journey.

life remains to be unpredictable and this is a blog about how it's unpredictability has kicked my ass multiple times.

[poodlelist]

Actions films are one thing, seeing it face-to-face is another. The pounding of the heart, the inability to move, and the anxiety churning in the stomach are on a higher level of intensity. Apparently, for a child, it was also different.

In 2012, a man who was a single father of a high school student was shot to death beside a sari-sari store located near Richmond Hotel. The man was identified as Mark Pulvera.

It was a cloudy afternoon, two men were drinking beside the store until a motorcycle being ridden by two men dressed in black stopped in front of them and shot the man with no hesitation. What was odd about the entire situation was that after inflicting gun wounds on the man, they allowed and even instructed the companion of the man to leave. Seemingly horrified and realizing that he cannot do anything, the companion of the man stood up from his seat and crossed the road. Soon, the two men continued shooting Pulvera until he was no longer moving. Like stars in an action film, the men left the crime scene.

The entire sitio was shaken and devastated at the loss of a neighbor, but everyone was left puzzled as to what really happened. The police and the ambulance soon arrived at the scene and put tapes around it to prevent people from tampering with possible pieces of evidence.

The police have interviewed all witnesses to the crime, but there was one witness whom they did not manage to get an interview from; 9-year-old Odyssey Pogado saw the crime happen before her eyes as she was innocently trying to buy snacks from another sari-sari store across the street.

It hit the child even harder when she realized that what she was seeing was no longer a Fernando Poe Jr. film, but a real shooting. It was traumatic.

[poodlelist]

Forests are considered an aesthetic – an ideal place to post to one’s Instagram, and I would consider Calagasan, the province where my mom came from, to have enormous but beautiful forests. In the morning, you hear birds chirping as if harmonizing with the breeze of the wind. Its trees were tall, strong, and of different types. There is a waterfall in the middle of the mountains that sings in the morning, greeting all the passersby. There are also a bunch of homes in Calagasan, but usually, you would have to hike mountains to get to another house.

While its beauty is undeniable, I still could not help but be terrified of the place at night. The serenity of nature is replaced with eerie sounds of crickets before it is swallowed by silence. The breeze of the wind – earlier singing with the birds – turns cold and aggressive. The waterfall wails at night and is forceful with its pressure; as far as I have heard, there were a few accidents caused by its pressure. That waterfall is located in the middle, too, so there is no way to pass Calagasan without crossing the waterfall barefoot or with a vehicle. What made matters worse is the absence of electricity in the province because it is too far from the city.

I was in 2nd Grade when my family when to visit our relatives in the province. One specific night, we were on our way back from the house of an elderly relative. It was her birthday and she wished for my family to be there, so we fulfilled that wish of hers. The path going back to the bahay kubo of my uncle is far and filled with lull. My relative’s house was about a hill and a few meters away from ours. My parents and my relatives were having too much fun celebrating the birthday at my “lola’s” house, so it was around 11 in the evening when we left. Then again, electricity was not a luxury for the people living in the place so we were bringing flashlights and used the built-in flashlights on our phones to light our way back. Crickets were loud at night, but the silence due to the lack of nearby houses made the experience disturbing. It grew even worse when we passed by a bonfire. What was eerie about this entire bonfire was the fact that it was in the middle of nowhere; nobody was surrounding it.

I did not pay much attention to it at first, but I noticed how my mother tightened her grip on my wrists before telling me to quiet down – I wasn’t even talking, by the way.

That night, though, remains to be the scariest night of my life because as soon as we arrived at our bahay kubo, we noticed someone walking on the path we took. Now, there were no other houses located near ours, nor did we have any neighbors a few miles away. The kubo was completely isolated from other houses, and yet, we seem to have had a visitor. This visitor had glowing eyes, or so we thought.

My relatives who were drinking tuba called the person, thinking it was a friend, inviting them to join them for a drink; however, they did not receive any response but only a stare – a pair of glowing eyes staring back at them. It was when my father shed his flashlight to the person that we saw bright red. No blue, no pink, no brown, no face. Just red, purely red. After we all grew quiet in fear, it just disappeared like a bubble.

The next day, when we asked the neighborhood if any of them went to our house in the middle of the night, nobody admitted that they were. My cousins then told me that perhaps it was a santilmo, a mythical creature disguised as balls of fire.

Up until now, I still do not know whether to believe that assumption or not. If it turns out to be true, though, then you will never see me near a bonfire ever again.

[poodlelist]

I’ve always thought weddings were useless. I didn’t find them romantic. While the girls around me in grade school would daydream about finding their prince and marrying them, I would barf thinking that marriage is basically jail but with vows that will probably not be kept.

I used to be comfortable hating marriage because even my sisters never liked the idea. They even vowed never to get married and getting married would mean betraying the bond we have as siblings. They thought marriage would be suffocating; they thought it was just an idealistic fantasy imposed by the government because it would boost the economy – they aren’t wrong either.

And yet, here I was, seeing my eldest sister get married to a man she’s been dating for eleven years. The marriage wasn’t grand, but it was solemn. My mom and my dad were situated near the altar; my mom was taking a video while my dad was smiling proudly. I was on the seat next to my cousin, slightly giggling as I heard the vows they shared and were unprepared for.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

The small crowd cheered as they kissed for a short while.

