poems for the lonely

your skies were on fire, but no one else could feel the ash falling onto their shoulders

[poemsforthelonely]

i kept all of your stuff. all of it. i returned your clothes, wiped your scent from my memory but i kept the stuff that mattered to me. i tried to throw away the photos, rip up the letters. i never even considered donating your ring. you discarded anything i ever touched the day i left your life. were different like that, aren’t we? you removed me from your life instantly and temporarily put someone else in my place to forget. you didn’t forget did you. i thought i was being the bigger person by rebuilding myself alone, but we were both in the same place. i didn’t forget either. i’ve forgotten your presence, now when i see you it’s like i’m looking at a stranger. a stranger that evokes incredible emotion in me-but still a stranger none the less. you’ve changed your hair, your voice, the things you say or the way you choose to say them but you could never change the curves of your smile or the intensity of your stare. i wonder if i’ve changed. i wonder if you see me and you remember me, or am i a stranger to you as well? i often find myself wondering if you still think about me, wondering if we could be friends. knowing we couldn’t. something about you is drawing me back in and i’m not sure why because i know you hate me. don’t look at me like that if you hate me. don’t look at me at all if you don’t want me to think about you. i hope you want me to think about you. you know i will anyways.

[poemsforthelonely]

string bass

id entertain every thought you have

id be tender

id dodge your bullets

i’ve been trained well

let me renter your world

turn your eyes to me, boy

we both know how you never listen

[poemsforthelonely]

title

for some unknown, unlivable, ungodly reason

im constantly fighting to prove something to you,

neither you or i know what that something seems to be,

yet i need to prove that i, too, am on fire 

[poemsforthelonely]

senses

guitar chords that smell like your skin

strum in my ears while i run for my life.

beads of sweat and streams of tears roll down my cheeks

it tastes like you,

sweet and green

Bittersweetly boyish.

your arms embracing around my waist,

no

your fingers intertwined in my hair,

no-

your breath on my neck

NO

and as my legs give out

i collapse onto the damp blacktop

under the streetlight

in the alley that i convinced you to stay alive in, twice

the gravel stirred up on the road digs into my kneecaps

but that doesn’t matter

you fill my senses

you make me whole

and no matter how fast i run after you it seems you always run faster

[poemsforthelonely]

bathroom

staring into my own dead eyes

fluorescent light flickering above my head

the silence of sleep fills my ears

i can hear my heart beat

it’s too loud.

i can not physically bring myself to look away

to move

i cant stand the dark

for i fear what may be lingering in it

yet i reach for the light switch without a second thought,

and as the void strangles me

i feel a sense of belonging

i am where i am supposed to be

i am what lingers in the darkness

[poemsforthelonely]

i dont smoke

biting into my cheek so hard that i taste a tinge of copper in my mouth. dipping out into the cold night for a cigarette as the stale, frozen air pricks my nose. the wind blows my smoke into street, and under the yellowed light, it glows with such burning passion you’d think smoking wasn’t something to be ashamed of. gazing out onto the empty highway and imagining what it would feel like to be within someone else's presence. being alone can get lonely sometimes. who needs the warmth of a lover when you have the warmth of a lighter, right?

[poemsforthelonely]

breaking down the meaning of love and whatnot

My mother told me she doesn’t think I’m in love, 

Because a simple childhood crush can’t be any more than lust. 

She says I’m too young and immature to process an emotion as big as love. 

But if what I’m feeling right now isn’t love, what else could It possibly be?

If this isn’t love, what does love feel like?

Ive been told that love is caring for someone so deeply, nothing else matters.

Not their morning breath, 

Their short temper, 

Not even the things they do that annoy you the most. 

Loving someone is the ability to be completely comfortable around someone. 

They’ll hold your hair back while you throw up. 

you’d help them clean their messy room. 

When you can have endless conversations about the most obscure, gross, wild things without a second thought. 

When you love someone, you would do anything for them. 

