This is where I just complain now.

*To be honest, I sometimes feel like I want to jump off a bridge mentally* I know it's not the best picture of me. I need more pictures where I smile. This is just my side blog slapping on morals and advice to anyone! Plus, I'm just trying to get my old self back together. I can happily say that by the time I'm finished, I've become the old me, but even better.

[practicingchangewithmatt]

Ignore the most recent posts. Lol

Matt was here May 2, 2016

[practicingchangewithmatt]

Sometimes people can just be so full of it. So every Tuesday and Thursday and occasionally on Wednesdays, I'd walk by the tennis courts with Lidia because that's our way to go home. Last Thursday, I passed by and saw that there's a home tennis game, and while passing by I saw Ryan, and cheered for him. Screamed and what not. And as I passed by I also cheered for Edward, then paid attention to Lidia. I wasn't even looking for Dustin. The next day Steph tells me that Dustin was talking about me. "You know, he passed by the tennis courts. Ugh, why can't he just leave me alone?" Steph said, "Don't be so conceited. Maybe he's just passing by." I'm glad she said that because I really was just walking home, and just so happen caught a couple of my friends playing against Saratoga.       Yeah, I miss talking to Dustin, but I know he doesn't want to talk to me. I accepted that. Of course he crosses my mind whenever I see him, or someone mentions him, but that's it. That doesn't mean i'm going to purposely go by to search for him. Bro, that's how I get home.

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It's really something I need to move on from because I have to realize that I don't know who he is NOW. I knew who he was BEFORE. Things are different, and Josh just so happen not be the same, and I'm not the same either. I can't hold on to the past forever. I've been a hopeless romantic believing something was still there, and I don't know that really, but it takes two to find out, and Josh doesn't want to do that with me. I have to respect his decision, and face the facts. I don't know him anymore. I realized this when I see the way he talks to his friends, and the way he talks to me. It's different. It's just so frustrating, but i really again just have to move on. Alright.

[practicingchangewithmatt]

I don't owe him anything. He doesn't owe me anything. That's why I just need to be happy and live my life.

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I need to learn about my self worth and not to settle for less. 

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I want respect, tenderness and attention.

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You are the most unconfident person I know, but you carry yourself as if you are the opposite.

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Teen angst is so dumb. You shouldn't even stress out about the things you are stressing out about now because when you're older, the things you may (may not) worry about will be bigger. Relax.. Really. 

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This is just where I complain now. 

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JOSHUA BUNAO

The only thing that shits in my life is you. Always unblocking me and blocking me. Toying with my feelings and looks. Just leave me alone. Holy fuck you're such a nuisance. Everything that I've been posting lately on Twitter and Tumblr that is "sad" and contains "you", I am referring to you. Kay, now fuck off. 

[practicingchangewithmatt]

No matter how trashy and against my ethics, I'll still be your bud.

I'm so disappointed in Justus. Why did you go and have to do this to yourself? When you get hurt, don't expect me to be there.. Most likely I'll still be there though. Ugh, just fucking be careful. I'm just a little annoyed by the fact that you did this to our friendship and now it's just a fucking mess. 

[practicingchangewithmatt]

My posts aren't really meant for people to understand. A lot of my text posts come from the moment and I just say whatever is in my head. It doesn't come out clear to other people apparently, but it all makes sense in my head. 

[practicingchangewithmatt]

I don't understand. I haven't talked to Joshua Bunao in fucking months. Why am I starting to think about him again like out of no where. Well, I'm not thinking about him and what had happen.. Just.. him. His name, his face. Whyyy

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last school year

My biggest problem was not feeling anything. The only thing I felt was like a robot. I never got angry or sad because I was never confronted with my problem. I didn't feel anything

[practicingchangewithmatt]

I really wish I didn't say that..

asiang3ekster (9:51:49 PM): WHY YOU STILL IGNORING ME

Dttn456 (9:52:11 PM): how did i ignore u today?

asiang3ekster (9:52:18 PM): U NO SAY HI.

Dttn456 (9:52:26 PM): u didnt say hi either

asiang3ekster (9:52:50 PM): Why do I have to always say HI first?

asiang3ekster (9:54:26 PM): Yup

asiang3ekster (9:54:32 PM): A relationship of any kind

asiang3ekster (9:54:36 PM): should always

asiang3ekster (9:54:37 PM): be

asiang3ekster (9:54:38 PM): two sided.

asiang3ekster (9:57:34 PM): my gosh.

asiang3ekster (9:57:57 PM): omg

Dttn456 (9:57:58 PM): ok u want the honest honest truth?

asiang3ekster (9:58:04 PM): Actually

asiang3ekster (9:58:06 PM): no

asiang3ekster (9:58:12 PM): because I really don't want to be friends.

Dttn456 (9:58:24 PM): ok