renegade

may the bridges i burn light the way

[praxistence]

Simula hanggang huli

[praxistence]

33, feels like 50. Paano pa kaya yung 39? Hello summer, masyado ka namang matindi. Baka di na ako makauwi at matunaw na lang ako dito.

[alwaysbewoke]

i’ve been saying this for years. FOR YEARS!! it’s the reason why i always laugh at women who complain about men who complain about the friendzone with that “he doesn’t value my friendship” simple bullshit reasoning. you should NOT have a friendzone to begin with. neither man nor woman.

the idea of the “friendzone” should be insulting to both women and men because it implies that a man does NOT have strictly platonic feelings for you but is instead pretending, staying around, hoping for a chance to bed you, hoping to change your mind about them. that’s fucked up and you ladies should NOT want that and neither should a man. and yea women get friendzoned all the time too.

i have female friends in my life who are strictly my friends and that was my vibe with them from the moment we met. no pretending. no forcing. no. from jumpstreet, we were friends and that’s it. i’ve also met women who from the moment i saw her, i wanted to fuck her. doesn’t mean i don’t respect her humanity. doesn’t mean i don’t respect her mind, her goals, her aspiration but coupled with that is a desire to eat that pussy and tap that cervix.  just like ladies who see a dudes and from the moment they lay eyes on him they want to fuck. they may want to also know his backstory, where he went to school, what his life goals are but along with all that, they want that dick. i point this out to make it clear that this sexual desire thing isn’t just a male thing like so many women love to pretend that it is. if she’s not down, i leave. i’m not going to force myself into a set of feelings that aren’t naturally there for you. that’s ridiculous. that’s also a very selfish request. that’s what he means by “emotionally blackmailed.” y’all trying to force someone to feel something for you that they don’t and when they don’t you try to manipulate them (usually through guilt and/or attacks on his manhood) into doing your bidding. naaaaah. if a man doesn’t NATURALLY have platonic feelings for you, why are you asking him to twist himself into that? what kind of power trip are you on? that legit selfish as fuck. you know damn well you wouldn’t want anyone trying that shit on you. 

also didn’t y’all learn the difference between platonic and eros in school? you know these are natural desires for human beings to have right? and trying to force one into the other is stupid. stop vilifying men who don’t want to lie to you and pretend to have strictly strictly friendship feelings for you if they don’t. that shit is foul. imagine trying to make your platonic friend develop a desire to fuck you. ugh.

i seriously think only childish people don’t get this. don’t ask people who don’t have platonic feelings for you to be your platonic friend. if you do, there’s an impure motive there.

LADIES JUST ASK YOURSELF THIS. DO YOU WANT A GUY WHO HAS GENUINE PLATONIC BROTHERLY LOVE FOR YOU OOOORRRR DO YOU WANT A GUY FORCING IT AND/OR PRETENDING? IT SHOULD BE A SIMPLE ANSWER.

also guys… GUYS!!! why are you allowing yourselves to be placed in a friendzone? if she’s not down, move on!! it’s so weak. SO WEAK!!! there are plenty of fish in the sea. don’t you already have friends? you know damn well you’re feelings for her isn’t strictly friendship. you know damn well when she starts dating someone you’re going to feel stung. you know damn well you’re hoping she changes her mind about you. you know damn well you’re just waiting around to trying an convince her to feel the same way about you that you do about her. that’s so weak man. you’re just setting yourselves up for heartache. don’t do that shit.

with all that being said fellas, it’s important and healthy to have female friends. i don’t want this to make you think it’s healthy that the only platonic relationships you have with females are family members. to be a well rounded human being, it’s important to have female friends. women in your life who aren’t family but you genuinely feel and see them as sisters. that’s a mark of maturity that you do not see all women as sexual objects and that’s hella HELLA important. however let it be real. don’t fake it.

#letthearrowscome #thecommenswillbewild #platonic-vs-eros 

[sweetcribs]

honestly, looking at the question and answering honestly. i want someone who truly sees me as a sister. there’s no way around that. hmm i’ve got to rethink some things.

[gone-leaving-bye-deactivated201]

I agree with all. Additionly both men and women need to be honest about what they want from a relationship or even a friendship (which is by definition a type of relationship). I am constantly upset by not being able to communicate properly because someone didn’t want to “ruin a chance to bang me”, like if you want to be my friend great… if you are just trying to fuck, that’s fine BUT LET ME KNOW. We don’t need to be wasting each other’s time like this if we can’t have the same endgame for the relationship. If I want to fuck you ill say so, if I want to be your friend I’ll say so, if I want neither I’ll still give you the same respect all human beings should have, but I’m not going to waste your time on something that isn’t genuine.

[likedlooks]

exactly. there’s a reason why this won’t get a lot of notes because the way it’s laid out makes it very very very hard for women to come on here with that bullshit. this blog can be online for the next 100yrs i’d be shocked if this post got more than 300 notes at most. because, again, do you want someone pretending to be your friend or do you want someone who is actually your friend? if i have true friendship feelings for a chick, we cool. we can be friends. hang and all that but if i have romantic, sexual feelings for her i’m going to pursue her in that vein. if she’s not down, it’s all good. i’ll move on but i’m not going to be friendzoned no matter the guilt trip. this post is the shit!

[alwaysbewoke]

^^^^^^^

but tumblr rarely fails to disappoint me so i’m sure someone will try. however yea, not many notes coming for this post.

