Andrew, the abuse, the arrests. I was hesitant at first but once I started, I couldnât stop. It flowedânoâexploded out like opening a dropped bottle of soda; the pressure having been built up for almost twenty years.
I was a mess by the time I finished, my face still dug into Aaronâs tear stained shirt. If I bothered to look up, Iâd see the tears in his eyes, too.
âIâm sorry that happened to you both,â Aaron whispered into the darkness. âI understand why you got so attached to that girl.â
âShe just needed someone to care about her,â I took in a shuddering breath, trying to regulate my breathing.
âDaltonâuhmâseemed like he really turned your life around,â Hotch murmured.
âYea, heâs kind of like my stand-in dad, I guess. Well, he might be a little young for that. Maybe a really old big brother,â I laughed softly. âI mean, Iâll never say that to his face butâŠâ
âYou didnât invite him to your promotion?â
âI did. Heâs still active duty at Great Lakes. Heâs a Senior Instructor at the AM âAâ School. Told me that heâs got six months left and a whole binder of NJP write-ups he hopes not to use. But if some non-rate torches another airframe by accident, all bets are off.â
Aaron laughed despite not really understanding half of it.
âHe even came with me to visit Andrew and take him out a few times before I left to boot camp. Heâs kept up with both of us pretty well over the years.â I laughed under my breath, âYouâd probably get along surprisingly well.â
Silence filled the air again and I almost dozed back off before Aaron started speaking again, âHave you gone to therapy for any of that?â
âAh, no, well, I went to some mandated therapy with the Bureau when I was having nightmares again about Afghanistan again butâŠnot this specifically.â
âYou should think about it. Itâs helped Jack a lot.â
âMm,â I hummed, not really giving him a straight answer. âYea, I guess.â
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Original Male Character (OMC)
Rating: Explicit
Summary: LeĂłn has a pressing question for Aaron that he's terrified to ask. Jack's nightmares from Foyet surface.
Content Warnings: strong language, first person POV, found family, martial arts, Foyet is his own warning, childhood nightmares, insecurity
A/N: A little late but for good reason! This art is one of my favorites. Hope you enjoy! (It's only getting sadder from here!)
Songs from the playlist for this chapter: Endlessly, Love Song, All the Way 4U. (If youâve checked out the playlist before, youâll notice I rearranged the songs near the end and theyâre finally in chapter orderâŠso you can see the sad fun things to come LOL).
My Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Professor had been dropping subtle hints at a promotion for months. A promotion I certainly didnât feel was warranted just yet but Iâd been practicing for around ten years, though not as consistent as Iâd like with workâand recentlyâwith Aaron and Jack taking up much of my free time.
It wasnât a complaint by any means.
My Professor had also taken in to consideration my job, previous service experiences, and high school wrestling. It didnât make the impostor syndrome feel any different.
Iâd been with this school long enough to know that as they got closer to the holidays, they started saving important promotionsânamely belt promotions rather than stripesâfor the holiday party.
It ultimately led to my current predicament, telling Aaron about it. Heâd heard about the party itself when I convinced him to have Jack do a trial class a few weeks back when one of the coaches was making announcements.
Jack had loved it, but it was a decision that had to include Haley because of their shared time with the boy.
Aaron hadnât come to any of the classes I taught, assisted, or attended and not because he explicitly said he didnât care for it. He was busy and we tended to spend a lot of our free time together, meaning when I did go to the school, Aaron was either out of town or spending time with Jack.
All this to say: I wasnât sure if he was invested enough in my love for the sport to come if I invited him.
It was a ridiculous thought.
The man had sat through enough of me watching competitions on my phone and TV to be aware of my enthusiasm and if he didnât have an interest, he hid it well. The fact that he took Jack to a trial class said something, too.
I needed to make a decision, though. The party was this coming Saturday and it was already Wednesday night.
I poured us a couple drinks, while Aaron was lounging on the couch, the TV playing something in the background but he wasnât paying attention. I brought the glasses over, Aaron reaching over with a grateful smile and taking one of the glasses. He flipped back the blanket we were huddling under for warmth and let me back in to the warm cocoon we created.
