Planted and Growing

real life basically a journal/planner lots of growth and self-improvement happening

[plantedandgrowing]

[maddieisnotreal]

quote from alice notley // open water by caleb azumah nelson // georgia o'Keeffe's letter to russel vernon hunter //sara teasdale's poem, the crystal gazer // all too well - taylor swift // sylvia plath // a little life by hanya yanagihara //memory for forgetfulness by mahmoud darwish, translated by Ibrahim Muhawi

[plantedandgrowing]

I've always felt this way.

[loveaffirmations]

Every day, the Universe brings me closer to my dreams and desires.

[petaltexturedskies]

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[plantedandgrowing]

He shows me that we only mean anything to him when he's drunk, with manufactured and exaggerated emotions.

[plantedandgrowing]

I'm mad that the GED test costs $136 in my state. My mom told me that it used to be free, AS IT SHOULD BE.

[plantedandgrowing]

August is the worst.

[plantedandgrowing]

I've turned down about 3 offers to join my roommates at the lake, not because I don't want to go, but because my legs are torn up. Dermatillomania is destorying me.

Normally I'd go even though I have the scarring and inflamed marks that people always ask about, but right now it's all too bad. Open wounds. They're painful and my legs are itchy (roommates have animals with flea issues so I get flea bites, along with mosquito bites, which makes it all 1000% worse), and look completely disgusting. There's no way for me to ignore them, I can't temporarily boost my self-confidence enough to wear shorts. I don't even like seeing them so I'm not going to expose them to everyone else so they can ask me about it and judge me. I also don't want to expose my open wounds to dirty lake water and sand.

Even while writing this I was absentmindedly picking at scabs. Ugh!! I don't understand why I won't just stop!

I probably won't go to the lake again or wear shorts or a dress till next summer.

[plantedandgrowing]

It's so hard to make myself obey myself!

I'm gaining weight because I eat too much of the wrong things! I keep drinking soda! I'm still struggling with dermatillomania and I can't seem to stop!

Of course I'm going to keep trying, always.

[plantedandgrowing]

Old Man of the Woods!

Strobilomyces floccopus aka Strobilomyces strobilaceus

Found: July 22, 2023

Dark tufts on the cap, wooly/shaggy-looking all over. Polypore underside; it's a Bolete.

Turns pinkish-reddish when cut! Gradually becomes much darker. This one had little worms in it which is why some of the inside is dark. Another interesting thing I noticed is how parts of the cap turned black when exposed to water.

It's a micorrhizal mushroom, so it creates a relationship with a live plant that they both benefit from, allowing them both better access to nutrients.

Spore print.

[plantedandgrowing]

Day 3 of Attempting My Daily Routine:

· Waking up at 7:45am - didn't get to sleep till about 2am, and it wasn't great sleep.

· Brushed teeth, rinsed face.

· 8:13am - just finished yoga for sore muscles. Moisturized since I seem incapable of doing it at nighttime.

· Straightened up the kitchen (threw trash away from roommates, put dishes in the sink), and we had breakfast. Lyla had pureed pears and baby oatmeal. I had a toasted sandwich w/ chicken, ham, and cheese; we're out of eggs.

· 9:12am - Lyla was acting very sleepy so now I'm nursing her.

· She wokeup at about 10am. We fed and watered the chickens. I cleaned out my roommates' 4-year-old's toybox (it was full of trash, some dirty dishes, and literal dirt and bark from trees because her parents used to use that tote for their fireplace wood and it suddenly became her toybox when she started throwing her toys in it - it was a whole mess).

· 11:30am - Nursing Lyla again (she napped till nearly 1pm)

· 1:02pm - I made a checklist thing for the household so we'll all know if the chickens have been fed by someone.

And went back into the kitchen to find more trash on the counters, more dirty dishes strewn around although I picked everything up this morning. I cleared the counters again while holding Lyla - she's being extra clingy today. It's always a bit of a struggle to get things done, but today it's gonna be even more of a battle.

· 2:17pm - Washed all the dishes.

· 2:30pm - Instead of doing day 2 of my 30 day exercise challenge, I've been exercising while playing with Lyla. She likes to jump so I lift her up and down. I put her on my shins/knees and lifted my legs up and down, then did sort-of crunches. She smiles and giggles, it's adorable and great motivation.

· 5:30pm - I've continued watching The Queen's Gambit. Went on a ride to town with my roommate. Ate some Cajun pasta - too much of it, actually. And now I'm nursing my daughter while she naps on me.

I'm feeling very low-energy today.

