I’m not sure if I have any followers on this blog anymore, as I was a heavy poster back in 2011 and posted a few things since. If anyone has read my blog lately you will clearly be able to see any weight.
In 2011 I found tumblr, and the world of thinspo. I hated myself, and I weighed 70kg. I thought if I could only get down to 52kg I would be so happy. 52kg was this number in my head. This magic goal weight. I have no idea where it came from but that was what I was focusing on. When I first started losing weight I was eating as little as possible. Because everyone knows if your body is using more calories than you are consuming, you lose weight. I dropped weight. Fast. I thought I was being healthy. But I had seriously disordered eating habits.
I looked back at my blog from 2011 and found one of my food logs for the day:
“Super healthy day today :)
Breakfast: Tomato on wholegrain toast - 120
Lunch: 1 cup vegetarian paella - 240
Dinner: Rice noodle salad - 210
Then had a kick ass work out and burned 500 at the gym.”
That is a net of 70 calories. I had heard before not to crash diet, because you will gain weight back. I thought hell no. Im going to be the exception. I was wrong. Over the last 5 years I have been gaining weight steadily and yoyo dieting, and I ended up at 85kg. 15kg heavier than my original start weight.
Starving myself lead to binging that lead to more starving and more binges. the binges got longer until it felt like my entire life was one long binge of food.
I don’t know what happened the other day but I realised I’m 23 and I need to look after my body. Not be unhappy and obsessed.
I am a vegetarian but want to focus on whole (mostly) vegan foods. I want to be healthy. Not a certain size. I want energy and to feel good and whole.
It has been a week of healthy, whole foods and I have felt really, really good. I haven’t felt hungry. I haven’t felt angry or disappointed with normal weight fluctuation. I haven’t had cravings, because I’m making sure my body is getting enough nutrients and calories. I want to lead a healthy life.
In the past week 2kg fell right off. I will be posting on this blog again documenting my journey to health and my weight loss along the way.
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