Maybe if I was a bit younger I would be sulking. I would feel betrayed that my sister agreed to get married even when she told me she didn’t fancy the idea of marriage; however, I saw the love she had for the man she was to marry in her eyes. My sister was never vocal about her affection, but I could see right through her eyes.

Love, it really changes people.

“That would be you next,” my cousin whispered, nudging my arm with his elbow.

I simply rolled my eyes, but at the back of my head the thought did linger. I hate the idea of marriage, but will I really hate it when I’ll be the one in my sister’s position years from now? I don’t know, but maybe weddings aren’t as gross as I thought.

[poodlelist]

It’s not easy to like something that society will constantly shame you for. In The Philippines, liking KPOP, a shortened term for Korean Pop, is subject to criticisms and mockery. When you listen to KPOP, you will be called names such as loser, weirdo, disgusting, and so much more; if it’s not you, it will be the group you listen to that they will be criticizing. This has always been the case for me and BTS.

BTS is a South Korean boy group composed of 7 members namely Jin, Suga, Jhope, RM, Jimin, V, and Jungkook. Just hearing the words KOREAN BOY GROUP already riles up the people who like to promote their hate KPOP agenda. BTS is ordinarily labeled as gay and supot. In America, despite their huge success, they still experience xenophobia and are showered with comments that are insensitive and which undermines their success. Overhyped and overrated – these are the adjectives that are usually linked to BTS when you ask a local or even a normal KPOP fan what they think about the group.

These boys, on the contrary, are far from what they are put out to be. They are underrated instead of overrated, overhated instead of overhyped. Everyone slams the music they produce as they think Korean music is cringy and pure noise.

What many people don’t know is how BTS came from a really small company. From this alone, they already experienced injustice in the industry. They were cut out from broadcasts because they were “not popular enough”. They were overlooked and made fun of by variety shows because they dreamt of being as big as their idol groups; people thought they were aiming too high. Their company used to produce in garage areas because they could not pay for rent; the extras they use for their music videos are their staff because they do not have the budget to pay for actors and actresses. BTS struggled to chart because the big groups were already dominating the charts. In fact, when they won their first huge award which was for an album that garnered more fans, the group sat frozen in their seats for a good minute, unable to believe that they had won against a popular boy group. Instead of it being a joyful moment, it became devastating for them because they received more criticism from the people and were even accused of plagiarism.

Now, they are the biggest boy group after One Direction. Being the biggest boy group comes with its pros and cons. They have a huge base of haters, but they also have a loyal and hardworking fanbase whom they never fail to acclaim whenever they receive their awards. They owe their success to their fans, and they stay humble despite the title.

Many people would think that the fans only adore them for how they look, but this is false and I can attest to that. I liked them because of their music; the message to their songs about youth empowerment, women empowerment, and most importantly, loving oneself. The boys put out a message so effectively that even I have started to appreciate myself.

We all gave guilty pleasures, and if liking BTS is considered shameful, then allow me to have no shame.

[poodlelist]

I hate men, let me establish that. Misandry is a strong word, so let’s just say that men are at the bottom of my priority list; perhaps, they’re not even on the list.

Men, to me, were the most awful creatures on the planet. They are entitled, whiny, lewd, misogynistic, and all possible insulting adjectives present in the dictionary. Of course, I do know that not all men are like how I see them, but it’s the concept of being with a man that I found appalling.

Enter Dunn, a young boy who looks like your ordinary boy-next-door. A friend of mine introduced him to me and insisted that we would vibe with each other.

“I doubt,” I told her.

The moment I saw a picture of him, I immediately loathed him. The descriptions I’ve heard from his friends did not help either. I already connected his face to adjectives I had for men. His face screamed entitled, whiny, lewd, misogynistic, and all possible insulting adjectives present in the dictionary – yes, I repeated that on purpose. I did not want to associate myself with him, so I told a friend not to give him my name because he was asking for it. As if destiny wasn’t on my side, he found a way to figure out what my name was.

He started talking to me and I tried my best to be all nice and respectful. I had zero interest in him, so I would reply late. I would not greet him a good morning, neither would I engage in small conversations with him because again, I hated men and small conversations drained me.

I thought about giving him a week before I would proceed to block him, but a week passed and I was not able to even think about blocking him. Perhaps the D in his name stood for different.

He proved all my misconceptions wrong. He didn’t engage in small conversations with me, instead, we talked about philosophy, academics, family, and life. He was funny, yet his jokes were never offensive. He was a man with depth, and I found myself falling comfortable with talking about the world to him.

There was never a dull moment with him as he always seemed to know what to talk about. As we continued talking, I knew more about him. His features were sharp, but he was soft. He likes to clean, and that must be why he was able to sweep me off my feet. He loves his mother and his younger sisters more than anyone else. He is protective of the people he loves. He did not like school because he thought the system was unfair, yet he still exerts a lot of effort to excel because he wants to fulfill his mom’s dreams for him. Dunn didn’t like being complimented, but he deserved every compliment given to him. Dunn was a boy I never thought I would end up liking, but I did anyway.

“Serendipity? What is that?” he asked with a frown on his face when I told him that meeting him was serendipity.

I don’t know if he already understands what serendipity means and I still can’t gather enough courage to tell him how important he is to me because I am not as affectionate as he is, but I do know that Dunn is truly a lucky find.