❂🕱⟆ plutonian vaingoldry ⟅🕱❂ @plutonian-vaingoldry - Tumblr Blog

What Our Dead Do

by Zbigniew Herbert tr. John Carpenter

Jan came this morning —I dreamt of my father he says he was riding in an oak coffin I walked next to the hearse and father turned to me:

you dressed me nicely and the funeral is very beautiful at this time of year so many flowers it must have cost a lot

don’t worry about it father —I say—let people see we loved you that we spared nothing

six men in black livery walk nicely at our sides

father thought for a while and said—the key to the desk is in the silver inkwell there is still some money in the second drawer on the left

with this money—I say— we will buy you a gravestone a large one of black marble

it isn’t necessary—says father— better give it to the poor

six men in black livery walk nicely at our sides they carry burning lanterns

again he seemed to be thinking —take care of the flowers in the garden cover them for the winter I don’t want them to be wasted

you are the oldest—he says— from a little felt bag behind the painting take out the cuff links with real pearls let them bring you luck my mother gave them to me when I finished high school then he didn’t say anything he must have entered a deeper sleep

this is how our dead look after us they warn us through dreams bring back lost money hunt for jobs whisper the numbers of lottery tickets or when they can’t do this knock with their fingers on the windows

and out of gratitude we imagine immortality for them snug as the burrow of a mouse

libbee

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT SERIES: 8th house and psychosis. Trigger: mental health

This is my understanding of "psychosis" that happens to 8th house natives. I have venus in 8th house & I experienced psychosis. Carl Jung had sun in 8th house, his psychosis is well known. Friedrich Nietzsche was scorpio rising with rahu and moon in 1st house & sun in 12th house in libra. More on this later but today let us discuss psychosis. From my understanding, it is triggered by two things: planet and time period of the house ruler. Venus in 8th psychosis is triggered by romantic relationship. Sun in 8th house by father? Moon in 8th house by mother? My understanding on this is not clear but I have definitely experienced the relationship and mom connection (venus + moon in 8th house). Next comes, time period of 8th house ruler. My 8th house is ruled by Gemini and my psychosis was triggered in mercury antardasha because it probably activated the 8th house. Someone with pisces ruling 8th house will be activated in Jupiter mahadasha or antardasha etc.

What exactly happens during psychosis? Since 8th house is to do with intense emotions, these natives go back and forth highs and lows to the extreme levels throughout the day. Psychosis occurs when they are overwhelmed by the unconscious content and have a weak & insecure ego. It happens either in early youth years or when they have not dealt with a challenge before in life or unprecedented misfortune. For eg, if venus in 8th house is in relationship, she will be her usual rollercoaster emotional ride. 8th house will bring a not suitable person to life. Native is her usual intense self but the romantic lover causes many emotional and mental issues by lying, manipulation, inconsistent behavior etc. This gradually drives the native to emotional distress. There comes a flood of negative emotions in them like extreme anxiety, fear and panic. They start obsessing about the whole thing to the point of mental breakdown. Since they are young, naive, early age or inexperienced, this emotional distress is too mentally and physically draining to live in. It gets harder and harder to live life in a hyper emotional state every day. This is when native starts to isolate herself.

Then occurs psychotic break. It is when the native starts to perceive reality differently and lives in delusions. For eg, delusion like I am pregnant or I am being stalked or somebody is trying to hurt me, seeing mental images of people hurting them and ridiculing them. The last one happened to me. This is very frightening and confusing to native. She does not know how to explain the strange things happening to her.

Then happens spiritual awakening. Something in her pulls her to occult and related things or psychology or therapy or hospital or anything else as per life path. Next step is the reordering of her psychic world which blends delusion and reality. Which means she has to face the trauma from her past and heal herself. Synchronicities begin to happen. Unlearn the trauma and relearn new things. 8th housers are called BRAVE SURVIVORS for this reason.

Depression and psychosis wipe her memory clean. Time to integrate the parts of herself now coming to consciousness. What parts? Shadow, animus, parts of herself she did not know she was, changing the old habits, changing the hobbies, career etc. These things are very crucial to mental development. We often hear "eh school sucks, I hate democracy, why do we have to do job.." but try living in jungle doing nothing & you will realize how system, rituals, patterns, routine, order are very important psychological needs. They are not just manmade institutions but strong psychological impulses.

Time to fix what is broken. Make peace with your childhood trauma. Acknowledge everything you hate in yourself and give it time (months, years) to integrate and heal. Read more about it in books because I cannot go into detail here.

Also, strengthen your ego. Intense women lack strong ego. Ego means self identity. Assertiveness. Stand up for yourself and your rights. Ego means to achieve or try to achieve your highest potential. There is no other way to live a fulfilling life. Ego means to putting yourself first, not being doormat and clingy.

This psychosis is life changing, catastrophic, sudden, unpredictable, similar to death and rebirth. It is the shedding of previous reality and creation of a new reality. It is why 8th housers say "I have lived so many lives in one lifetime."

Once they have overcome this psychosis, their ego is better able to handle next bouts of intense negative emotions and handle them positively with physical, intellectual, mental efforts. They also attract better quality of people in their lives because people can sense their maturity and character. 8th house still brings sudden twists and turns but they are able to handle that.

I personally went from browsing nonsense porn to turning pages of philosophy books. It is total life changing self development work. Painful but very rewarding.

the-evil-clergyman

Bats Flying across Pine Branch and Full Moon by Utagawa Hiroshige (1832-33)

When two gods take you under their wing

Apollo and Pluto, Lords of Light and Dark, are my divine parents. As their child, I carry duality within me.

