Poly Pop Reviews

Polyamory. Relationship Theory. Let's be honest, this will be primarily His Dark Materials obsessing until season one is over.

[countesssrostova]

some trump supporter interrupted a reporter to yell "at least we're not burning businesses down" and like

[polypopreviews]

NRE Playlist Suggestions?

New Relationship Energy is a precious resource and I am trying to make the best of it while I have it. Here are the songs I’ve got on repeat right now. Anyone have any good recommendations to add to the playlist?

Admit Defeat - Bastille

I Feel Good About This - The Mowgli’s

Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute

Haight St - Anberlin

First Time - Lifehouse

Blue Above The Green - Mike Edel

Lol - THE WLDLIFE

Overdose - Royal Tongues

Feel Again - OneRepublic

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

When I’m With You (Walking On Air) - The Rival

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1fDTyJO5a1NzPAZmmrEyiQ

[polypopreviews]

His Dark Materials S2E2

Mary Malone: Hello, I exist. I am on film now, 13 years after the New Line Cinema disgrace fucked everything up.

Me: *Sobs uncontrollably*

Botanical Garden Bench: Hello, I am a set piece. Bet you weren't expecting me for another year or so.

Me: *SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY*

[come-chaos]

Throwback to that one time when BDSM on the Enterprise literally became canon.

[polypopreviews]

Do me a favor and watch DS9. Worf and his datemate literally end up in sick bay after banging. Often. It's extra great because the doctor is the guy that lost the love triangle.

[zagreus]

Yeah sex is cool i guess (if you’re into that sort of thing) but have you ever tried blasphemy or moderate-to-severe heresy against the tyrant that calls himself “God”?

[polypopreviews]

I was really surprised this wasn't from @hisdankshitposts

[themmfatale]

2020 gothic

- you join a zoom call. everyone’s mic is muted, but no one is talking anyway. you stare at the squares with faces in them. which is your face? you can’t be sure.

- the news is full of numbers. you try to learn what they mean, but the articles are full of jargon from fields you have no experience in, and you swear the numbers change when you blink. 

- you wake up. you sleep. you wake up. you sleep. how many days was that? you have no idea.

- you go for a walk. a shadow follows you down the street, moving when you move, stopping when you stop. always the recommended six feet away.

- every day you get several emails from corporations you’ve never heard of. each company name sounds fake, too vague, too optimistic. “Stay healthy! :)” they say. “We’re committed to keeping you safe! You must stay healthy! We love you very much! We learned everything about you so we can keep you safe! Please believe us we love you so much we’ r e  , s 0Rry:):)):))”  You try to unsubscribe, but the link just takes you to a blank black webpage. Suddenly, you can make out your reflection in the screen. What’s that over your shoulder?

- you’ve been wearing the same clothes for days, but somehow there is laundry.

[polypopreviews]

[hisdankshitposts]

balthamos: i'm going to insult as many people as I can during quarantine

balthamos: like what are they gonna do? come to my house and fight me? lmao learn to social distance bitch

[polypopreviews]

So my husband just asked if his super mentally unstable FWB could come stay for multiple nights.... With her baby.... While he goes to work.... While I work from home.... During the COVID shutdown where I would have no chance to get out of the house away from the situation if I needed to. I have never met her before, and he proposed a scenario where I would spend more time with her than he would.

It may surprise you all to know that my answer was "absofuckinglutely not."

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

a collection of covid-19 tweets

(the tweet collection series)

[polythought]

when you’re socially distancing from partners during a pandemic

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

I really, REALLY needed to see this right now.  Thank you.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[gaysemiotics]

[seoscribbles]

[zetabrarian]

Sure wish I was seeing this one circulating more than the other ones without the information literacy component.

So here I am, circulating it.

[polypopreviews]

At Last, my His Dark Materials Tattoo is Complete!

The city in the Aurora, with the bench from the botanical gardens underneath.

The SPECTACULAR artist was Sean Ambrose from Arrows and Embers in Concord, NH.

[polypopreviews]

will: aren't you forgetting something?

lyra: uhh [kisses him on the cheek]

will: no lyra, do your fucking taxes

[polythought]

sex, love, and exclusivity

Common misconception by monogamous people: you’re just trying to get laid…polyamory is all about sex!  Retort by polyamorous people: no it’s not! it’s about lovvvvve Common misconception by polyamorous people: it’s important to play into respectability politics related to sex in polyamory! see above retort! Retort by proud sluts/sex-positive folks: nahhhh

…so, like. It has taken me a surprisingly long time, considering I’ve generally been a sex-positive person for while, to get to a place where I am comfortable making so bold a claim, but: 

It’s okay to be polyamorous for the sex. 

Before you start saying “that’s not polyamory, then! it’s polyfuckery!” or whatever, keep reading.

