move forward

darian lee, twenty years old and this is my second blog. i need a place where i can just talk about things. you're welcome to follow, but i'd feel a lot better if you didn't.

[plus44]

paradise

in three days i'm getting two new tattoos. which i'm very excited about! 

tattoo #1:

is a storm cloud with lighting coming out of it. it's dedicated to the awesome relationship between my dad and i and the love i / we have for thunder storms and rain. ever since i was little i've LOVED the rain. growing up, my parents were separated. so i only saw my dad on the weekends. but whenever i was with him, if it happened to rain (and from what i remember, it happened a lot.) we'd sit outside on the porch and watch the rain together for hours. we didn't even have to talk. we'd just sit and listen to the rain and thunder. it was so relaxing. twenty one years later, when it rains we still sit outside and watch it.

tattoo #2:

"paradise" on my hand. i have so many reasons for this. the main reason is for my grandma. (this will be my second tattoo dedicated to her) since i was born (and until she passed away) she lived in a condo in treasure island on paradise island. not only did i see her every day. for a couple of years i actually lived with her there. that place means more to me than any other place in the world. i have so many memories there, just thinking about them now brings me to tears. every single birthday and holiday was spent there. i made so many awesome memories with my with my cousin there. i made friends there. i had so many pool parties there. i grew up there. that place will forever be in my heart. the second reason is for lana del rey. i love her so much. her music has got me through some pretty hard times. these past 3 years have not been easy for me. my depression has constantly gotten worse. but something about her music just makes me feel better. so i thought getting her "paradise" tattoo was just too perfect. for my grandma and for lana del rey.

p.s. on lanaboards i've seen some really mean things said about getting "lana related tattoos" and i don't see what the big deal is. i just don't understand how people can sit there and criticize people tattoos like that. it's so mean and inconsiderate. i don't think you'd like it if someone made fun of your tattoos. it's just so unnecessary and rude. sorry i just had to say something about it. 

[plus44]

finally moving forward. my dad finally apologized for what he said to me. i didn't talk to him for two days straight and was prepared to go as long as i needed until he said he was sorry. i'm really glad he finally did. i still don't think he understands why i was so upset, i think he was just saying sorry so i would start talking to him again, but whatever. a least he said he was sorry.

that was basically my whole weekend.

i finished watching brooklyn nine-nine. so now i'm caught up and i have to wait a week for each episode :( i'm so disappointed! that show is sooo fucking good. i don't know why i didn't like it the first time i watched it.

maybe i should go back and watch other shows i said i didn't like at the beginning. going by b99 i'll like a ton of shows lol. i'll have to go through my trakt profile and see what shows i should give another chance.

anyways, i'm on my period and i'm having awful cramps. i took a pain pill, i have a heating pad on and now i'm gonna go catch up on some AH. (i literally haven't watched any of their videos since those stupid ass rape jokes geoff and gavin made. like i'm still really upset by that. but i miss michael and ray. so i'm just gonna have to ignore geoff and gavin i guess. ugh)

good night! xoxo

[plus44]

i decided to use this sideblog to make posts about my life and stuff i wanted to talk about. i wanted it to be mainly just text posts that for the most part has proper grammar and so on. so reading my last post i'm just really mad at myself because it's pretty awful and mean. but i don't want to delete it, because i obviously wrote it for a reason. who knows what that reason is.

anyways, hi. i woke up super late again today. (4:30pm.) i mean, i enjoy it but i can tell my dad thinks i'm just a piece of shit, but oh well. since i woke up late, i didn't really do much today. besides sit on the computer, watch the golden globes and catch up on some tv shows.

golden globes were pretty disappointing, but from what i remember from previous ones, they always are. true detective, gone girl and lana del rey didn't win anything, so that was upsetting :/

i watched a few more episodes of the mindy project. i have 8 more and then i'm caught up. i think after that i'll probably start watching one of the following:

brooklyn nine-nine (32 episodes)

downton abbey (32 episodes)

once upon a time (34 episodes)

homeland (48 episodes)

twin peaks (28 episodes)

the affair (10 episodes)

mad men (42 episodes)

like i said, i have 8 more episodes of the mindy project, so i have some time left. i'll most likely end up watching mad men, because i need to finish it asap before the last season premiers. i don't want to be a loser still on season 5 when the last episodes are airing,

lastly, aka: the most important part of this post. the part i've been dying to talk about!!! i got my lana del rey ticket tonight!! i was a littler nervous that i wasn't going to be able to go, but my dad decided to buy me one!! oh my god, i'm seeing her for the second time. not only that but i'll have my lana inspired tattoo by june!

