POEMS

-lost it-

[positivesunnysworld]

A half - shadow

you can smell it on my skin

reeking like the dead turning in graves

please don't touch me

I don't want you to feel my shaking hands

I put them in pockets of my hoodie

so you wouldn't see how unstable I am

I cover my body with 3XL t-shirts

so you wouldn't see the rolls on my tummy

the stripes covering my body

don't bother asking about the dark circles under my eyes

I'll tell you that I aspire to look like a panda

yet the problem is that I more look like I've been in a fight

fight for my life

often I hear you in my head

asking if I am okay

no, no i am not

I keep turning searching for my shadow

and you ask me why do I look afraid

it's because I only see half of the shadow

and that mortifies me as hell

[positivesunnysworld]

Lost love

Seconds are passing by

And you are still not by my side

It's been days

But there are still no calls coming my way

And the month December passed

But March is when i saw you last

The picture on my nightstand

Was put in a box

Along with with 12 roses

For each month

Of our love

[positivesunnysworld]

Red as blood

Cry from a far

Sent chills down the spine

Even a demon didn't dare to utter a word

All you could see was just a hanging rope

But at the end of it

A scene coming straight out of a movie

The air was filled with an ice cold glaze

And not even a bird dared to fly over their face

The whole sight emitted serene vibe

With a twisted, grotesque side

[positivesunnysworld]

Epiphany

It was a hint of realisation

That covered imagination

Something unimaginable happened

There was no words to describe it

But the feeling of uneasiness emerged from the open

The whole atmosphere changed it's tune

So the music started sounding all wonky

The theatre mixed drama with comedy

And the imagination disappeared

Without any messages left

And that was the beginning of creative hazard

[positivesunnysworld]

Innocence

She was sitting on bed

Between someone else's legs

Whispering things she was to afraid to say out loud

Waiting intently on the reaction that the words will cause

And as the world hasn't eaten her alive

As it didn't open a hole beneath her feet and swallowed her whole

She kept going

The whisper becoming a little louder with each word being said

Her whole being shifting a little closer to the body in front of her

And the shifty hands found their place on the soft piece of fabric

And her hips found warmth that they missed minutes ago

After her brain finally finished with wording out all the thoughts it had

She took a deep breath

Followed by silence

Her eyes found an ocean deep soul that darkend with every word being said

All that was left to hear were heartbeats and breathes of excitement

As the next words covered the silence of the room

"It could all be arranged"

She knew that the girl she was just merely 15 mintues ago evolved into woman she was trying to become

But it took years to come

[positivesunnysworld]

July, 2021 - Evil thoughts

thank you and goodbye that's not how it works I know I tried to put suffering to sleep takes pills and pills takes hundred dreamless nights it takes will and power that I can barely muster that I no longer have within me this body is no longer mine it belongs to someone, something the darkness is unbearable the voices are way too loud just please make it stop please the well in me is dry I no longer have tears left to cry

[positivesunnysworld]

July, 2021 - 9 lives

I want to live 9 lives. One for every passion I desire to explore. It leaves a bitter taste on my tongue, knowing I will never achieve what I want. It feels like a curse having a limit to your time on Earth. Like a ticking time bomb, it could explode any time and I don't know how much long I have. The passions of mine - oh, they take time. I want to know every detail, put all my time - even dedicate my life. To cover every corner on this planet we so dearly call Earth, that would be an achievement I would carry with me for centuries and never get bored. Being able to learn languages in foreign countries, just so I could read my favorite book in multiple editions and with every language to find something new. Something no other language has, something so sweet, secretive that it makes life so much more easier to go through. To spend each and every life, no matter how much shit it brings, no matter how much I suffer - even if it means losing the family and friends that I learned to love, just so I could be who I want - in a blink of an eye, I would say yes a thousand and more times.

[positivesunnysworld]

[positivesunnysworld]

Lost in the labyrinth

I'm stuck in this labyrinth

and if I wanted to, I could end it all

but I'm scared of pain

I'm scared of tears on other people's face

I'm scared of what's outside the unknown

can I get a phonecall?

just one last

so other people wouldn't cry so much

so I wouldn't feel guilty for not believing that there is a solution to this labyrinth

everything hurts so much

every step I take it's full of spikes

I just need peace for one night

I'm lost in this labyrinth

and I don't know how to get out

[positivesunnysworld]

Insanity

creativity

it doesn't let me fall asleep

makes my head wide awake

endless rope of thoughts

makes me wish for voices to stop talking in my head

and to wish for fiction to turn to reality

it just makes you realize

you reached a total level of

insanity

[positivesunnysworld]

Children of the moon

we looked at you like you were a God

far away, always watching over us

like you can hear us, we talked to you

cherished your existence

the only one who new all our secrets

we hoped that you wrote our destiny in the stars

like one day you'll just let us fish them right into our arms

you were always our father and our mother

and even after all the days and years spent talking to you

even now that we're grown up

we still look for you in the brightest nights

hoping you'll make time for a chat

with your once children

[positivesunnysworld]

Rush

it's a fake place

fake stuff

nothing in it really to match

and the string runs way too far

there's no people but you can feel the rush

the need to stand up and to look around frantically

a flash here

a crash there

a neverending cycle of worryness

it's too late to call it fake

it's way to surreal

you're stuck in there

[positivesunnysworld]

Handsome devil

a devil in disguise

please, scrape out my eyes

I don't wanna cry

but not even blindness can help me out

my hands always find a way to the hell

I fell

again

and again

can someone please tie my hands?

but the knot on my hands can stay

I'll search his lips with mine

just to get that last drop of lie

and cover my mouth with a tape

somehow still I found him at the end

handsome devil

please untie my hands

[positivesunnysworld]

Neighbourhood shadows

walking past your house

I see you turning like carousel in mids of night

take me on a rollercoaster ride

you're so dull, cool

you don't know me

yet i know you

I see fairies and dragons flying around you as you read into their world

I can hear piano you play

and maybe on a good day

a little bit of guitar

just a hint of that rockstar

one last thing I know about you is that you don't like the Sun in your room very much

or maybe just the noise of the world

cause if you did

I wouldn't only know you as a shadow

I would know the whole you

[positivesunnysworld]

Bronze blaze

it's taunting

the past

knowing out of first three

you've always been last

you can change that

but you can't

you can cry

but you smile

looking into the eyes

a perfect bronze blaze reflection

a symbol of the perfect imperfection

[positivesunnysworld]

Drawn curtains

I stopped believing in God

once I lost the last one I loved

even though She loved Him as much as She loved me

but I was done

done with the show

I was done with everyone wanting me to believe into the unknown

I fell in love with the idea of what's behind the clouds

not with a person who took away the loved one out of my arms

to be fair I never loved Him

I only loved his creations

as they were the only ones keeping me alive

[positivesunnysworld]

Matter of genetics

my father got me the temper

big fat mouth with a sharp tongue

yet still I don't use it as much as he does

I got the criticality from my mother

the "omg look what she's wearing" coming out of mouth

but I don't use it as much as she does

and when it comes to looks, I got non

I look like my grandmother when she was young

still I don't see it as much as everyone else does

I don't know where I got the shyness from

the "please don't talk to me i have anxiety" from

I don't know who I got the trust issues from

I don't know how I ended up shutting my mouth knowing people don't need to hear this know

but I know I ended up crying in my room with the hand on my mouth

in the dead of night

nobody hearing me fight

I got the stubbornness from my mother

and I think that's the best and worst gene of them all