Poetry By Lex

poet - intj 5w4 - I want to be needed, i need to be wanted

[poetry-by-lex]

Ruin is all I leave behind.

I come to you running,

then scurry off and hide.

Im scared of being wrong

So I shut my lips real tight.

My body holds everything I repress up high,

It covers the sun and all of its light.

When I open my mouth 

It usually ends in my flight,

So I’ll take a deep breath and switch off my fight.

I’ll stay silent and quiet,

I’ll disappear without a why,

And I’ll leave you with questions 

And ruins behind.

[poetry-by-lex]

My lungs burn with repression

Legs ache from desperation

I am running from my predestined

Path of stagnation.

I refuse to be my mother

Like all the other women before her

With no sense of direction

And no motivation to move forward.

My body is a machine,

I can take it.

I am so desperate to be seen,

It’s making me sick.

[poetry-by-lex]

the hunger is unshakable.

it's the curse that made me

unbearable. miserable.

tides rise but cannot quench

the unthinkable.

how can i get better if i'm lying about what's trivial?

to be truthful, i've never quite thought of my burial.

i've always had an inkling for survival

even on nights where i am mostly suicidal.

is it the shrinking of my thoughts

or my thighs

that makes it all the much harder to see the light?

In my mind i am content with the hunger that lies

but not with this anger that wants to die.

[poetry-by-lex]

It's genetic, isn't it?

The trigger was my birth

I think.

I took my first breath

And began to sink.

This is the production of growing

Up with depression.

I just learned to drive my car

And I'm on my way to a therapy session.

I'm growing up now

And my mind is still stuck in that

Childhood repression.

Still stuck in the waves of desensitization.

It is my genes, is it not?

I got it from the ones who taught me to talk

And I know they didn't think it could be brought

Upon a child raised right.

A child whose future was so so bright.

But my lineage does not lie

It is in my programming to want to die.

[poetry-by-lex]

Please do not tease me

I still think that you are lovely.

Everyday that passes is another one mourned.

I sit still in the road waiting for you to return.

It's selfish

I know

Everyone's moving on

And I can't seem to grow

Out of my skin 

Out of that life

I miss you

And I've never questioned why.

[poetry-by-lex]

I can't stand any of my friends

I want this all to come to an end.

Come back to me please

I'm sorry

For ruining everything.

I understand that you won't speak to me.

And im sorry

That all I can manage is a sorry.

[poetry-by-lex]

You are intertwined 

With me in my mind

Each memory another treasure

I've locked up inside.

The last three years of my life

Are ones I must not forget

Each word ricochets off of my chest

With empty ringing that won't let me rest

I wish I could stop writing of you

Of me

Of another one that wasn't meant to be

I wish I could let this all go

Wish I could leave it behind before it snows

Once more.

Every heartbeat rips throughout our memories

My body reminds me that I am a thief

No care in the world I'll never concede

And I guess I'll still be intertwined 

With you in my mind

Itll just be easier to leave you at my bedside.

[poetry-by-lex]

I read your poems today.

The words float around 

And I don't make a sound.

These words written bring me closer to you

Though you do not want to see me

I'm still missing you.

I cannot forget the years

We spent

Or the tears

We wept

I cannot forget your smile and the way you made me want to stay a little while

Longer.

Maybe one day I'll find the courage to reach out

I'm just terrified of what could come about.

[poetry-by-lex]

I sit in waves of the immortal

Made of stardust

It turmoils 

Not quite human

But not quite ghost

You haunt the crevices of my heart

And I still miss you the most.

-- missing you comes in waves

[poetry-by-lex]

Let me crawl into your body

I promise to be gentle this time

[poetry-by-lex]

You only want a reaction from me

Is this just a distraction from your miserable life?

Because I will not give you one to see.

Because well you see you and I

We do not abide by the same laws of fine.

You flourish and flounder but still seem to wonder what your meaning is

If you are not the prettiest.

I watch as you morph into something abstract and for a minute I want to keep this all in tact.

Because I know that if I do this, I will never get you back.

But our paths were torn monsters beneath us were born

In the flames of the destruction.

Do you want a reaction?

Is this a good distraction for you?

Please tell me what will you do when the tables turn on you?

What will you do when the world finally sees all that is wrong with you?

When the roles are reversed and you have to rehearse your apology

Look me in the eyes do not lose sight of your enemy.

Tell me what do you really see when you look at us three?

[poetry-by-lex]

I woke in the morning

To sunlight and a fresh breeze.

I didn't know this at the moment

But I wasn't really there to see.

The sheets in my fingers

And the warmth of my blanket

Brought me closer and closer to the

Brink of extinction.

I put my feet down on my floor

Stretched and kissed the sky

And then I walked out and let time pass me by.

I didn't know it at the moment

Didn't realize the time

When I left your house that night

I didn't say goodbye.

It's not because I was mad at you

Darling you'd be surprised.

It was more of an understanding

That you wouldn't let me out of your sight.

So I paid my last respects

In the form of a bed

I didn't want to say anything

I didn't want it to end.

--- I never told you goodbye because I knew you could talk me out of it.

[poetry-by-lex]

Please

do not ask me questions about myself.

I fear I do not know the answers,

I do not know who I am.

[poetry-by-lex]

I have a voice for a reason

You should've kept me locked up

Behind the closed doors of childhood

If you couldn't take my yelling,

My pleads for each breath

If you couldn't handle the tears I have shed over the years

Or the way I leave my sweat drenched bed.

You should've kept me buried in the lyrics and melodies

Buried in the dirt

Thank you for showing me I'm only worth

Something

If I'm starving,

An artist on display

Trapped inside a cave.

[poetry-by-lex]

I am so sorry you were scarred

so young.

if I could do it all differently,

I would have placed the pieces down

correctly

precisely

and with so much care

instead of throwing them to the wolves

who have been hungry hungry hungry

for generations.

[poetry-by-lex]

I forget that I am my father's child. And I am capable of violent things too.

[poetry-by-lex]