What is that like?

Sometimes it’s a conflict of desires, a yearning to be on-stage performing with the cast VS having directorial control of the play.

Sometimes it’s a flipping switch. Warm and welcoming one second. Hateful, the next. It depends on how I’ve been crossed.

Sometimes its a cunning thought, to be the darling of the group so that I’ll have special privileges. Other times, it’s just... confusing.

As I grew from a child into a teenager and now, an adult... people have confessed I am “disturbing” to get to know as I am seem warm hearted. But not quite so.

My Leo Ascendant and moon blesses me with Apollo’s radiance. I “shine”. When I am joyous, everyone is a beloved friend. Like the sunshine, I warm people up and we all have a good time.

Underneath, I am far from breezy. I’ll go through hell if I need to if it’ll get me what I want. It what keeps me fed and my house clean :)

Once people have gotten to know me better, they discover my 8H Sun has gifted me with Pluto’s aura: Severity. It baffles them when someone so warm and welcoming could also be so intense.

Intense. That’s what a former lover said I was. I was too “intense”.

What did I do? I revealed my standards. I demanded honesty. I made him get vulnerable: Do you love me or not? He didn’t.

Then I left as though we never shared a single good moment.

It’s frightening when a person is brave enough to shove your BS back at you. But it’s terrifying when they make you get vulnerable and tell the truth.

When Fathers Light and Dark take you under their wing, they bless you with extraordinary life force.

You take on the glow of white and the intensity of black. You are radiance and potency. Glory and dominion. Fair-hearted but also cruel. The average person cannot comprehend you.

Receiving the gifts of Fathers Light and Dark is to embrace duality, to understand you can embody both virtue and sin. The average person must grapple with both but not you, as you’ve learned your monsters by name a long time ago.

#pluto #apollo #pluto shrine #apollo shrine #witch writing #paganism #witchblr journal

solar1s

the-ephemeral-ethereal

“The descent to the Underworld is easy. Night and day the gates of shadowy Death stand open wide, but to retrace your steps, to climb back to the upper air - there the struggle, there the labor lies.”

— from The Aeneid by Virgil

Real strength doesn't come from your body but your spirit. You may feel small in a world so big but the biggest thing you can do is to build a better YOU. Choose courage in spite of fear. Let the rest melt away.

Plutonian Vaingoldry

#quote #life quote #writing #witchblr #inspiration #courage #strength #writeblr

thehopefulquotes

“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.”

— Josephine Hart, Damage

thehopefulquotes

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear”

— Unknown (via resqectable)

thehopefulquotes

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”

— Soren Kierkegaard (via thoughtkick)

bless you, i sneezed

it spreads, i spread

each inhale exhale

i breathe

one count two three four

my dusty nostrils

where are my pills?

my anti-hissymints

fill me and i’ll spill

take care of yourself, love

don’t mask the truth

cough it out if you must

blow those dusty nostrils

take one count

two three four

inhale exhale

b r e a t h e

expel the pollen in your veins

-- Plutonian Vaingoldry

#poetry #poetsandwriters #apollo worship #pluto worship #apollo shrine #pluto shrine

We do not beg or bend our knees to our gods. Instead, we open our arms and embrace them.

We do not beg them to do things for us. Instead, we ask to be empowered and assisted so that we may do these things ourselves.

--Unknown

#quote #spiritualwisdom #paganism #witchblr #apollo #pluto #pluto shrine #apollo shrine

"You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have."

--Maya Angelou

#quote #creativity #life quote #maya angelou

Whenever you're near, I want you

There's something about you and I'm finding it impossible to stay away.

--Plutonian Vaingoldry

#lust #lgbtq positivity #love #photography #sappho #sapphic #words #writing

It’s been difficult to worship

Today is Sunday, the third or fourth one since my last offering.

I’m guilty because I’ve been impunctual with them.

I’m also anxious because I’m might come across as a wee bit uncommitted.

Writing is how I offer to Apollo because its the one and only thing I do best. But sincd I started, I’ve been struggling to create.

My tools were ready but I wasn’t. I have pictures but no words to paint with. An idea but no story to tell. My offerings lacked completeness.

I discovered the truth behind this dilemma a few days ago when I looked closer at my birth chart.

Turns out, I have NOT one but TWO parent gods: Apollo, Lord of Light, and Pluto, Lord of Death.

And it would seem that I've been attempting to offer to one without acknowledging the other. I can't imagine Pluto’s displeasure. Though it does explain why my offerings felt... incomplete.

With the Sun God and Lord of the Underworld as my divine parents, my worship involves amalgamating the two polarities. They must overlap and layer, intwrtwine and fit. To show how light and dark create contrast.

Simply put... I cannot just honour Apollo by dancing in the sunlight, I must also sit with Pluto in the shade.

My moments of joy must come with the understanding that it was prequelled by despair. Triumphs must come following an evolution.

And when it comes to celebrating my successes and achievements, I cannot just shine with glory to Apollo. I also have to let my competition know their place with a subtle flex.

Pluto, despite his subtleties, does wants others to know that his children are threats. Apollo, with more sportsmanship, cares more about how glorious his children look on their winner's pedestal.

Creating has become easier after I acknowledged Pluto’s patronage. He brings a chthonic influence to Apollo’s illuminated wisdoms. Gold on black. Black on gold. The colours of intensity and glory. A solar flare against the void of space.

I am blessed to be their child. And in honour of both my Fathers, this blog will henceforth be called “Plutonic Vaingoldry” to honour both the Lord of Light and Lord of Death.

#pluto #apollo #pluto shrine #apollo shrine #paganism #witchblr #journal