Fandom: Harry Potter, Marauders era
Warnings: Suicide attempt, talk about torture, scarrs
This is about a (Slytherin) girl that wants to take her life but runs into the Marauders, who the take care of her.
Please donât read if any of the above mentioned warning could trigger you and I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes.
She didnât even need magic to slip through the corridors unnoticed. The moon shone brightly over the old castle with not a single cloud on the night sky.
How fitting, she thought, no sign of any distress which was exactly how she had planned it; a peaceful night without any disturbances. The girl climbed Hogwartsâ stairs and walked through its corridors, just like she had a hundred times before. After all, she had had to find her way to the Astronomy Tower every Wednesday since third year. She, however, wasnât on her way to class now.
This was nothing like the times before.
She held the small phial tighter in her hand, being careful however not to break it and marched on towards her destination.
She had pictured this night almost every waking moment during the last month; pictured it, planned it and now finally realizing it. There would be no going back now.
She didnât feel any pain now for nearly the first time in six weeks. In fact, she felt calm, peaceful even, as if this was meant to be, as if she was meant to do this all along, as if there was no other way, no other solution. This was the only thing she was entirely sure about with her whole body and soul, with every last fibre of her being. There was no going back now.
Everything was exactly the way she had planned it the whole time and with a confidence and determination she hadnât had felt for a long time, the girl strode on, nearing her destination.
Only a few more stairs and nothing could stop her anymore. Only a few more steps and it would all be okay.
As she got closer, phrases and sentences started surfacing again, as they had in the past weeks. Statements that were the reason for this night. Statements that had driven her over the edge but now could do no more harm. She didnât know if it was her determination or the eerily calmness that made her feel so untouchable, so strong but they didnât seem to affect her anymore, just as if she was merely a bystander to her own memories. Â
She saw a brutal red light flaring towards her; she heard herself scream but didnât feel the pain.
âWhat do you think you areâ â âDisgusting, you are worth even less than the house elvesâ â âYou are nothingâ â âFilthy and unworthyâ
There were no tears; there was no pain as she went on without a single doubt in her mind. Nothing could stop her. She was watching her memories, the whole world through a thick glass panel; everything was dulled, even her feelings.
 Walking around one of the many corners, she heard voices. Too late did she realize that she wasnât alone and without being able to prepare herself or hide, she stood in front of four boys who were just as surprised as the girl.
However, one of them was rather quickly able to compose himself, the others following.
She had no chance and within a second her whole demeanour crumbled and her confidence was gone. It hadnât been planned this way. This was definitely not the way it was supposed to go!
âOi, Fenfyre, whatâre you doing this late wandering âroundâ, Sirius Black asked the girl.
Trying but failing to compose herself, she just stood there, gawking at the four boys. It was only when she noticed Lupinâs confused look that she realized that she had begun to shake slightly.
This was too much! This was wrong! This was not how she had pictured it! This ruined everything!
The memories flashed before her eyes again. Maybe it wasnât too late, maybe she still had time. Choking down her emotions she tried to answer in a confident voice that it wasnât their business but all she could manage was a weak ânothingâ.
âCome on thenâ, Potter said bored and the boys started to walk away, uninterested in the girl after all.
Sirius, however, watched her closely and didnât move an inch.
She couldnât look him in the eyes. Especially not him as he was probably one of the few or even the only one who could be the closest to understanding her or maybe â just maybe â knowing what she went through.
âAre you alrightâ, he questioned.
Of course he wouldnât leave her alone.
Although the girl and Sirius hadnât really had a conversation since second year, she had the feeling that he could look right through her, through the glass panel around her. With her being Slytherin and him Gryffindor they didnât have much in common â except maybe those dreaded pure blood gatherings that both had had to attend. Although, he hadnât been on one of those for nearly four years which had also been the last time the two teenagers had had a conversation that went beyond an acknowledging nod in the hallway.
The girl sometimes had pictured them being friends, which â when they had been younger â wouldnât have been so implausible. But since he did everything to oppose his family and she was trying to please hers, it had never been more than a few hushed laughs and shared secrets from when they were kids.
Why those memories would surface now, she couldnât fathom.
However, what she did know was that in the very moment his concerned eyes searched hers her whole plan shattered into thousand pieces. The calmness was replaced by panic and everything seemed to slip away. Only one short âAre you alrightâ seemed to be enough to break through the glass around her. She wasnât quite sure if she first began to sob and simultaneously try frantically to get air into the lungs and then fell towards the boyâs surprised embrace or vice versa. The other three Gryffindors stared in shock as Sirius held the crying girl. To say that they didnât see that coming was an understatement. Neither of them had anything to do with her and for what they knew Sirius didnât either. For them she was just some Slytherin pure blood with an ancient name. To see her now crying in their best friendâs arms, who did seem surprised but above all concerned, was something they couldnât have possibly foreseen.