I pressed myself into his side, letting my arm drape over his shoulders so I could press a kiss to his cheek. Aaron smiled, turning his head toward me so he could give me a proper kiss before going for a sip of his drink.
âSoâŠâ I started, trailing off as my train of thought derailed.
âUh oh,â he laughed softly over the rim of his glass, eyes trying to read the stuck, contemplative expression on my face.
âYou remember the holiday party they talked about at Jackâs class?â
âYeah,â he cocked his head, reading right through me like he knew exactly was I was going to ask.
âThatâs on Saturday andâuhm,â I pursed my lips. "Would youâ uhmâwould you want to come with me? Jack and Haley can come, too, of course, I justâŠâ
He waited patiently for me to finish but when I didnât, he kissed my cheek, âIâd love to come with you. And Iâll talk to Haley and see if she has plans.â
âThanks,â I gave him a half smile, unsure of why I was so hesitantâscared evenâto ask.
Maybe it was the thought that he might not want to be involved in something I loved so much. It wouldnât be the first time a partnerânot one I loved nearly as much as Aaronâhad felt that way but it stung regardless. But, Aaron had never told me to spend less time at my hobbies and more time with him, aware that both of us led busy lives and didnât need to spend every moment together outside of work.
Or maybe the fact that I had no one else to invite. Andrew and Ben were already coming the following weekend and staying with me for an extended period while Ben was on a break from school. They were the only other two who knew and while they would have loved to come, it wasnât the soundest decision.
âSomethingâs bothering you,â he stated.
It wasnât even a question.
He could feel the tension in my bodyâcoiled tight like a springâdespite our relaxed positions and the alcohol in my system.
âNo,â I answered too quickly. At his raised eyebrow, I backed up," âWell, not botheringâokay, maybe bothering me but itâs not you.â
Aaron took the glass out of my hands and set both of them on the coffee table, using his newly free hands to wrap me up in his arms. One arm dragging my legs closer and the other around my back. I didnât think I could get closer, but here we were.
Aaron didnât push the subject, letting the silence between us stretch until I could spit it out.
âIâmâuhâgetting my black belt,â I said, still not believing it myself. Hell, I hadnât even thought about what I would say for the inevitable speech. âAndrew and Ben wonât be here until next weekend or theyâd come butââ
I could feel a tightness in my throat that I fought to bury.
âIâI didnât know who else to invite. People always bring their families, iâitâs such a huge accomplishment that takes like a decade to get to, so obviouslyâand I justâI just donât have anyone else,â I clenched my jaw as I felt my chin wobble and my voice give way. âAnd I know youâre not crazy over the sport like I am so I didnât want you to feel obligated andââ
I stopped rambling, saying the gist of what I felt and blinked back the stinging in my eyes. Aaron squeezed his arms round me comfortingly, allowing me to finally hide my face in his neck as I felt a tear slip free.
âIâm so proud of you,â he murmured against my face. âAnd I donât care what it's for, I would find a way to be there, okay?â
I nodded, unable to speak anymore without completely breaking down.
âAnd I know Jack and Haley would love to watch, too. I love you and they love you. I meant it when I said youâre family now. If you invited Derek, Penelope, Emily, JJâhell, even Spencer or Dave, they would do their best to come, too, despite Derek being the only familiar one with it. Okay?â
I nodded, cringing at the feeling of my tears making his skin slippery. I felt his warm hands come up and frame my face, gently pulling my face out of his neck, soothing his thumbs over my jaw.
âI love you,â he repeated with conviction.
âI love you, too,â I rasped, accepting the kiss he pressed to my lips.
It was safe to say Haley and Jack were more than excited. Haley immediately took over my potluck responsibilityâit was a volunteer basis but she took it off my hands claiming it was the least she could do. I could have cried all over again at the big hug Jack gave me, screeching his excitement in my ear. I held it together considering we had been at dinner in public.
I hadnât invited Aaronâs team despite what he said, feeling a little out of place doing so even though we'd had a great time at Daveâs house.
I even took a gamble and sent a text to Dalton, my old Navy recruiter, to invite him but recieved a saddening text in reply.
