Oh, whimsy Mimzy! @polyteaparty - Tumblr Blog

When people try to devalue polyamory they’ll bring up stories of people who had bad abusive polyamorous relationships. They take stories of cults, people who forced their partners to accept live in mistresses, and people without sexual boundaries and show them as proof that polyamory is dangerous, sexually deviant, and unsafe to be around kids. However each of these examples isn’t evil because its polyamorous. They’re bad for other reasons. They include abuse, lack of communication and consent, double standards, brain washing, bad relationship rules, and lack of basic human decency. These things exist within bad monogamous relationships too.

Bad relationships will be bad whether they’re monogamous or polyamorous. Abusive isn’t intrinsic to either group. People being abused in polyamorous relationships shouldn’t be encouraged to become monogamous, they should be encouraged to escape.

pavlovshair-deactivated20240607

Me, before watching Sense8: I dunno about poly relationships; if that’s you’re thing, cool, but I don’t really think it’s something I’d consider my thing

Sense8:

Me: I need this holy shit

thelovejournals

“I never expected her. Sometimes people sneak up on you and suddenly you don’t know you ever lived without them.”

— Elle Kennedy, The Deal

teapartyghosts

While I have slowly become accustomed to every invasive question people have about being polyam, I am reliving the first bit with my partner, B. She doesn’t have the terminology yet to explain a “V” or “hinge” relationship or what compersion is. She went to a party full of people she hasn’t seen in a while and everyone had their opinions… and comments. “I think it’s weird” to “Do you also have sex with Mimzy’s other partner? Like, all together?” While these questions are (probably innocent), I can see how frustrated she is with the invasion of privacy. I wish I could tell her the questions eventually stop, but they don’t.

alwayschangingstuff

Polyamory & Breakups

I don’t talk about being poly very much on here but I’ve been wanting to make a post about my experience with polyamory and breaking up while being multiple relationships. Break ups happen no matter the type of relationships you have and they happen for a lot of different reasons. Here are some of the things that I found made breaking up while dating other people harder:

If your support systems are mainly monogamous people, they might not understand what you’re going through. In my experience, mono friends attempted to comfort me in my break up by reminding me that I still have my other partner. Others also suggested that now that I’m only in one relationship I can try to be monogamous.

Your break up will likely be hard on your remaining partner(s). I feel like no one likes to see someone they love be sad and hurt. Especially considering that they wont be able to make it go away.

How you and your partner handle your grief together is important to your relationship and its growth. I felt compelled to push my remaining partner away, to hide my grief from them, to try and minimize the hurt they saw. Luckily, my partner was still there for me to lean on and wasn’t hurt by my retreat into myself.

You don’t have to rush to “get over it” or to start dating a new people. My ex and I were together for a year, I know I’m not over it yet and I found that some poly people would try to encourage me to get back out there before I was ready.

These are just some of my thoughts. Lastly, I want to leave you with this:

Your process and feelings through a breakup are valid. Just as valid as any mono breakup. 💖

Hi. I’m a girl and have had a boyfriend for a year and a half. I love him dearly, and have just discovered I might be Polyamorous. He’s fine with me being who I am, but I can’t stop feeling so afraid of being polyam. How do I get over the fear of it and accept the huge change in my relationship? Thanks :)

I found reading helped a lot. I believe I have a post somewhere about some awesome books/blogs. Honestly, it's one thing to know all the theory and another to be in the situation - like the first time you hit jealousy or compersion. You will know how it should go down on paper but the theory doesn't include your specific situation or how your emotions will react. I found that you do have to play some of it by ear. A lot of people go into polyam with "here are the rules" or "I have 0 boundaries" but all of a sudden you find yourself in a situation where you might have to reevaluate those earlier things. That's okay. I would suggest getting into the habit of over-communicating. It is best to talk about things 100 times than to not talk about it and end up in a situation where you, or others, are hurt. It's hard (or at least I found it hard) to unteach myself monogamous culture - especially the toxic bits. There were/are times I feel guilty because society has taught me that more than one partner equals cheating... or that if someone isn't possessive of you, they don't love you. These concepts are so unhealthy. If you are being polygamous as ethically and respectably as you can, then you will do it right. Everyone does polyam differently and no relationship looks the same. You have to do what's right for you. I wish you all the best. Xoxo

Any advice for getting over cheating that happened in a polya relationship?

