Welcome to the Fishbowl 2/10
Shits been weird, idk. I’m not myself lately.
Lately my life feels as if I’m living in a fishbowl. Everyone sees everything I do, who I’m with, & it gets around.
Recently I got drunk one night and hung out with a guy, a guy who was close with my ex, and had a piece of history with one of my [once was] best friends. We spent the night hanging out until 10 am. We went on late night motorcycle adventures, and watched movies til late.
I fell asleep and woke up at 3 pm. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fuck up. We kissed, and for how bad he wanted to sleep with me I refused. I said out of respect for Lexie, but was it really out of respect for her if we kissed? I feel bad about it.
Two days later rumor spread like wildfire, from strangers we didn’t even know. It got so out of our hands, and I tried to talk to Lexie sooner than later, but kept getting shut down and shoved aside by her rumor beliefs.
For the past week every time I come home her door slams, or closes super quickly. She won’t talk to me. I made a last attempt a few days ago with a note and cake pops asking for her to hear the truth. They were gone 2 days later, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she gave them to Julie and trashed the note tbh.
I’ve done all I could do. No one believes me. Lexie won’t, Julie won’t, probably the bartenders on Dickson/Lexie’s friends don’t, and I kinda can’t do much anymore. It makes me wonder if some of my friends and I were actually ever that close if they don’t believe me or want to talk to me about it. I’m not asking for us to be friends again, but if she’s going to be mad about it, be mad about the right damn thing.
She cut me out of her life and it’s unfortunate, truly, but again how close were we really if she constantly says she doesn’t want to talk about it, removes me off every social media app, calls me a bitch/says she fucking hates me, and literally won’t let me get a single word in? I get being upset, but I wish she would just talk to me about it instead of believing whatever was said.
My ex got involved too, he cried b/c he was “the last to know”. Literally, I don’t even care. You fell in love with one of my best friends while dating me, then left me. Stay gone.
Truly, this whole situation got way too dramatic in terms of how it was handled. This could have gone better.
I’ve talked about this with a few friends. Lex lost a best friend before too back in August, and now another one. They both ended the same. Blowing up and not letting the other person get much of a say in. After talking about it with her and a few other friends I felt better about a lot. Still feel bad, but not shitty shitty like I was.
The guy I’m seeing back home knows, about everything. I came clean and told him about the situation, the kiss, the bed situation, all of it. He still likes me so much and respects the hell out of me for being truthful to him, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. We shared a lot of personal details last night, and I really think it’s going to move us forward in a better direction.
For now I’m laying low. I’ll write another post about his visit soon. I just had to get this out there. I don’t know where I’ll go from here with anything. I’ll just keep moving forward. Grateful for those who’ve listened, so unbelievably sorry to those I’ve hurt, and I look forward to picking myself back up and continuing on.
I’m hoping this microscope on my life will fuck off now.
I’m not going to wallow forever
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