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I see your Thalia and Percy friendship posts and raise you: Thalia, Percy and Nico are literal fucking besties.

This is gonna be a long one, kids. Buckle up. I’ve had to give some thought on how to ensure their friendship based on everything that’s happened in canon and I think I got it.

Okay, imagine this: Thalia and Percy are hanging out in TTC and are having a lighthearted heart-to-heart. Towards the end of the conversation it goes...

Percy: You think all demigods are this much of a mess or is it a Big Three thing?

Thalia: Definitely a Big Three thing

Percy: We need one more to complete the trio of disaster

Thalia: Like the third member of our band. What would that even look like? I mean, they would need dark hair to join, obviously. That’s a requirement.

Percy: Of course. The eyes would have to be brown or black considering you and I took the blue and green ones.

Thalia: Uh huh. And aesthetic-wise I have the punk covered and you have the skateboarding look... preppy maybe? Ew. No. If we find a preppy Big Three kid then we condemn them.

Percy: Emo? Goth?

Thalia: OH MY GODS! Give me an emo or goth child of Hades to complete our trio PLEASE!

Bianca: Hey guys, what’s up?

Percy: Hey, nothing much. We’re just talking.

Bianca: Okay, bye (:

Thalia: Bye (:

Thalia: ANYWAYS! Percy, we have to find one-

Later on, they forget about the conversation until a few years down the road when Thalia suddenly IMs Percy at like 3 in the morning.

Thalia: Bianca’s little brother

Percy: What? Nico? Is he in a jar again?

Thalia: He’s emo now, right?

Percy: Uh, he might just be depressed-

Thalia: HE IS EMO NOW, PERSEUS! WE NEED HIM!

Percy: I swear on to any god that is listening that I will hunt you down and break your nose. Thalia, he doesn’t like us. You’re a hunter and I... well, don’t worry about why he doesn’t like me.

Thalia: Uh huh and normally that would be fine, but we need him

Percy: We cannot force him to be friends with us

Thalia: Is that a challenge?

Percy: No

Thalia: Challenge accepted, jackass

Percy: Just let me go back to sleep

Thus begins Thalia and Percy’s quest to integrate Nico into the group. Percy is actually friends with Nico so he takes the lead and is kinda nervous bc they’ve had a on-and-off rocky relationship in the past. Thalia hasn’t really interacted with Nico all that much yet so she only knows the bare minimum. Percy decides the best route is being honest upfront but he doesn’t know how to say “I need you to be super close friends with Thalia and move past any residual awkwardness with me in order to fulfill a lifelong dream of having a disaster Big Three trio.”

He tries to suggest Hazel instead, but Thalia says she isn’t emo enough to even consider. So Percy bites the bullet and has this conversation:

Percy: I want to do this ethically

Nico: ...I... are you talking to me? That’s not how you start a conversation.

Percy: We’re still friends, right?

Nico: Sure?

Percy: How do you feel about Thalia?

Nico: Um, neutral, I guess? She isn’t my favorite given she leads the hunt and is the daughter of the guy who murdered my mother.

Percy: Uhh understandable. Outside of that, would you be opposed to being her friend?

Nico: What the actual fuck is happening? I guess not? She’s Jason’s sister, right? I like Jason.

Percy: Yes! Yes, exactly! He - oh my gods. Jason is the preppy one.

Nico: What?

Percy: I - THALIA! THALIA! JASON IS THE PREPPY ONE-

Nico: Maybe I wasn’t even embarrassed to be gay. Maybe I was just embarrassed that I liked you.

So, Nico listens to this proposition and is just like “that is the dumbest shit have I ever heard, but for the sake of curiosity on what you two even do together I’m going to agree to this on a trial basis” and thus begins the actual friendship.

Yeah. Nico gets suckered in real fast. Part of it is that he realizes Thalia is actually really cool and willing to work on stuff with him. He’s uncomfortable with the hunters? Well, Thalia is the lieutenant and can make changes in some areas. What bothers him? More visiting time with mortal families? Done. You have to have trained for at least three years to go a quest? Done. Listen, the hating men thing only applies to some of the older ones and we’re working on that. Maybe if you visit more they’ll be more comfortable around boys. Nico slowly warms to them. Never completely tho. Thalia and Reyna are the only hunters he’s ever completely cool with.

Percy on the other hand... bless him. He’s trying so hard to figure out how to make sure Nico’s comfortable.

