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Content from The Political Garbage Chute, a political commentary, satire and humor site.

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President Trump Blames Bomb Cyclone On Muslim Ban Court Delays

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, President Trump acknowledged the deadly winter storms battering the country’s northeast region. Referred to as a “bomb cyclone,” a massive stormfront dumped more than a foot of snow in the region, and now bone chattering temperatures well below freezing are being registered. Trump, taking time out from his busy schedule of…

President Trump Blames Bomb Cyclone On Muslim Ban Court Delays was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Sessions 'Greatly Troubled' About Legal Recreational Weed And His Ability To Incarcerate Young Black Men

WASHINGTON,  D.C. — This morning, word broke that U.S. Attorney General Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions is rescinding an Obama era policy that gave states the flexibility to allow the sale of recreational marijuana. The decision comes just a day or two after California, and it’s sixth largest economy in the world, began allowing the sale of…

Sessions ‘Greatly Troubled’ About Legal Recreational Weed And His Ability To Incarcerate Young Black Men was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Trump Orders White House Crew to Downsize Big Red Button For His Fingers

Engineers are busy in the White House downsizing the big red button that presidents use to launch nuclear strikes to something for suited to Trump.

Trump Orders White House Crew to Downsize Big Red Button For His Fingers was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Flustered Mike Pence Keeps Writing "1817" On All His Checks And Social Policy Initiatives

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Mike Pence is like any other person in the world, despite being the third most powerful man in the world behind President Donald Trump and Actual President Vladimir Putin. He puts his pants on one leg at a time, and he makes sure to get three square meals a day.…

Flustered Mike Pence Keeps Writing “1817” On All His Checks And Social Policy Initiatives was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Local Holocaust Denier Outraged To Find Out Trump's A Climate Denier Too

MINE CAMP, WEST VIRGINIA — Chad Skeeter is a 37 year old white nationalist who believes that the liberal Democrat agenda includes a systematic wiping out of his race, which he calls “white genocide.” Because of that deeply rooted belief, Skeeter says he’s been a lifelong Republican, though he said his belief in tax cuts…

Local Holocaust Denier Outraged To Find Out Trump’s A Climate Denier Too was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Trump Signs Executive Order Requiring All Holiday Greetings Replaced With "Merry Christmas"

MAR-A-LAGO — As the year comes to a close, and having just scored a decisive victory in the War on Christmas, President Donald Trump has issued an executive order that he says will “ensure the dominance of Christmas for generations to come.” “Folks, we’ve had a really tremendous, bigly tremendous most would say, year. We’ve…

Trump Signs Executive Order Requiring All Holiday Greetings Replaced With “Merry Christmas” was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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CDC Reports 65% Fewer "Happy Holidays" Related Heart Attacks This Christmas Weekend

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump declared victory for the forces of Merry Christmas in the decades-long War on Christmas this past weekend. In a tweet, Trump took credit for “leading the charge” and making it acceptable to use the phrase “Merry Christmas” in America again. Trump of course was referring to the law signed…

CDC Reports 65% Fewer “Happy Holidays” Related Heart Attacks This Christmas Weekend was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Disappointed Eric Trump Told SpaceX Launch Was Not Actually Santa's Sleigh

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The president’s second son had to be let down gently this morning by his wife, children, and dogs. All of Eric’s family had to gather in their living room to break some tough news to the man almost smart enough to be considered the fifth dumbest member of the Trump…

Disappointed Eric Trump Told SpaceX Launch Was Not Actually Santa’s Sleigh was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Papa John's Promises Ousting John Schnatter As CEO Will Not Make Pizzas "Any Less Shit-Tastic Or Cardboardrific"

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — The man who is the “Papa” of Papa John’s pizza will no longer be the CEO of the company he started back in the 1980’s, according to the pizza chain’s executive board. Though John Schnatter will stay on as the chairman, leadership of the company will come from Steve Ritchie, who is…

Papa John’s Promises Ousting John Schnatter As CEO Will Not Make Pizzas “Any Less Shit-Tastic Or Cardboardrific” was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Jeff Sessions Says He 'Can't Recall' What Recusal Means

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, Attorney General Jeff Keebler Sessions ordered the Department of Justice to take yet another look at a 2010 deal that gave permission for a Russian company to take a 20% interest in uranium mined in Wyoming. Donations to the Clinton foundation were made by people involved in the deal, and…

Jeff Sessions Says He ‘Can’t Recall’ What Recusal Means was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Rosie Defends Tweets To Corker, Collins As "Alternative Lobbying"

Rosie O’Donnell ignited a firestorm of criticism and controversy among the American right-wing of politics when, as Senate Republicans were preparing to rush their massive tax overhaul back to the House of Representatives before a final vote to send it all to President Trump’s desk, she tweeted an offer to Senators Bob Corker (TN) and…

Rosie Defends Tweets To Corker, Collins As “Alternative Lobbying” was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Trump Wanted To Veto GOP Tax Plan After Finding Out Obama Would Benefit From It Too

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Independent and non-partisan estimates of the GOP tax plan and overhaul — that could reach President Trump’s desk for signature by the end of the week — show that it will add roughly $1.5 trillion to the deficit. Other analyses show that while lower and middle income tax brackets will see a…

Trump Wanted To Veto GOP Tax Plan After Finding Out Obama Would Benefit From It Too was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Senate Republicans Inserted Tax Cut Amendment That Dumps Six Million Dollars On Bob Corker's Lawn Every Quarter

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the hours ticking into minutes, ticking into moments before the passage of a sweeping tax overhaul plan, it was still touch or go with a few Republican senators whose votes were needed to push President Trump’s highly touted reforms through Congress and onto his desk. Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee, who…

Senate Republicans Inserted Tax Cut Amendment That Dumps Six Million Dollars On Bob Corker’s Lawn Every Quarter was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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White House Cleaning Staff Accidentally Find Trump's Russian Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A shocking development in the nation’s capital today as White House cleaning staff reportedly discovered the long form birth certificate of President Donald J. Trump. Historically, this would not have posed any problems whatsoever for a white, male, president. However, the birth certificate was in Cyrillic and issued under the authority of…

White House Cleaning Staff Accidentally Find Trump’s Russian Birth Certificate was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Bill O'Reilly Sued For Sexual Harassment By His Vacuum Cleaner

SOUFFLER DUR, NEW YORK — When the year started, Bill O’Reilly was still the King of Fox News. His show, The O’Reilly Factor, which he called “The No Spin Zone,” was still grabbing top ratings, and he was personal friends with the newly inaugurated President of the United States of America. By the summer of…

Bill O’Reilly Sued For Sexual Harassment By His Vacuum Cleaner was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Report: Aliens Told Pentagon Americans Are Too Stupid To Abduct Anymore After Trump Victory

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For years, some Americans have believed that their government knew more about unidentified flying objects — UFOs — than they were letting on. While the rumors about whether or not the U.S. government knew about or was investigating UFOs started decades ago, thanks to a new report out this weekend in The New…

Report: Aliens Told Pentagon Americans Are Too Stupid To Abduct Anymore After Trump Victory was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute

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Literally No One Volunteers To Help Ann Coulter Qualify For Childcare Tax Credit

“The kinds of creatures offering to willingly mate with Coulter are who you’d imagine at a Klan rally butt fucking each other’s cousins while they watch Mississippi Burning and root for the cover-up.”

Literally No One Volunteers To Help Ann Coulter Qualify For Childcare Tax Credit was originally published on The Political Garbage Chute