· 10:38pm - I just got Lyla to sleep. It has been a rough night. To explain what has happened since 5pm, I played with Lyla, tried to do schoolwork during one of her naps but she immediately wokeup upset, I soothed her and we went downstairs. I talked to my roommates. We ate some biscuits and gravy - Lyla had a few tiny bites, too. Blew bubbles so Lyla could see them for the first time, she was mesmerized. I managed to do a little schoolwork while Lyla crawled around and played with toys, but it was short-lived. We eventually went upstairs because she seemed tired, I planned on doing schoolwork while nursing her, but she proceeded to put up a huge fight. I was becoming extremely irritated and worn out but I decided to try reading to her. I read Gertie and Gus (another book I got from that public library sale when I was pregnant - it's the first book I started reading to her when she was a newborn, about 3-5 weeks old; I've read it a lot), and then I read Coraline. She fell asleep while I was reading, with her paci... Which is extremely rare! She's sleeping on me right now, I'm not ready to move her and risk another baby meltdown.

· 11:05pm - I managed to brush my teeth and floss.

I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. My muscles hurt, it's a literal pain to go up and down the stairs. I'm not sure if Lyla has been more difficult than usual today or if I'm just not in a great mood, or both. I think it's both. Normally I can easily handle her moods but tonight everything really got to me and I cried out of frustration. I then decided to try reading to her... Luckily she allowed it, despite a little protest at first.

Not sure if I'll be following the routine on weekends, might need a little break from all the constant cleaning and everything, it wears on me and sometimes makes me feel negative because no one else picks up after themselves, it's never-ending.

I may at least sleep in a bit. If I don't clean at all, there will just be an exessive mess for me on Monday... But I might mostly use my "free-time" this weekend to play with my baby, do schoolwork, and relax.

[plantedandgrowing]

Day 2 of Attempting My Daily Routine:

Oh yeah, I saved day 1 to my drafts but apparently it didn't actually save and now it's lost forever, but on day 1 I didn't complete some things, like exercise, nighttime routine beyond bathing, and waking up early... I wokeup at 10am, so today I'm aiming to complete more!

The WIFI is still down but I'm hoping it's fixed by tonight so I can do some schoolwork.

· Wokeup at 8am. It definitely took some self-disipline to peel myself out of bed.

· Brushed my teeth, rinsed my face with cold water.

· Followed an energizing yoga routine while my baby slept.

· Fed the chickens, collected a mushroom to create a spore print.

· Made myself some potatoes w/ onions and fried eggs for breakfast. Lyla had apple sauce mixed with baby oatmeal.

· 10:50am - I spent about an hour nurisng Lyla while she napped, finished a load of laundry (dirty rags), straightened up some of the kitchen to get ready for a deeper cleaning.

· 11:50am - Read a story to Lyla (from The Brownies book), put a load of our clean clothes away, straightened up the bedroom a bit. Went to the kitchen and properly wiped down all the counters and organized more. Wiped down the kitchen table & living room tables. Started on the dishes till Lyla demanded to eat, so now I'm taking a rest and nursing her.

I think she's extra grumpy today cause we wokeup earlier than usual; we were getting into a bad habit of waking around 10am - 11am.

· Lyla wokeup at 12:25pm.

· 12:50pm - Finished all the dishes. Played with Lyla.

· 1:00pm - Finished day 1 of the 30 day workout challenge; I did the squats and lunges while holding my 20+lb 7-month-old.

· 1:32pm - Swept livingroom. Tidied up the main bathroom. Made mop water.

· 2:50pm - Mopped the living room. Swept the kitchen and dining room. All my roommates showed up and started cooking so I decided I'll mop the dining room and kitchen later (or tomorrow). Also!! The internet has been fixed so I'll be able to do schoolwork again. Lyla is nursing and taking another nap.

12AM - I finished everything on my daily routine list except for schoolwork (and I didn't moisturize myself, but I slathered Lyla in lavender lotion).

I will definitely prioritize schoolwork tomorrow - I just have to get back into learning mode. Forcefully. It always feels nice when I do, I just don't like to start. Nearing the math portion of things is always daunting, too, but I've got this.

Anyway, Lyla and I had dinner. We bathed. I brushed her teeth, and then mine. Flossed. Started watching The Queen's Gambit. Nursed Lyla, got her to sleep. I'll try to get myself to sleep soon.