âCome onâ, was all Sirius said as he dragged her into an empty, unused classroom. His friends followed intrigued but also kind of wary and kept their distance as Sirius sat on one of the tables and held her in an even tighter embrace, stroking her back and whispering things his friends couldnât make out.
After some time the girl seemed to have calmed down a bit but still hid in his shoulder.
It was the smallest one of the boys, Peter, who broke the silence.
âWhatâs thatâ, he asked, pointing to the small phial that had slipped out of the girlâs hand and onto the table. She, however, continued hiding her face and didnât make any attempt to answer.
The only one of the boys that had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time, James, picked up the phial and inspected itâs content.
A whispered âDonâtâ stopped him from opening it, âItâs not meant for youâ.
The girl had found her voice again and though she spoke quietly, her voice seemed almost steady. First she had felt the pain, then the determination and calmness and now nothing at all. It was as if the storm had passed inside her and had left a black void that had swallowed all emotions. There was nothing left; not even tears, just a vast nothingness that wouldâve swallowed her whole if it hadnât been for the steady heartbeat, coming from Siriusâ chest.
âWho was it meant for, thenâ, Remus inquired after Potter had stopped inspecting the liquid inside the flask.
The girl didnât answer and after some time Sirius asked, âWhat happened to you?â
âI just wanted to make it stopâ
That answer didnât nearly give enough credit for her hard work and planning but she couldnât bring herself to say more.
âTo make what stopâ, Sirius wanted to know.
âEverythingâ, was all she could manage.
âAre you saying you brewed a death potion and were about to kill yourself if we hadnât found you firstâ, Remus asked directly causing Peter to stare at him wide eyed and James to shocked but confusedly sit down on one of the chairs. Sirius just held the girl tighter in his arms.
âIt wouldâve made it stopâ, she defended herself tiredly, her whole energy having left her body, âI wouldâve seen the stars once more and then it wouldâve stoppedâ
âYou were on your way to the Astronomy tower?â
âAnd what exactly is it? What happened?â
Sirius was the only one who dared to ask, since the other three boys were still too shocked from the revelation.
The girl, however, was too exhausted to answer; how could she possibly explain something like this?
Instead she took of her cloak and started to unbutton her blouse, as she still wore her school uniform.
âWhat are you doingâ, James inquired warily, finding his voice again but still being too shocked to actually stand up from that chair. The girl just continued until she was able to pull the fabric far enough to one side to expose the middle of her upper arm, where an angry red scar could be made out.
âThatâs...â Peter wasnât even able to put into words what he thought had caused this scarring.
âThatâs a dark curse, an extremely powerful oneâ, James added.
âWho has been torturing youâ, Sirius asked, recognizing the scar to be inflicted by the infamous cruciatus curse.
Making no attempt to answer the question, the girl lifted her blouse to reveal another scar on her hip bone.
âMy parents werenât too keen on finding out that I dated a Hufflepuff last yearâ
âHe was a Muggleborn, right?â
âHis family was attacked during the summer, but I think there were no major injuries...â
The boys remembered the article in the daily prophet.
The girl shuddered at the memories.
âI got there before them and could warn his family but mine found out and wasnât pleased at all.â
She had buried those events during the last few weeks, always thinking she would drown if she ever had to think about them again. Although she didnât understand why, she had no problem to reveal them now. All she felt was tired; tired of being afraid, tired of being alone, tired of being.
â...so they tortured youâ, Remus put into words what the boys already assumed.
The girl didnât need to answer to verify their suspicions.
âWhy didnât you go to Dumbledore or to McGonagall for help?â James asked confused.
âMcGonagall isnât my head teacher, she wouldâve just sent me to Slughorn and that man doesnât even know how to handle his own classes. As for Dumbledore, if heâs so powerful and caring, why did he allow you to be tortured by your family for so long? He seems to not even care that literal Death eaters are roaming his halls.â
The girl shouldâve been angry but she felt nothing. She didnât care about that anymore. She had lost her faith in Dumbledore and the rest of the Professors, even in the whole wizarding world long ago. All she wanted to do was to fall asleep and never wake up again.
The boys on the other side were speechless. Even though they couldnât deny her words, they didnât like them spoken out loud. It made the fact more real that Hogwarts wasnât a safe place anymore. That thought alone made the teenagers feel rather depressing, since each of them had found a home and a family in these old halls.
