To those we lost, even if it's Ourselves.
So my life has definitely been a rollercoaster ever since I stepped out to face things independently. Shit happens. Trauma can have negative impacts on that you make decisions and it leads you down some dark places and situations if you let it. I learned that the hard way, some of these pictures the young me could never imagine that! I couldn’t imagine what I Would've been through from addicted to drugs,to saying goodbye to some core family members to losing one of your favorite jobs, your brain couldn't fathom it being during your lifetime.. childish right life can be messy and unpredictable and ask you have is who you ask for help. Whether that be God, a freind, your significant other; your family or whoever. Just know things to "happen for a reason" and that as much as you feel alone you are not truly alone. To my 12 year old self: You got this bro! Healing takes time, it's your mindset that you can change immediately. There's no point in holding grudges or having negativity cloud your focus and ruin your heart. Stay strong my dears! And yeah I could probably get judged by past mistakes and choices but that doesn’t change the fact of you can’t change the past.. and also who are you to judge 🤷 The truth is, survival is messy. Healing is loud, then quiet, then loud again. Some days you’re full of hope and other days you’re just proud you made it through without falling back into old habits. And that still counts. Progress isn’t a straight line, it’s a scribble.. Losing people changes you. Losing pieces of yourself changes you even more. But rebuilding? Rebuilding is where your power is. You are not just the things you went through. You are the person who survived them. The person who learned, The person who is still here trying. THATS what counts.. again.. growth looks like rock bottom. Sometimes it looks like crying on the bathroom floor, or cutting people off you thought would be there forever, or realizing you became someone you swore you’d never be. And then choosing to try again anyway.. a that is damn powerful. And yeah, people might judge chapters they never had to live through. But they didn’t fight your battles. They didn’t sit with your thoughts at 3am. They didn’t carry your grief, your guilt, your withdrawal, your heartbreak. So their opinions don’t get a vote in my healing. To the new chapter in my life I’m grateful for the people who I encountered on the way and will keep the real ones close to my heart. I will endure, because I can.. and because I always do. 🩷
