Teary eyed lover girl @poetess-doll - Tumblr Blog

I need to be the change I want to see,

I am going to step off.

I just wanted her to know how much,

how serious I felt,

this is not something I feel is correct of me,

I went a bit mad on this lil pink journal,

But I want to be the change I want to see,

I must step off this,

this is where I surrender all my guns,

Fly on, ye lil whimsical bird, I miss you, it feels like I can't dance again, I love you now okay ? So long now 😫 🫀🥀

fatimazainab

Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

I tried to leave the door open, and someone came in, they seemed interested. She is really cool, impressive in the mind it seems, and intrigued by me.

Though her roommate, I see the way he looks at her, and how he feels around her when she talks to me.

I think about how I feel about the girl of my dreams. I am just not ready to love again.

All I want is to love who I love, not trying to look elsewhere.

I don't know how to verbalize how I feel exactly, but I am scared.

I am scared of love because all I want to do is love who I love, I'm not sure I'll love again, I'm not sure about anything right now. I am only sure about myself and who I love.

I am sad, and I am scared, no amount of self improvement has been able to mask how I truly feel, and I'm not going to try to .

I am simply going to feel how I feel as life unfolds in front of my eyes

I am sad and I am scared.

Even without the rose colored glasses on I still choose to love her, because I simply do.

But what is the point anymore,

Nothing.

I wrote a huge journal the other day and then I made it private. Though one piece from it that I really want to emphasize and leave out in the open is the part where I talk about learning how. When I first met this wonderful whimsical little lady that I cherish deeply, I knew not what I had to bring. I thought I could bring it, I felt secure knowing that I am safe (bc I've kept myself safe and have deep trust in myself), I felt secure because she made me feel safe as well, and our connection being this potent, this passionate, I as well trust us to love each other through the test of time and to be safe towards each other. What I didn't know was learning how to be safe in the way she understands.

See, objectively we are more than safe. Though what she sees as safety and what feels like safety may be a bit different due to personal experience. As someone who loves her, I can either ignore her feelings and do whatever with no consideration towards her whatsoever, OR I could learn how to make her feel as safe as possible in a way that she understands. I can choose to evolve or stay stuck. I choose to evolve and learn her, because she is more than everything to me. When in love, remember, there is no I in team, and when making decisions, remember to always consider your partner and how they would feel, and as well if you can, ask them as well how they'll feel or what they'd prefer.

Christian's think that the Wednesday Addams meal from Wendy's is demonic or could bring in misfortune, a curse, or some other type of spiritual threat.

I understand being wary of your spiritual safety, but I find it often that Christians think everything with any form of anything spooky is demonic and it's low-key annoying asf lol.

For so long that has kept me from casually enjoying normal things that aren't completely and totally pure. Can I like enjoy my chicken nuggets without being worried they are going to open a portal of spirits ? Lmao

#meal of misfortune

In general, I sit in the void, not rushing to fill the void. I keep my door open to allow love, blessings , and all to flow in naturally.

I love with certainty and devotion.

I do not settle.

I hold space for the one I love and use my time wisely through the silence.

And for that, I am grateful.

Jeebus girl, no more yearning for you 😂 pleeeeaseee y'all I yearn way too much, like I feel this way too much. (Y'all as in the invisible audience lol bc please I know this is online but Tumblr is such a good place to yearn quietly but in a way that you could still be heard and seen lmao)