Twenty Tips for People Starting College, From Someone Whoâs About to Graduate
1. Donât pack everything. No, Iâm serious, you donât need eleven towels, pack like two or three at most. Whatever you end up bringing with you is going to end up being way too much stuff for a tiny dorm and itâs overwhelming. Take essentials, stuff you use every day, stock up on some snacks and easy to make foods and call it a day. Aunt Barbaraâs quilt that you havenât looked at since third grade can stay behind.Â
2. Nobody is looking at you. In class, at on campus dining facilities, in the library, wherever, they are not looking at you. Theyâre more worried about their bio lab that theyâre late for or their giant essay thatâs due Friday that they havenât started than your bad hair day.Â
3. If someone IS watching you, or following you, have campus police on speed dial. Call them, alert them, and go to the nearest building thatâs open and full of people.Â
4. Carry a tazer. They say youâre not supposed to and itâs against the rules and whatever, but even professors told me straight up to make sure I had one. Not everyone is trustworthy and if you have late classes, you need to be safe.Â
5. Put your schedule on your homescreen. You can find photo widgets that let you add photos to your homescreen without changing your background. It makes it super easy to pull up your schedule and locations so youâre not standing in the middle of campus flipping through your gallery like a lost tourist.Â
6. If you put your ID on a lanyard, donât wear it around your neck. I donât know why, but it totally outs you as a freshman and itâs embarrassing. Carry it in a bag or in your pocket.Â
7. Donât worry about how much youâre eating. Seriously. Youâre adjusting to a huge new change in your life, itâs cool if now that youâre on your own you eat extra cookies with dinner. Also, nobody in the dining hall cares if you get a second plate of pasta - they probably did too.Â
8. If you see anyone stealing food from a place that doesnât allow carry out, mind your own business.Â
9. Your professors are more than likely willing to work with you. You will most likely have some dick heads, but most of them are willing to accommodate if shit happens.Â
10. In contrary to number nine, if you have a chronic illness, fight for accommodations immediately and DO NOT STOP. Professors with strict attendance policies will screw your grades faster than youâve ever seen. If you find out you have a chronic illness while in college, set up a support system and advocate for yourself until you feel like youâre going insane. Itâs going to be rough, no matter what their diversity statement says.Â
11. If crazy protesters come to campus, go heckle them and have some fun. Iâve had friends tell me it looks childish, but honestly one of my favorite memories of college was heckling a religious guy who was calling students whores while dressed as a wizard and holding the Satanic bible.Â
12. If crazy protesters come to campus, DO NOT TOUCH THEM. They are not allowed to touch you, and you cannot touch them or itâs assault. If you have anger issues and are easily pissed off by whatever the protesters are there for, stay home.Â
13. Literally nobody puts headings on their papers. Like, nobody. The people that do look like overachievers by the time youâre a senior. Just 12 font, Times New Roman, double space, and youâre solid.Â
14. Câs get degrees. Do not kill yourself over one or two bad grades, you will still graduate. Jobs donât give a shit what your GPA was, they care that you have the degree and are qualified to do the job. Perfection is not plausible for 99% of people and thatâs okay.Â
15. If youâre going to a bar for the first time and youâve never drank, drink s l o w l y. See how you feel after one - If youâre okay, go ahead and have another. Donât try to keep up with the heavy drinkers youâre with, or you will end up in the hospital.Â
16. If you want to try drugs, research the drug first. ESPECIALLY if youâre on any medications. Research the effects, bad effects of it, what a normal dose is, what it should look like, and if you can, buy a tester. If theyâre weird about testing the drugs, those drugs are more than likely fake and cut with shit that will kill you.Â
17. If you do drugs or drink and have a bad reaction, go to the hospital. The hospital workers are aware that theyâre in a college town, they know how to treat you and how to help, and they will not call the police. Their goal is to help you, not get you in trouble. If someone else has a bad experience, regardless of what everyone else tells you, CALL AN AMBULANCE. You will not go to jail, but you will - for manslaughter, I might add - if you let that person die.Â
18. Buy a loud noise making key chain. Thereâs some that shriek, others make a siren sound, theyâre like $10 on Amazon. If you go out alone and someone is making you uncomfortable, turn it on and let it blare until they leave. Stay with people after that to make sure they donât follow you home. The streets will more than likely be busy until the early hours of the morning, so people will hear it and look.Â
19. Citation Machine does indeed work for citations. Itâs not perfect, but most professors see that itâs the gist of the citation and let it slide. In four years I have not once been marked off for my citations and I have used Citation Machine every time.Â
20. Academia is incredibly ableist and classist. If you feel out of place because you have a disability/chronic illness, mental health issues, neurodivergencies or grew up poor, itâs because of the ingrained ableism and classism in higher education. You deserve to be there, even if you canât relate to what academia has considered to be what a perfect student looks like.Â
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