Yeah, if you’re non-monogamous and your only goal outside of an otherwise conventional relationship is to have casual sex, then you might get some side-eye from the polyamorous community. I’m not going to gatekeep personally, I’m just saying you might face an uphill battle in explaining why you choose the word “polyamory” instead of something like “ethical non-monogamy.”

My point is, though, is that it’s not an either/or. It’s a both/and.

You can be polyamorous in the sense that you are open to multiple loving relationships and be motivated by seeking sex.

Sex can be one of your reasons for being polyamorous. It can even be a primary reason.

We slut-shame ourselves and our community when we try to distance ourselves from that.

Yes, of course, there are polyamorous aces. There are polyamorous demisexual people. 

And it’s reasonable to say that polyamory isn’t inherently more sexual than monogamy–that is true. Sex can be a part of it, just like it can be for monogamous people. And the degree to which it is a part of it varies just as widely!

But we’re playing by their rules when we scramble to prove that sex isn’t important. For some of us…even, dare I say, a sizable portion of us…sex is a real reason we want to be polyamorous. More sex, more opportunities for sex, more variety in sex, more novelty in sex. Whatever!

Now, to ask: Why is that concept so threatening to monogamy culture? And why are polyamorous people so obsessed with showing that we care about love, not sex? I think this might be why: Because monogamy culture has decided sex and love are inextricably bound to each other through exclusivity. And while a major stated goal of monogamous pairings is to create a loving bond, sex is one of the ways couples are expected to express that love. And the way you know it’s real love is that you don’t do sex things with anyone else.

In monogamy, if you have sex with someone else, that’s generally taken to mean that you don’t really love your partner. You probably love this other person instead. But even if your partner rejects that notion and believes that you still love them even though you had sex with someone else, what you’ve done then is shattered the illusion that love and sex are inextricably bound. They’re not. They still love you, they swear. (As they really might. Polyamorous people know this well enough, even if we don’t like seeing it done unethically any more than monogamous people do.)  To bring this back around: when we polyamorous people say “it’s about the love, not the sex,” we’re appealing to monogamy culture’s value placed on love, and love alone, as the goal of relationships. We’ve correctly identified that a lack of sexual exclusivity is one of the clearest markers in monogamy culture that something’s gone wrong in your love relationship, and so we’re wise enough to downplay that element. “We’re just like you! The point of seeing multiple people isn’t the sex!” Except, sometimes it is. And that isn’t incompatible with love, and we know it.

We’re not rejecting sex: What we’re really doing is rejecting your sex+love+exclusivity link. Sex is legitimized in monogamy by calling it an expression of exclusive love. We don’t buy into that. 

But it’s easier to say “it’s not all about sex,” to downplay our genuine interest in sex, to try to get monogamous people to believe we share this fundamental value with them, the idea that sex needs to be restricted, minimized, kept under control in order to be valid to want, to pursue.

It doesn’t.

[stacynothername]

More wisdom from Polly. She’s got it goin’ on!

[polythought]

So, I’ve seen this going around, and you might’ve too. And it’s great! It is funny because it’s subverting an expectation: that extroverts would be the ones motivated to pursue polyamory, perhaps latching onto fellow extroverts or maybe collecting a lot of introverted partners (one for each night of the week!). But, it turns out, introverts do directly benefit too, sometimes for exactly the reasons in this meme (if, hopefully, not literally conveyed in quite that way). And introverts do, in fact, independently seek polyamory, not just get pulled into it by an extroverted partner.

An interesting thing can sometimes arise, then: an inversion a level deeper. What happens if an introvert gets a lot of dates? What if, maybe, they even get more dates than their extroverted partners? It can happen. And that’s just one of the ways polyamory has the potential to humble us all and help us grow by never quiiiite being predictable.

It makes me think of what seems to be a pretty common story: guy finally convinces girl to open up their monogamous relationship, fantasizing about all the dates he’s gonna get. He strikes out, but his partner–the one he had to convince to do it in the first place–has people falling all over her. She’s ecstatic, thrilled they took the plunge; he’s jealous and regretful. 

What to do from there? The point of growth, I think, is to take a step back and say: Why are you really doing this? Are you doing this only in pursuit of some particular ideal scenario, with minimal jealousy and maximum enjoyment for YOU? Or are you doing this because you believe in personal autonomy and the ability for everyone to pursue whatever they might grow to want?

This is why I say it’s humbling. The challenges will arise, whether they’re the specific ones described above or not. When the rubber meets the road, the only way I know how to do polyamory with a modicum of grace is to accept that not everything looks like I predicted. While that can be scary, it opens the door to amazing resilience if I can take a step back and take a deep look at what my needs really are, what I truly need and want to ask for from others, and what large array of possibilities I might be open to experiencing and seeing in my circles. That doesn’t mean i have to be infinitely flexible, lacking in boundaries, or okay with absolutely anything that may arise; it just means I will set myself up for a lot less misery and a lot more joy if I can open my heart to what might actually be beautiful in the unexpected.