#pluto shrine

[plutonian-vaingoldry]

bless you, i sneezed

it spreads, i spread 

each inhale exhale

i breathe

one count two three four

my dusty nostrils 

where are my pills?

my anti-hissymints 

fill me and i’ll spill

take care of yourself, love

don’t mask the truth

cough it out if you must 

blow those dusty nostrils

take one count

two three four

inhale exhale

b r e a t h e

expel the pollen in your veins

-- Plutonian Vaingoldry

[plutonian-vaingoldry]

We do not beg or bend our knees to our gods. Instead, we open our arms and embrace them.

We do not beg them to do things for us. Instead, we ask to be empowered and assisted so that we may do these things ourselves.

--Unknown

[plutonian-vaingoldry]

When two gods take you under their wing

Apollo and Pluto, Lords of Light and Dark, are my divine parents. As their child, I carry duality within me. 

What is that like?

Sometimes it’s a conflict of desires, a yearning to be on-stage performing with the cast VS having directorial control of the play. 

Sometimes it’s a flipping switch. Warm and welcoming one second. Hateful, the next. It depends on how I’ve been crossed.

Sometimes its a cunning thought, to be the darling of the group so that I’ll have special privileges. Other times, it’s just... confusing. 

As I grew from a child into a teenager and now, an adult... people have confessed I am “disturbing” to get to know as I am seem warm hearted. But not quite so.

My Leo Ascendant and moon blesses me with Apollo’s radiance. I “shine”. When I am joyous, everyone is a beloved friend. Like the sunshine, I warm people up and we all have a good time. 

Underneath, I am far from breezy. I’ll go through hell if I need to if it’ll get me what I want. It what keeps me fed and my house clean :)  

Once people have gotten to know me better, they discover my 8H Sun has gifted me with Pluto’s aura: Severity. It baffles them when someone so warm and welcoming could also be so intense.

Intense. That’s what a former lover said I was. I was too “intense”. 

What did I do? I revealed my standards. I demanded honesty. I made him get vulnerable: Do you love me or not? He didn’t. 

Then I left as though we never shared a single good moment. 

It’s frightening when a person is brave enough to shove your BS back at you. But it’s terrifying when they make you get vulnerable and tell the truth. 

When Fathers Light and Dark take you under their wing, they bless you with extraordinary life force. 

You take on the glow of white and the intensity of black. You are radiance and potency. Glory and dominion. Fair-hearted but also cruel. The average person cannot comprehend you.

Receiving the gifts of Fathers Light and Dark is to embrace duality, to understand you can embody both virtue and sin. The average person must grapple with both but not you, as you’ve learned your monsters by name a long time ago.  

[plutonian-vaingoldry]

It’s been difficult to worship

Today is Sunday, the third or fourth one since my last offering.

I’m guilty because I’ve been impunctual with them.

I’m also anxious because I’m might come across as a wee bit uncommitted.

Writing is how I offer to Apollo because its the one and only thing I do best. But sincd I started, I’ve been struggling to create. 

My tools were ready but I wasn’t. I have pictures but no words to paint with. An idea but no story to tell. My offerings lacked completeness. 

I discovered the truth behind this dilemma a few days ago when I looked closer at my birth chart.

Turns out, I have NOT one but TWO parent gods: Apollo, Lord of Light, and Pluto, Lord of Death.

And it would seem that I've been attempting to offer to one without acknowledging the other. I can't imagine Pluto’s displeasure. Though it does explain why my offerings felt... incomplete.

With the Sun God and Lord of the Underworld as my divine parents, my worship involves amalgamating the two polarities. They must overlap and layer, intwrtwine and fit. To show how light and dark create contrast. 

Simply put... I cannot just honour Apollo by dancing in the sunlight, I must also sit with Pluto in the shade.

My moments of joy must come with the understanding that it was prequelled by despair. Triumphs must come following an evolution. 

And when it comes to celebrating my successes and achievements, I cannot just shine with glory to Apollo. I also have to let my competition know their place with a subtle flex.

Pluto, despite his subtleties, does wants others to know that his children are threats. Apollo, with more sportsmanship, cares more about how glorious his children look on their winner's pedestal.

Creating has become easier after I acknowledged Pluto’s patronage. He brings a chthonic influence to Apollo’s illuminated wisdoms. Gold on black. Black on gold. The colours of intensity and glory. A solar flare against the void of space.

I am blessed to be their child. And in honour of both my Fathers, this blog will henceforth be called “Plutonic Vaingoldry” to honour both the Lord of Light and Lord of Death.