i am human, right?

21-he/they

[ponyinabottle]

I know I'm smart, I know I have intelligence.

I'm so fucking tired of everyone thinking I'm stupid.

I know how to check my oil, I know how to make a budget, I know how to do my job, I know that the dishwasher needed to be descaled.

I KNOW THINGS AND IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING LOOKED OVER

is it because of my weight? Because I'm fat and happy I must also be stupid?

Jagged jawlines speak intelligence and a happy go lucky person must be the DUMBEST PERSON TO EVER FUCKING EXIST????

I am 23 years old. Stop treating me like a fucking baby.

[ponyinabottle]

I'm so tired of feeling inadequate. I feel like all I can do right is housework, like the woman I was born to be.

I can't create, I can't thrive. It's hell just trying to be happy.

I don't know why I'm alive

I have no friends, I have no money, I provide nothing to the world.

I don't understand.

[ponyinabottle]

whoever is listening, please listen harder. i will do anything to feel human again.

[ponyinabottle]

If I ever get dementia, I hope I die before I realize it.

You keep saying you need to pack for your grandmother's house, how scared you are for the flight home.

Yesterday it was your brother's motorcycle parts weighing on your conscience, today you thought it was Christmas eve. You were so worried about not having presents for anyone.

You are getting restless, you sweet old timer. You don't know where you are, you're worried about returning to work.

You're 87, honey. Your son told you today that he's not coming back for you, you didn't understand why.

5 minutes after the phone call you asked when he was coming to get you, frustrated that he'd forgotten you on Christmas weekend.

I wish I could take everyone's pain and harbor it, even if it's just for long enough for them to say goodbye to the people who once loved them.

She's lived so much life, and the people she brought into this world want nothing to do with her, and all she does is want to talk to them, every day.

I wish I could help.

[ponyinabottle]

Sometimes I genuinely hate being alive. I hate feeling my heart beat in my chest, seeing the floaters constantly clogging my cloudy vision, feeling my hands shake over a keyboard and witnessing my handwriting get worse and worse as I fall out of practice.

I wish my mental pain was visual so people would believe me more. Nobody understands how much I mask, nobody understands how much I struggle.

Nobody understands how much I TRY to get better and how tired I am of trying.

[ponyinabottle]

I keep gorging myself on empty noise hoping something will click and make the gears work again, but they're drowning from the static that's filling every pound of my flesh.

I feel empty again. I don't know how to fix it, who to talk to or even when or if it will get better.

Sometimes I hope that a truck will veer into my lane while I'm driving and can just put me under long enough to dream up a solution to everything.

I need a second job, more money. I'm so tired of living in america. I'm so tired of living in debt.

I feel helpless in the worst way possible, a rabbit caught in a trap. Being hunted by the very people that raised it, built the world they're living in.

I am so tired.

[druddigoon]

the biggest waste of food

[ponyinabottle]

I miss having friends.

[m-o-r-t-i-s]

[ponyinabottle]

Everything hurts. I feel selfish and mean and gross. My whole body aches, my chest is tight and my eyes burn so much. I want to cry but I feel empty at the moment. I don't think this is just the flu, but nobody's ready to hear that yet. For now I'll sleep 20 hours a day, miss work and collapse in on myself. I'll have nightmares of being assaulted in front of my loved ones and having some kind of demon show me memories I wish I could forget. I'm so tired of being me.

[sickfrr]

[ponyinabottle]

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel full of hate, a rabid animal needing to be muzzled. I'm going to snap and bark and whine and cry. I need to be told to shut up and lay down. My eyes are burning and I feel like curdled milk inside. I wish I could just wake up and have everything fixed. I'm so, so tired.

[muttfag]

[trash000]

[shawn-underscore]

[m1rr0rm4n2]

[ponyinabottle]

I fear I only exist to make you miserable. I shouldn't be here