âYou know whatâ, Sirius spoke up, getting everyoneâs attention, âMaybe weâre on our own and maybe we have some baggage we have to carry around but we still have each other and I refuse to let that go so easily!â
The girl smiled, still in Siriusâ embrace, thinking about how wonderful it would be to have something like the Marauders had. She only noticed she had spoken out loud when James answered:
âWelcome to our family, weâll take care of you from now on!â
Before the girl could even register what he had said, Sirius began to assign tasks for each of the boys.
âAlright, Iâll bring her to the hospital wing; those scars need to be properly looked after. Remus you go to Minni and alert her of the situation and James you get Dumbledore, they might not be able to do something but I refuse to believe that they donât care and I think they should know whatâs going on here. And you, Peter, go to the kitchen and ask the elves for their best hot chocolate. â
Each of the boys rushed to complete their task which left Sirius and the girl. Aligning the tasks, Sirius had failed to notice that the girl in his arms had fallen asleep, too exhausted from all the events, the stress and the worrying.
He gently picked her up, one arm underneath her knees and one supporting her back, so that her face remained hidden in his shoulder.
When the girl awoke again in the hospital wing, it was quiet. The four boys slept soundly in chairs around her bed.
They hadnât had lied that night. It was soon a well known fact that the girl had become the fifth marauder. Although she spent the next two weeks in the hospital wing mostly recovering her physical scars, the boys kept their promise and looked after her. They all knew that no one would recover that easily from a suicidal attempt but that didnât mean they couldnât try their best. Remus helped her with all her school work since she couldnât go to class. Peter bought her snacks and told her about their day and the pranks they did, keeping her up-to-date. James always tried to make her laugh with silly jokes and stories about how he failed again to make Lily fall in love with him and Sirius simply listened to her and understood what she was going through since he himself had faced similar threats by his family.
One day her Slytherin friends started to come to keep her company and to tell her about the latest gossip. Â Most of her house didnât care but not everyone was a fanatic and the girl did have some friend in her house.
And one afternoon about three weeks after she had been released from the hospital wing, her ex came and they finally sorted things out between them. They hadnât had spoken since she had warned his family about the attack and it was liberating to get rid of the awkward atmosphere between them. After all his parents had recovered from their injuries and he didnât blame her for the attack. They, however, decided to not give their relationship another try, since the girl was busy enough to sort out herself and to discover her life again after she so willingly almost gave it away.
Against her belief, McGonagall and Dumbledore did manage to achieve something, namely accusing her parents of torture and getting them thrown into Askaban for good. Â Since the girl wasnât of age yet, the Potters decided to take her in ( and Sirius shortly after), sealing the promise of family, their son had made that night in the empty classroom.
Granted, it took time to make her feel again and it was obvious to anyone involved that you canât just get over almost killing yourself with a hot chocolate and a nice chat.
Keeping that in mind it was kind of surprising when the girl realized that she actually felt happy again. Of course she had laughed at James and Siriusâ jokes and she had felt grateful for Remus and Peterâs support but that wasnât what this was about.
It was a sunny day, just after the exams and nearly two years after the events of that crucial night. The girl lay in the grass near the black lake and listened to the sounds of Sirius and James bickering about who was the more attractive one with Peter laughing at the two fools and Remus reading a book and rolling his eyes at his friends. Lily, who James had successfully wooed after all, had just asked the girl how she had managed to be their friend for now nearly two years. It was exactly that moment that the sun seemed to shine brighter and the waves seemed even more soothing that the girl felt a nearly forgotten emotion, as if someone was simultaneously was tickling and hugging her. The air was knocked out of her lungs again, this time, however, not like the night she stumbled upon the four boys, but because she realized that what she was feeling was happiness; true happiness that ran deep trough her body and set her soul on fire.
âHey, are you alrightâ, Lily asked, since she hadnât been given an answer.
The girl turned around and looked at her friends, who had stopped what they were doing previously and looked at her to see what was going on. The girl then looked over to Lily who had also become a dear friend and smiled brightly at her.
âYes, I am alright. I am happy in factâ, she laughed out yet to fully register what this meant.
They boys who instantly understood what she meant smiled back at her and started the bickering again. They mightâve not responded anything in that particular moment but they all could feel the happiness and content of being together and being able to rely on each other.
So maybe the girl had succeeded after all. She didnât kill herself that night but she found a family that had helped her make the pain go away. Although those events would always stay with her, she now knew that even if sheâd feel as if a Dementor had sucked out her soul, she knew that it would get better again and that even if she felt like she couldnât function properly she knew she had a family that would function for her until she was feeling better again.
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