âSorry, kid. Got a new round of sailors in here. They might be my worst yet. Send me pictures!â
Saturday morning came around too quickly, but I was up extra early fussing over what I was going to say. Aaron had done his best to quiet my head by distracting me with a morning run, food, and everything else he could think of but none of it worked.
Not even the blowjob.
With an hour left to go, I got dressed in my uniformâone of my newer white ones instead of the old, sweat stained ones. I tied my well-loved and fraying brown belt around my waist, and grabbed the bag I packed with extra clothes to change after the promotions. Jack and Haley would be coming separately, Jack claiming that he had to help his mom make everything extra special.
Aaron kept a comforting hand on my thigh on the drive there, helping to steel my nerves but not quite enough.
We were early but plenty of people were here already to locate good parking. Jack and Haley were on their way and wouldnât be more than a five minutes behind us.
Nerves eased a little more when a boundless ball of energy spotted us from inside, immediately shouting, "LeĂłncito, you're here!â
My professor could always serve to make me laugh, jogging over to wrap me up in a strong hug. I laughed, hugging him back.
âI'm so excited for you, Brother,â he grasped the back of my head firmly.
Finally releasing me, his eyes fell to Aaron, who watched the exchange with a soft expression.
âThis is Aaron, myâuhâboyfriend,â I introduced.
âIâm Jaime, itâs great to meet you,â the bald, stocky, Puerto-Rican man grinned from underneath a thick beard.
Aaron shook his hand, interrupted by a loud shriek of, âDaddy!â. He lifted Jack into his arms, pressing a kiss to the boy's face.
âThis is Jack, Aaronâs son,â I ruffled Jackâs hair.
âOh, thatâs right I wasnât here when he did the trial class, huh? Did you have fun, buddy?â
Jack nodded, a little on the shy side and clinging to his father.
I felt a hand on my back, seeing Haley out of the corner of my eye, "Hey, I'm glad you made it,â i hugged her.
âThis is Jackâs mom, Haley,â I introduced.
He shook her hand just as eagerly, a genuine lover of people, âAwesome, great to have you. Very progressive," he winked at me.
I just rolled my eyes at his teasing.
âSit anywhere youâd like,â Jaime gestured to the numerous benches, âbut right here are the best seats,â he gave Aaron a friendly clap on the shoulder and pointed to a bench nearest to the mats.
âOkay, I need your help while we wait to start, man. The kids are driving me nuts and Daniel is coordinating the camera stuff with George.â
As more and more people showed up--some who I hadn't seen months because they were taking time off--I realized as each person greeted me and one another with urgency and love, that even if I didnât have Aaron, Haley, and Jack, that this crazy group of people were my family too. It was a lot like Aaron and his team: a mish-mash of people from different walks of life--an ER doctor with three kids, an aging construction worker, a high school junior, an elementary school psychologist, an FBI agent--to name a few.
As the event started, my professors began on the lower end from the numerous blue belt promotioms, to the handful of purple belt promotions, to the three brown belt promotions, and finally the two black belt promotions.
Jaime had to give three speeches for the three new brown belts, before passing the attention off to George and myself for our black belt promotions. I was naturally last, Jaimeâs favorite past time being to torture me.
My mind reeled as I gave the speech one last, fleeting thought--my unease mostly due to my lack of preparation, but I reflected on my last ten years. All the new things you learn about yourself in this sport, the new challenges youâre willing to take on, the way youâre willing to push yourself to continuously do better and face your fears.
âI know heâs sweating and dreading the speech, so without further adoâLeĂłncito, get up here, brother.
I did soâamong cheers and applauseâfeeling my face heat up with all the attention. I met the collection of black belts at the front, which included both of my professors as well as their professor, who had at least fifteen years longer in the sport than they did.
Jaime undid my well-worn and tattered brown belt, handing it off to my other professor, Daniel. The cinching of the black belt around my waist was daunting, but as I was pulled into three more hugs and promptly abandoned in front of crowd, I realized this was far more daunting.
I cleared my throat as I looked out at the people in front of me waiting expectantly, tugging the skirt of my jacket down to smooth the wrinkles.
