Prep In The Rough.

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[gholdic]

Nicole Warne

[findingwordsforthoughts]

“no one ever talks about the beauty of falling out of love. one day your universe is this other person - you see galaxies in their eyes, you read your future from their palms, you fall asleep to their heartbeat - and yes, there is beauty in all of it. and then suddenly, they’re gone and it hurts in places you’ve never felt before. and the pain colors everything for a while - the way you can’t quite taste your food, and music reaches your ears and not your heart, and laughing doesn’t come from your belly, but from your mouth. it is ugly for a while, but then, one night, you look up at the sky as you walk home, and you see galaxies - millions of stars shining upon you and for you and you feel small, so small, but also important, grand, brilliant, because you are right here, right now and you have the privilege to watch them shine. they exist in thousands of years, some are long gone and others still burn bright - and yet you, just you, the ordinary broken-hearted you get to witness their light. and you begin to heal, slowly. and dreams fill your nights, and you can see a future again, and happiness for yourself and in yourself. you have dreams of your own, beautiful and bright and big, and a little bit frightening. you fall out of love slowly - out of love with this other person, this other universe, and you fall in love with yourself. and baby - it’s the most marvelous thing there is, watching you discover yourself in your depths, watching you reach towards yourself for strength. it’s the most beautiful thing watching you grow from a star and into a galaxy.”

— marina v., the becoming.

[findingwordsforthoughts]

“never go looking for love when you are hungry for it - you will take whatever they have just to sate yourself. it won’t be enough. you weren’t built for skinny love. you need more than - sometime, you need more than - maybe, you need more than - every other week. you need more. you are more. you are more than your hunger. you are love, personified.”

— marina v., fuckbuddies.

[findingwordsforthoughts]

“i’m used to carrying things with me, you see. i’ve been dealing with sadness greater than me for years, and some days it almost goes away, almost, some days it’s as light as air, some days. and other days it feels like a mountain on my chest, growing with every breath i take, other days it feels heavier than the world, than all the joy and all that’s good. and see, i’ve learned to live with this, with knowing that life is both light and heavy and that some days are a breeze and others feel like an endless battle, and i know that for me life will often feel like a war and it won’t be about winning, but about surviving. i know this and the knowledge keeps me grounded, keeps me going. see, i also know that some days food will be nourishment for me, some days i will taste it and let myself feel it, feel the goodness of it. and other days, it will burn to swallow and it will feel heavy in my belly, it will feel like the enemy is attacking me from within. some days, it will be easy to eat and others it will feel like a choice between a rock and a hard place and i will know which choice to make and it will, still, feel like a mistake - doing good will feel like doing bad, staying alive will feel like a quiet death. but see, i know this, i know recovery is a process that doesn’t end just because you’re well, because as good as you get, one foot is always hanging off the ledge. i know how to live like this, i’ve learned you see, over the years. and that is why loving you will not be the end of me. that is why loving you the way i’ve never loved anyone and losing you the way i’ve only lost myself will be doable, survivable, possible. because i know you will never be gone, never forever, and the way i feel will change and fade, but never go away - and see - i am finally ok with that. i am ok with carrying you like a necklace around my neck, and some days it will feel like a noose, some days it will feel like i can’t breathe, but most days it will just feel like a reminder of a time long past, it will feel like a wind that is just a little bit too chilly, a memory a little bit too vivid, a hunger a little bit too numb and a bit of an empty smile. but see - i can handle that, i can survive you, i’ve survived worse.”

— marina v., i’ve made my own skin thick.

[findingwordsforthoughts]

“i am ashamed of my waist. i am ashamed at how my ribs don’t fan out above it, i am ashamed at the softness of the flesh that swallows the hands that touch it - i am ashamed of the sexiness of it, the way it moves so freely so unlike me. i am ashamed that sometimes it’s a 26 and sometimes a 28 and no, his hands cannot wrap around it and no, i do not look like i will break in half unless he holds me together. i am ashamed of my waist. i am ashamed of my thighs and the layer of fat on my god-damn-ass, i am ashamed of the fact that i do not look airbrushed. i am ashamed of how i look, but more importantly - i am ashamed of hating my body, of seeing my thighs and thinking fat - instead of strength, of thinking fat - is a dirty word, of thinking fat - makes me less worthy. i am ashamed because i still struggle with shame every day. i am ashamed because self-love isn’t a battle you win, it is a war you fight your entire life. loving yourself is a revolution, but, so is admitting that there are days when you don’t, when you still see your body and feel repulsion and not love, disdain and not trust. practice self-love, but don’t hate yourself on days when you fail, because see this is just another thing you’re meant to excel at effortlessly, another way to make the society feel better about the harm they’ve inflicted on you just because you’re a girl. so love yourself. but not because you should, because it’s a revolution, or a task, or a way to prove your feminism, love yourself because you’re defying the world just by being, you’re breaking the rules by existing. you get to struggle - this is a lifelong battle and you don’t have to always be so god-damn loving and so fucking lovable.”

— marina v., my name is marina and some days i hate myself.

[findingwordsforthoughts]

“i have had my no pushed aside, shoved down my throat, hushed under the covers, ignored, forgotten, lost. i have had my no challenged, poked and probed, debated and mooted and negotiated. i have had my no yelled at, and spat at, and accused of. i have had my no mocked and threatened and cornered. i have had my no become a label, a velvet mark on my chest, a bruise around my neck. i have also had my no respected and heard, valued; so see - i know the issue is not my inability to speak with sufficient clarity, but rather your inability to hear, your inability to recognize me as an equal human being.”

— marina v., you shouldn’t wait for a no, you should listen for a yes. 

[findingwordsforthoughts]

“if you’re the one who breaks me, you don’t get to give me tips on healing.”

— marina v., your hands are knives, do not try to hug me. 

[soldohawai]

[youngheart0]

[andallshallbewell]

[bl-letters-i-never-sent-deactiv]

“I’m leaning on strange boys shoulders, trying to forget about you, but somehow they all end up reminding me of you and it feels like loosing you all over again.”

— B.L letters I never sent (via im-sad-lets-have-sex)

[prepintherough]

Sunrises are good for the soul🌞

[lalahdelia]

“Your Grandmother’s prayers are still protecting you.”

— Lalah Delia

[wise-browneyes-deactivated20190]

I will reblog this

Every time I see it

[jayharvest]

Big facts

[petalya]

in therapy my therapist and i were talking about my own feelings of self worth in relationships. and she asked me to say qualities about myself that someone else would be attracted to, on a romantic and platonic level. so i named some things like compassionate, empathetic, etc. and she said “you named things that you can give someone. ways you can serve, rather than ways that you are” and y'all..my mind was blown that’s gonna stick with me forever like she then proceed to tell me actual innate qualities about myself that she liked and thought anyone else would like as well and i hadn’t even considered those because like she said i was focused on things i could do outwardly to attract and maintain connections rather than who i was as a person..goddamn!!! thats tea!!!

[purplebuddhaquotes]

As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things and I will hit rock bottom again and again. Again and again I will suffer; again and again I will get back on my feet. I will not be defeated. I won’t let my spirit be destroyed.

Banana Yoshimoto

(via

purplebuddhaquotes

)

[purplebuddhaquotes]

Connecting with people is more important than outshining them.

Carolee Dean (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[purplebuddhaquotes]

There are some things you don’t learn about yourself until you let someone else into the most intimate places of your heart.

Kiera Cass (via purplebuddhaquotes)