poetry & quote blog

22 f

[poetrybybeans]

will they mourn me the way i mourned you, or will my soul and body feel just as neglected as they do now. will i die in vain or will my death bring me some sense of peace that life would never consider giving me. will i be rejoined with my sons who have passed away or will i spend the afterlife alone as i did when i was alive. will the voices finally be silenced or will i be brought to those who fill my head with the same thoughts that have helped aid in my insanity.

[poetrybybeans]

last poem from this poet

I’m losing you, but I’m losing myself more.

My days now are just filled with me crying on the floor.

I love you, way more than I love myself and maybe even now more than you love me.

I feel like a prisoner to my own emotions with no room to flee.

I wish you left me to die that day, honestly that would’ve been for the best.

Let me just fucking kill myself and rot, that’s the only way I can rest.

All of this feels like emotional torture and I know it’s all my fucking fault.

My brains will soon splatter because of this 1911 cobalt.

I can’t live with the consequences of my actions that I now know.

Loaded the chamber and it’s time to let it blow.

[poetrybybeans]

what a fool i’ve been

to think you’d see my soul

and not just my beauty.

[poetrybybeans]

They say I will forget you.

Yes, this is true.

My mind will soon forget the features of your face,

My ears will forget the sound of your voice and laughter…

Yet my body could never forget the feeling of your body pressed against mine,

My lips could never forget the taste of yours,

And my heart will never forget your love.

[poetrybybeans]

i feel my time is running out and fast. the only thing i know to do is write to you.

im sorry first to myself; for forcing myself to die a lonesome death. for placing those mandarin orange colored tablets on my tongue, washing it away with a sweet carbonated drink.

secondly, im sorry to those who are first to find me for you must carry those burdens forever. youre the one who has to be the strongest.

third, to my beautiful mother. who wanted nothing more than for me to have a better life than her. mommy, te amo. you have been through so much. i wish i couldve use this opportunity you gave me better. i wish i couldve made you proud just once. i wish i wouldve been enough to have your affection.

lastly, friends and other family members. im sorry i didnt meet your standards. im sorry im not the girl i once was. the life of the party, the one who kept a smile on peoples faces. it is hard to consistently save everyone when theres no one to help save me too.

i wish i was a better woman. i wish i was happy. i wish it didnt have to be like this.

im scared and alone, death is not for me.

death is not for me.

i take back all those years of begging for it. teasing it. as it creeps on me i cant help but sob and feel regret. is this what death is all about. fear, regret, sadness..

i dont want to die alone.

why do we have to die alone?

[poetrybybeans]

i always put my everything into relationships with people who could care less if i disappeared.

i guess i'm just a hopeless romantic.

[poetrybybeans]

Wife

i just want to be beautiful. i yearn for the feeling of being a man's one and only.

i am tired of being lusted over. i am more than what i can provide a man sexually.

i want to be a wife, a mother..

i wanted to be his wife..

the mother to his children..

but to him,

i am nothing more than an object, a piece of meat, a prize...

i am nothing more.

[poetrybybeans]

death is upon me i feel it creeping.

i just can’t wait for my eternal sleeping.

free of pain and anger,

looking in the mirror thinking let’s just hang her.

stepping on the latter and kicking it fast,

all this gasping for air and swinging around won’t last.

finally able to release,

and for once im free.

just like a leaf in a breeze

finally feeling at peace.

[poetrybybeans]

when you took my happiness, you took my beauty with you.

all you see on my face is everything we went through.

you see the misery,

the betrayal,

even how badly you’ve manipulated me,

just this hot mess that YOU grew.

i love you and it hurts me,

us forever thats what it is supposed to be.

yet here i sit lonely and depressed

forced to reply all those fucking memories i forced myself to suppress.

buts it’s fine ill be okay

even when everything’s in disarray,

even when things feel like they’ll always be grey.

because i have myself.

[poetrybybeans]

the best poem ive ever made was when our bodies merged the night we fought the worst.

it told the story of my lust and urge for you love me forever even though in your book, our poem had already ended.

i was too blind to see you were just helping me end mine.

[poetrybybeans]

sometimes i fear i have fallen too deep into love,

or fear my love is one sided.

sometimes i fear i will cause my soulmate to fall into infidelities,

i latch onto him and push him away

all at once.

sometimes i fear you love me as i love you,

for i cannot accept love as much as i crave it

and only know a life of isolation.

i fear that my fears will ruin

this pure,

innocent love.