That is NOT Poutine

Poutine is such a simple thing: fries, gravy, and fresh, squeeky cheese curds. Why do American restaurants have such a hard time grasping the concept? This blog is to curate all the many, many "poutine" fails out there... in the name of cultural education, of course! Have a poutine fail? Be sure to submit it to us!

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Posted without comment, because I literally don't even know where to start with this nonsense.

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Been a long time, but... Come on now.

Did she SQUISH CHEESE SLICES and think it's curds?

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Come on now.

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This... doesn’t even look like food.

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“The Meet Market Poutine is now available in Stillwater and White Bear Lake! Meet Market Fries, Fried Ellsworth Cheese Curds, Pulled Pork and Housemade Bacon-Onion Gravy“ This is bad, and you should feel bad.

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WAT.

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.... what?

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Submitted by a friend... this is apparently what passes for “poutine” in Chicago. (Chuck’s: a Kerry Simon Kitchen) .. that’s gardiniera on it, btw. Friend says “Boo hiss!”. I concur wholeheartedly!

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From "TacoCat" in Minneapolis. Their description: "It's baaaaaaack! For our 4/20 day special we are bringing back the fan favourite POUTINE BURRITO. This time with Up In Smoke(d) roasted vegetarian gravy and the usual suspects, fries, jack cheese and fried cheese curds. " Pssst, America! When it comes to poutine, neither Jack cheese nor fried cheese curds are "usual suspects".

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For anyone who doesn't believe me about how ridiculous the "poutine" in Minnesota is... THIS is what's sold as poutine at a hockey/Canadian themed sports bar that is owned/named after a Canadian. If both Molson and Labatt are on your menu, you should KNOW BETTER!

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Wtf is this? Just no.

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Recently, a fellow Canadian living in the USA shared a horrifying description of something sold as "poutine" at Red Robin. It sounded so ghastly, I had to find a pic (this is a promotional pic) and official description. "Great Northern Poutine Fries – We covered our famous Steak Fries in thick brown gravy, then loaded them up with garlic aioli, sautéed mushrooms and fried cheese curds." NO.

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This photo - from Citizen Wine Bar - was recently shared to a group of Canadians.

We were properly horrified, and it inspired me to restart this blog.

What you are looking at is “Sweet Potato Poutine with maple sausage gravy.”

Can you not.

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This is from The Lodge in Robbinsdale, MN... and was the final straw that led me to starting this blog :) A friend sent me these pics of his meal.  Of particular note: 1. Breaded, deep fried cheese curds do NOT belong on poutine. 2. I love how the menu tries to class it up with the "Laced with a hint of pepper".  IT IS BAR FOOD. 3. How on earth are those curds "slightly melted by the hot gravy", when they were DEEP FAT FRIED?! 4.  Possibly most importantly... I feel like this restaurant was going for authenticity by suggesting vinegar... but NO ONE puts vinegar on poutine.  I'm guessing they thought "Canadians put vinegar on fries, they must put it on poutine, too!".  Poutine is not fries, though.  Fries are an *ingredient* of poutine. So much wrong..

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Submission: "Also not Poutine: I give you Pizza Poutine from Corner Burger in Brooklyn. Fries topped with Mozzarella, Pepperoni and Marinara. Probably delicious but not Poutine"

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From "Left Handed Cook" in Minneapolis.  This curd-less wonder is called the "Harold and Kumar Poutine": "House Cut Fries topped with Pork Belly, Curry Gravy, Onions, Kimchi, Parmesan, Cheddar, Soft Poached Egg & Kimchi Aioli" No.  Just... No. Photo and description from the Left Handed Cook website.

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This monstrosity was sold as "Poutine Tots", and consists of pulled pork, egg, cheese curds and gravy, served over tater tots. There was an option to get fries instead of tots. — at Central Standard Dallas.