ceci est mon poison parfait

have fun judging me um but please know this isn't attention-seeking bullshit i need somewhere to write my thoughts so i don't get overwhelmed and um all i want is to be happy and comfortable with myself ok

[poisonofperfect-blog]

this, and so much more

[healingflower5]

I just made a video :) Enjoy!

[lildeadprincess-deactivated2017]

HAHAHA

[beneathmyrecoveringbones-deacti]

Hahaha omg. To all of my followers, I’m sorry, but this is soooo true. Thank you!

[soulmind--body]

Omg I’m dying lmfao

[hippeaux-deactivated20120704]

jfc hahahahhhah

[stillllugly-deactivated20130224]

omg

[poisonofperfect-blog]

there was something upstairs, i don't know what it was or why it was there. i'd made it half way up the stairs to go to the bathroom when i heard it, this frantic movement upstairs, something sliding along the wooden floors, banging into the windows and doors and furniture. i froze, panicked and rushed back to my room as quietly as i could. i sat in my room for ten minutes listening to this thing move, still unsure what it was. everyone in my family is in their rooms, fast asleep. my dog is tied up, fast asleep. my bunny is locked in his room downstairs. i was terrified of this unknown creature. i thought it would kill me. but then i realised that the reason i was going upstairs in the first place was that i had to purge. an entire packet of double choc swirl biscuits, a large packet of salt and vinegar chips, two pieces of bread with nutella and two pieces of bread with peanut butter CANNOT stay in my system. it can't. i risked my life running upstairs past the unknown frantically moving creature and into the bathroom so i could spend god knows how long purging. my purging mimicked the movement of the unknown creature: frantic and quick. i couldn't believe that everything had come up so fast so i pushed myself, i kept going. it's the first time i've ever thrown up bile from purging. it's the first time i've had traces of blood in my snot when i blew my nose afterwards. i went back downstairs, past the unknown creature's territory and into my room to write this. i still don't know what that creature is or why it's in my house. i still think it wants to kill me. i do know that my pure terror of the unknown creature resulted in maybe the most successful purge of my life though. 

[adrunkenprophet]

i’m losing it i’m losing it i’m losing it i think i’ve lost it i think i’ve lost my only hope of ever being who i want i just can’t and i just couldn’t and it was still all there and i could feel it and it didn’t all go it just stayed and i can’t do this anymore i really can’t i’ve lost it i know...

[poisonofperfect-blog]

where is my self control, where is it.

[poisonofperfect-blog]

i am so sick of being that impulsive sicko who can't help but eat everything in front of her

[poisonofperfect-blog]

how would i go about convincing someone who's perfect in every way to swap lives with me?

[poisonofperfect-blog]

i don't know if i smell vomit all the time because stomach acid is constantly lining my nose or because some vomit splashed up into my hair or on my face

[alt-ac-deactivated20150119]

[lieue2]

[incurvated-deactivated20120704]

[queenplutoria-deactivated201702]

[poisonofperfect-blog]

buuuuuuuuut then what is

[thesimpsonswayoflife]

[lea-and-anorexia-deactivated201]

[poisonofperfect-blog]

i need to stop forgetting to take my antidepressants. it's been so long since i remembered them, and all i can do is self-harm and cry.

[poisonofperfect-blog]

cuts and burns and burns and cuts

[poisonofperfect-blog]

i honestly don't know what's happening to me. i don't know when i stopped despising myself so much that my brain switched back into fat mode, but all i know is that it has all gone too far and i'm way beyond "putting on a few healthy kilograms". my heart is constantly racing and my eyes are constantly filled with tears, my stomach is constantly knotted and my mind is constantly reminding me how disgusting i have become. i'm fat again and i know it. there's nothing i want more in this world than to change, but somehow it just won't compute. i just can't do it. every day i get fatter and fatter and every day i hate myself more and more. yet i just can't stop eating.