(i'm getting the same tattoo lana has on the side of her left hand. it says "paradise" 1) because i love love love lana and 2) because ommy lived in paradise island. i thought that double meaning was really cool. i'm so excited!! i'm hoping to get my rain cloud tattoo at the same time. i;ll have to keep my fingers crossed!)

okay, that's all! goodnight xoxo

[plus44]

staying up waaay to late again. todd asked me if i had any breaking bad seasons on dvd and i said no but offered to download all of them and put them on a flash drive. i hate how nice i am sometimes. i downloaded all of them in 1080p which not only took forever but it also took 30g of space on my damn computer. once that was done i renamed every episode and organized it all nice and neat. and then i realized his flash-drive isn't formated to work on a mac computer, and i didn't want to change it without his permission, so i'm just putting it on mine instead. honestly though, i'm waaay too nice sometimes.

anyways, i watched a lot of the mindy project today and i have to admit it's a lot better than i remembered. maybe because mindy and danny are together and i was kind of secretly hoping that would happen all along? i'm really not sure.

then, like 10 minutes before my parents went to bed, i was reading something to my dad and he just got up and walked away. and i was like "do you want me to keep reading?" no answer. "where are you going?" and then he just filpped fucking shit. he started cussing at my left and right and then told me i need to take my "fucking medication" which by the way, i wish people would stop using that as an excuse to me being cranky every once in awhile. think of something new for once. and to be honest, my dad has been a fucking asshole lately so i said to him "why don't you take medication, because i'm clearly not the only one in this house who needs it" and i tried so hard not to laugh because it looked like he could've punched me. he's all words, he's never done anything to physically hurt me, but he acts like he will. and it's just really old and annoying.

i'm 20 years old, you don't have to tell me to take my medication. you don't have to tell me when to wake up or when to go to sleep. you don't have to make my food for me, you don't have to every fucking thing for me. i'm almost 21 years old. leave me the fuck alone. i need some fucking space. holy shit.

bye

[plus44]

#tbt my phone is saying this picture was taken september 8th, 2012. i don't know if that's right but oh well. love you both and happy anniversary!!! 

hoping this year will be better than last year. also hoping i get to hang out with you guys more often like we used too! ♥ ♥ ♥

[plus44]

first post, a lot of things to say

it's currently 9:09 am. i stayed up all night. not really sure why. to be honest, i'm not really sure why i do a lot of things anymore. i took a couple pain pills through out the night, and they have been helping me out a lot. i'm so grateful. i'm also so tired of being in pain.

yesterday i decided to start watching the mindy project again. i don't know why. but as i started watching it, i remember why i stopped. there's just something about it. i think it's way to cheesy. but i decided to power my way through it, because i've already seen more than half, and i hate stopping a show right in the middle. so all night that's what i've been watching. i think i've watched 3 episodes (season 2 episode 7, 8 and 9) and there's still a lot more to go.

i also updated my rooster teeth stream spreadsheet. i love that thing so much. i put so much work into it, i'm actually super proud of it. i just wish there was something more i could do to make it easier on the eyes. i actually haven't gotten any feed back on it yet, so i guess i should start asking (and hope people actually answer me lol.) oh, just remembered i still have to finish updating the "on the spot" part of the spread sheet. i like watching each episode before i add it to the spread sheet. that's one podcast of theirs i don't want ruined.

i started looking for lana del rey tickets, because my dad said he'd buy me a ticket. but the only thing in our price range are lawn seats. it literally goes from: lawn: $63  fathest actual seat: $132 that price gap is so fucking ridiculous. but i guess i'll keep looking. (i've always been good at finding tickets, so lets help i can find good tickets this time!) *crosses fingers*

lastly, i remember my mom mentioning there is a place opening up not to far from our house that lets you donate plasma, so i've been looking into that. the place she told me about is 7 minutes away so i'm pretty fucking excited. i'll stop smoking weed if i have to in order to do this! it said on the first page you can get up $300 a month. (but you have to pass a bunch of tests before you can even donate, but i'm 99.9% sure i'll be fine.) i've been wanted to do this for soooooo long so i'm really excited about this. i think once i start doing this it'll finally motivate me to do other stuff.

reminders to talk about text time: trakt, gym membership, books, cleaning room, iggy azalea tickets and taylor swift tickets