âIâIâll be honestâI didnât prepare for this speech. Itâs been haunting me for days. Aaron knows,â I pointed his way, getting some laughs from everyone gathered around. âBut maybe thatâs fitting, because nothing about this journey is easy, predicable, or the same for any one person.â
I took another moment to clear my throat.
âWhen I joined my first class, I already had some grappling experience, but I didnât realize how much finding a community in this sport would change me. How much it would test me. How much it would teach me,â I turned toward the white belts. âYou come in thinking itâs all about technique, or getting stronger, or winning. But, it's more than that. It teaches you who you are when things are tough. It teaches you how to be uncomfortable, how to push through failure, and how to stand up no matter how tired you are. And it teaches you that youâre not doing it alone.â
âI donât have much family. And ask him,â I pointed to Aaron, âI was a wreck the other night when I realized I didnât have many people to invite here today. But, Iâve been lucky to train with some of the best people Iâve ever met here. People who put me through absolute hell in the best way possible, you know who you are. Those who pushed me, challenged me, and never let me give up. So, to every one of you in this roomâthank you."
I turned back toward Aaron, Haley, and Jackâfreezing when I saw a few more faces in the crowd who hadnât been there before. Derek, Penelope, JJ, Emilyâand yes, even Spencer and Dave.
âAaron, Jack, and Haley, thank you for coming to support me and you guys,â I laughed at the way the team was hugging one another in various ways, making my eyes sting, âThank you for welcoming me into your family. It means more than I can put into words."
I did my best to keep my tears at bay but it was inevitable as stray tears started falling but I left them there, âFinally, some of you knowâsome of you donâtâthat I didnât have the easiest upbringing. Too many people left their marks on me in ways Iâd rather forget. I could have let that anger control meâhell a couple times, it did. I could have become someone I didnât want to be. Wrestling gave me an outlet and showed me how to defend myself. And jiu-jitsu helped me realize that this was something I could pass onâsomething that could help people the way it helped me. This belt isn't just about practice and skill. Itâs not just about time. Itâs about being committed to each other, growing with each other, and giving back. And thatâs what I plan on continuing to do.â
With a final nod of my head, I ended my speech, âThank you.â
It was a bit of a mad house after that, people rushing to hug each other and their loved ones. I saw Aaronâs face as he searched for me through the crowd. I did my best to stop and congratulate everyone who did the same to me, but I only had one destination in mind.
Jack ran at me, so I scooped him up and landed in Aaronâs arms first. I fully accepted the kiss he gave me in front of so many of my closest friends.
I was in safe company.
âDoes this mean I get to call you âprofessor' when and wherever I want, now?â Aaron murmured in my ear as I hugged him.
I just laughed and pressed a kiss to his cheek as he took Jack from my arms. I made my rounds doing my best not to tear up as Aaronâs team looked at me with pride despite not knowing me longâwith the exception of Derek.
The crowd inside had moved outside, allowing for a little more breathing room as I paid each member of his team the attention they deserved. When I got to Derek, he flashed me a bright smile and gathered me into a tight hug with such force that I stumbled and spun away from the team.
I felt his hands making grips on my gi before I could even see the devious smile on his face. His right hand grabbing loose fabric on my back while his left gripped the seam on the underside of my same-side arm.
âYou fuckinâ,â I was barely able to get out before my back was meeting the mat in two quick steps. The slap of my hand breaking my fall echoed loudly, though sounding worse than it really was.
Jaime's elated voice boomed excitedly from the back of the room, âUchi-mata!â
I could only laugh loudly as Derek helped me back up, resisting the urge to throw him in retaliation.
Some of the team's faces look pained but upon realizing that I was fine, they eased up immediately.
âParty at my place at four, okay, kid?â Dave grinned, patting my shoulder like a proud dad.
I wouldn't know what that was like, but it felt good nonetheless.
âThanks, Dave.â
âDon't mention it. Butâif you and Derek start rolling around on the floor and break something, youâre paying for it.â
The team left shortly after to get some personal things done before Daveâs house. Haley stayed for a bit, letting Jack play with some of the kids while Aaron got acquainted with some of my teammates.
