Porase

Stick figure who wears cargo pants and dabs.

[porase]

God: recieve this blessing(muffled)....‎

Righteous Adam: rizz eve but God she is my tax collector in this bureucratic garden of eden

[porase]

Pre-enactment:”oh..oh..I am getting no lather…what is this(sweats hardly)..it is not working…oh no(starts rubbing hands harder)…uhhuh(remebers

Hologram soap

[dogpuppy]

[sistertaxon]

the cheating millennial: adultering is hard

[roycohn]

will never forget the day of the charlie kirk shooting bc i found out from my direct report who just doubled over laughing at his computer suddenly and i was like what's up and he said "charlie kirk just got shot?" and i went and told my 85 year old work friend and HE was like "i don't care, he had it coming" (this man is a franciscan friar btw) (a literal man of the cloth) (you'd think they'd be the only people who morally have to be opposed to political violence but he was like "as far as my morals are concerned..... i don't want the guy who did it to get the death penalty" 🤷‍♂️) and then i had to go to ketamine therapy where i got high as fuck bc i had a little late summer cold and had taken a sudafed a bit beforehand and saw a vision of tilda swinton basically agreeing that political violence is fine and i afterward went to mcdonald's where they were playing all of sabrina carpenter's man's best friend album with literally none of the swears bleeped. and i felt like alice in wonderland the whole time.

[porase]

Num 22:28

And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?

[porase]

Cutting around a bunch of jesuses.

[nultemp]

why is it that when you buy a ticket to see a movie, it is promtly destroyed, your precious movie ticket, by the movie guard??

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

oh?

[porase]

you would get dizzy wearing a belt if your heart lies somewhere else

[porase]

the giant speakers make the metal and jewelry on me vibrate.

The zippers on my pants feel heavenly as they wither on my dick.

You are all listening to mommy asmr wrong.

[socialmaya]

[dalenthas]

I love that this joke works in English even though it's not written in English.

[porase]

Let me tell you what she said.

“CRACK CRACK CRACK”

cause she was a duck

[porase]

ducks should say crack instead of quack.

[porase]

changing my vocabulary from happened to occured

“No way that shit occurred, dude.”

“What else occured?”

“Shit occurs man”

[porase]

”You cant control me. I am fucking 21 dad.”

“Woah there buddy, isnt that two digits. Are you having sex with TWO entities?”

“Yeah dad we are having a three-sum”

[charlesoberonn]

It you had shapeshifting powers you could make your handprint spell out the entire Bee Movie script and troll palm readers.