Legal Benefits Of Marriage | Marriage Love Quotes
we often hear the saying of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. marriage is completing half your face given the sacredness of marriage. we must ask ourselves how can we ensure our marriages are strong and successful despite. the rise in divorce rates these days I have the pleasure of interviewing. All Women's Conference being me to help us explore the topic of marriage counseling. Holly banannie has a master's in clinical psychology. with 20 years of experience working with couples and individuals on a variety of issues. combines principles of psychology and Islam to help people reach their potential. let's hear more from her now on the topic of marriage counseling. you have 20 years of experience I'm wondering what kinds of issues do you get. when it comes to marriage counseling are you ready for this all right well. it's the daily disputes of not being able to communicate having in-law problems. sometimes this intimacy that seems to be a big problem and then other times. it could be infidelity it could be a lot of more serious issues. this is interesting you're the counseling that you target is for Muslim couples right. But the issues that you're talking to me about are not our issues.
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I wouldn't think especially things like infidelity that are like you wouldn't think. they'd exist in the Muslim communities happening it is happening and it's happening. Muslim people are praying for people who are going to the mosque. unfortunately, we are not immune to this problem and we need to stop sticking our head in. the sand pretending that our community is immune to this because I'm seeing it on a daily basis. where people have certain addictions they have they're following their desires.
it leads to a lot of issues so we need to address it and what kinds of I guess what kinds of advice do you give people. Because you have your own I know you have your own five pillars in marriage course. you work with couples as well so how does that walk me. through how that works the marriage program. this is our baby my husband and I put it together at Humber Lud took three years. in the making nonetheless so what it is is it focuses on five pillars.
self-development on working on yourself, so whether you're married or not. you could get started on making yourself. the person that would attract the individual you're hoping to get right. working on yourself . in every aspect so being having a sense of confidence as an endeavor. this is the missing link in a lot of other programs. where the focus is not so much on yourself it's on the relationship. you have to be working on yourself right and in the second is like on friendship. how to build this amazing friendship. because that is what makes marriages last there are 40 60 years. it's all about building that rapport having quality time how to make that person feel loved. Special in a priority so that's a pillar to pull you through your spirituality. where your connection with a law dictates how you treat your spouse. how the fact that you're gonna be accountable. it makes you be so cautious and you see your spouse as the way to Jenna. so it's not about if he's nice to me I'm nice to him it's about. I want to please I'll love it, guru, exactly that higher purpose.
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conflict resolution then the fourth is conflict resolution knowing how to solve problems. Moreover, most people don't have a clue right. we haven't had examples people either explode or they ignore. they act like a two-year-old so we need to come up with mature ways to resolve. the conflicts that we have well then you're never actually taught conflict. whether you're in school or university like that's not something exactly. I always thought you know you you need a course in any field. you go into but we don't have a course for how to have a successful marriage. Motivated me and the fifth pillar is on sexuality. this is something it's the taboo subject and it's a lot of people have not learned about it. Islamic perspective they may get their information from other sources. this is an Islamic framework and it's in the order for a reason. you have to have each thing in to have that great relationship. what point I know you said you know you've done marriage counseling for quite. the course sounds very comprehensive at what point in your career did you decide.
I'm gonna focus on marriage from the very beginning. wanted the first client I had was a serious marriage problem that was going on so from the very beginning. I've been treating couples and it's been a passion of mine and doing premarital. therapy sessions with international clients. it's interesting because regardless of where they're from the problems. The same yeah are and do you ever get any Muslim couples as well for counseling purposes.
I was like what gets you to come to and listen to female Mahadevan and he had heard a lecture. he said it's it penetrated into my heart and subhanAllah but as far as couples. I've worked with Muslims but inshallah in the future. we can expand that and it sounds like the issues are so you know relevant to Muslims and non-muslims. so it seems like only unnatural right well it was interesting because I did a series for Muslim matters. it was like short little advice on marriage and someone wrote in it's like you know I'm not a Muslim.
I don't even agree with the principle but this information. like affected me and I that it could be pertinent to anyone. so you have the lie if there's one advice that you would give to our viewers. who is watching I guess sorry two pieces of advice one married couple? who's you know trying to figure each other and surviving with each other. then one piece of advice to people and I know a lot of couples. who is going through very challenging situations? How do they like want to keep it together what's their first advice is learning.
learn the skills to learn how to prevent problems before you get into the marriage. that's why it's so important some individuals come in for premarital. therapy and I respect that so much because they're coming. They're in love they want to make it work and that's the best time to learn because you're motivated. you think this person loves you there and it's a perfect time to learn and apply it.
They occur so I have to ask I've heard a lot about premarital therapy. in an idea what is it exactly what did people or what do you teach rather. when it comes to the premarital right so a lot of the same material. I cover in the five pillars of marriage right so it's about learning how to work. learning how to come to an agreement how do you come to a compromise. how do you prevent things from escalating so it's like the problems? I had actually one of the volunteers says you gave me advice.
when it came to dealing with in-laws you told me to lower your expectation to zero. you know lower it and she said I am now living with my in-laws and anytime. I start getting you to know worked up or upset I remember that and it calms me down. these things before you get into a problem because usually when people come for therapy. it's an ultimatum that they have given their spouse I'm out of here. it's like ten years on the verge of breaking ten years of baggage.
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Source: Pak Marriage Bureau
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