He was a champ, taking the invasive personal questions only forty year old and over men would ask each other in stride. But it was fun to watch his face get red as they joked.
I sent Dalton, my old recruiter, some pictures before tuning back into the conversation.
âHey, man, you're tall and you've got long limbs you should come try it some time,â one of my teammates, Samuel, a stocky, middle-aged civil engineer with the faint stench of marijuana clinging to his uniform. He got Aaronâs attention with a tap to Aaronâs arm with the back of his hand .
âI don't knoâ"
âAccording to Derek, you need it,â I bumped into him playfully.
âThâyou know what. Thatâs uncalled for, I canât help that Iâm better with a gun.â
âYea well, this won't hurt. Iâll even be your partner,â I rolled my eyes. âI'm a good partner, right Cesar?â
Cesar, who worked in the athletics department of a local university, made a noise of mock protest around the food in his mouth, âI'm kidding, Profe.â
âYeah, you better be.â
-
December 2010
I was as quiet as possible as I unlocked Aaronâs front door, knowing both he and Jack were sound asleep this late at night. I had promised Jack the night before that we would have breakfast and hadnât anticipated a SWAT call to take up a good chunk of the night. I would feel guilty missing it, so decided to sneak inâwith Aaronâs approvalâlest I meet the barrel of a gun as soon as I entered.
Surprisingly, Aaron was sleeping like a rock if the lack of movement and soundâbeyond his snoringâwas anything to go by. I moved silently, leaving my bag by the door and hanging my coat up by the door.
I stopped to blindly drink a glass of water in the kitchen before heading for the hallway. Something made me stop in my tracks as I did. My brows furrowed as I listened intently, pressing my ear against Jackâs door.
Was heâŠcrying?
Looking down the hall, I saw that Aaron was still sound asleep, so I knocked softly on Jackâs door and cracked it open.
Sure enough, Jack was curled in a ball, clutching his extra pillow tightly underneath a pile of blankets. His sobs were muffled by all of the fabric but I heard it clearer with the door open, now.
I stepped cautiously over, âJack?â
Jackâs breathing hitched, his sobs morphing to scared shudders.
âItâs me, Leo, buddy,â I whispered, making myself small by kneeling near his bed.
My heart shattered as he whimpered, practically shaking under the blankets.
âCan I take the blankets off?â
âN-no,â he whimpered.
âWhy? Are you scared of something?â I pushed gently.
âIâm working the case.â
I had no idea what it meant but it clearly wasnât good.
âJack, can you look at me? Itâs just me, I promise.â
Slowly but surely, the blankets came down. Despite the dark, Jackâs face was illuminated by a small night light in the corner, highlighting the tear tracks and trembling lips on his face. He blinked the tears away, wiping his face, but looked all around me with wild eyes.
âDo you want to talk about it?â I asked, not reaching out physically in case he was still scared.
His features crumbled again, little sobs bubbling up from his throat as he launched himself into my arms. I held him tightly, not caring about the tears soaking into my suit as I fought back tears of my own. I didnât know what was wrong but I reassured him anyway.
âItâs okay, Jack, Iâm here,â I whispered shakily and pressed my lips to his hair. âDo you want to come sleep with your dad?â
Jack nodded weakly against my neck, tiny hands clutching my clothes in a death grip as I stood up. I stepped silently over to Aaronâs room, rocking Jack as his cries subsided into sniffles. I let go of him with one arm to turn the bedside lamp on, which startled Aaron awake.
âWââ Aaron started to say but saw my form illuminated with a shaking Jack in my arms.
âI donât know. Nightmare?â I shrugged as best as I could and laid Jack in Aaronâs outstretched arms.
Jack immediately curled into Aaron, not answering any of his fatherâs murmured questions. I stood there unsure of what to do, feeling as helpless as Aaron looked.
âDo you want me to stay, Jack?â I asked, running a soothing hand through his hair.
âYes,â was the whisper he breathed into Aaronâs shirt.
Aaron nodded at me, so I took my suit off, grateful that I showered at the office and pulled on sweats and a clean t-shirt. I shielded Jackâs back with my body, hoping the presence of both of us would ease whatever fears plagued his sleep.