So I ask my mother and her disbelief, if Im not in love, why would I do anything for him?

Why are we so incredibly connected, mentally and physically?

I feel pulled towards him, the same attraction the opposite poles of a magnet feel. 

He feels safe, ma. 

He feels like home. 

He feels like love. 

The type of love that is running as fast as you can through the dark alleyways after crying in eachothers arms. 

The love that’s singing and dancing in the kitchen eating goldfish after secret kisses in my room. 

The love that’s stripping down to underwear, running down through the sand and swimming in the river while it rains. 

He told me I make him feel not like he’s living, but like he’s truly alive.

And to that I say, 

Me fucking too. 

Love makes you feel alive. 

Not a childhood crush, 

Not just lust,

Love. 

and I am absolutely in love. 

[poemsforthelonely]

self destructing

my tears roll down my neck

in the same pattern in which you

kissed me just hours before.

they puddle in my collar bones.

sometimes i think i was only made to self destruct

ticking time bomb

[poemsforthelonely]

rotten apples dont fall far from the poison tree

Fake smiles just to keep the peace

Overthinking each word from your mouth

Slowly snapping

Breaking the branches off the poison tree

Once she goes, she’s gone.

Sound familiar?

Yelling, slamming doors, saying things that will be later regretted

Lying.

Manipulating.

Attention seeking.

And now I know why.

You’re just like your mother

You know that?

You’re turning into your mother.

The rotten apple won’t

Fall far from

The poison tree,

Will it?

[poemsforthelonely]

red

I want to make you angry, i want to make you sad. I want you to hurt for me.

And i have no clue why.

Is that so wrong? That i want you to bleed for me?

Just to show me i mean something to you?

C'mon boy, sacrifice yourself on my behalf.

Sell your soul to me, you wont regret it i can promise you that.

I'll show you a good time, and the ticket is cheap

Just your heart

Just your mind

Just your soul.

Just for me.  

[poemsforthelonely]

grasp

I am completely infatuated by you

With every step you take towards me,

With every flick of your eyes over me

With every grace of your fingertips onto the surface of my skin

I fall deeper and deeper into your palms,

wrapped tighter around your pinky finger.

[poemsforthelonely]

bloody mess

as these thoughts

circle the drain in my skull, and

bleed out onto paper,

i too,

wish i was bleeding out

onto the linoleum floor

in my kitchen

[poemsforthelonely]

birds in the belfry

birds in the belfry 

cast out a call

a call that sounds like my name. 

birds in the belfry summon me to my holy sanction

wish for my praise,

beg me to beg for my own forgiveness.

birds in the belfry ask me onto my knees 

what wrong i must have done

to land myself where i stand now?

what immorality have i committed?

[poemsforthelonely]

talk to me.

Now tell me boy, 

What harsh things have you seen 

To make your eyes sit deep like that?

You look at the world as though it's 

Personally wronged you.

As though it's constantly reaching for 

Your throat. 

And you wont look at me. 

Cmon boy, look at me. 

I know how the wheels in your brain turn

Boundless. 

So why don't you think to look at me?

[poemsforthelonely]

first place

you may think you love me 

you may think you always will, 

but Ill break your heart someday

Seems like thats what im best at anyways.

[poemsforthelonely]

8 pm

you can see the world shift colors

from a natural orange to a hazy blue

and your fingertips turn to ice

because the lofty bridge you were once hovering above,

is no longer below your feet.

and you think on the times

when you were angry at everything

or nothing at all

because your sadness turned to rage

as no one noticed.

your skies were on fire and no one else could feel the ash

falling onto their shoulders

[poemsforthelonely]

lord forgive me

i want to eternally sleep in this thunderstorm

the last thing i would feel is the raindrops on

my leather skin

i’d hear the cracks of thunder as i sink into the concrete

like the sound of god laughing at me

“oh sinful creature,

you’re getting what you deserve”