I’m not going to get into a rant about how much I loathe cheaters in any relationship form. However, my advice is to just take some time and focus on healing. I saw a quote the other day that is really sticking with me. It was something along the lines of, “While the responsibility of causing the wound might not be yours, healing is.” The only thing in life that is certain is change and it is time to grow with this experience. There is something to take away from this and something to build on. I have found that it’s okay to be angry and hurt… for a while. It’s okay to even let it consume you… for a while. But those emotions take so much energy away from the rest of life. People can suck. I’ve been through it. But I got to a point where I realized I have to let myself feel it, take a deep breath, and then move forward to new things. You might be hurt again - whether it is a monogamous or polyamorous relationship. But life is full of beautiful and sad and shaping moments and we are defined by how we come out of them. You are strong. You will heal. You will find love and happiness again. I promise. Xoxo

teapartyghosts

The Bachelor/ette/x: Polyamorous Edition

Episode 1: “Roses and rings for all you cuties.”

The end.

*screams internally* I have been more stressed than I have ever been in my life and she sends me these. We have only been seeing each other for almost three months but she is a force unlike any I have seen before. 😍

#personal #Love #Yes I'm alive #barely

okpoly2

Communication

“When we talk about communication in polyamory, we’re actually talking about a very specific type of communication: speaking the truth about ourselves, our needs and our boundaries with honesty and precision, and listening with grace when our partners speak of themselves, their needs and their boundaries. This kind of communication isn’t really about words. It’s about vulnerability, self-knowledge, integrity, empathy, compassion and a whole lot of other things.”

polyamouruspride-deactivated201

Poly Myth #4

Myth #4: Polyamory is for people who don’t get jealous.

People in polyamorous relationships do experience jealousy, sometimes quite often – but instead of avoiding feelings of jealousy, poly folks (just like all people in healthy relationships!) are pushed to confront jealousy head on.

It’s important to recognize that it’s okay to feel jealousy! There’s nothing shameful about it. It’s just a feeling.

What is important is what you do with that feeling, and how you come to understand and deal with it.

There are strategies to survive and even work to unlearn jealousy. These can often be applied to other areas in our lives.

In this way, confronting our feelings of jealousy can serve to make us stronger people, strengthening our foundation, our internal security, and our relationships, too.

scum2000

What was that website you recommended to read up about healthy polyam habits/practices? Thank you ❤️

Morethantwo.com

Also love these articles(tw for abuse): https://psiloveyou.xyz/confronting-abuse-in-polyamorous-relationships-f9e35eea4546http://polyamoryonpurpose.com/when-polyamory-is-a-tool-for-abuse/

Am I truly poly if I don't get depressed and miserable when I'm with only one partner? I don't feel mono but here lately I don't feel I'm truly poly either since I'm not unhappy with only one partner but I do enjoy being with more than one partner.

Like in any community, the polyam community has it’s individuals that deem you need to be “this tall to ride”. No, you don’t. You do not need to meet any requirements outside of “be ethical and respectful” in your non-monogamy. You don’t need a specific amount of partners, or feel the desperate need for them, in order to be polyamorous. There are many situations where a polyam human can be in a relationship with only one partner and not actively be seeking another. It could be a recent break-up, being too busy, mental health, “just not feeling it”, etc. Not that you need to justify why, but a lot of people don’t take that into consideration. There is also the term “monogamish” for people who have polyamorous tendencies but don’t want to label themselves as polyamorous. But, I mean, we live in a world where people forget that we grow and evolve and our personal identifiers change. Someone might be monogamous and become polyamorous later or visa versa... and the thousands of variations in between. The most important thing here is that you do what makes you happy and don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings... You wouldn’t tell someone who is bisexual that they aren’t “bisexual enough” to call themselves such.

I hope I answered your questions. I might just be rambling.

-Mimzy

mylittlepoly-family

So you’re monogamous, but your partner just said they are polyamorous.

Here’s a few things to consider.

What kind of non-monogamy do they want? (Polyfidelitous, casual other relationships, play it by ear, just sex, long term relationships, etc)

What do you like doing in your spare time? (Video games are my husbands go-to, and he loves that he gets more time with those now, but whatever it is, ensuring you have your own interests is crucial)

What are your love languages? (This helps ensure that you are shown love in a way meaningful to you)

What kinds of activities/dates are important to you? (Learning this first can help - if they want to go to an opera with a date, and you hate those, you might still experience jealousy about it - it’s important to note when jealousy is about time in general, vs an activity)

What are your wants and needs? (Separating them is very difficult. I’ve found it’s best to assume things are wants until you don’t get them, and then define them as a need, rather than the other way around)

Are you more concerned about romance, emotions or sex? (Some people are ok with sex, but not emotions, because they don’t want to lose their connection. Others are ok with romance and emotions, but not sex. Figuring out which is most concerning to you will help you focus on what to consider as wants and needs)