Can you imagine how utterly exhausting it must be to work at The Bronze? Not just dealing with routine property damage and disaster on a weekly basis, but also becoming uncomfortably familiar with the nonsense ridden lives of Buffy and her friends because they always bring that shit RIGHT to your door. You’d be taking out the trash and see Spike and Buffy fighting for the first time. You’d just have to accept that this 16 year old girl and some grown billy idol looking dude had major beef for some reason and you’d be subjected to the most bizarre updates over the years. You’d be wiping down a table and hear her blueballing him with some obscene speech about riding him and warm champagne and be unable to breathe. you’d have to serve her as she orders chicken wings for him and try not to stare as they play pool and casually talk about some girl he apparently murdered in China??
Buffy is still around every now and then but spike just keeps coming back for the blooming onion and you start wondering why he’s become such a loser when he started off acting like such a badass.
and then one week a literal troll destroys the balcony because…that’s a thing that happens, and you get the distinct vibe that spike is trying to impress buffy in how he responds to it and then he pouts when it doesn’t work, and you’re like oh dear god does he have a thing for her? is that where we are? this is pathetic. It took you a couple of years to accept that vampires are real, but you’re finding it even harder to accept that vampires are capable of being this…lame.
You’re collecting empty bottles one night and you hear her tell him to fuck off, and you think oh thank god the nightmare is over. he shows up the next night with some wacko british chick and while you’re relieved you don’t have to witness anymore drama between him and buffy you’re pretty sure they had something to do with the dead couple you find on the reconstructed balcony at the end of the night.
some time goes by, you don’t see spike or buffy as much and you’re beginning to relax, hoping that she’s off destroying some other bar’s pool cues and he’s found some self respect. then one night when you are actually enjoying your shift because michelle branch is on stage and the spirit room was your jam, you walk around the staircase and see those motherfuckers aren’t just back but they’re making out against one of the beams like two naval officers after lights out
at this point you’re about ready to quit. the werewolves, vampires and troll havoc are one thing, but the only girl who ever shows up to put a stop to it clearly has a such a disastrous personal life that you don’t know if you can trust her judgment or ever feel safe again. does she even kill lowlife vampires anymore or has she just decided she prefers dating them? you start taking less shifts, your manager understands, they still have nightmares about that time buffy’s bookish friend’s vampire dominatrix twin held everyone hostage for a night. you take some time to get back to yourself, you relish the peace and quiet, the freedom. you take up needlepoint. but after a while money gets tight and your cat needs new ear medicine. you return to work full time, feeling brave, feeling ready. besides, you heard through the grapevine that buffy like fully died. you wear your new shoes, the ones that are good for your back but don’t look like it.
your first night back you find out that buffy is in fact alive.
because spike is fucking her from behind on the balcony at 8pm on a tuesday in front of god and your own long suffering eyes.
you quit.
