POSTIE!!

Your friendly postman! | He/him

[postie-offical]

Intro!

(Now uhh.. where do I start off? I'm not very good at introducing myself...)

Hi!! I'm your local postman, Postie Offical! You can just call me Postie if you'd like!

Every day, starting early in the morning, I get busy with delivering mail to thousands of houses in your neighbourhood! And trust me, I've delivered everything you can think of. Letters, postcards, small parcels, big parcels, potatoes, live organisms, people's grandmothers, weapons, radioactive substances, explosives... And so on!

Age: i don’t know (Late 20’s!!) (Mod is 18)

Pronouns: He/him

DNI: Dogs, sentient parcels, Team Global Express delivery drivers, magpies

Aaand that's all for now!

Unvale character page: https://unvale.io/character/34c73253-e99d-4169-8e1f-76e79f7bfad0

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PostieOffical

Tags!

#waiter! waiter! more postie lore please! - Lore.. and stuff about Postie

#post for the postman! - Answering asks

#i was drawing on the clock... don't tell on me - Art

more tags coming soon i promise 🙏

Mod stuff under cut!

OOC!!

Please keep in mind that my posts may be edited a LOT (ew... proof reading's for NERDS. jkjk i often draft out my posts late at night and post them as soon as i wake up)

My timezone is AWST! (GMT+8) A lot of youse are awake when I'm asleep lolol

DNI: General criteria (ableists, transphobes, racists etc), proshippers/darkshippers, radqueers, GenAI users

I am a bit slow at responding to people! I like to take my time with writing responses, especially if we're roleplaying (and my brain is kinda fried... and i'm still trying to learn how to talk in character as postie (i think i'm getting better))

If I don't respond to your ask immediately, don't assume I've abandoned it! I'm just thinking of something to write teehee (same goes for tag games!!)

You can pry em dashes from my cold dead hands

[postie-offical]

OOC: he had no idea they was gonna play in his face

[postie-offical]

OOC: What an adorable pet! D'awwwwwww!!!

[postie-offical]

A Team Global Express worker keeps sneaking into the post office and pretending he works behind the counter so he can pickpocket people’s IDs and money. How in the world does he get through the anti-TGE lasers??

[postie-offical]

[He opens the package they agreed to open.]

— @copyright-offical (don’t question the new pfp I have to keep it for 27 more days)

*Paper Jim comes out of the box wielding a shoddily built chainsaw*

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD KILL ME?? YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BLOW ME UP??? WELL THINK AGAIN!!!!

[copyright-offical]

HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE???

[postie-offical]

HUH, I DON'T KNOW!! MAYBE BECAUSE I MADE MYSELF FIRE-PROOF?? AND EXPLOSION-PROOF??

[copyright-offical]

YOU ARE MADE OF PAPER HOW DO YOU DO THAT

[postie-offical]

DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I'M GONNA TELL YOU??

[postie-offical]

[He opens the package they agreed to open.]

— @copyright-offical (don’t question the new pfp I have to keep it for 27 more days)

*Paper Jim comes out of the box wielding a shoddily built chainsaw*

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD KILL ME?? YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BLOW ME UP??? WELL THINK AGAIN!!!!

[copyright-offical]

HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE???

[postie-offical]

HUH, I DON'T KNOW!! MAYBE BECAUSE I MADE MYSELF FIRE-PROOF?? AND EXPLOSION-PROOF??

[postie-offical]

Huh, what's that? It's freezing outside... Aren't you cold? No! I don't feel the cold! I don't need a jacket! *is literally shaking like a cold wet puppy*

[postie-offical]

[He opens the package they agreed to open.]

— @copyright-offical (don’t question the new pfp I have to keep it for 27 more days)

*Paper Jim comes out of the box wielding a shoddily built chainsaw*

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD KILL ME?? YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BLOW ME UP??? WELL THINK AGAIN!!!!

[postie-offical]

OOC: Such thoughtful words...

[postie-offical]

I feel a little... off? Huh.. Maybe it's just because it's the start of the mo—

oh god WHAT IS HAPPENING OH MY GODD

[postie-offical]

Alright Postie, let’s do this, first delivery of this new job!

I’m guessing you’ll be my instructor for this?

I believe so! Now where's the manual for this vehicle? I could've sworn it wa... um.

Who in the world replaced the manuals with this??

Well uhh, I don't think I need the manual anyway, I've got every page memorised.

Anyways... You'll just want to get all the mail from your delivery frame and load it into the back of the vehicle! Make sure to load the closest street's mail into the front compartment though, so you won't have to stop and get it out the back once you're on that street.