Annabeth: why are you googling “how to be friends with your ex”? Are we breaking up?

Percy: no, but they don’t have a wikihow article for “how to make sure your ‘friend who had a childhood crush on you for years without you noticing and was forced to admit it after a traumatic outing in which he had to pretend to hate you bc you couldn’t save his sister but actually hated you bc of the feelings he held contempt for due to being raised in the 1930s and also because the 2000s can suck too’ not feel uncomfortable with your friendship” so I had to improvise.

Annabeth: maybe try yahoo

This ends up being Thalia and Nico’s biggest bonding moment at first bc Nico decides he wants to fuck with Percy once he notices him being awkward. It was only fair, right?

Nico: Percy! Don’t do that!

Percy: Do what?

Thalia: Percy, what the Hades? Nico’s gay. What’s wrong with you?

Percy: I’m sorry! What am I doing?!?

Nico: I can’t believe this

Percy: NO I’M SORRY! HOW DO I STOP?!

Thalia: Honestly the audacity is beyond me

Percy: I’m literally about to cry. Just tell me what I’m doing wrong.

Nico: you seriously don’t know? Disgusting behavior. Annabeth is okay with this?

Percy: I don’t KNOW, I’m sorry!

Thalia: you should know better than to wear a shirt that brings out your eyes like that

Percy: ...

Nico: (:

Thalia: (:

Percy: I swear I’m gonna kick both of your asses. Don’t stress me out like that ever again. I did not live this long to be played like this-

Nico: Belligerently homophobic

Percy: STOP

Will is Nico’s self-control. Thalia and Percy are the opposite of that. They try to outdo each other constantly. Thalia can fly? No big deal. Percy can use water to raise himself up into the sky. Nico decides he’s just gonna shadow travel into the sky at night bc technically “the world is one big shadow” at that point. It goes as well as you might think.

They all take turns holding the brain cells of the group. Usually it depends on the area of foolishness.There are times where none of them have braincells tho. This mainly happens when they’re bored and want to try and combine powers to play games. Tag is a big one. Nico shadow travels to try and get away while Thalia uses lightning to keep there from being shadows. If Percy touches one of them with water then he wins.

Thalia and Nico bother Percy/Annabeth on dates and Thalia and Percy bother Nico/Will on dates. It’s become a very serious game to try and crash the others romantic evenings.

Nico and Thalia are nervous around water bc Zeus and Hades are always very clear for other demigods to stay out of their domains. Percy is determined to teach them both how to properly swim. It is chaotic and they all almost die, but DAMNIT Percy taught them freestyle and nobody can take that from him.

Also, Nico is just like “idk guys. Nobody in ancient Greece really did that much of the naked stuff of my dad like they did for Poseidon and Zeus. Sucks for you guys tho.” and Thalia is sitting there like “Oh... oh no, you poor thing. Have you searched your dad on the internet in modern time? He’s either a loud dude with blue-fire hair or a sex symbol. Absolutely no in between.”

Ooh I had that one post about them trying to pin the ‘royalty teasing’ that fits well here.

They all fight over custody with Mrs. O’Leary. It gets emotional. Thalia, as a hunter if Artemis, has a natural link with animals, so she claims that she’s her dog. Nico says she’s not even technically an animal, but a hellhound which is his father’s domain, meaning she is HIS dog. Percy gets very upset bc Daedalus gave her to HIM and YOU CAN’T TAKE MY DOG FROM ME-

Disney movie marathons. That’s it. That’s all you need to know.

Percy claims he’s the oldest. Which, well, technically he is? Only Thalia and Nico aren’t rolling with that. Thalia’s age may have slowed down as a tree, and just bc she biologically stopped aging doesn’t mean those years shouldn’t count. According her birth year she is the oldest. Nico says according to HIS birth year he’s the oldest. They can’t decide who the oldest is officially, but both Thalia and Nico voted that Percy is the youngest, which makes Percy super annoyed (“Neither of you have passed 16 years so I don’t want to hear it”)

Side Note: According to Annabeth, the order is Thalia, Percy, and then Nico, but only Thalia approves of that order.

Nico is determined to get Percy and Thalia to an actual therapist. Like, by gods he will do it.

Nico: It doesn’t have to be Mr. D. I will summon someone for you. There are lots of great therapists who are dead-

Thalia: Get me Freud and I’m in. I want to know wtf this ‘Penis Envy’ he’s talking about is.

Nico: You’re supposed to talk about your problems.