Aaronâs face was pinched, worried for his son. His glassy eyes met mine, both of us clearly affected by Jackâs pain.
When I opened my eyes next, the early morning sun was filtering through Aaronâs curtains with my back to the window, casting Jack in shadow. His eyes were open, blankly staring as he fidgeted with the blankets covering his. Aaron was awake, too, looking like he hadnât slept much after Jack joined us. He silently watched Jack, jaw clenched like he knewâor at least suspectedâwhat was wrong. I met his gaze, reaching under the covers to squeeze his hand. He squeezed mine back but not before Jackâs hands reached out and pulled our entwined fingers to him, resting on his chest.
As if my heart couldnât break anymore, it did in that moment.
âCan I talk to mommy?â he whispered.
âSure,â Aaron reassured him. âIâll call her to make sure sheâs awake first. Why donât you help Leo with breakfast while I do that?â
Jack was silent, the normal smiley boy I was used to seeing in the morning now vacant and haunted. After the longest minute, he finally nodded and reached for me. I grunted as I rolled out of bed with Jack in my arms, so Aaron could call Haleyâdistracting Jack with easy questions.
âWant to put some cartoons on?â I asked gently, not wanting to speak too loudly still.
Jack shook his head, arms clutching around my neck tighter.
âOkay,â I held him snugly with one arm, while I grabbed ingredients for an easy one-armed breakfast.
I was halfway done when Aaron came padding out of the bedroom, reaching out to Jack with his cell phone in hand, âWant to talk to mom?â he asked Jack.
Jack finally perked up from where heâd been staring at my rhythmic stirring and running his fingers over the textured collar of my t-shirt. He reached for his father, eagerly pressing his face to the phone.
âMommy?â he asked with a hitch in his voice, like he was ready to cry all over again. Despite his elation at hearing his mother, you could still hear the fear in his throat.
Aaron took Jack away back to the bedroom as I shook my arm out, cramped from holding Jack for so long. I finished up soon after, serving two coffees, a glass of milk, and three plates as I waited for Aaron and Jack to return.
When Jack's feet pattered back into the room, he had a small smile on his face--not the biggest one I'd seen in the morning but definitely an improvement.
âMommy's coming over soon,â he smiled as he sat in his chair.
âOoh, I should make some extra coffee, then,â I got up, ruffling Jack's hair to do just that.
Aaron stood, hands braced against the counter top with hunched shoulders. I ran a soothing hand over his back, hearing him sigh as his head hung heavily. I reached around him to get another pot brewing, before returning my attention to him.
âGo eat,â I nodded my head toward the table.
Aaron nodded but didn't move, âWhat did he tell you last night?â
âMm, not much,â I shook my head. âHe was buried under his covers and said he couldn't come out because he was âworking the case' but I didn't understand.â
Aaron nodded, mouth trembling much like Jack's had. He held it together--barely--steeling his features and taking a deep breath, âI'll explain later.â
I nodded, not wanting to push him seeing that it was clearly a sore subject and likely related to the Foyet incident he mentioned when I dislocated my shoulder.
He stepped close, hugging my tightly and pressing a kiss to my forehead, âThank you.â
âAlways. I love you.â
Aaron smiled softly, âLove you, too.â
When Haley arrived, Jack immediately jumped into her arms, stuck to her like glue. I gave her a hug, a grateful smile plastered over her face as she returned the one-armed hug.
Eventually they sat in the living room, so I made two cups of coffee--one for Aaron and one for Haley--and filled one of Jack's Minion cups with water. I set the two mugs on the coffee table and kneeled in front of Jack with his cup.
âHere you go, buddy, your favorite,â I winked.
He gave me a reserved smile, leaning into his mom's side.
âThanks, hon,â Haley reached for hers.
I rounded the couch, letting my hand trail over Aaron's shoulders. I pressed a kiss to his forehead, murmuring, âI'm gonna go take a walk and let you guys talk.â
âNoâŠâ came the weakest sound of protest from Jack.
Before I could retreat, I felt Aaronâs hand engulf my wrist. His eyes were watery as they met mine.
