Obey Submit Consume

Basically Just homestuck trash. Not even going to lie to you.

[pockylover999]

I come here to bitch

My current schedule:

S: 10am-5pm (one child)

M: 8am-5pm (one child)

T: 8am-10pm (two children)

W: 8am-5pm (one child)

TH: 8am-10pm (two children)

F: 8am-10pm (one child)

S: 9am-5pm (one child)

How much I make a week: $200

How much I would make if I was getting paid hourly and minimum wage: $562.50

I would 75 hours a week with no days off mostly working from a decent wake up time to a decent sleep time. I feel like complete and total garbage because:

* I cant even bring myself to get involved with my online friends right now let alone my irl frineds.

*i want to start school (online) but im really scared that the stress of working this much while doing school is going to make me drop out again, thus adding to my $800 school debt that ive yet to pay

*Im really lonely, like I want to start dating again but I dont know how to meet people and i literally dont have any time to go on dates

*Im not even doing anything with these kids anymore but changing/feeding/and watching them because i am so out of energy

*This is night three that I havent been able to get to sleep past 5 am…keep in mind i get up at 8am

*Every time I try to call out to someone they just tell me to quit but i cant do that.

*I dont even feel real anymore and all the days are just blurring together

*Ive honestly considered smoking/drinking while i had a kid just to avoid a panic attack.

I dont know what to do anymore. I want help but I dont know where to get it. Im really scared Im going to become suicidal over this. I really miss my friends.

[vancouverfoodmonster-deactivate]

Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean mental illness don’t exist.

[jncoes]

Hot Topic’s website 1999

[kayinnasaki]

was their website a quake mod

[yoursenpaidesu]

[pockylover999]

So a lot of talk of suicide below the cut?? idk?? I’m not feeling suicidal just talking about it.

So...I think I’m weird. Um.

The second that I grasped the concept of death, I wanted to die?

Like I remember constantly between the ages of 3-5, just sitting there thinking “I don’t want to be here. There is no point to any of this. I want to die.”

I remember constantly talking with “god” trying to convince them to kill me.

I remember when I was 6 years old, I tried to stab myself with a butter knife because I felt sad.

And it’s not like I grew up in a bad home or anything. I fucking love my family so much. My mom is my best friend. My dad is pretty cool too. They never beat me or yelled at him. I just...didn’t want to deal with this bullshit?

But like, I never actually acted on any of these stuff. But I always felt like I was riding passenger in my life. I’ve been impulsive and angry. I’ve always wanted to die. It felt normal.

It really peaked in Middle School/Early High School.I was prone to random outbursts of violence. My mom even called the police on me once [boy howdy was that fun]. And then I tried to kill myself in 8th grade.

Like...I was already heavily medicated on the wrong medication that was causing me to be always tired. That doctor was fucking stupid and gave me an anti-depressant that was prone to react negatively with minors.

Me and my dad got into a fight and I just pushed him and then he pushed me and walked out the door. And then I locked the door and then tried to swallow the entire bottle of my meds.

I was...admitted after that but as out patient. idk why? Like. I just tried to kill myself but okay. They didn’t help me that much though. I think...it was more of babysitting for that place. Like “here. We’ll watch your troubled teen and invite them to talk about everything and do the occasional art therapy before pissing them off in individualized therapy.”

So I was kind of against therapy for a while. I was against medication for a while. I was angry and sad and impulsive up until I started that all up again.

Near the end of high school, I finally went out and found a behavioral therapist who didn’t really think I needed help. Like, I lied a lot during therapy because I was going through a phase of stealing things. I wanted to talk about it but I never did. Needless to say, she let me talk about anything I wanted. Like, I was paying her for that so why the hell not? Right? It was nice. It was good to know that I always had the option to talk to someone if I wanted to.

And she got me on medication that really helped.

And like, even now. Even though I don’t see a therapist any more. I’m not on my medication any more. All because I don’t have health insurance. I’m handling it all pretty well. Idk. I just wanted to share because I just think it was weird that I wanted to die when I was 5 years old.

[smplyblk]

A lot of scary stuff is happening at Mizzou following the resignation of their president, Tim Wolfe. There are active threats being posted on Yik Yak and black students are evacuating campus in fear for their lives. PLEASE look at this and spread it. Go on twitter and see the videos and other tweets. 

[pockylover999]

me: *looks at a flock of sheep*

me: *looks at a crowd of people*

me: hmph.... i see no difference

optometrist: *shifts another lens in front of my eye* how about now?

me: oh holy shit

[throughtimeandstarlight]

Available at TeeFury

[2dorkdotnet]

bonus panel:

[when-you-go]

@mechanical-circus

[tastefullyoffensive]

[wellhauntyou-blog]

[altmax]

[manyvines]

[captioned-miscellaneous-videos]

Person 1: [yelling] “Hey! Hey!”

Person 2: [whispering] “Shhhh! The baby’s sleeping.”

Person 1: [whispering] “Sorry!”

Person 2: “What’s up?”

Person 1: [quietly] “There’s a fire.”

[sandandglass]

Russell Howard’s Good News s10e03

[darkestnighthour]

I’m living for the looks on their faces

[bisexual-books]

Bisexual author Nicole Kristal has been creating these awesome images highlighting the phenomena where bisexual characters on TV are not allowed to use the word ‘bisexual’ to describe themselves.  It ties into a phenomena we’ve discussed a lot here, The Missing B Word.  Over and over again bisexual-behaving characters are gay/straight-washed or only allowed to remain attracted to multiple genders if they renounce labels entirely.  The word bisexual is treated like a dirty word or as if it doesn’t exist entirely.  

- Sarah 

[zombietonbo]

I made one of those cute ghosts you can drag!! uwu