Also... please do NOT read addresses and drive!! A lot of people have done that and they all got into an accident of some sort.

[copyright-offical]

Okay!

Also why does the first address say “The Mortal’s Banishment”

That isn’t even an address???

[postie-offical]

Huh???

Is- is there at least a house number?? Or the town name? Or a postcode??

[copyright-offical]

…the only number is 2.

[postie-offical]

That makes it confusing then... It can be returned to sender if need be

[copyright-offical]

What’s even in this thing?

[postie-offical]

I have no idea…

[copyright-offical]

Wanna crack it open? There’s no sender address so…

[postie-offical]

I don't open people's parcels, but I guess I can make an exception this time

[postie-offical]

Alright Postie, let’s do this, first delivery of this new job!

I’m guessing you’ll be my instructor for this?

I believe so! Now where's the manual for this vehicle? I could've sworn it wa... um.

Who in the world replaced the manuals with this??

Well uhh, I don't think I need the manual anyway, I've got every page memorised.

Anyways... You'll just want to get all the mail from your delivery frame and load it into the back of the vehicle! Make sure to load the closest street's mail into the front compartment though, so you won't have to stop and get it out the back once you're on that street.

Also... please do NOT read addresses and drive!! A lot of people have done that and they all got into an accident of some sort.

[copyright-offical]

Okay!

Also why does the first address say “The Mortal’s Banishment”

That isn’t even an address???

[postie-offical]

Huh???

Is- is there at least a house number?? Or the town name? Or a postcode??

[copyright-offical]

…the only number is 2.

[postie-offical]

That makes it confusing then... It can be returned to sender if need be

[copyright-offical]

What’s even in this thing?

[postie-offical]

I have no idea…

[postie-offical]

Will the fan favorite Paper Jim return

I don’t want him to return

(OOC: Who knows, he might return in the future… in fact I’ve already become attached to that guy… Paper Jim my beloved)

[postie-offical]

Alright Postie, let’s do this, first delivery of this new job!

I’m guessing you’ll be my instructor for this?

I believe so! Now where's the manual for this vehicle? I could've sworn it wa... um.

Who in the world replaced the manuals with this??

Well uhh, I don't think I need the manual anyway, I've got every page memorised.

Anyways... You'll just want to get all the mail from your delivery frame and load it into the back of the vehicle! Make sure to load the closest street's mail into the front compartment though, so you won't have to stop and get it out the back once you're on that street.

Also... please do NOT read addresses and drive!! A lot of people have done that and they all got into an accident of some sort.

[copyright-offical]

Okay!

Also why does the first address say “The Mortal’s Banishment”

That isn’t even an address???

[postie-offical]

Huh???

Is- is there at least a house number?? Or the town name? Or a postcode??

[copyright-offical]

…the only number is 2.

[postie-offical]

That makes it confusing then... It can be returned to sender if need be

[postie-offical]

Alright Postie, let’s do this, first delivery of this new job!

I’m guessing you’ll be my instructor for this?

I believe so! Now where's the manual for this vehicle? I could've sworn it wa... um.

Who in the world replaced the manuals with this??

Well uhh, I don't think I need the manual anyway, I've got every page memorised.

Anyways... You'll just want to get all the mail from your delivery frame and load it into the back of the vehicle! Make sure to load the closest street's mail into the front compartment though, so you won't have to stop and get it out the back once you're on that street.

Also... please do NOT read addresses and drive!! A lot of people have done that and they all got into an accident of some sort.

[copyright-offical]

Okay!

Also why does the first address say “The Mortal’s Banishment”

That isn’t even an address???

[postie-offical]

Huh???

Is- is there at least a house number?? Or the town name? Or a postcode??

[postie-offical]

Alright Postie, let’s do this, first delivery of this new job!

I’m guessing you’ll be my instructor for this?

I believe so! Now where's the manual for this vehicle? I could've sworn it wa... um.

Who in the world replaced the manuals with this??

Well uhh, I don't think I need the manual anyway, I've got every page memorised.

Anyways... You'll just want to get all the mail from your delivery frame and load it into the back of the vehicle! Make sure to load the closest street's mail into the front compartment though, so you won't have to stop and get it out the back once you're on that street.

Also... please do NOT read addresses and drive!! A lot of people have done that and they all got into an accident of some sort.

[postie-offical]

Wait... work boots need to be replaced every 6 to 12 months? I've had mine for 10 YEARS!??!!??