Thalia: My problem is that some random guy has a mighty high opinion of penises to think we all want one.

Percy: Freud’s theories have actually all been pretty much dismissed anyways. He doesn’t hold any real credibility in the psychology community.

Nico: ...how do you know that?

Thalia: NERD!

Percy: No! No, it was just something Annabeth said-

Nico: Nerd

Percy: NO-

Thalia: I can’t believe you’re a nerd

Percy, holding back tears: This is why I need therapy

Nico: Literally half your life is a reason for therapy and yet you choose this moment?

One year they all decide to dress up for Halloween. Thalia turns up as an ear of corn, Nico shows up as guinea pig, and Percy shows up as a pine tree. They all collectively announce they have dressed up as each other.

Another Halloween comes by and they decide to dress up like their dads and impersonate them, which was real fun until Hermes popped up and told them that Zeus was getting offended.

Hunters of Artemis vs. CHB Capture the Flag is really just Nico and Percy trying to beat the shit out of Thalia while she orders literally all of the hunters to forget the flag and instead attack Nico and Percy.

Nico is the sugar-friend of the group. He buys them shit all the time. When Percy fondly points out that Hades does the same thing to Nico he freaks out lol. Thalia immediately prays to Zeus like ‘you can try and buy my affection if you want. I would like the following-’

They get into an argument like.... three years later and Nico loudly proclaims his trial period is OVER and he will not be continuing on this stupid friendship. Percy and Thalia are so pissed off by this that they follow him around for a solid week saying that the trial period ended after the first year and he doesn’t get to not be friends with them. This goes on for weeks. At one point, Thalia threatens to get lawyers involved.

Side note: They all get into arguments A LOT. It is a constant thing, but it hardly ever affects their friendship. Usually they get pissed off for like a day and then the next time they see each other its fine. Common arguments include: the right way to eat tacos, who the best spice girl is, who has the coolest powers, stuff about the hunt, being called out on various things, whether water is wet, and between Percy/Annabeth and Nico/Will who is the cuter couple (and btw it was not Nico and Percy who had that last argument lol. I will leave you in confusion on that one).

Some of the hunters try to criticize Thalia for spending so much time with two boys... some of the hunters are going to have to deal with Percy and Nico roasting them for an hour. Artemis is too tired to stop it.

Nico and Thalia are both good friends with Annabeth, so Percy and Thalia decide they need to be good friends with Will too. It, uh, is an adventure. Will doesn’t know what’s happening, but he does fear for his life when two Big Three kids kidnap him for ‘bonding’ time. Nico has to come rescue him.

Thalia and Nico went to Percy’s graduation wearing “Graduate Squad” shirts with Percy’s face on them. They also brought some for Sally, Paul, and Annabeth who gladly wore them as Percy walked across the stage lol. Poseidon may have also showed up and made himself a matching shirt. Thalia and Nico lost their minds over it.

Every year for Thalia’s birthday, Nico and Percy take her to abandoned buildings so she can just smash the shit out of it. It is a lot of fun for them to just demolish a house together and sometimes it is the only reason Thalia still celebrates her birthday at all.

Thalia and Percy are both groomspeople for Nico’s wedding and they take this VERY seriously. Reyna is technically the best woman, but she doesn’t have the plan anything bc Percy and Thalia are all over that shit. They also both cry when Nico gets married.

Bonus if you like bi-Percy...

Percy: soooo.... yeah. What do you think? Obviously, I love Annabeth and don’t want to break up with her, but I’m not really sure if that means I can’t like boys too?

Thalia: Nah, you can. Sounds like you do. Congrats. I will still slit your throat if you cheat on her with a guy tho.

Percy: You know I wouldn’t. And that’s... not a problem? Nico, that’s okay, right? The boy thing?

Nico: (: no! (: I’m happy you felt comfortable to share this with us (: I wouldn’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me this kind of thing over a silly crush forever ago (: and if you any questions I can always help out (:

Percy: Thanks, Nico! I have to go talk to Annabeth. See you guys later!

Thalia & Nico: Bye!

Nico:

Thalia:

Thalia: ...you want to let it out?

Nico: what

Nico: the

Nico: F U C K

Thalia: there, there. If it makes you feel better I was thinking... if I didn’t have my oath to Artemis then I would totally ask Reyna out-

Nico: shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut UP-

Meanwhile:

Jason: The Greeks have a big three trio. Want to make our own?