Its not MY choice

[playfulrebelsworld]

I must enjoy the pain. The part in me that darkens, lingers only to feed on my misery.

[playfulrebelsworld]

Here's what it comes down too, in choosing which guy id want to spend my own personal, private time with. As the two are very much opposite from one another. Eacb man has a speciql quality about themselves, and of course... They also possess the action and attitude I despise the most of their individual personalitie.

I know it seems rude, that I'm just nonchalantly blurting these things out. But I believe I've put up enough from the Universe herself that I deserve a break! I am exhausted.

But yes, I care deeply for two men. It's not as bad as it seems. Well at least for myself. Both men had caught me blindsided and created an ice storm in my already cold heart. They turned the heat up quickly, only to find a messy chaos crying in front of them.

Each and every one of us has a purpos. So any event and action is at the right place, right time, and here I am at this very moment where im supposed to be. Alright Universe, you got me on this one. Yay. continuing....

[playfulrebelsworld]

Obsession or madly in love?

I have been in a delusional state following and loving someone that doesn't deserve my time and energy. And yes, above all I know this. Why? Do I put myself through this pain.

When we are not together I breathe and live happily and normally. I am surrounded by friends and loved ones. Accepted and respected as the person that I am. Opportunities open themselves up to me and moments are created to remember for a lifetime.

Yet when that vehicle pulls up with it's thudding of sounds, I walk up willingly. Knowing I won't see my regular life for some time. Only to be delivered later on heartbroken and lost. I create my own pain only to start all over again.

I once was normal.

[playfulrebelsworld]

Today was another normal day in the Unknown. The Unknown, what is that!?! I figured I'd give it a name. Makes it easier to explain. Sums up everything, that it's been for me.and.ever will be. I've got to separate feelings and probably logic in order to survive over here.

I've been doing this forever and I still have.no idea why!!! You'd think I'd be a pro at this by now. Or I would have left this bullshit gamerland and moved on with a ridiculously gorgeous, honest, successful man. But no🤜 it's been confirmed. I bleed 🩸 out human blood. Plus I tried almost everything with another man for a minute. Nada help, nada worked , Nothing.

[playfulrebelsworld]

Ive been gone for a minute. Thinking and looking deeper into myself and trying to obtain any piece of evidence that helps connect me to my purpose. And then I realized on my journey I have outcast myself . All up till now after my healing journey I have discovered ...

NOTHING. LIFE GOES Ion AND CONTINUES. Just pick yourself up and always inspire oneself to be the best version of self. There's so much to be said ...but that's life.

#imback #contractedlife