Aaron was barely hanging on to his composure.
âStay, please?â came his desperate whisper.
I glanced at Haley, who gave me a silent nod.
âOkay, I'll be over here if you need me.â
I busied myself with quietly cleaning up breakfast, not wanting to make it harder for Jack to talk. Aaron and Haley talked to him gently, asking him what happened and trying to extract as much information as they could. Jack was hesitant to respond, but after a lot of coaxing, finally started talking.
He told them that he had a nightmare about the Foyet incident, which I had expected. It was just a little over a year since, after all, and with the holiday events in November having given a good distraction, it seemed his unconscious had finally caught up with him.
âIâI heard a loud boom,â Jack sniffled. âAnd mommyââ he whimpered, âyelled real loud. And I heard daddy cryingâa-aâand blood on his shirt.â
My heart ached as he recounted the events.
âI wasâs-scared when Leo came in but heâbut when Leo came in, I knew it was just a dream. And then he took me to daddyâs bed.â
âDid you have another nightmare after that?â Haley prodded.
âNo,â he shook his head. âI was just sad.â
Aaron pulled Jack in comfortingly, petting the boyâs hair, âThank you for telling us, Jack.â
âDo you have nightmares, too?â Jack looked up at his parents.
âSometimes, yea,â Aaron confirmed after a moment. âBut it helps to talk about it.â
Haley nodded, her face marred and twisted with pain as she fought her tears back, âYea, baby, but thinking about you makes me feel better.â
âI felt better when I talked to you on the phone,â Jack smiled.
I was putting the last of the dishes away when I heard his voice, âLeo?â
My head perked up, unsure of if I imagined it or not when I saw Aaronâs head twitch in my direction.
âY-yea, buddy?â I dried my hands and met them in the living room.
âDo you have nightmares, too?â he asked me, looking up at me with red, glassy eyes but a determined look there, too. One that was trying to assure himself that if all of the adults in his life had nightmares then maybe he didnât have to be so scared.
âDo you have nightmares, Leo?â Jack sniffled.
I smiled sadly, coming to crouch in front of him. I took his cup from his hands, setting it on the floor and holding his hands in mine.
âYea, buddy, I do,â I ran my thumbs over his hands.
He blinked, almost surprised.
âThey can be scary sometimes, huh?â I asked, receiving a nod. âItâs your brain remembering things, sometimes things we donât want to remember.â
His lip wobbled.
âBut you know what?â I gave his hands a squeeze. âHaving a nightmare doesnât mean youâre not brave. It actually means youâre really brave, because even though you were scared, you knew it wasnât real.â
âEven when I cry?â
âEspecially when you cry,â I smiled, letting go of one of his hands to brush a wayward tear from his face. âCrying means you care and even brave people cry.â
Jackâs head leaned into my hand for a moment, until I let him go and stood back up; handing him his water as I did.
The rest of the weekend wasnât exactly what weâd plannedâthe nightmare derailing us a bit. Haley stayed with us the rest of the weekend and Aaron called in to take a couple weeks off . They had found a child therapist that they wanted to try for Jack and Aaron was set on staying with them at their house for the two weeks.
âDonât worry, Aaron,â Dave reassured him. âI can handle Strauss just fine. Take care of your family. And if youâre up for it come Christmas, Iâll be hosting everyone.â
âThanks, Dave.â
I went to work as normal, letting Aaron know to call me if they needed anything at all. Jack requested several sleep overs with the four of us in that two week span and I was weak to refuse. You'd swear the three of us were in a relationship the way we cuddled around Jack in Haley's living room with our massive fort as Cars played for the third time that week. But, it made Jack happy after a trying session and I knew Haley felt better in the house with both of us there after recanting the horrid events of last year.
Aaron, Haley, and Jack even felt up to going to Dave's for Christmas. The team showered Jack and Henry with presents, helping Jack take his mind off the last couple weeks. The smile spread across his face was wide and excited as he played with Henry and his extended aunts and uncles.
It was a happier ending to the year than we thought it was going to be. I was glad they had jumped on helping Jack through his trauma so quickly when the alternative was a lifelong battle I was all too familiar with.
