me, i'm not

protège-moi

[posttentiousss]

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(awhlkuhn)

is now really the time to be rebuilding my music library before i set off to re-fuckaround and learn dj???

the problem is there are too many fucking fun songs out there... but too many vocal tracks fuck up mixes... what to do what to do. 

[posttentiousss]

The Chemical Brothers- "Swoon (Boys Noize Summer Remix)"

i dusted off my controller yesterday because i think i want to get dj'ing another (millionth go). i'm currently sorting through my music into one big... playlist, to be made into smaller playlists.... and this song came up... omgggg so MANYYYY happy memories of this song. my happy song of 2012 essentially. :)

[kadunud]

[posttentiousss]

GRAAAAH.

so cute spinning instructor and i... exchanged... stuff... (words...pics...videos) again saturday night.

i was completely useless/distracted yesterday and couldn't use my brain to do anything except fantasize about him.

so spinning today. i saw him and waved hi before i went to change. when i came back down, i sat in this spot that's obstructed by a column so that i couldn't see him and he couldn't see me...

ugh... to be seen. (bitch. as if you didn't send INCREDIBLY INTIMATE THINGS... i die.)

anyways. so i sat down and was trying to revise my research question to this assignment that's due on wednesday. one of the coaches who i've never really spoken to before asked if he could sit next to me... i said sure, then playfully asked what he would've done if i had said no. anyways. then we started talking about wtf i was doing and i asked him to try and help me with his fresh eyes...

HOW IS IT THAT IT'S SO EASY TO TALK TO PEOPLE I'M NOT INTERESTED IN?!?! i went to this gathering on Friday, and i was... reasonably social??? sure, i wasn't interested in the guys plus most of them were married and their wives were also there... BUT I COULD TALK TO THEM!! i could comfortably talk to the guy who invited me (it was only my third time meeting him, and although we'd been ig friends since last january, we never really talked much...) and i was able to talk to his friend as well!!!!

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS GUY... i'm beyondddd shy. (again. to be seen... the fear of being judged by someone i'm interested in....???)

ugh.

also. on saturday he was sharing a bunch of 90s/early 00s music with me that just had incredibly raunchy lyrics (this was before the... exchanges) and on the topic of raunchy lyrics, i brought up this one song he played during the first week of ramadan about eating someone out and giving them butterflies?!?!??!!? and i was like wtf 😭😭 when i heard that because 1. wtf is he playing in class 2. wtf is he playing in class during RAMADAN!?!

and WITHIN A MINUTE, he shared the song with me. he was able to recognize it that quickly.

anyways. he fucking played it today. i don't recall hearing it since that one time in march... so this definitely felt intentional?????? i was holding onto the bike for dear life trying not to fall off from laughing.

maneuvering in this situation is... very new to me. besides me feeling shy because i have this stupid crush on him, i haven't really sexted with guys i'm not in some relationship/situationship/fling with??? ESPECIALLY not guys i see at their work 2x a week?!?!?!

should i stop trying to rein in the googly eyes and just let them google?? or am i supposed to play it cool??

i'm literally just avoiding him!! which can also be super unattractive because fuck this shygirl nonsense ?!?!?!!?

i'm fucking 35. i'm a late bloomer. i don't know wtf to do.

[ijaazat]

summer

1. make a syllabus for yourself - books, media, places, recipes

2. complete 40% of it

3. eat every fruit u can

[i-am-a-fish]

don't be mean to yourself that's you

[i-am-a-fish]

you live there

[posttentiousss]

we may or may not have exchanged inappropriate pics today.

😳🫣

was this a horrible idea? absolutely.

how do we move forward from here? no idea.

[posttentiousss]

rara finds the best music when she's procrastinating.

came across the original this this morning in a fucking tim reaper mix??? idk. but it's fun. it's cute. it's summery.

i have TWO assignments due (one next week, and another the following)... and then just the dissertation and one more class...

i really want to learn to dj (for the billionth time). there is too much nice music out there....

[tall]

[greelin]

sorry for not answering messages for three thousand years i have. Stew. in place of a brain. you know how it is

[posttentiousss]

this bb cutie complimented my Sunnydale High School shirt at spinning today !!!!!!!!!!!!

she's like 12.

i've had this shirt since like.... 2012.... she is the second person who's ever commented on it and gotten that it was a Buffy reference.

she mentioned that she's recently started getting into it... precious precious bb.

[posttentiousss]

in the midst of the shitstorm that might be imminent..

i'm choosing to focus on how i felt after my IVF doctor called me a "good girl" today.

[posttentiousss]

i did this thing called TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) like two or three years ago (time's been a blur since..) to treat my depression....

it didn't work.

i'm not sure if i can accredit it to it... but pretty much ever since, my anxiety towards many things has... significantly gone done. it literally reminds me of Office Space and how... he just stopped gaf'ing.

this is not good.

girl, where are your priorities?

[posttentiousss]

in the midst of the shitstorm that might be imminent..

i'm choosing to focus on how i felt after my IVF doctor called me a "good girl" today.

[0111010001110010011000010111000]

does anyone wnt to turn into a creature with me. it does have to be weird btw

[posttentiousss]

what does it mean?!?!?!

so we've been texting.... and... apparently we both have a perverted sense of humor ???? WHICH DOESN'T WORK FOR ME BECAUSE... I AM TRYING TO BE CUTE?!?!?!?!?!

and i don't think we're flirting. nothing is ... suggestive/IMPLICIT/participatory ??

ugh and oh god... the way he TALKS TO HIS CAT..

HAS MEEEEE PURRING.

he's so soft spoken with him?!?!?!?!

ok ok live update: why is HE TRYING TO PICTURE ME AT A JAMAICAN PARTY WHINING?!?!

WHAT is he picturing?? how do i appear in this imaginary scenario?!?!?!

[escuerzoresucitado]

Good morning

[pmamtraveller]

By Tokuhiro Kawai