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funny story

When I first moved from Lithuania to America I was 5 years old and didn’t speak any English. On the first day of kindergarten I was crying so much that my teacher picked me up and let me sit on her lap, meanwhile the rest of the kids sat on the carpet in front of me and watched me cry while she explained to them what was going on (in a language I didn’t understand). Our school was 3 buildings put together, and the pick up was at the “blue” building but my classroom was at the “red” building, so they put a sign over my neck that said “I don’t speak English and I’m going to the blue building” and sent me away to follow a crowd of other kids. I’m still traumatized…

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pengunny

This is the most beautiful piece of music ive ever heard. :’)

Me: we go together so good.

Mac: like eggs with more eggs

#mac #01.17.2016

niknak79

ploofypuff-blog

I mean it don't say pepperonis

Me: what even are hemmeroids? No one ever told me.

Mac: I don't know either. I think they're just a reminder to count your blessings

#mac

Me: I've read that acid reflux comes from a sphincter muscle inside that is supposed to keep acid down stops sphincting.

Mac: I call it the anterior butthole.

andrewbelami

this is the last known photograph of all 4 members of The Beatles together. John Lennon (purple shirt) would be dead just 2 weeks after this was taken.

costcosavedmylife

I’m almost %100 percent sure this is the wiggles…?

andrewbelami

I’m terrified for this generation 😩 Listen to some Queen and Led Zeppelin sweetie. They’re much better than that Bieber bullshit you kids today call music. 😒👌🏼

ploofypuff-blog

I love Star Trek.

Me: when we get married will beck and dianne take your last name?

Mac: I guess, if they come in my household. Wait. I don't like the sound of that. Our household. This is an equal opportunity family. I'm not a patriarch.

#mac

madamejumel

owlphallacies

the private journal of aaron burr

thebossbaby-official

lurarararara-blog

bananaschnapple:

disneyjail:

kristoffbjorgman:

redhester:

fuck this misogynistic bullshit!

calling women “crazy” because they don’t do as they are told/what you expect them to do is pure woman-hatred.

news flash! women are PEOPLE. with their own unique personalities and will.

fuck kermit and his sorry green ass.

men ain’t shit.

no matter the species.

i can’t tell if this is serious or not

miss piggy was physically, emotionally, sexually and verbally abusive towards him for decades

are people really trying to shift all the blame onto kermit for finally breaking up with her

also they’re fucking fictional puppets in a probably-temporary breakup manufactured to stir up interest in the new series, none of this is actually real