[nuthin2playwit-deactivated20180]

So do the same rules apply if the ex wants to friendzone you? Sexual feelings were once there, but it turned to being platonic. I agree it is sad to hang on, when the feelings are not mutual, I’m not here to boost your ego while you keep me in a friendzone. I normally would not be friends with a ex, especially if I still have feelings for him. I would rather walk away and be “selfish” because I know I’ll never be satisfied with just being a friend; rather than sticking around playing the role but silently always wanting more.

#afternoonrealizations

[sweetcribs]

yes and i would say especially so because there was once a sexual relationship. if an ex wants to put you in the friendzone knowing full well that you’re still into him or her, that’s selfish as fuck. AS FUCK!! just to have you around being all thirsty for him or her (thus getting that nice ego trip) while he or she is out there fucking other people? that’s foul as fuck. if we’re not together anymore, then we are not friends either. ESPECIALLY IF I’M STILL FEELING YOU. i’m not doing that to myself and i wouldn’t do that to someone else.

[praxistence]

I'll never understand how people can waste their lives just like that. And over something so trivial.

[praxistence]

Hiking the Osmeña Peak to Kawasan Trail was one of the most physically harrowing, yet humbling experiences of my adult life. After the hike, I was emotionally spent, and it felt like every single cell in my body hated me and was screaming murder. But I couldn’t let the sheer bliss of conquering the proverbial (and literal) mountain go undocumented.

I can’t even begin to describe how tiring it was. There was a point when I felt like my body went on autopilot, like the blood of my stalwart paleolithic ancestors took over. I was running on pure adrenaline, not even entertaining the thought of giving up. Being baked under the heat of the sweltering sun, it never crossed my mind that I couldn’t do it. I just knew I had to. And that was the fire that kept me going on the 3rd, 5th, 7th hour of the trek. Whenever I felt my legs giving out, I just took one step forward. Then another. Until there were no more steps left to take.

And I can’t believe it took an 8-hour hike for me to truly realize that my little ol’ sedentary body is no match for the tenacious willpower of the mind.

[praxistence]

In the midst of things and emotions, it's human nature to not appreciate things one should be thankful for. I am thankful for all the graces I oftentimes think I don't deserve, but was graciously given.

Okay. Maybe what I'm trying to say is: sana this Coke Zero is actually a pint of beer, sana this pool is a beach somewhere, sana I'm barefoot on a hammock, and sana this "Monday's coming" feeling is that excitement one feels at the start of a perpetual vacation from adult life. Pero okay na rin. Trust the process. Embrace the grind.

[praxistence]

I try to get consolation in the thought that the children who died in Syria will finally find eternal peace in a place where there is no hunger, no horror, no explosions and no war.

You will always be in my prayers, Syria.

[praxistence]

Can I dive into nirvana? I'm gonna dive until I've found what I've lost I got my hopes up to the sky

[praxistence]

Epilogue;

To say that this year had been a tough battle from within is underplaying it. It was confusing, weakening, hopeless even. Because behind the photos, rants and random spreads is a kid unsure of everything the future has in store. When your battle is from the inside, no miles can fill the void, no long posts can window dress, no pint of beer can mend. I was furious, empty, lost.

The past few days had been a chance to reflect about everything that I have gone through – the declared and the undeclared. Realized that while I distance myself from all the possibilities by playing safe and doing everything with calculated risk to no risk at all, I was limiting myself and not living it all out. In my few travels I have met amazing people and I think it is about time to heed their advice – the thing I should be scared of is regret from all the things I could have done. At the end of the day we are all one decision away from a totally different life.

Given that I had been quite a prick, and a terrible friend – barely checking in on people and lazy to carry on conversations, I apologize to those I have ignored, pushed away, ghosted (I have been terribly good at this bad habit), or just plain cut off the past few years. I may try to be less stubborn and nicer now that I’m older.

To those who have been encouraging, understanding, and cheering me on all these time, thank you for never leaving. You have been the thread that kept me together, steering my clouded mind to safety, calling out my bullshit and throwing back at my sarcasm with your very own – you are my favorite people.

To my old and new friends, sa mga galit sakin at mga napadaan lang sa post na to, thank you so much and I look forward to annoying the best of you.

[praxistence]

Between the sleepy sounds of old towns that have seen better days and the melancholic tune of the waves crashing into rocks, nature tells the story of persistence and limits. Almost as amazing as the ocean giving you a breather and taking your breath away at the same time.

[praxistence]

Hello, goodbye

[praxistence]

Good people don’t refer to entire countries as “shitholes” — most notably countries that have given birth to our very humanity; ones that for hundreds of years have been colonized and poached and mined of their riches by powerful white men; countries whose people have been enslaved and sold and forced to come and build your country.

[praxistence]

Malabo [Pang-uri] - Tayo. Ikaw at ako. (Wala nga palang tayo)

[praxistence]

Malamig [Pang-uri] - Ikaw. Sa akin.

[praxistence]

You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of F to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a F about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice- well, then you're going to get F-ed - Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. A good read.

[praxistence]

How ironic that some of us don't want to make a 17 year old responsible for her actions and yet we have not done enough to protest the bill that would make 9 year old kids criminally liable. And what about other 17 year old kids being mercilessly slaughtered in our streets?

[praxistence]

Siguro mas maraming pangarap at pagmamahalan ang pinatay ng pag-aalinlangan. Higit pa kaysa tahasang pagkagapi at pagkabigo.