[plantedandgrowing]

[plantedandgrowing]

30 Day Workout Challenge -

Day 1:

Pushups - 5

Squats - 25

Crunches - 10

Lunges - 20

Day 2:

Pushups - 5

Squats - 30

Crunches - 15

Lunges - 21

Day 3:

Pushups - 7

Squats - 35

Crunches - 15

Lunges - 22

Day 4:

Pushups - 7

Squats - rest

Crunches - 25

Lunges - 23

Day 5:

Pushups - 8

Squats - 40

Crunches - 30

Lunges - rest

Day 6:

Pushups - 9

Squats - 45

Crunches - 35

Lunges - 25

Day 7:

Pushups - rest

Squats - 50

Crunches - rest

Lunges - 26

Day 8:

Pushups - 8

Squats - rest

Crunches - 45

Lunges - 27

Day 9:

Pushups - 9

Squats - 55

Crunches - 45

Lunges - 28

Day 10:

Pushups - 10

Squats - 60

Crunches - 50

Lunges - 29

Day 11:

Pushups - 10

Squats - 65

Crunches - 55

Lunges - rest

Day 12:

Pushups - 12

Squats - rest

Crunches - 55

Lunges - 31

Day 13:

Pushups - 12

Squats - 70

Crunches - rest

Lunges - 32

Day 14:

Pushups - rest

Squats - 75

Crunches - 60

Lunges - 33

Day 15:

Pushups - 13

Squats - 80

Crunches - 65

Lunges - 34

Day 16:

Pushups - 15

Squats - rest

Crunches - 65

Lunges - 35

Day 17:

Pushups - 16

Squats - 85

Crunches - 70

Lunges - 36

Day 18:

Pushups - 16

Squats - 90

Crunches - 70

Lunges - rest

Day 19:

Pushups - 19

Squats - 95

Crunches - 75

Lunges - 38

Day 20:

Pushups - 21

Squats - rest

Crunches - 75

Lunges - 39

Day 21:

Pushups - rest

Squats - 100

Crunches - 75

Lunges - 40

Day 22:

Pushups - 23

Squats - 105

Crunches - rest

Lunges - 41

Day 23:

Pushups - 26

Squats - 110

Crunches - 80

Lunges - 42

Day 24:

Pushups - 28

Squats - rest

Crunches - 80

Lunges - 43

Day 25:

Pushups - 30

Squats - 115

Crunches - 85

Lunges - rest

Day 26:

Pushups - 32

Squats - 120

Crunches - 85

Lunges - 45

Day 27:

Pushups - 34

Squats - 125

Crunches - 90

Lunges - 46

Day 28:

Pushups - 36

Squats - rest

Crunches - rest

Lunges - 47

Day 29:

Pushups - 38

Squats - 130

Crunches - 95

Lunges - 49

Day 30:

Pushups - 40

Squats - 135

Crunches - 100

Lunges - 50

[plantedandgrowing]

Weekday Routine -

Morning 8am - 11am

Wake at 7:30am.

Brush teeth, rinse face.

Yoga.

Have breakfast with baby Lyla.

Spend time outside - feed the chickens! Check their water.

Read to Lyla.

Fit in some study time if possible, get started on straightening up the house, start a load of laundry, organize bedroom if out of order - do anything productive that can be done.

Nap time for Lyla usually begins around 11am - 12pm, which is the perfect time to do a bit of schoolwork while nursing her.

Afternoon 12pm - 5pm

If you haven't already, begin cleaning! Clear and wipe down counters, put away dry dishes, clean dirty dishes, wipe off kitchen table, sweep floor, mop if necessary, etc.

Exercise.

Have lunch with Lyla.

Prep for dinner if needed!

Closer to 5, feed chickens again.

Evening 6pm - 10pm

Dinner.

Shower/bath with Lyla.

Moisturize! Myself and Lyla.

Brush and floss. I brush Lyla's with a silicone brush that fits snugly on my finger - she has two teeth so far, I'm trying to instill good oral hygiene habits early on!

Read to Lyla.

Schoolwork while settling down (most likely while nursing Lyla to sleep)

────────── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ──────────

I'm starting this routine tomorrow, Wednesday, July 19, 2023, and I'll commit to it for the rest of the month (July 19 - July 31), so I can see how well it's serving me. I'll document how each day goes here, which will help keep me motivated!

I've never been successful at sticking with the routines I create because they're usually very strict, but this one is pretty basic, it leaves room for rest and activities outside of it. And challenging myself to commit for a week+ isn't as overwhelming as pinning myself to a longterm strict routine, although I'd like to say I'll commit to it for much longer.

Clarifying some things -

I set a goal to complete at least 2 hours of schoolwork each day, I'll fit it in wherever possible. I just need to make sure 2 hours get complete no matter when I'm able to tackle it.

For exercise, I found a 30 day workout challenge to complete.

[plantedandgrowing]